Smart but unmotivated HS junior

Parents Forum
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First time posting but been reading these forums for a bit. People are so helpful and full of information.

I’d love some feedback about S24. He’s smart but doesn’t know what he wants to study, he doesn’t really care to join clubs at school, he has little interest in leadership. He doesn’t know much about colleges other than having heard of the most famous ones, despite going to a competitive and college focused high school (large public in Atlanta suburbs) and having sisters going through the college app process recently. He’s just happy to be in the present.

We’ve recently gotten on his case to focus on college apps, just to get a direction, to spend 5 minutes a day on it. Whether it’s to find out more about a club at school so he can add an EC to his app or research colleges, majors and careers.

He’s taken and is taking plenty of APs but he’s mostly a B student. No Cs but few As. He has a 36 ACT score (35 Math, 35 Eng, 36 Sci, 36 Read) though. He does homework the day it’s due, can get a 50 on a quiz and then 100 on the test. How does the smart but lazy profile play when he applies to schools? What is a teacher going to write for a recommendation??

He’s generally math and science oriented but he does like his Latin class. He’s only taken social studies AP exams so far and has gotten a 3, 4 and two 5s. He also is a viola player in the highest level orchestra. He’s a Boy Scout, working toward Eagle but won’t get there in time for college apps. I don’t think he’s going to make NMS, unless they change the cutoff. He’s a second degree black belt at the local martial arts school. He skipped a grade early in elementary school, so maturity is part of the problem. He’s easy going, loves facts and has a quirky way of twisting sentences or words into something funny. He’s learning to play the bass guitar on his own. Otherwise it’s video games and scrolling through his phone. He follows directions but lacks a direction of his own. He was too disorganized to do our HS’s version of online school at the start of Covid so we switched him to the online program offered by the state his freshman year. He got straight A’s that year, including 2 APs. He liked his AP CSP class this year enough to add on AP CSA online this semester, so he can take the post AP class his senior year. So that’s one path to explore. He’s doing well in AP Calc BC, actually got an A last semester, but hasn’t taken any AP science courses yet (schedule conflict). He wants to take AP Physics C Mechanics and another AP science next year.

We’re happy for him to go anywhere that’s a good fit, but can’t get him to tell us what he wants. He is motivated by what his friends are doing, so he chooses the classes they’re taking. He definitely likes being a smart kid and having smart friends. He probably cares about prestige but then he himself hasn’t heard of a lot of schools! I keep thinking that social pressure will get him to hone in on something, but nope. His dad is ex-military and wants to explore the academies but I don’t see how this laid back introvert will get through the application process. As far as paying for college, we won’t qualify for aid and we’ll pay up to 50k a year but think he could get it down lower with merit. We imagine him going to a big state school either in state or neighboring state with an engineering school, for lack of input from him. Thanks for any advice!

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I don’t have any answers but so much of what you’ve written sounds like my S24. I have a lot of the same concerns & questions you do. Looking forward to reading the responses you get!

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Just want to note that ECs do not have to be done at a school. Looks like your S has plenty of meaningful ECs to show between viola, black belt, and scouting.

Consider taking him to a few different types of colleges (a LAC, a mid-sized university, a large university – maybe ones that are urban, suburban etc.). These kinds of visits helped my S to understand in a more concrete way: 1) that college was in his not too distant future; 2) what types of options there are for college; and 3) what type of schools he could see himself attending.

Many HS kids are not focused on their future. I know it is frustrating but be grateful that you have what sounds like a smart, good kid.

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What about a (structured, productive) gap year? Especially since he’s young for his grade, lack of maturity might keep him from taking as much advantage as he could from a college education right now. I teach at a university where lots of people are non-traditional or second-chance students, having spent time in the military, other careers, or delaying college for whatever reason. They tend to be my most motivated students, because they have had taken then time and gained enough life experience to know what they want. Honestly, it sounds like your kid could benefit from time to explore possible interests or career paths. You might want to explore gap year programs along with colleges. Smart, talented, young, and unmotivated might just mean not ready for college right at this moment.

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I have a son like that who has applied to college for this coming fall, waiting for acceptances to come out. I’d start taking him on some college tours. State schools, private schools, various sizes. See if he starts identifying some characteristics that he likes. I also got mine the Fiske College guide. He would look through and mark schools that seemed to interest him. Know that your son has to take the lead. Maybe he isn’t ready to go right to college after high school. Get started on the process and see where it takes him.

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For a kid with no direction he sure has a lot going on! Viola, Boy Scout, black belt, teaching himself bass guitar?

I’d say work with what you have- a smart kid who so far has been able to coast without much effort, and who has some time-consuming interests which occupy him outside of school!!!

If it were my kid (and there are some parallels with one of my kids) I’d be strongly encouraging a part time job even if it means his video-game playing has to suffer. A job, any job. A boss who nags if he’s five minutes late; customers who yell if the mushrooms aren’t in the right place on the pizza, co-workers who expect you to focus on closing out the registers correctly so they don’t get penalized when they start their shift the next day.

What do you all do as a family? I don’t think engineering is a good default unless a kid is genuinely excited about engineering (it’s a hard slog if you’re not). Aquarium? Museum of fine arts, historical society, minor league ball, botanical gardens, civil war reenactment? These are all ways to engage a kid who doesn’t seem particularly enthralled by school.

What does he read? Start a family book club if he doesn’t read for pleasure- and he can pick the first book. Moneyball, Bad Blood- start with non-fiction, these are often the types of books that teenage boys get really excited about (and that the rest of the family will enjoy as well).

What are his friends like?

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Sounds like it might be time for a road trip! Don’t leave everything to him. Do some groundwork for him. Visit the state schools (the schools themselves have personalities including OOS schools within budget), figure out the entrance requirements (sounds like he actually has great scores on tests). Visit privates you can afford. Figure out where YOU can send him financially–don’t show up at the 80K a year college and then say “oops! No can do!”.

He sounds like somebody that has been skating so far for grades. He needs to meet students at a university even for a short time who spark him and make him realize that college can be a whole new level of effort.

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Many kids enter into college as undecided. Your kid is NOT abnormal.

My S23 is a 3.4 GPA 35 ACT kid. He has over 200k in merit offers already. UL-Lafayette oos Live Oak Scholarship brings total COA to 8k/yr.

Your kid will be fine. He doesn’t need military school unless thats what he wants.

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Sounds like a family member, very smart, very high test scores, B student (maybe a couple of C’s is very easy classes, does better in rigorous classes) very laid back, plays a lot of video games, current senior who reached too high and only has one acceptance so far (but of course there are a ton of good schools he would’ve gotten into, he really left the college selection process up to his parents). He did get a full neuropsychological evaluation done this summer and got an ADHD diagnosis with executive functioning issues. He’s also a terrific kid. Start taking him on visits, and k wouldn’t focus on prestige, but fit.

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College visits. ASAP. With attention to not just academics, but what “hands on” spaces there are on campus since he seems that way himself. Make this process tangible for him so he can start to see potential places to attend. (But, he might still need a gap year to really want to excel at college. Better he have a year to mature further than attend right away and flunk out.)

And make life tangible for him. Less video games. Most working at something that is a job or volunteering/community service (help teaching younger kids at the local martial arts school, tutoring younger students, anything that has the focus off him and his interests - and on others instead).

Consider hiring a college consultant or an organizational expert to start organizing the college application process. You need to be a family and he is not listening to you. So hire an affordable expert; even if your son’s low-key, there are things he has to start for the college application process now, in order for it to not be a last-minute clustermuck.

You are right to be on it now. It’s easier for him to apply to colleges in senior year, and choose to take a gap year, than it is to apply to colleges during the gap year. (Not impossible, just easier.) If he also wants to be around smart people, he might now want to be left behind when his cohort goes off to college.

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Your son sounds a lot like mine! (mine’s class of 23). A year ago, my son was not that interested in anything related to college. When asked “where do you want to go” or “what do you want to study” we got shrugs.

Once we started touring campuses early senior year, though, he started to get into it. I think peer pressure from fellow college-bound kids played a role, too. He recently admitted that last year, he knew absolutely nothing about college, like literally nothing. (which is odd since we live in a college town and I’m a professor, but I don’t think he’s paying an iota of attention to me and what I do, go figure). Somewhere along the way, he decided to major in business.

Note: I tried all summer after jr year to get him to start working on his college applications early, but he didn’t until the absolute deadlines in the fall. Getting things done early just isn’t who he is (for now, at least).

Outcome: he has a lot of options! He’s gotten into 5 big state schools so far, deferred at a few others. He will have options. Would he have had more and better options and more scholarships if he was more motivated and had slightly better grades and joined school clubs or had leadership positions? Definitely. And that bums me out a little, but this is who he is and where he is now.

Your son’s situation and outcome might be different but wanted to share our experiences. I should note that our kid is also super laidback and an introvert and loves his phone and video games. I think these forums are heavily populated by parents of very over-achieving kids, which I’ve found intimidating myself. Best of luck to you. Your son is clearly bright, he will find his way!

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Oh and my 20 year old son was unmotivated too, with a 30 act and 3.7 gpa we knew he’d end up in state because of finances, even if he found an OOS or private to give him enough merit, he couldn’t be counted on to keep his gpa up to keep it. Fortunately his sisters really helped him to get organized and with the application process, after 1 1/2 years of 100% online school he was very unmotivated (my daughters did very well with online HS and college). Can a sibling help?

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Sounds like a great kid to me, with plenty of activities to fill a college app. There are plenty of kids out there who collect ECs but aren’t nearly as interesting.

I’d let him be himself and maybe take a few visits to different types of colleges, just to give him a sense of what different campuses might be like and what he might like.

To me, the worst thing to do with a kid like that is press the CC-style college search and app pressure on him. He’s clearly very self-motivated in areas that interest him. If he’s a B student, who cares? It takes pressure off feeling the need to apply to Stanford but with the strong schedule and test score he’ll have good options. Let him continue to live in the moment, give him a bit of exposure to different types of schools without any pressure, then submit some apps next fall or winter.

No need to add pressure or over complicate things. These are the types of kids that blossom when they find their interests in college. Or they drop out and cash in with an IPO at age 25. I wouldn’t expect him to fit the model of the striver who has a “dream college” at age 15.

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Well, some blossom in college. Others continue their video game addiction until they drop out of school, and I think it is hard to predict. His in-state flagship options may be limited by his grades so I would suggest meeting with his counselor sooner rather than later to get an idea of where he might be competitive. I second the idea of insisting he get more involved, a job, a sport, volunteering, whatever.

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Sure, but I’m not sure a viola-playing Boy Scout with a black belt who is self-teaching guitar while taking calc BC as a junior strikes me as someone with an addiction to video games. Sounds more like a kid who has plenty going on, is maybe a bit bored with some of the mundane aspects of HS, and spends some of his downtime with a phone or video games.

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You may be right; his parent would be the best judge of that.

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I’m trying to find a problem here. Kid plays viola in a high level orchestra, does martial arts at black belt level, working towards Eagle Scout. Why on earth does he need more ECs, sports, volunteering?

Takes high level classes, gets As and Bs in a competitive high school, likes to be with his friends, has a great ACT. So he’s a year younger and not laser focused on college? Didn’t like online school? Likes to play video games? He sounds normal, healthy, sane.

What’s wrong with it if by January next year, he’s applied and gotten in at a few instate publics and starts as undecided? Normally, expecting a kid to know exactly what they want to do before sophomore year in college is viewed with distrust here!

If you feel there is a video game addiction in the works, by all means limit his gaming. It’s not what I got from your original post, though. Step off the ledge.

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He sounds like an absolutely normal kid with friends, hobbies, and probably a healthy approach to high school. Nothing wrong with in-state or small CTCL college (depending on fit) and starting out undecided.

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What a refreshing thread to read as I’m sitting here trying to convince my Sophmore son that at bare minimum he should apply for NHS. If it makes you feel better, my kiddo doesn’t even have half the ECs that your does…and a black belt and Eagle Scout are each impressive on their own! Shows real commitment to something.

My S25 runs Varsity track. And has a part time job. That’s it’s. God help me.

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Your son sounds a lot like my nephew. To get him a bit more “interested” in college, my SIL started planning weekend activities near college campuses so they could swing by. They kept it very low key.

Hiking in north GA… let’s stop by North GA College. Riding scooters on the Beltline… let’s look at the GTech campus. Minor league baseball game in Greenville SC… Furman and Wofford. Just stepping on a college campus got him more engaged.

He sounds like a great kid with an interesting profile. I have no doubt he’ll find his place.

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