so...time to break it to the rents...

Parents Forum
1

<p>SORRY FOR THE LENGHTH...I AM WRITING A TEAR ACCOMPANIED TRAIN OF THOUGHT, AND JUST HOPE SOMEONE READS THIS. </p>

<p>it's the end of my freshman year in school (as a pharmacy major) and my 2nd semester grades have just been posted online. things have NOT gone well--to say the least. my gpa is a 2.33. with the removal of my calc grade, and its 4credits (i failed it), my gpa is a 2.53. </p>

<p>i was supposed to maintain a 3.0 in order to maintain my scholarship, and now it is highly unlikely that in the fall i will make that up during my academic probation, so i will lose it. i can't afford to go to my school without the scholarship. i'll have to try and transfer now for spring, because i really have no other options... after my 1st smester (with my 2.6 gpa), me and my parents knew that i had to have an overall gpa by the end of a 3.0, and i still messed it up. i am an idiot. the only A i got was in a 1cr class.</p>

<p>i used to be a good kid, a good student. throughout my entire hs career i only got maybe 3 c's total. everything was A's...with the occassional b. i did well on my sats, and i graduated with honors, so that makes it even worse that i have failed everyone's expectations of me.</p>

<p>i feel so pathetic. like im worthless. i dont even know if my parents will even LET me go back to school in the fall to at least try and keep my scholarship. i have let them down so much this past year. i dont even know how to tell them about my grades this semester. i honestly dont know how they will respond. i think this will be the screw up where they finally decide to give up on me. im so sad and scared, because my entire family has sacrificed so much, and tried so hard, for me to end up with a 2.5 at a school they are paying 30,000$ for. im such a failure, and i dont even know if i will evr be able to gain my parents trust after this. i literally am crying right now in my room because i feel so helpless and ****ed up.</p>

<p>i am sitting here trying to figure out why i just destroyed my whole life this year, and if i can even ever fix this...and how to tell my parents......</p>

2

<p>It sounds like it has been a rough year. I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Things aren't going the way you had planned, and I know you feel terrible about letting your parents down, but please don't think that your whole life has been destroyed. You will get through this. You may have to try something different, but you will get through this. Don't measure your whole existence by the grades you get. I'm sure you're still a good person.</p>

3

<p>Wow, and I thought I had it bad this year...</p>

<p>What is the reason for your poor performance? Lack of motivation? Laziness? Lack of direction? These are things I've been dealing with. It's tough, but I hear things get better. Is pharmacy what you really want to do?</p>

4

<p>Is Pharmecy what you really wanted to study? It seems that it was not a good match for a career...maybe that is why you didn't shine like you wanted</p>

<p>What do YOU want to study...this you need to think about before going back in the fall, no matter how that happens</p>

<p>When I went to school, I wanted to do accounting...not a good match, not at all, but it is what I was told would be (being good at math and all)...I should have focused on law, or the humanities, much better fit</p>

<p>That said, life takes us on strange and twisting paths...do not dispair, but think about what you really want to study, maybe changing career paths might be a good thing, with classes that interest you</p>

<p>My D said that she will never take another Calc class again..not her cup of tea, but she would take three history classes...</p>

<p>So, again, what do you REALLY in our heart want to study, not what your parents want, what you have told is a good fit, but YOU...if you figure that out, it is amazing what can happen wit the grades</p>

5

<p>Everyone has setbacks. Your whole life is not destroyed. The good news is that you realize you made mistakes and hopefully want to turn it around. It will be hard to tell your parents but it is the way you tell them that will matter. They may be disappointed but they will love you anyway. Rather than make excuses, tell them like you have told us. Tell them how upset you are with yourself and the errors you made and what you have learned from that. Explain what you plan to do to turn this around. Perhaps you can cut a "deal" with them. If you can achieve high marks next fall, then you can stay where you are at and maintain the scholarship. Perhaps they are wary of taking that chance or wasting any money. If so, maybe you can take on some of the college loans to show you are serious and are willing to be the one in debt for this. Perhaps they are willing to give you another chance.</p>

<p>No matter what, there IS a solution. Talk to them about what you are willing to do and what they are willing to do. Come at it as proactive and also regretting mistakes or acknowledging where you feel you did not measure up to expectations. Show that you can understand if they act wary or your intentions or are disappointed. Acknowledge that. Tell them what you want to do about it and ask how they might help and support you to achieve that. Show you want to improve and change this around. All is NOT lost. Some students need an adjustment period. It sounds like you were a very good student in high school so you have what it takes. Try to figure out what went wrong this year (and what went right). Would you benefit from utilizing the resources at school more? Did you party too much? Was the course work too difficult? Could you avail yourself of study assistance? Mentors? Advisors? TA's? Might you speak to a counselor. Some changes are needed so you can get past this and move in a more positive direction. Figure out what the problem is. Get help or even self reflect what you will do differently. No empty promises....show your parents you mean business. Elicit their help. They love you. Show you WANT to change this and have no intentions of going back and repeating that level of work again. I can't tell what the issues at your school were....too hard? didn't put your total effort in, etc. Talk to Mom and Dad but have a plan...not just "here are my grades"....explain them and what you plan to do differently and ask for their help and support to get you to that point. But the rest is up to you. They may doubt you....you did not come through this time....how will they know you mean it? Bring up a concrete plan. Offer to have to pay for some of it and so you are invested in the outcome. </p>

<p>This CAN be fixed. Everyone has setbacks. It is what you choose to do now about them. Your life is not nearly destroyed if you turn this around. I have faith in you. Go have a heart to heart with Mom and Dad. Keep it calm though....no excuses. Admit anything you did not do that you might have. Show regret. Show plans to change it and mean it. Nobody said college or life was easy....it is not always a smooth ride. But what you do with the bumps is up to you! Go after this if you want it enough. Good luck. </p>

<p>Susan</p>

6

<p>First of all you are not worthless. You have just had a rough transistion going from high school to college. You are not the first student and you won't be the last.</p>

<p>Because you have a 2.33 GPA you will not be on academic probation because you are still passing. You state you need a 3.0 in order to maintain your scholarship. </p>

<p>YOu and parents need to look at what can be done to salvage your situation. The first thing you need to do is contact the FA office to see how this is going to financially affect you for next year. Will they place you on probation as far as your scholarship and give you another chance or are you totally cut off for next year? Worse case secenario since you lost your scholarship, what does your FA picture look like. IS your scholarship contigent on remaining in the pharmacy program? If pharmacy is not your stick, can you change your major. IF they allow you to go back, you need to set your self up on a more balanced schedule so that you can select courses to do well in all of them and raise your GPA.</p>

<p>If you want to continue in pharmacy, then you have to make up the math class (a possbility is taking the course locally over the summer). while your grade for taking the course locally will nto be computed into your current GPA, you will still get credit for passing the course.</p>

<p>Another thing you will have to do is look at what you did right and what you did wrong this past school year as if you don't take a good look at what you did, and why you did it you are going to make the same errors in your next schoold.</p>

<p>You need to re-examine :</p>

<p>How did you schedule your classes (you need to have some balance and not have a load of classes that are lab extensive). Some of her classes were most likely gut courses to weed out students. </p>

<p>YOu have to get real with yourself because you know what you did.</p>

<p>Did you party too much and study to little?
How were your study habits?
Did you cram?
Did you take good noted?
Did you do your assignment and did you turn them in on time?<br>
Did you see your professor when you had questions about the work? Does your school have an academic skills center or tutoring available? Did you use these services?</p>

<p>The one thing you have found from this experience is what does not work for you. So no matter where you end up in the fall, you know that you will have to turn things around and do them differently. You will have to learn to better organize yourself.</p>

<p>attaching a link for the cornell note taking system:</p>

<p><a href="http://www.rit.edu/%7E369www/college_programs/lng_pwr/ln_cornell_revealed.htm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.rit.edu/~369www/college_programs/lng_pwr/ln_cornell_revealed.htm&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p>

<p>One thing you must keep in mind is that you are not out there alone and no one gives you extra credit for suffering. Help is there if you need it but you can not be ashamed to ask for it.</p>

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<p>Ti-Ta-- don't go this alone. Head to your school's academic dean asap and holding a box of tissues, talk through your concerns. You are not the first kid to have a rocky freshman year but now it's time to let the grown-ups in your life help you. You need to get some outside perspective on
1- what went wrong
2- what can be salvaged
3- how to move forward.
It may be that pharmacy isn't for you... it may be that this school isn't for you.... it may be that you'll come back in September and shine and do well. You're just not going to be able to figure any of this out alone, especially since you're feeling so miserable about the financial angle and you're dealing with your sense of failure.</p>

<p>So-- you sound like a talented, thoughtful kid. Go find the dean and start to work out your options for next year. Trust me... your parents will be great as long as you present them with a proactive plan of action.</p>

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<p>Maybe you can take summer session at your college - it is sometimes easier to do well when you are focused on one or two courses ( even though they are accelerated in the summer). With the campus usually pretty quiet there are less disruptions ( parties, etc) .Then if you do well in summer it may be easier to bring the GPA up to where you need to be in the fall.
Good luck.</p>

9

<p>Ti-Ta,
I am sympathetic. Pharmacy had many difficult courses when I took them 30 years ago, and I know from current students how tough it is today. Honestly, I'm not sure I could even get into Pharmacy school today. Part of the problem is that with the intense competition for Pharmacy School admission, the bar has been set very high...all of your classmates are the cream of the crop. But remember, so are you. Since you are taking calc and are already in, can I assume that you are in a program that admits directly from high school? It was quite an accomplishment to be admitted in the first place and it will get easier (or, at least you will get used to it!)</p>

<p>If you lose your scholarship, can you get it back when your gpa improves? Maybe you can talk to your advisor or dean about the problem. Because of the sequential nature of pharmacy school, and the lack of transfers between schools, your spot will go unfilled if you have to drop out. I would think they have incentive to keep you in the class. Maybe they will be able to make a special accomodation for you.</p>

<p>Of course, if you spent your time partying instead of studying, that will have to change. Get into study groups. Keep up on a daily basis rather than hoping it will all come together before the test. And although this may seem contrary to common sense, consider getting a job as a pharmacy intern in a hospital. You will learn alot, and your pharmacist coworkers will be able to help you too.</p>

<p>If it is of any comfort to you, I remember sitting on my front doorstep a couple of months into college and crying because I never felt so stupid before. I was an "A" student in high school, and couldn't figure out how to do the mountains of work and keep good grades. The keys for me were time management and learning how to study. That, and realizing that college takes alot more work rather than coasting on natural ability. Please try to stay optimistic! You can do it too!</p>

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<p>What do you like to do?</p>

<p>If you think about your studies in both high school and college, what has been your favorite (or two favorite) courses of study?</p>

11

<p>If you do take summer courses, talk with your advisor first. Some schools will count the summer session as your scholarship probation period and if you can't bring up your GPA by the end of the summer, your scholarship may be gone by Fall. I know a student who got caught in this technicality and had to appeal to the dean (successfully) to continue in the Fall. Also, does your school have a freshman repeat policy. You may be able to repeat calc and replace the F and thus, really raise your GPA.</p>

<p>All is not lost. Speak to your parents. Speak to your advisor. Don't try to figure this out alone. Learn from this experience and work to find a path to success. You can do this. Good luck.</p>

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<p>One of my children, had a similar first semester, then a more dismal second semester with a final year GPA less than 2.0. The school was going to suspend for the fall UNLESS there was a summer school attempt. This school also has a repeat policy, if a course is repeated within 3 or 4 semesters, the new grade is in the GPA; the old course remains listed as taken but not in GPA.
PA Mom's advice is good. Summer school is a shorter session but might meet more frequently making it easier to stay on top of your work.
My child thought droppong out was the only option, too, until we found out the school's policies.
Talk to the Academic Counseling department folks, find out the specifics for your school; the options available to you and bring all of this to your parents.
As parents, we were extremely disappointed in our child, however we decided that if the school had means for continuing, we were not going to be the roadblock.</p>

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<p>Can you work out some kind of agreement to go to summer school or intercession classes to "make up" some of the classes that you didn't do well in?</p>

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<p>I failed a class one time (Calc!), and when I retook it the next semester the new grade (B) replaced the old grade. While it showed on the transcript that I took the original course, no grade appeared for it. If your school has this, take advantage of the grade replacement policy.</p>

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<p>keep your chin up; things will get better.....</p>

<p>it seems hard now, but you will look back on this in a couple years and wonder why you thought things were so bad</p>

16

<p>Thank you for all your responses. They made me feel slightly better, even though i still do feel like crap. I haven't yet gotten the strength to tell my parents....</p>

<p>I still think pharmacy is for me though, and i cannot even see myself being at my school if i do not stay in this major (pharmacy was the reason i chose it). It's not even like we are even taking the "real" pharm classes yet. 50% of my freshman year classes were not even science related, they were electives such as sociology, and business classes. Thats what makes me feel even dumber actually, the fact that i sucked so much, when my schedule wasn't even that tough...</p>

<p>I was already planning to retak one class this summer, but now i have to retake calc next year at school (if i even return :( ) because it's not offered near me at home during the summer.</p>

<p>Ive never had to tell my family that i'd ****ed up sooo bad. I have messed up on much lesser things before and they were angry. I dont even know how to tell them still; all that keeps running through my mind is that this will be the final straw for them to actually give up on me......</p>

<p>[and i'm also int'l (but live in the u.s. year round), so it's honestly 10X worse] ....)</p>

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<p>Maybe you should develop a "plan B" before you talk to your parents, so you will not be just acknowledging the problem, but also taking steps to solve it.</p>

<p>Do you know what went wrong this year? Was it lack of concentration/good work habits/focus on your part? Or was the course load actually so hard that you could not do any better? If the problem was your behavior or attitude, it might be "fixable". If the work is actually too hard for you to keep the 3.0 needed for the scholarship, and you can't afford this school without - maybe there is no point going back for another semester in the fall. It is not going to get any easier. Maybe it'll be better to take some classes at the community college, and then transfer to the professional school.</p>

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<p>I think you should be sure to read and reread sybbie719’s comments. Then, read them again. Clean your room, eat, shower and get to bed tonight as early as you can. While in bed, read a printed copy of sybbie’s comments again. Then read a good book in bed until you fall asleep.</p>

<p>After a fantastic night’s sleep, wake up very early tomorrow and tick off all the things you need to do to get a handle on this (keep getting to bed early and waking up early and working your plan). If you can put together a CLEAR plan, approved by the people who have control of your scholarship, then the issue with your parents will probably take care of itself.</p>

<p>You don’t wanna go to your folks saying this:</p>

<p>I messed up. I feel like a failure. I just feel hopeless. And I feel that you’ll give up on me. I don’t know what to do. I am lost. Woe is me. In fact, woe is pretty darned much everything I can think of right now.</p>

<p>Its better to go to your folks saying something like this:</p>

<p>*I had a really big problem transitioning from high school to college. I came very close to giving up or trying to leave school because it all seemed hopeless. But, I decided to hang in there, and I am very glad I did. I met with such and such office to get a stat about where I am. They are giving me another shot at pulling out of this. The plan we worked out seems reasonable. I will do (explain the plan…)</p>

<p>Also, to pretty much guarantee my success, I am doing such and such. I have also decided to do such and such to give me more time to study. One of the main problems I had was with such and such. It hurt me to do it, but I got rid of it. I am pretty confident that by such and such a date, I should have a solid GPA again and be on my way.*</p>

<p>Whatever you do, try not to run away from your problems. Problems have a lot of endurance and will always catch up with you no matter how hard you run. Deal with them head on and do it as fast and as ferociously as you can. They usually back down then.</p>

<p>This is just a little setback. But if you can show your folks you know how to recover, they will have to respect you, no matter how angry they get.</p>

<p>Hey. Don’t give up – ever – no matter what. Just keep going - forever.</p>

19

<p>Ti-Ta,
If it's any comfort to you, those basic courses have nothing to do with pharmacy and you will never use them again. You need to understand organic and med chem, pharmacology, pharmacognosy, anatomy and physiology, etc. You will enjoy those more, and you will do better in those classes. Really! :)</p>

20

<p>The other thing to remember is not to let things "slide." Get extra help early on when the material is still fresh & it will help you understand the material which will follow. Much of learning (especially math & science) is cummulative & it really helps to seek out the teaching assistant, teacher & tutors early on rather than just before assignments & tests. You wrote that your grades were a bit low 1st semester & again for 2nd semester--did you try to make adjustments after the 1st semester to improve things in the 2nd semester? What have you learned about these 2 semesters, scheduling, planning, and organizing.</p>

<p>Work with your department, FAid, & tutoring to figure out how to get back on track. As Sybbie & everyone has said, we have all made mistakes & had problems at adjusting to different things in our lives. What makes folks succeed is when they LEARN, improve & move forward instead of throwing up their hands in confusion and self-blame. Your campus has many resources to help you--get moving & work with them and then call your folks with your action plan.</p>