<p>Good afternoon. This is my first post ever on this forum. I was sitting here for the last half hour wondering who or what I could talk to about this. Most of the forums I browse I'm too well-known on to make such a statement. Alas, I post this with a username I hope my real-life friends will never suspect is actually me. That being said, I'll provide some insight as to why I'm posting this.</p>
<p>I'm currently a fourth year computer science student with a 3.2 GPA. Up until college I never cheated. Not once. I was straight as an arrow and would get my assignments done quickly and on time, no problem. It was not until the end of freshman year that things went downhill...</p>
<p>It was the third trimester (trimester system) in CS III. Me and a friend were in the same class together and had known each other from a previous trimester of CS I. Up until the end, we never consorted or collaborated in any manner whatsoever. Once the final project rolled up, however, we made one of the most foolish mistakes we could have possibly imagined. We decided to work as a group on an individually assigned project. I can't remember what the project was exactly, but from what I can remember it was a calculator of some sort that implemented queues or stacks. Seeing as neither of us were well versed on how exactly to approach the problem, we started discussing probable solutions to the problem. From brief discussions to longer sit-down code-sessions, worse turned to worst. We were crunched for time and had decided to split up the work where one person would write one function and the other person would write another and pass it to each other. Using this process, we managed to finish the project in time, although the possibility of us getting flagged lingered in the back of our minds as we walked out of the lab.</p>
<p>Sure enough, the LAST day of class we both got an email stating that we failed the course due to a cheating infraction and that a report would be filed with our advisors. My heart sank. What was I going to do? I couldn't tell my parents and sure as **** couldn't tell my dad. I went home that summer with the worst feelings of my life and often contemplated ways to escape it altogether. I got through that summer, however, and near the end told them about what happened. Fortunately, they weren't too upset, especially given the explanation I provided, but I had a feeling they were putting on a pretty face...</p>
<p>As the new school year was just starting they told me to just let it go and forget it about it since dwelling on it would do me no good. They were right, but the thought of it always lingered that coming fall. Fast forward to spring trimester. Again, I'm in a class with the same kid. Again, him and I were still as retarded as before and decided to wait till the last minute to get the first assignment done. I called him up and asked him if he wanted to brainstorm and he agreed. Inevitably, we got the assignment done and subsequently received an F for it as well as another report for our advisors to laugh at. We tried reasoning with the professor, but to no avail. We were ****ed - royally. Seeing that I now had two F's on my transcript, I decided to retake both courses and received a B in both. I figured all hope is not lost - just 98% of it. I never told my parents about the second incident - I'm sure they would disown me completely.</p>
<p>And so here I am, two years after the latter incident reminiscing and realizing how much I actually screwed myself over. I went to a career fair last week and talked to a bunch of employers. I had one interview already that I think went OK and two more this coming week. One of them, however, is requesting a transcript. If that's not bad enough, I got a referral from one of my good friends who currently works there who does NOT know that I cheated twice in my college career. If he did, I'm sure he would never have given me a referral. That, or he'd simply stop talking to me - not that I would blame him.</p>
<p>I have been dwelling on these incidents for the last two years and have gone through serious bouts of depression (although I never told my parents) and often contemplated suicide (although never considered it). The way I see it, my career is basically over as anyone who even questions those F's is opening the door to who it is that I really am - a failure. The thought of having to prove why I am not a failure in opposition of two cheating infractions seems impossible. The thought of even going to graduate school seems impossible. The thought of ever getting a job seems impossible. I've closed so many doors I feel like a ball in a pinball machine bouncing off walls waiting for a door to open that never will.</p>
<p>I come to you people seeking advice. Do I give up and just drop out? Do I tell my parents about the second infraction? How do I explain this on the interview? Simply put, I am completely and utterly lost. I hope someone who takes the time to read this can steer me in the right direction.</p>
<p>Thank you for your time.</p>