<p>Your post hit home. My son is a sophomore in high school and would love to pursue a bfa in college. He goes to an all boys high school of about 900 students, but so few boys participate in the musicals they do with the all girls school down the street, that my son has always gotten the roles he auditioned for. I know at some point he will come face to face with rejection, but right now his confidence level is very high. I worry when he begins to have genuine competition his confidence will plummet. How can I prepare him for this without seeming like I don’t believe in his talent? I think he has a lot of potential but needs more of a challenge.</p>
<p>Jayloncole - have your son try out for community theatre. And if your town is small, have him go to the bigger town next door. I will never forget my S’s first tryout for community theatre. We were scheduled to drive our D down to college on the day of his audition, so he said he’d walk down (about 30 mins.) to the theatre. When he got there, he knew no one, and there were a group of boys from Walnut Hill (we are about a hour from that school). He said he really started to sweat, but went ahead with the audition anyway, even after the WH kids pretty much wrote him off when they found out he was from a public high school. The directors called him later that night to offer him the absolute smallest part in the ensemble - not the play (Spring Awakening) but the ensemble! He was to be one of four audience members who did various choreography and sing harmonies while sitting through the production. I never saw a kid jump up and down with glee for such a small role - it was very humbling for him. BTW, none of the Walnut Hill kids got in.</p>
<p>Again - it had to do with the show. S wanted to be a part of it because he loves Spring Awakening, and would have taken anything (even tho he was used to getting a lead).</p>
<p>^We’re in a small school too–none of that tremendous competition for each part that I’ve read about on CC. A couple of things did help my son learn to be resilient and accept feedback, not to mention rejection: one really big one was attending summer theater programs (pre-college, not “camps”). He got a very realistic taste of what it would be like to attend a BFA program. The other thing that helped, probably even more, was playing football! Losing games, getting pummeled in practice, and being yelled at by coaches was amazing preparation for his future! He had a somewhat nasty comment made to him at an audition this winter–I’m not afraid to say that publicly now that he has two great auditioned acceptances!–and I was impressed by how well he bounced back and went on to his next four auditions with no qualms. Realized later that what the adjudicator said to him was mild compared to what the O-line coach hollered at them throughout practice each fall (they don’t call it “offensive line” for nothing). Anyway, I’m a believer in letting them take big chances, learn get up and try again after failure, and take on challenges while they’re young. It’s a “blessings of a skinned knee” thing, I think.</p>
<p>^^Marbleheader, I cross-posted with you, so am editing my post just to say: Great story! I can totally envision your son doing this. My son has also experienced that feeling of being written off (“he’s just a jock”) and it makes it all the sweeter when they do well. :D</p>
<p>Wonderful post and thread. Kudos to you Chrissyblu for contributing this “must read” (arguably, it’s a “must read” for anyone applying/auditioning for life generally, but I need another cuppa joe before I can even begin to discuss life in such global terms).</p>
<p>My actor daughter is seven years removed from the college app process, but has been “thickening” – or just finding her “approach” – ever since, through college casting decisions, and thereafter, a few years of professional auditioning combined with MFA acting program applications.</p>
<p>Ever increasingly, she sees it as a “process,” as finding her “personal approach.” For her, it seems to be about truly internalizing (not just giving lip-service to it) what you personally control (or can control) and what is outside of your control. Stressing the former; having peace-of-mind about the latter. You can control your training, preparation, mindset, attitude, professionalism, effort, and overall readiness. You can’t control the competition and the 1,001 variables which might cause a decision-maker to select someone other than you. Ultimately, you control your part of the process (and how you feel about the process), NOT the result. Then it’s out of your control, understanding also that timing, circumstances, and plain-old luck plays a part in the world too. Now that I’m slightly caffeinated … no matter your professional or personal path, one needs to learn to find the joy and satisfaction in what long ago became a personal mantra: (excuse the implied language) - “Do your best; f the rest.”</p>
<p>And there’s a not-so-ironic irony. As many successful people in all wakes of life have long observed: “the harder I work; the more I prepare; the more effort I put in; the LUCKIER (!) I seem to get.”</p>
<p>I completely agree about enjoying the moment. But after many years in the arts myself, I really can relate to what might be seen as an “unhealthy” way of life. Musicians say you’re only as good as your next performance. Tony winners get depressed and think they have no talent. There are all kinds of ways to spin this, both negatively and positively. I don’t have the last word on anything, but the arts - both in personal and professional satisfaction - are famous for requiring that balance of getting as much as you can from the moment, but knowing it can - and likely will - pass into nothingness in the blink of an eye.</p>
<p>I have had to make many decisions myself about how I will handle this balance, and my D will, too. I can’t say she’s the type who always deals with the ups and downs with aplomb, but she is learning more and more every day, and being in a training program has definitely taught her enormous lessons.</p>
<p>I think the stories above, plus the ones we’ve heard from fishbowl and other posters trying to make a career in this field is that you have to be able to handle the “unhealthy” aspect of constant variability and virtually no reliability. Very few artists get long-term contracts and job security. What helps is to have that INNER security - that’s where you can feel fulfilled and successful even as the good stuff and the disappointments keep pushing you up and down.</p>
<p>I made a choice a long time ago not to make my living in the arts. I didn’t have the constitution for that kind of variability. I’ve been able to find lots and lots of satisfaction BEING an artist, however. The nice thing is that you can do this in so many ways. Learning about yourself, what you want, and what you are willing to do to get it, is an incredible life lesson. I have total faith that my D will be proud of her education and use it richly in her life - however she decides is best for her. </p>
<p>What has been key, as chrissy and others have said, is spending these years in a place where she can learn, get support, get criticism(!), experience risk and failure, and remember the joy in it. This can happen in so many places, under so many circumstances, with so many different pathways. That’s what’s so exciting about helping these young people start their journey, to me.</p>
<p>I love this thread too, having a son on “the other side” who graduated in 2011, and the ups and downs which have come along with his chosen career path.
He was always a confident kid, with what seemed like a good sense of self. When friends and classmates were going through adolescent angst, he sailed through. That’s one reason we felt he could handle the actor’s life.
During his first three years at college in a top program, he thrived. He was excited about his learning, the professors loved him and he did great.
It was suddenly in his senior year that he suffered a crisis of confidence, which extended post-graduation. I’m not sure why - maybe partly the fear of actually going out into this competitive world, or perhaps related to some health problems (he as diagnosed with an auto immune disease). It was like he finally hit adolescence.
He is fine now, doing well with his theater troupe in New York. His confidence is back, but maybe tempered with a bit more maturity. The support of other members in his company as well as friends and his extended network is a big part of it, I’m sure. He has had to learn to suppress his own ego a bit to be part of an ensemble, and that has been good for him.
But I’m sure it won’t be the last time he will question his abilities. That is part of the lifestyle out children have chosen,and it is probably good if they, and we, recognize that.</p>
<p>pennmom - yes, I do think we need to recognize that their lives are going to be filled with auditions/rejections/challenges/triumphs. I am hopeful that I will not be apart of anything but the triumphs! LOL! As he goes off to college, and then out into the performing arts world, my biggest hope is that he ends up surrounded by supportive people - kinds of like Walker1194’s D and her inner circle. Those people will help him, since they will be theatre folks and will know what it’s like to live through the whole process. I just don’t have the knowledge - other than the once-or-twice in a lifetime experience of going for a promotion or something like that.</p>
<p>The kids will be fine. They will all be fine!!! (I don’t know how to write that using the little, wobbly voice that came out when I said it.)</p>