<p>Number one son-gifted writer, fab essays turned out with very little effort. Number 2 son, grammatically challenged, agonized for months.Our school actually has them as a first term requirement for Language Arts, which took the nagging away. Thank you Mr. P!!!</p>
<p>I am ashamed to admit that we used house arrest during the last week of summer (no computer, no social life, no shopping, lunches with buddies…nothing). The carrott was ‘look at all of these fun things you will want to do stress free on weekends during the fall’. The other carrott was being able to apply EA to a few places in September and have some great acceptances in hand very early, which I think boosted her confidence for apps that were finished later on.</p>
<p>The house arrest was also only for one essay…the common app essay that could theoretically be used for various apps. She was still writing during the fall, but the task was very manageable once ‘the big one’ was done.</p>
<p>She was not happy that week, but experienced very little stress for the remainder of the fall and early winter and enjoyed senior year. She even admitted the value of what was accomplished early. Our relationship had been tough during junior year, and we could not relive that…now we have happy sparkly memories of senior year.</p>
<p>The financial incentives for early completions are not acceptable to pass up.</p>
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<p>You have nothing to be ashamed of, IMHO. I wish I had used this tactic. This fall has been the most stressful school year we have ever experienced. Son is in the middle of football season, is taking 5 AP courses and working on his Senior thesis, so his time is very limited, not to mention he is the world’s biggest procrastinator to begin with.</p>
<p>The most frustrating thing about this is I haven’t had to be involved in his schoolwork in years. He gets his work done and turned in on time with high grades. But with the college application process, we’ve had to nag, threaten and take away privileges. Every conversation has turned into a lecture. This was not how I envisioned his last year at home.</p>
<p>Ironically, some of his friends, who are not the best students and have had parents who have had to nag, threaten and restrict all through HS, have finished all their applications. I suspect they are less confident that they will get into a decent college and are taking their applications more seriously than my son, who has always come through with the A at the last minute. It’s downright nerve-wracking.</p>
<p>I had no idea so many brilliant students were procrastinators!</p>
<p>Good to know we’re not alone.</p>
<p>I find that the procrastination problem is often a form a writer’s block. The kid sits down and stares at a blank screen for a while and the next thing you know they are looking at Facebook and no essay progress happens.</p>
<p>My solution was to sit there and help them over the hump of getting started. </p>
<p>Here’s the process:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>The kid is on or near the computer.</p></li>
<li><p>I walk into the room and say hey let’s take a look at that essay prompt.</p></li>
<li><p>We read it over and I start asking questions - basically bouncing ideas off the kid.</p></li>
<li><p>Every now and then the kid says something important or catchy and I say that’s good - write that down. We basically are generating a list of “bullet points” of the kid’s thoughts and experiences related to the essay prompt.</p></li>
<li><p>When we have a decent list to work with I ask if the kid can see a way to string some of these ideas and points together into a cohesive story or narrative. </p></li>
<li><p>Kid suggests something and so we bounce ideas around about that for a while to develop something that flows.</p></li>
<li><p>When we have an outline of the essay, I say great, now start drafting it while it’s fresh in your head.</p></li>
<li><p>Kid starts to write and I DO NOT LEAVE THE ROOM. Instead I sit nearby doing other things: shuffling papers and looking at college brochures. Staying in the room is important for keeping the kid focused.</p></li>
<li><p>Kid gets the first draft done. It can be polished that day and/or in another session later. But the important thing is to get that draft down on paper.</p></li>
<li><p>Elapsed time: 1 to 2 hours.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>This basic method is 3 for 3. It worked for both of my daughters plus a friend’s son that I helped out with.</p>
<p>^Nice way to lead without nagging. I’ll have to remember that technique.</p>
<p>^^Right. No nagging is involved. You just take the kid in hand so to speak and go to work.</p>
<p>I think most HS students are procrastinators. How about assigning the student the job of finding schools they are interested in attending that DON’T consider essays? They can pull down all the Common Data Sets for their schools. It might be a good exercise for them to see how well they fit in the student populations for grades and scores as well.</p>
<p>I went through this last year with DD, and I knew the process was going to be stressful on several levels. I did not write essays, but I helped with organization and asked her to do one application per weekend. She had a folder for each one that had the requirements of what needed to be done and sent. She also found it very difficult to “toot her own horn” but made it through. Some of the applications are so involved, and the kids think so much is riding on them. Although it seems endless now, this time goes quickly. It does make it nice if they apply to a couple of schools with rolling admissions, so they have an acceptance in hand early. Best wishes.</p>
<p>I find that most of the essay prompts do not require any " toot your own horn"…rather they seem to ask for a little bit of introspection–very rare among this age group. Given that the kids are feeling very tense about the process, tell them to let loose of expectations to describe an accomplishment or major breakthrough and also abandone expectations for a structured formal essay, they may really embrace the process.</p>
<p>S really very against any kind of essay about his achievements…it was hard just getting him to put down any awards/honors, but he enjoyed the essays when he chose a prompt where he found he could write something interesting or provocotive or funny. I found his essays very entertaining and he completely abandoned the typical essay structure that he has been doing since 6th grade (intro, body, conclusion). One was a pretend page from his future autobiography (wonderful prompt–insteady of “where do you see yourself in 20 years”). In others he has described trips to museums, reactions of students to his art, etc. More like stories with a point than an essay. He said they were the funnest things he has written in HS and his English teacher (he emailed her to get feedback–can’t rely on mom for unbiased review) was very enthusiastic. If your kid is still stuck, tell them to forget the “essay” and write a story that indirectly makes the point or answers the prompt. It may help break that writer’s block.</p>
<p>We are dealing with the exact same problem in our home. Our son refuses to focus on writing essays claiming that they are just plain stupid. This from a kid who has amazing SAT scores, high GPA and is currently taking 5 AP classes. He claims he wants to go to college but doesn’t seem to be taking any steps towards making this happen. Right now I am unwilling to let him “fall flat on his face” as his guidance counselor suggested. Has anyone tried taking their sons to counselors or college coaches?</p>
<p>Set a deadline and when it comes, no hanging with the friends, watching TV, etc. until they are done. After that, there are plenty of public schools that don’t require essays. It’s his future to take or leave. It’s a hoop that kids have to jump through if they want a particular kind of college/uni experience. Not much you can do if a kid is uninterested in putting forth the effort except put your foot down and if they don’t buy into that, would you really want to spend that money in 9 months on a kid that is dragging their feet about the process now in November? Maybe they are dragging their feet because they are not ready to go. Remember when you used to try and rush toddlers and they would go slower and slower and slower. It’s passive agressive behavior and maybe the kids are trying to tell you something. I’d also say stop and listen to what they are saying.</p>
<p>One down, two more to go. He’s real proud of what he came up with, so hopefully the next one will be easier to start. I think I’ll try some of C’s techniques to hasten essay #2.</p>
<p>I’m beginning to wonder if my daughter now even wants to apply to selective colleges! She had a nice, long list of some great schools. Three of those are UCs. Some are private and definitely harder to get into. But, now that she’s approaching the deadline of some of these schools, I notice she’s starting to hem and haw around. Or she’ll look at her list and say something like, “I don’t know if I WANT to apply to any UCs now”. And at one time USC was her top choice because of a 5 year program they offer. Now she doesn’t even talk about it anymore. Instead, she seems to be concentrating on schools who don’t require personal statements or essays. Or maybe just a brief statement. She’s applied to a couple of those EA and one RD. So, that leaves her with schools that ALL require an essay and/or personal statements. Do I see a pattern here?? Arrrghhh! She also needs to get her teacher recommendations done. Well, she has one, so far. Not sure about her counselor’s rec.</p>
<p>I’m just worried that she’s selling her self short all because of WRITER’S BLOCK! Is she just taking the easy way out because she can’t think of anything to put on down on paper? I’ve offered to brainstorm with her. Doesn’t want a thing to do with that. I told her to try to think of something when she’s out and about during the day. Nope. Not gonna happen. So, what is a parent to DO??? I can’t sit there and force her to write something. I’m not sure if restricting her will do the trick, either. I just don’t know WHAT will work. I’m also not sure I’m willing to just have her take the easy route and apply only to those with less strenuous admission criteria. I would hate to see her pass up an excellent match because she didn’t feel it was worth sitting down and writing something about herself. Aaaack!</p>
<p>This advice makes sense. I just need to follow it. It’s a lot easier for my husband to sit back and let her take the reins. Not so much for me. 
I’ll give it a try, though.</p>
<p>momofthreeboys had suggested:</p>
<p>Set a deadline and when it comes, no hanging with the friends, watching TV, etc. until they are done. After that, there are plenty of public schools that don’t require essays. It’s his future to take or leave. It’s a hoop that kids have to jump through if they want a particular kind of college/uni experience. Not much you can do if a kid is uninterested in putting forth the effort except put your foot down and if they don’t buy into that, would you really want to spend that money in 9 months on a kid that is dragging their feet about the process now in November? Maybe they are dragging their feet because they are not ready to go. Remember when you used to try and rush toddlers and they would go slower and slower and slower. It’s passive agressive behavior and maybe the kids are trying to tell you something. I’d also say stop and listen to what they are saying.</p>
<p>I think part of the key to this is in the original post - how do you get them to write that “killer” essay? You don’t refer to it as a “killer” essay. You don’t tell them that their whole future depends on these 800 words. You’ll scare them to death - of course they won’t want to tackle that!</p>
<p>If the kids think it has to be a “killer” essay, they are so intimidated by the whole thing that they don’t even know where to start. The essay doesn’t have to be “killer.” It just has to be coherent, and say something that expresses their personality, in their own words. Colleges want to know that you can take a thought and develop it into a narrative or an argument. They want to know that you have decent grammar. That’s all it is. It doesn’t have to be about a life-changing event. </p>
<p>S wrote a first draft in September (required by English teacher), then let it sit for 6 weeks. No amount of nagging from me produced any results. Finally, in November, he sat down, and in 1 - 2 hours completely re-wrote it. Cut off the front half, took the back half and elaborated on that part. Except for a few minor edits, this was the essay he sent out. It was about his love of skiing.</p>
<p>D plays a fall sport, so I told her a rough draft had to be done before school started. She started out by writing about a friend she admired, who had gone through some REALLY tough times and still managed to get great grades in hard classes, excel at her sport, and never complained or made excuses. But D quickly realized that this essay made herself look spoiled and pampered in comparison. So she wrote another one, very light - her most embarrassing moments and how she overcame them. It really sounded like her.</p>
<p>Ironically, the friend D wanted to write about ended up writing her essay about D! She wrote about how D’s unconditional friendship helped her to get through a very hard time in her life. Her mom sent me the essay, it made me cry. (I wish I could send it to D’s schools - it speaks volumes about her!)</p>
<p>I agree that trying to write a killer essay is intimidating. When admissions officers have come to our school (and I’m talking about the Ivy League/top LAC panel) they’ve said that most of the essays they get are unmemorable and make little difference one way or another. A few are so bad they tip the application into the reject pile and a few are so wonderful they make the difference. And some are good enough that they add to an overall leaning to accept a student.</p>
<p>My son’s problem was that he knows that he’s got a lot of reaches and that with shaky grades and good enough, but mixed SAT scores (stellar verbal, okay math), in his case essays really may make the difference. He worked very hard on them, and got advice from a trusted teacher as well as us. I was impressed that while he procrastinated for quite a while when he got going he really got going.</p>
<p>I thought one of the funniest comments we got was “Just don’t sound creepy.” It made you wonder what essay that guy had just read that prompted the comment!</p>
<p>I used coureur method for son number one, and it worked pretty well - he really liked having me in the room even if I wasn’t doing much. For son number two we talked about topics at dinner and he tried them out on his own. Our favorite he couldn’t seem to make into a good Common App essay, but then turned it into a great essay about his “favorite EC” for Georgetown. Somehow with the pressure off to make it THE essay, it turned out much better. FWIW, instead of boasting about accomplishments it was about a moment in his volunteer job when he realized what it’s really like to be a historian. I thought it was a great essay, and perhaps should replace what had been going to be his common app essay which also turned out pretty well.</p>
<p>I have no idea if this would work for other people or even if it has worked for us. The fact that my sons are both very successful may be in spite of my efforts.</p>
<p>I’ve made it clear at key moments that I really don’t care whether they go to college or not, and I don’t care where they go, if they do go. So I might tell them that it’s fine with me if they go to some commuter CC or get a job. And I believe it. And I rarely have to say it.</p>
<p>Also, we’ve had a tradition of family discussions. So when we would go on a car trip or at dinner, we might bring out a question from Chicago and make a game out of coming up with the most outrageous answers. And for Duke, they want a rec from someone who knows you, so we’re having the younger brother write the letter. This is a kid who is very funny and has a world class case of sibling rivalry. It should be hilarious. It will probably result in a wasted $75 and an opening for someone reading this, but we’re having fun.</p>
<p>I went through this last year with my son and it was brutal. Throughout his high school career we had been “hands off” about his schoolwork deadlines, and he was very successful. He was also always very open about talking about his schoolwork.</p>
<p>But the essay was a nightmare. He wouldn’t talk about whether he had an idea. He shrugged off every question. I don’t think he put words on the screen until December 29th. He did let me read it on the 30th and took some broad editing advice. He submitted seven applications around 2:00 in the morning on December 31st.</p>
<p>And he got accepted everywhere he applied! There were handwritten notes on many of his acceptances from the admissions officers commenting on how much they liked his essay and his application. He’s happily attending his first choice school.</p>
<p>His essay had apparently been bubbling around in his head for a while It was nothing fancy, just a reflection on himself and his relationships with peers from two very different environments. It worked out fine. I never resorted to duct tape, but the wine was a godsend.</p>
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<p>Part of the key to the success of the method in post #45 is that you don’t “offer” to brainstorm. You just start doing it in the course of a conversation. That way you don’t hand them the opportunity to refuse.</p>