Channeling my inner defense lawyer: “My mother has occasional panic attacks (kind of true, see this thread) and we were on the phone until 10:15 (also kind of true). I asked her and she refuses to send her medical records (just tell her you are not sending them, so kind of true again).”
ugh- thanks all - I’m so mad at myself I can’t function- In 48+ years I never thought she would ever be called out- thats my bad- Every employer I ever worked for- I never once had someone question and ask for proof… lesson learned…
The coverup is nearly always worse than the crime. Didn’t Nixon teach us anything?
I had a coworker once who would always cook up some complicated excuse when he was out. One time he blamed his absence on burning his eyebrows off (I swear, it was a long story about his kids fiddling with his cigarette lighter; he couldn’t even take responsibility for his own burned eyebrows).
Anyway, my boss and I were discussing his latest excuse, a funeral for his grandmother, and my boss said, “do me a favor, check and see how many living grandmothers he’s got left.” This has been an inside joke with my wife, where we just look at each other sometimes upon hearing a story, and say, in a voice full of incredulity, “how many grandmothers?”
@IxnayBob my H had a co-worker that ALWAYS had a reason to miss the first day back after she’d taken a vacation or a long weekend. Usually it was that one of her kids was sick. It got to the point where if she was taking 3 days off, they’d know to have someone else lined up to do her work for the 4th day, because she’d call in. They’d take bets on which of the two now-teenagers were sick and needed mommy.
As for OP-I agree with Bob here-RA’s handle things with possible life-altering consequences such as injuries, major illness, break-ins, mental breakdowns. They need to make on-the-spot critical decisions. If your D needed to call home ot ask what to do about missing the initial interview, I think she’s not ready.
I agree with M2CK’s response to not go overboard with any 'fessing up; on the other hand, I also agree that this may be a good indicator that she’s not ready for the RA spot yet.
I would be inclined to say that I do not have documentation, and that I understand that they may or may not be able to accept that.
Don’t beat yourself up. It’s a good learning experience for her and you. You love her and your intentions were good. Just apologize and move forward.
let me clear up one thing I should have before- the reality was when she called me I was in the nurses station at work not feeling well. We were on the phone together and she was nervous. So the reality is- it was not totally a lie- She took it to be worst case scenario in her defense… I told her to go to interview and I would be fine- She was very upset because I had a previous cardiac issue- Then she was stuck on the phone with my wife- I think between the 2 it was overblown- I texted her then to just say it was a family emergency. I embellished somewhat figuring it would not do any harm. so the reality was- it was not essentially a total lie- She took it as worse case - the nurse here actually emailed the woman to verify I had been seen in the office
^^then it seems like you have done everything you can do OP! Try not to worry. Easier said than done I know.
Bud, if that’s the worst thing you’ve done in life, you’re doing well. You did something out of love, out of the ubiquitous parental urge to “make things better,” and you let those honorable feelings and desires overrule judgment. Learn from it.
“To fix things” is an instinct often attributed to males, but I see it in both males and females. Let yourself off the floor.
Yea – Martha Stewart went to jail for lying to the FBI (not the insider trading itself). This situation raises all sorts of interesting issues. You hate to jeopardize your kid’s situation at school. For instance, what if there is a strict honor code? Maybe it’s best to not pursue it. Tough lesson learned.
My S is-a RA. He loves his job but not enough to do next year because he has-had to deal with kids with seizures, passed out drunk and an overdose all in the first semister. If it is meant to be she will get it and if not there are plenty of better jobs on campus 
Don’t blame yourself!
Thinking about this-my D had an important live online interview for a summer internship the other day, and the wifi was down at her school. She called to complain and while I sympathized with her, I asked what SHE would do rather than offered suggestions. I did tell her that we had plenty of data left on our 4G (she is on our plan). After the interview was over, she explained that she’d used Google Hangout, whatever that is, her phone and our 4G and it all went well. She even used the situation as an illustration of how she could roll with the punches in response to one of the questions.
OP’s D had that option-and probably could have just told the truth and the results might have avoided the secondary problems of proving something that never existed.
Honesty in this situation would have been better.
I’ve missed interviews. It is embarrassing but if missing the interview means I don’t get the position, I have to wrap it up to my own foolish self. I have never lied about the reason why I missed an interview.
I see no good solution here. If she admits that she lied, then she is admitting to fraud. While nothing bad probably would happen, there are potential issues (honor code violations). If she further lies, she is furthering fraud after being called out on it. It may be possible to withdraw her application without consequence.
I’ll note that one time I knew of a person who was terminated from a job, and then later interviewed and got hired by the US government. On the government job application it clearly asked “have you ever been terminated for cause”. The person checked the ‘no’ box because her past employer assured her they wouldn’t tell. Well, they did tell when the government investigator called them and asked if she had been terminated for cause.
Turns out, she would have gotten the government job even though she was terminated. That wasn’t an exclusion criteria. But since she committed fraud on the application, they government fired her. She is now permanently barred from future government jobs and has been terminated for cause (once which is fraud) on her last two jobs. Really a bad situation.
I would not recommend furthering the fraud and I may or may not recommend admitting to it…I’m not there.
This isn’t the RA committee’s first rodeo and your D is not the first person to miss her interview. They called her on it and now she knows the consequences of missing an important appointment.
Chalk it up to a life learning experience.
Kinda OT, my SIL lost the keys to her office. She was going to make up some story about needing extra keys so she didn’t have to fess up about losing them. H said (not to her), people lose things, why doesn’t she just tell the truth.
I’ve found that abject apologies and groveling work far better than making excuses. We all make mistakes, oversleep, whatever. I was 40 minutes late to meet a client this week because I turned on the weekend instead of weekday alarm on my phone. I called right away that I’d be late and told the truth. No harm done.
When you need to give an excuse as to why you couldn’t show up for work, appointment, get to a phone…the best excuse is stomach virus. You wouldn’t need a doctor’s note, nothing. Who is ever going question you about having to sit on a toilet for few hours? Who is going be surprised that you could recuperate in 24 hours and show up at work next day?
Family emergency? Hmmm, a lot more lies to cover it up.
Your kid is going to have to lie about where he/she is to her employer when she wants to interview for another job, so might as well be prepared.
At this point, let it go. She’s not getting the job, so no need to dig the hole deeper.
Don’t feel too bad. Being late or missing it would put her in my “no” pile, so your advice was not the problem per se. She’all learn from it:)
During one summer orientation, I was discussing excuses with my new advisees. A fair number just came out and said that they used “family emergency” when they didn’t have a legitimate excuse. Believe me, anyone working with college students knows to be skeptical of that one.
^^
Yeah, kind of like how all the SAP appeal letters here on CC mention the grandma who died :(( .
" My advice would be to tell your daughter to go in, admit she lied, apologize, and suffer the consequences."
The right consequence is not getting the job, which is already going to happen. The wrong – but possible – consequence could be as severe as expulsion. (Washington & Lee and UVA, to name two, can kick a student out for lying on a first offense. I’ve had to help a WLU student transfer before.) The head of res life is not your priest, and you don’t have to confess your sins to him or her.