<p>The flogging continues at my house: working on college essays has turned into a battleground. I'm hearing this from other parents at S2's school (mostly parents of boys). These kids are smart (SATs 2300+), but for whatever reason (laziness? immaturity?), a bunch of them don't want to work on essays. I've repeatedly told S2 that he isn't going to get into college on his test scores & good looks alone, but his typical response is that "photos are not a part of the application package."</p>
<p>How do other parents handle this? How do/did you motivate your kid to write that killer essay?</p>
<p>Unfortunately, seniors in high school are just like horses (you know, the “you can lead them to water” type). The short answer to “how do/did you motivate” them is, “you don’t.” You back off. Most of these kids will actually buckle down and write an essay on their own. It may not be the “killer” essay you want, but it will be his. And if he doesn’t get into the dream school? He’ll change his dream.</p>
<p>The one thing I’ve learned by going through this with mine and commiserating with other parents is that browbeating and flogging don’t work. It just makes everyone crazy. If you leave him alone, then only you will go crazy and he’ll be fine.</p>
<p>The only thing that helps is a nice bottle of Merlot and a large roll of duct tape.</p>
<p>Repeat after me: This too shall pass. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>The thing that helped my son, I thinks, was reframing the nature of the work:</p>
<p>‘Essay’ is school work, gets done last minute, like schoolwork. Rather, I reminded him that this was not an essay in the typical sense, as in topical sentence, 3 paragraphs to support etc. Rather, I encouraged him to write about what he liked, what he wanted adcoms to know. To not worry about structure and getting it right. </p>
<p>That made it much easier for him and he got working on it 2-3 days before, rather than the day of :)</p>
<p>My son “informed” me, at a point I was pressuring a bit, that he “had ideas bubbling around in his head” and “when they reached his fingers the essay would come out.” The quotes are true quotes. Lo and behold several weeks later out came an essay. The hardest thing about these essays is that they are ‘short.’ Remember these kids have been writing “papers” through high school and middle school. Unless they have taken a bunch of writing classes, the short essay is relatively “new.” My senior is taking AP English and they are writting alot of short essays, but it is concurrent to the college apps. Maybe instead of asking ‘when are you going to write your essay’ you might ask if he has any ideas floating around in his brain…it might relieve your anxiety.</p>
<p>My opinion is that it makes sense to nag them if necessary to get a safety/financial safety application in early. After that, to back off and let the kid own the process. </p>
<p>Of course, when it gets really close to the application deadlines, I might find it hard to maintain the backed off stance.</p>
<p>For my kid, what got him to actually put words on paper was being assigned to write an essay that could be a draft of the Common App personal statement in his English class. She didn’t edit and refine their work, she just provided the circumstances to get them off the dime. Profound thanks to that very experienced teacher who knew that many seniors needed that kind of impetus! </p>
<p>His second major essay came later. In one of those “driving around in the car” conversations I observed to him that there had been a major change in his commitment to/attitude about his musicianship after a summer program. I wondered if something had happened that caused this, and if so if it were something he might write about. I left it there. As it turned out something had indeed happened, and he eventually wrote a very vivid essay about it.</p>
<p>This is why I made both my kids apply somewhere - anywhere! - early action. My older son loathed the whole process and was still working on essays late in December. For at least one school - Stanford - his lame essays probably put him directly into the reject pile. He was lucky though that for the most part he was able to recycle essays. </p>
<p>My younger son has really impressed me. Possible essay topics became dinner table conversation for a while and he did start writing much earlier than I thought he would. The topic we thought would work best for the main Common App essay he hated once he tried to write the essay, and he found something else to write about. Interestingly though, he found a way to completely rework that original rejected essay into a great little description of your favorite EC, so he’s been able to use it after all.</p>
<p>Some kids who refuse to write essays, might just not be ready to apply to college at all. Maybe you should research some gap year possibilities as well?</p>
<p>Our exact situation - bright male student - and seemingly not wanting to put the effort <em>that I think</em> needs to be put into the entire application process. </p>
<p>Part of this is my fault - as an procrastinator myself, I hate to see the same thing happening with our son - so I tend to ask questions and make suggestions, that are greeted with monosyllabic grunts and an occasional actually sentence.</p>
<p>I understand that he is under a lot of pressure. I TRY to back down and relax and find it difficult not to get frustrated…</p>
<p>We have put together folders with colleges that he has expressed interest in that have the requirements and the due dates printed and stapled on the front. We put these on the desk in the family room and remind him to look at them for due dates. I just have to trust that he is doing so and back-off…</p>
<p>Mostly I let my wife do the “prodding” these days…</p>
<p>We have a couple of schools in the mix that do not require a lot of EC’s or essays - and the ones that require an essay he will (and already has) written - (i.e. Georgia Tech) </p>
<ul>
<li>I guess we just have to trust them to get them done if they are interested in the schools and just remember that our kids our “from us” and “not us”…</li>
</ul>
<p>Yes, we as parents cannot “pull the essay” out of the kid. The kids own the process, they know the deadlines (because we nag and remind). If they miss a deadline there is a bigger problem that needs to be discussed. We will not be there in college with them. There will no teachers and GCs reminding them to get “stuff” done. It’s on the kids.</p>
<p>I unplugged my daughter’s Internet connection until she had written what she was supposed to write. I was amazed that she survived 48 hours without the Web, but it worked. Essays written.</p>
<p>By the way, I agonized over it at the time on CC. One sage parent commented that perhaps my daughter was resisting because she couldn’t face being away at college, that she wasn’t ready. I think that may have been true in November/December, when applying. But in August, when she needed to pack up her things, she was ready to make the move. She is now a junior at a college 400 miles away, and she has done beautifully. So the message is, at least in my case, that even if the kids are not quite ready, they need to write those essays! Disclaimer: Your mileage may vary. :)</p>
<p>@Shyanne - yes, I’m aware of scholarship deadlines, hence the continued flogging.</p>
<p>It just kills me to see talented kids miss out on scholarship opportunities because of a lack of motivation. And these kids aren’t necessarily looking at Ivies - we’d be happy to get into a state university because Ivies are beyond our finances (without scholarships). There are so many motivated kids asking for help right here on CC. </p>
<p>@Chedva, - I’ll see your duct tape and raise your Merlot to a bottle of Scotch. And I’m chanting your mantra: This too shall pass.</p>
<p>i agree with the backing off part, but in the case of deadlines … they must be met, and your procrastination is not going to be detrimental to my pocketbook. </p>
<p>if they write bad essays, so be it. they will get into colleges based on their effort. if they do not put forth the effort, then it is on them. simple. they will reap what they sow. they may not end up where they want to (or where WE want them to) but it will be due to their effort, not ours.</p>
<p>I’m sorry…if I see scholarships slipping down the drain due to failure to write an essay…I do think it is my business to nag …BUT, instead of the scotch, I did the following to calm my jangled nerves. I asked him to print out what he had finished of common app (most parts done-short answers, demographics, extra curriculum and cv etc) and then logged-in and filled in an entire app to large OOS app that does not require an essay that he will definitely get in and probably get merit aid. I made him review and sign off…and said…if that is all you get into and that is the only school that is reasonably affordable …that will be your school. </p>
<p>I have to say that filling out an “online” application gave me a lot more sympathy for my son…the stupid questions, typing in the current classes and the extra curriculas, our address 3 times, no wonder my kid hates the process. Excellent therapy for parent to productively work off the anxiety of waiting for the essay to percolate out of him and allowed me a window into his experience. </p>
<p>In terms of motivational incentives, I did have a trump card. He was not allowed to visit girlfriend at college until main essay was done…what a motivational factor for the male teenager. I love the idea of an internet cut off to motivate the female student…(sorry to sound sexist but it will be incredibly useful tip for our D when her time comes around to apply for college). However, still waiting for some tweeking of supplement essays and some important scholarship apps due Dec 1.</p>
<p>My D and I ( she can procrastinate with the best of them), made Sundays at Starbucks a weekly event. We both felt she’d be more likely to do it there.</p>
<p>One other thing that helped with my oldest was that I sat down with him - we went over the deadlines and I asked him to come up with a plan for meeting them. I also scheduled in my nagging time.</p>
<p>I don’t know if there is a right answer for everyone. Last year I tried to push and prod my kid into doing the essays and he would keep telling me he had time and to relax. And then of course, the weeks went by and it was into December. So then it was Christmas Break and although he had bits and pieces of his essays - none were complete. Then, with time running out, I had a complete meltdown and ripped him a new one. It was terrible. He did over the next couple of days after that meltdown complete the essays. But the whole process was unbearable. My advise is to try not to get to that point.</p>