<p>Alright, so I have very low self esteem, as you probably assumed from the title. However, I am trying to figure out why, because, at least from the outside, I am not your typical kind of guy that has low self esteem. Now, I used to have alot of self esteem problem in HS, primarily because I had bad grades, had a tough time making friends in HS, etc etc. However, now I am a junior at a large state school on the east coast, I get fairly decent grades, I just got accepted into my major, which at my school is one of the top programs in the country, I am in a fraternity, have a solid group of friends, have ok luck with girls(although I wil be the first to admit it could be better), and I have an internship this summer that I really enjoy.</p>
<p>Yet, I still have painfully low self esteem, and if anything, its been more evident recently. If anybody could give me some insight as to why this is, it would be helpful, as it feels like its been eating away at me recently...</p>
<p>You don't feel loved and always feel lonely. You wish someone was there with you in bed and just cuddle. You feel that you won't succeed at anything you do. </p>
<p>This might seem like a long shot to some people, but do you think you're particularly materialistic/superficial, in terms of being smart, having lots of friends, being popular, having material things, social status, and so on? There's a very high correlation, especially in the United States, between that and unhappiness/low self-worth and I guess an obsession with such things would stay with you even if circumstances change.</p>
<p>Of course, that might not be you at all, but I'm just throwing that out there.</p>
<p>Part of it may be that you learned certain patterns of thinking about yourself during an important developmental period--high school. Your low self-esteem could persist no matter how successful you become. But no one on CC is going to have anything to say in one post that will change the way you think about yourself--definitely see a specialist. Use your school's therapist, or find one who you like. They could refer you to a psychiatrist for an antidepressant prescription.</p>
<p>I don't know if you need an anti-depressant, but you do need to start a new pattern of thinking. I can speak from personal experience. Low self esteem and negative views or self-doubt come from years of this pattern of thinking. There is a book called "the lies we believe" that talks about how to overcome this- basically it says that some of us "re-interpret" what people say...ie. "oh, you look nice" I might "hear" as " omg, you look so fat in that".
Now to a confident person- that sounds ridiculous, but when there is something that you are sensitive about, our mind has a way of playing tricks on us. There is a part of you that wonders if you really are smart, or good enough or deserving enough....(and by the way...you are...you proved that)</p>
<p>It does tremendous wonders to talk to somebody that can help you retrain your thoughts. Someone that can teach you how to see yourself the way you really are- as opposed to how you view yourself with all your past baggage and mistakes. Meds don't necessarily help you do that.</p>
<p>I once had a group of ladies write down on pieces of paper everything they felt like they had failed, done wrong, mistakesthey had made and then they one by one put them in the paper shredder - it was to symbolize that those were gone and they weren't supposed to think or dwell on those things any more. No doubt some of those things have shaped who we are now...but they don't have to shape who we will be.</p>
<p>When you doubt yourself...ask yourself "fact or fiction?" what am I basing this on....old news or new news?</p>
<p>There are millions of self help books, and psychologists, and counselors that can help you. You'll come around and start believing in yourself - I know because look how far you have come since high school!!!</p>
<p>Lol sorry Shinkrap, I should have phrased that better. Antidepressants certainly are not the solution every time someone feels down in the dumps. I've just had some bad experiences with therapists/psychiatrists who were all too eager to drug me up, too! I meant it as only one solution out of many possibilities. To the OP: Definitely look into finding a competent therapist, though. If they know what they're doing, they can be very helpful. It's difficult to change your pattern of thinking on your own initiative. At least you've got a head-start on repairing your self-esteem, though, since you have many things to be proud of. Your turn-around between high school and college is very impressive!</p>
<p>I hate to sound like a broken record and repeat what everyone else is saying, but as someone with low self esteem too, seriously, go talk to someone at your schools counseling department if they have one. It's best to find the root of this problem now instead of letting it wait and wait and potentially become something more. Best of luck to you!</p>
<p>You have all kinds of good things in your life -- how many of them do you attribute to your own efforts and how many of them seem just like luck to you?</p>
<p>It's funny, I just finished posting a response longer than a college admissions essay intended to motivate someone. </p>
<p>I think these guys were right on the money. You're associating superficial matters with self-worth. Don't try anti-depressants just yet. I always thought those were overrated, unless you really have a clinical issue. Seems like you're just being too hard on yourself. </p>
<p>I used to have horrible self-esteem too. My best friend is Valedictorian of my high school and scored a 2350 on her SAT in 10th grade. I'll admit I felt less intelligent around her, especially when my dad used to compare me to her, but now I've gotten over it. We help each other in different ways. (I'm her personal shrink. lol) Maybe you should look into your childhood. Were you compared to anyone? A sibling? Did you have "friends" who pretended to be your friends? Where you bullied or anything when you were younger? Because it seems like those are the usual reasons. </p>
<p>Or maybe you're comparing yourself - no, your credentials - to that of others around you. You're in a great program, you have a solid group of friends, you're doing what you like, what's not to be content with? Maybe you get subconsciously jealous of what others have that you still don't (actually, everyone does a little) and you start to think you're worth less as a person. If that's the case, that's the wrong track. Really wrong. Look back into the last few months and think if anything even slightly traumatizing has happened, since you said your self esteem has become "painfully low" recently. Only when you identify the source can you fix the problem. I hope I've helped. Good luck!</p>