<p>I’m new here but just wanted to say I’m so sorry! My ODD went through this last year when she was deferred from her ED school too. It made her question her list and shook her confidence. She ended up adding a few schools, including Tulane which is rolling. Within a few weeks she was accepted at Tulane which was such a relief to her to have an acceptance–I definitely agree that applying early to a school with rolling admissions that is a likely yes is such a wonderful thing to take the stress off. She ultimately was accepted at the ED school and is very happy there.</p>
<p>One thing that helped my dd just a little was to know that there are more qualified kids than spots…those deferred are qualified and would be great candidates for their school and maybe even accepted outright in a different year when there are fewer students applying.</p>
<p>Best of luck with the rest of the process and I’m sure there will be great news down the road.</p>
<p>My son was <em>rejected</em> at his SCEA school (which at that time was probably his #1 choice). Because he had a number of other applications already pending, he was lucky enough to get an acceptance at one of his high choice rolling admissions Publics within a month. That really took the sting out of the rejection.</p>
<p>I’ve heard that over and over. There’s something about knowing that one has at least one acceptance in one’s pocket that can make any disappointments a little easier to bear. And, if there’s a scholarship with the acceptance, only the better! Knowing that some school is showing the love, is a good thing!!!</p>
<p>My dd was rejected from her EA school last year. She went to bed early that night and by the next morning was fine. I, on the other hand, was sad for a couple weeks! I started thinking that she might not get into any of the other similar schools. I couldn’t stand the thought that for 3 months all we would know was a NO. </p>
<p>But, my dd quickly finished up all her other applications, dove back into all her activities and the time sped by. April 1st we were shocked with an acceptance at a mega-reach, as well as several other good options. In retrospect, I think she ended up at the perfect school for her. She is incredibly happy, and I can hardly remember last December!</p>
<p>Eight years ago, S-1 was deferred at his ED and spent an evening shooting at things on a computer. I could almost see the black cloud over his head. In spring, he had 4 acceptances, 2 waitlists and 2 rejections (including the ED). We didn’t have the cushion of rolling admissions, and that would have been helpful indeed.</p>
<p>He taught me something helpful. WHen I asked him, over the winter, “which is your first choice now?” he said he wouldn’t make that list in his mind. Rather, he’d wait to see where he was accepted and then prioritize those. </p>
<p>The following October, attending the one he chose, he emailed, “If I had known how happy I’d be at my ‘number 2’ school, it would have been my first choice all along.” </p>
<p>He lovedlovedloved college. Now he’s in a field where rejection must be endured regularly (actor) in order to advance. Rejection does not deter him, ever. If everything had gone exactly as he’d hoped when he was l8, perhaps he’d not be as strong as he is today. He’s very strong. </p>
<p>Recently he got his first choice on the first try: yes, his girlfriend will marry him.</p>
<p>I recently got rejected EA too. Rejected, not even deferred. Although I never really expected to get in, it stings. It makes me question my entire college list. Its nice to hear stories like this.</p>
<p>Ain’t that the truth! Been there and done that-- twice…</p>
<p>When D1 was rejected EA years ago from her favorite, it was a LONG winter until she heard any good news. But she ended up in the spring with some fabulous acceptances, narrowed it down to two choices and had a great 4 years at her college. </p>
<p>With D2, I advised that she skip this EA stuff–I didn’t want to go through that LONG winter again. At least when all the rejections come in the spring, you don’t have to wait long until you get some good news to balance things out and make you forget about the rejections.</p>
<p>But my advice was not followed. She was deferred on the EA round, at which time we advised her to think of it as a rejection so that she could move on with her life. [I know, this makes us sound like we are downer parents…we’re not, just learned through experience.] </p>
<p>One piece of advice that D2 did take to heart was our advice not to fall in love with any college until she had her acceptances in hand and then choose one of those colleges to fall in love with (the Stephen Stills’ “Love the One You’re With” philosophy). She narrowed her choices down to 3 colleges, picked one after springtime visits, and is a happy freshman. ( EA college from which she was deferred later sent a rejection on RD round, but she had already moved on from that college.)</p>
<p>So, I feel your pain…but hang on till the spring and until next year this time when your freshman will be telling you what a fabulous time they are having at the college he is attending!</p>
<p>Hang in there, Gapyearstudent. The questioning is a very common reaction to getting that first rejection or deferral. My son is feeling it. To make matters worse his deferral was from a school he was 100% he would be accepted and several of his bf’s got in. Ugh! Now he’s convinced he won’t get in anywhere but his safeties (which he doesn’t love, unfortunately). He did get into one of his safeties this weekend but he wasn’t surprised or excited about it. He will also probably be getting a rejection from his #1 choice (high reach) school tomorrow.</p>
<p>It will get better. You are only at the beginning of the process.</p>
<p>Hello, I’m new here. Going thru the same stress as all of you! My son’s decision comes tomorrow, fingers crossed. Dreading the thought of rejection because it will make him heartbroken. Hopefully if it happens he will eventually move on.</p>
<p>I’ve got a somewhat different take. When my daughter was deferred from her EA school - a definite reach - I thought she would be disappointed. (I’d left the envelope sealed but held it up to the light, so I knew that it was a deferral – then I simply left it on her bed for her to discover when she got home from school). </p>
<p>To my surprise, soon after she came home from school, I heard a loud whoop for joy from her bedroom. She called me excitedly – “Mom! They didn’t reject me! I still have a chance!!” She was even happier when she learned the next day that the other kid from her high school who had also applied to the same EA college – and had far better “stats” than hers – was also deferred. </p>
<p>We did some thinking about what parts of the application could stand improvement, and I suggested that my d. send some supplemental material – she ended up sending a second essay and a graded writing sample from a high school assignment that dovetailed nicely with the theme of the essay. When spring rolled around, there was a big, fat, welcoming envelope from the EA school.</p>
<p>So while I admit that I, as a mom, was kind of disappointed and took that initial deferral as a possible omen of bad things to come – I think my daughter had the right idea. Schools have different practices, but a deferral generally means that someone with power over admissions wants to hang on to the file for a second look. In hindsight I think that it benefited my daughter to have the extra read of her admissions file – and the opportunity to spruce up the application in the meantime. </p>
<p>The cool thing about an ED deferral is that the student is still in the running, but no longer bound by the ED contract. A lot can change in the months that follow - whether or not the student ultimately gets admitted to the ED school, they may be very happy in the spring to have an array of choices to consider. (I’ll bet that there are plenty of kids who do get admitted RD to what was once their ED school, but end up choosing another college – as time passes and information flows in, sometimes opinions change as well).</p>
<p>Second child and second time dealing with this scenario! At least it keeps them motivated throughout their senior year. First child was never able to gain acceptance at his first choice school, but his improved GPA and ACT test score got him a bigger scholarship at his second choice school and he loves it there. Second child found a safety school that she liked and receiving that acceptance before the deferral lessened the blow.</p>
<p>Calmom, thanks for reminding me there’s anything positive if you’re not outright accepted! *The cool thing about an ED deferral is that the student is still in the running, but no longer bound by the ED contract. * I quickly read your line which started with “the cool thing about an ED deferral” and I had to go back!</p>
<p>I worry not so much about the “did they like me enough” feeling, but the dread of extending this college process (writing essays, visiting, interviewing, $$$ for app fees, etc.) any longer. By now, I just want it over so DS can concentrate on schoolwork and finishing his Eagle project.</p>
<p>OP, I feel for your S. Mine was deferred from his SCEA school. In and of itself that was very disappointing for him, but what made it galling was that a classmate with whom he had a somewhat difficult relationship was accepted. And then the classmate apparently told a number of people over the weekend that he was accepted and S was deferred, so that when S went to school on Monday morning it was already all over the school and he was met with condolences from people who thought he would get in. Not a pleasant experience.</p>
<p>He didn’t have any rolling admissions schools, and so had to wait for RD. After the EA experience, he refused to commit himself emotionally to any school until he got the results–which were fine. (Although the deferral turned into a rejection.)</p>
<p>50isthenew40, the same thing has happened here - last night, I gave S a hug and words of encouragement and he said, “Mom, I’m over it already.” Whether or not that’s true, I don’t know, but I have to believe him. So, today, I’ll move on to baking the hundreds of cookies my DH has committed me to do for his office…</p>
<p>I had to feel for S, though, when he told me that another student was accepted to the same school where he was deferred - he had helped her with her essay! Then she showed up this weekend wearing the school’s sweatshirt…I am proud of her, though. </p>
<p>Ok, enough. I’ve got to get over this and move on like S!</p>
<p>Calmom, you’re right, it isn’t an outright rejection!</p>
<p>DD is rising junior and I’ll have to deal with this process again and she’s set her sights on a highly selective school…</p>
<p>Calmom,
Your post was very encouraging, but brought to mind a question. The ED school where my DD was deferred required three supplemental essays plus a 4th optional essay. She chose not to do the optional essay for her ED application (burnt out at that time and feeling that she had submitted quite a bit to them at that point). Anyway, the RD deadline has not passed yet. Could DD submit that optional essay now or is that not allowed? She also had to write a huge term paper Junior year for her Honors English class and did very, very well on it. Would it be inappropriate to send in something like that as a writing sample? It required a great deal of research on her part. I don’t want to damage her chances of surviving the RD round, but if there is the possibility of submitting additional materials that they would consider, I’d like to let her know that.</p>
<p>Toledo makes a good point as well. While it is probably nice to have an ED decision in hand, there is something to having to wait until almost year end to get good news. I know for a fact it definitely motivated S to keep up his grades and his nose out of trouble throughout the senior year.</p>
<p>PA–supplemental essay, sure; research paper, no. Also consider getting an additional recommendation from someone she knows well other than a regular teacher, preferably a boss or a music teacher/chorus director/coach, et al.</p>
<p>I shake my head reading some of these posts about disappointment with highly selective college ED results. I understand the disappointment, but not the surprise. </p>
<p>We all encourage our kids to have high aspirations, but we don’t do them any favors by ignoring reality. And the reality of applying to a school with a sub 15% acceptance rate is that the admissions office is choosing from an applicant pool that is close to indistinguishable from an academic qualification perspective. It’s a lottery. It just doesn’t make sense for a kid to get emotionally invested in a school for which admissions prospects are so uncertain, NO MATTER WHAT THE KID MAY HAVE ACHIEVED. </p>
<p>But the good news of course is that kids that are in the ballpark for admissions to one of these highly selective schools are going to gain admission to some truly terrific colleges and universities. It makes a lot more sense to encourage your kids to focus on a group of schools, than to put so much stock in a single one.</p>
<p>lilmom, I’m so glad you started this post. My son just found out about his ED and it too was a deferral. I’m so disappointed now, but it’s really for two reasons: 1) he’ll have all those other applications to write now. </p>
<p>and 2) facing all those kids in his super competitive HS. Heard 12 applied to Yale EA, 5-6 applied to Brown, 25+ to G’town EA, and so on. All those stats are coming in, a whole host of them into the Ivies. Then there’s the deferrals–not as many, but he’s one more. Some get in for the athletics, some by way of legacy (although most kids don’t talk up that point), and some for development (which is not mentioned at all, but I know it’s from our area). So too bad. My unhooked kid is now deferred.</p>
<p>In general it is fine to submit supplemental material up to the RD deadline – after all, the file has now been “converted” to RD – however, I’d suggest looking to see what type of material the college accepts first. My daughter was deferred EA from Chicago, and Chicago pretty much had pretty broad standards on accepting supplemental material. It would not have made sense to deluge them with extra – but we did have a sense of what might have been “missing” from the EA application, and a simple strategy as to how to fill it. My daughter didn’t stress too much – she discussed possible submissions with me, perhaps discussed it with a few others – and then sent a single packet in the mail in time for the deadline. (In her case, rather than the application deadline, she chose to submit by the deadline for submission of the midyear report).</p>
<p>We’ll never know if that extra material tipped the balance or not – but I think what is important is that my daughter felt that she had given it her best shot by that point.</p>
<p>One problem with EA/ED is that the student has to put together the essays and application early during the senior year. As the weeks go by, the student thinks of new ideas, and in the course of working on apps to RD schools, is likely to come up with improved essays. The essay that went out to my d’s common app school was a clear winner – so of course as soon as she wrote that there was something of a sense of “drat, its too bad Chicago got the dumb essay instead of the good one.” So deferral meant Chicago got to see the good essay, too. But Chicago likes essays – they make it clear that essay-writing is a big part of their application process – so what worked for Chicago may not be appropriate for a different school.</p>
Knowing that some school is showing the love, is a good thing!!!</p>