<p>Mom of 10of13of15…exactly. I have a daughter who is truly out of the box. Her problem is that she IS universally gifted across all areas and she is passionate about EVERYTHING. She stays up all night every night working her tail off outlining every chapter, assigned or not, and drawing pictures to explain principles so that when she is someday a professor, she can use them to explain difficult concepts. She’s a doozy. But way outside the box. She was also a national champion athlete. She’s also a basket case. Her bro is much healthier emotionally. 
If he gets an occasional C in spanish when he gets a 5 on the AP Spanish exam, and the highest grade in the state on the national exam, so be it. I think that the admissions officer can see that he obviously learned Spanish.</p>
<p>To the OP…your son has a college to go to for undergrad. If he works hard and shows he can be a motivated and reliable student, he has the chance for a top school for grad school. Or…as a transfer. Now’s the time to prove that he not only HAS what it takes, but he will USE it too.</p>
<p>Esobay…I just sometimes think that there are people on this Board who have kind of silly attitudes about academic success. With a husband who grew up in a very backward town in Kentucky, who could only afford the local LAC on scholarship, who then went to medical school, specialized, subspecialized and scored 99th percentile on his Boards…obviously, all of the smartest kids in the country are not all at Caltech. Some of them had never even heard of Caltech :)</p>
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That’s what I have seen with my younger daughter. She has incredible self-discipline and has done very well her college (not an Ivy but affiliated with one) – but has also found the environment and work-load to be extremely challenging, more so than she had ever anticipated. Part of her success is attributable to her willingness to stay up to 3 am working on homework for classes she wasn’t particularly interested in, to seek out profs and TA’s for office hours and recitations, and to form or join study groups when she felt the need for help. </p>
<p>I think my son’s response to running into problems when he started college was simply denial. (If he didn’t tell anybody and went and played computer games instead, maybe the problem would fix itself). Your son sounds like he might have a similar personality. </p>
<p>Again… in the long run, my son was much better off at the CSU. Academically it was underwhelming, but the environment was a much better fit – my son could get away with the bare minimum in classes that were taken solely to fill general ed requirements, even taking some of them online – and then shine like a superstar in the classes where he was motivated. The profs in those classes were delighted to have an engaged, smart student --so he developed a good personal relationship with several profs – and the profs in the other classes where he got away with continued slacking didn’t care, since their expectations were far more modest. I think he also found friends there who were much better social matches for him than his elite LAC friends, as well – overall a much better fit.</p>
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<p>Yep, that’s what my so did at college #1 in a nutshell. (Only he got a “D” in the “Man and Lit” equivalent, and the A was in chemistry). </p>
<p>The problem was that college #1 also cost a small fortune to attend, even with a college grant covering about 50% of the expense. </p>
<p>I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with a student having the attitude of being willing to work hard only at what is most engaging or interesting – but the elite colleges are not generally a place for those students. Maybe a school like Brown with its open curriculum and liberal Pass/Fail policy would be a good fit – but for the most part, it makes no sense for an independent-minded, self-directed, different-drummer type kid to enroll in a highly structured, meat-grinder type educational environment.</p>
<p>“But is he the ONLY kid getting kicked in the pants this year?” - Actually there are lots of non-slacker kids with high SATs/ACTs, great grades and interesting EC that do not get into the top schools. There are only so many spots, and sometimes you will read people talk about it being a “lottery” or “crapshoot”. I suspect that you understood this better than your son did. </p>
<p>Recently there have been several sad threads about kids with really good scores getting into competetive schools and then bombing. At least the denials keep you from having to make judgement calls about your son’s odd of success there. Still I know it is painful for the whole family, and I hope that things go well for you all this next year.</p>
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There’s still 10 days left in March, and a lot of people are still hoping for a miracle.</p>
<p>Back on topic. Yes, there will be tons of threads about kids (slacker and non) not getting into one or ALL of their top choices. Many of these threads will be in the individual school forums, but also here on the parents’ forum. April is usually the month for that.</p>
<p>as Colomom says I am almost glad I DON’T have to make the judgement calls and well, yes we are STILL hoping for a miracle just because… 8)</p>
<p>esobay I think you might want to start a thread with a different title-- I’m sure there will be plenty of disappointment to be shared, and plenty of commiseration to be given. I wonder if this will help your son open up a little and share the process with you more. Does he have any interest in his safety? If not, and if another visit doesn’t generate interest…and if another acceptance doesn’t come through (I hope one will!!!) – there are other things to consider-- a gap year, a year at community college… It sounds like he needs some growing up, like lots of kids, especially boys, do at that age. I’ve certainly known some bright young men who have trouble with authority and have taken different paths into life-- with lots of success. Maybe this bump will give you an opening to guide him…and a lot of good might come from that.</p>
<p>esobay, I sympathize and I will be in the same boat next year. S is very bright, and a stellar underachiever. He may apply to flagship u - but with his grades even that will be a reach despite the very good SAT/ACT scores he’ll likely have. He has put himself in a place where (probably) only mid/low tier schools will take him. He will be disappointed not to be going anywhere exciting, or anywhere with his friends, most of whom are good students. I will be disappointed - for myself and for him. I will probably vent here. And like you, keep my fingers crossed that somehow, someday, this kid will find his way.</p>
<p>Just a thought…maybe in the long run it’s a good thing that a student who was a bit of slacker in high school doesn’t get into a top choice school. </p>
<p>I think if such a student did, the message would be lost. When parents don’t let kids “feel” the consequences of their decisions, they don’t learn the lesson right? Well, the same can be said with school acceptances…right? If a “slacking” student (who won’t do what’s asked of him), is “rewarded” by getting accepted to top schools, then he won’t learn that he may have to sometimes do things he doesn’t want to do. A kid who doesn’t get into his top choices may take awhile to realize that his own decisions likely influenced the outcome, but eventually he will (altho he may never admit it to his parents…LOL) </p>
<p>In the long run, don’t we want some of this stubborn “cut off your nose to spite your face” attitude to diminish? </p>
<p>(That said, I do agree with that some of high school demands are silly…I was soooooo glad when my boys never had to face another “note check” again. LOL )</p>
<p>I have read through this thread and wonder why people are at each other’s throats.</p>
<p>There is a lot of generalizing going on here – there are bright boys who hate busy work and bright boys who are apple polishers. Same with girls. </p>
<p>And there are many routes to success.</p>
<p>The OP was just hoping for a place to say, “Isn’t it a shame” while all the champagne cork popping was happening on other threads. She knows it’s not a tragedy but a present disappointment.</p>
<p>OP: I think feeling a bit disappointed is natural, especially when you’re reading lots of success stories. Best wishes for your son.</p>
<p>I also wanted to add to my post (#52)…</p>
<p>While this won’t help those going thru this frustration now…there are younger kids (younger siblings or younger friends) who might learn from seeing how a “slacker” student didn’t get into their top choices. </p>
<p>It would be harder to convince a younger child to “not slack off,” if he/she saw that older sibling got into the best school even when he slacked off.</p>
<p>mom2college kids…true, I hope my son never gets asked for another note check, he skipped a year of school at the beginning, had to teach himself how to write, and NEVER has liked taking notes with a pencil </p>
<p>And I love how my son’s DECISION to not participate in class discussion in Spanish somehow turned into my making excuses for his foolish decision. He paid the price with his “C”, but he turned around and got one of two 5’s in the school on the AP exam. If someone examines his record in Spanish, 4 3/4 years of spanish with “A” grades, a 5 on his exam and outstanding performance on the national spanish exam kind out outweighs his “protest” C.</p>
<p>Hmm… I guess I have a somewhat unsympathetic perspective here, not to the OP’s son, since he did work on improving, but to other slackers who snidely tell people like me who worked hard to maintain grades that their thinking is “out of the box” and will get them farther in the long run. I know one student in my school who was recently accepted into Caltech with a 2.6 GPA (unweighted). The only portion of high school during which he worked was a summer program at Carnegie Mellon and the first semester of senior year, during both of which he received A’s. He spent the rest of the time not doing his homework and doing poorly in classes he was obviously capable of acing. I think I have somewhat less natural ability than he does, though this is not significantly reflected in our SAT scores (he scored 2390 to my 2370), particularly in mathematics, but I am the one who is currently taking math and physics courses at a prestigious university, where he chose to slack off with AP Statistics. I worked hard to take the most rigorous course load available at my school and maintain a perfect GPA. Now, I didn’t apply to Caltech, but I was waitlisted at MIT (he was rejected), and it bothers me that he is being given the opportunity to attend a higher calibre school than I may be able to. He may have more natural talent, but shouldn’t I (and others like me) be rewarded for all the extra work we put in over 4 years?</p>
<p>Yes, we get that your son got a 5 on the Spanish AP exam. I think you’ve posted that about 10 times on various threads. We’re very proud.</p>
<p>physicshobo it takes all kinds of people to make things happen inside and outside of an academic environment. All you can do is be true to yourself. Rewards come to good, hardworking people and rewards come to other people with other qualities. Try not to let it bother you.</p>
<p>Wow, this is definitely one of those threads that has taken on a life of its own. The original post sounds to me sort of like the “say it here so you can get it off your chest” thread or the threads about disappointing financial aid. Sometimes there are real disappointments as part of this process and it just helps to type them out and share them with others who may be experiencing the same thing. We hurt when we see our kids hurt. I can certainly understand not wanting to bring down the celebratory mood in other threads. I can remember posts from previous years dealing with kids’ rejections from their alma mater which were in a similar vein. I think it is really helpful to have a place where we as parents can share those stings and as the OP put it, “hold hands.” I may be looking for a little hand holding next year as my next one goes through this process. Best wishes to all parents and kids who are dealing with disappointments.</p>
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In a word, no. I mean, yes, you should be rewarded with the congratulations of those who know and love you and with the respect of your teachers and classmates. But colleges do not give out acceptances as rewards for hard work. They accept the students that they think stand the best chance of succeeding and making a positive contribution to the academic, social and cultural life of the school. Often–probably most of the time–that will correlate positively with hard work. But not always.</p>