Sit down dinner disappointment

My son’s schedule shows two 30-minute sit-down lunches per week. Occasionally they have more formal events, but apparently they do not need 60-90 minutes for lunch.

@417WHB The kids (boys, at least) get very good at throwing on the jacket and tie very fast! Kids are excused from family-style dinner if they have a conflicting game, presentation, performance etc.

Sit down meals are a chance to slow down for an hour, not choke down a meal, converse and come together as a community. At the same time the OP is complaining that schools are go, go, go with too much stress, seated meals provide a pause in the week to recognize that the boarding school experience and community is more that just grades and studying. If it was my child complaining, I’d encourage them to relax a little and engage in the seated meal process. If he’s finding it dull, challenge him to think about a topic to discuss and bring it up. Glass is half full, not half empty.

@one1ofeach
As a day student, is your child required to go to sit down dinner?

I think so??

@doschicos I think you are really misunderstanding me and my intent. If sit down dinner were accompanied by a homework policy that made homework slightly lighter on sit down night then I would LOVE the chance to slow down and realize life isn’t just rushing and studying. However that isn’t the case. Kids have more than they can get done every single night and then there are mandatory activities that take longer thrown in. That doesn’t lead to slowing down and learning to appreciate a meal, it leads to stress. Make sense?

It is extra 15 minutes just to walk from the field to the dorm after practice and then back to the dining hall. And I certainly hope they would shower before these, otherwise it is not much of a formal event given how they look (and smell) after practice.

FWIW not all sit down meals are an hour in length - I think ours are about 35 minutes - if you are a waiter or bus-person, it is very hectic - not much time for “unwinding” or savoring the fine menu (LOL)…however, on the nights that there is a good dessert, those meals are especially enjoyed! I do think that all schools should have longer meal times - an hour seems reasonable.

FWIW, Cate does their dress up/ sit down dinner on Monday nights, as a precursor to their “Convocation” - their weekly speaker series. My understanding is sports get squeezed a little and study period gets squeezed a little, so they can fit everything in.

Related question: how often do the various schools have all-school assemblies? They can serve a similar community-building role as sit down dinners. But based on this thread, I am guessing assemblies aren’t a universal? If there aren’t assemblies, how do schools do announcements?

Cate does them every day for 25 minutes (except on Thursdays - when they do senior student talks instead). Assemblies are student-run. Kids sit in their advisory groups and there is a lot of raucous audience participation as clubs and sports and admin and whoever do their announcements.

I think at many schools, all school assemblies are more common and frequent than seated meals. It happened at least 4x a week at my kids’ school, in the mornings. Another favorite part of my kids’ experience. Again, emphasis on community.

DS has an all-school meeting 2x per week (plus sit-down meals 2x and chapel 2x per week). Unless the weather is horrific, all-school meeting is outside in a central location, so it doesn’t take a lot of extra time to get everyone into an auditorium and seated. So every day of the week except Sunday the whole school community is together all at once.

I’m actually not sure about all of the all school assemblies. I know at least once a week is an all school thing for announcements, then there is chapel 2x/week and family-style sit down dinner 1X/week.

At least once per week, sometimes 2x per week - assembly and speaker series - meditation time, also. Guest speakers, etc. I recall that the NE schools we visited with Chapel had more frequent assemblies because announcements, musical offerings and (sometimes) speakers would be tied into chapel. Some schools also offered alternative Chapel time (meditation, other religious offerings, spirituality). Some schools also offered yoga sessions outside of EC’s or PE multiple times per week. I think MX has a mindfulness program that may have been the first of its kind.

Thacher has assembly 3X a week and formal dinners 4X a week. I think they each serve very different purposes.

During Assembly, which is student led, kids tend to sit with people they already know, whereas for formal dinner the cast changes every few weeks and includes kids and faculty with whom students might not otherwise cross paths.

New this year is a weekly time period called CREW, which stands for Community, Reflection, Engagement, and Wellness. This 90-minute daytime block is devoted to special programming, advisee gatherings, and discussions of timely topics, etc. (THis is separate from the evening programming held by dorm that usually covers health, wellness, community, and sexuality issues). Add the horse program (nothing like early dawn mucking to bond a class together!) and the three camping trips each year and you start to understand why the Thacher community is so darn close.

Also: Pity the poor freshmen and their four costume changes most days: Mucking clothes (usually PJs plus hoodie and rubber boots), classroom attire, riding or sports clothes, then formal wear!

Assemblies/convocations 1-2 times a week. Speakers very often usually a few outside speakers per week( sometimes mandatory and sometimes optional) . Religious meetings: weekly if you want to attend ( not mandatory).
Much of the school information gets passed along in advisory meetings (1-2 times a week) or via the weekly school email. All seems to work.

Comments here and on the homework thread should remind prospective boarding school parents how important a school’s culture is. It’s not just a school; it’s a home. Do you want your child to live there?

Agree @twinsmama …I still remember how the Head of School at Hotchkiss told us at Revisit something like the following: “You are not sending your child to a school, you are sending your child to people.”

Wow lots of interesting responses. My daughter’s prep school does not have (required) sit-down dinners, and I think she would view them as very forced. I personally feel that kids SHOULD interact and form a connection with different types of people, but I think it happens (for my daughter anyway) in organic settings: class, your advising group, other groups, etc.