<p>My D is a senior and I am starting to prepare myself for the empty nest while we are still filling out the apps. I have always played tennis, volunteered, and generally kept myself busy. The empty space was looming before me every time I thought about my last one leaving. I have since joined our local Guardian Ad Litem program and hope that the time helping unfortunate children in my community will be the thing that will help to fill the space I know will need filling when she leaves. I felt it was important to start this volunteer program now, because I was afraid I would go into empty nest depression if I didnāt already have things to do that did not have anything to do with taking care of my children in place.</p>
<p>^good for you! I am sure you will be wonderful. </p>
<p>milkandsugar - yes, it is what it isā¦I just wish she would take a good look at what is going on in her life healthwise, and whyā¦and make some safer, smarter choices. Now, doesnāt that sound like talk for a teenager??? Guess it cycles aroundā¦</p>
<p>^I agree. If only our loved ones knew that their free will choices affect those around them. I gues the saying is true, āonce a man, twice a chid.ā</p>
<p>So, SIL and BIL (the out of shape empty nesters who want to hike down and up the Grand Canyon in one day) did their first training hike. Setting: Nevada, 100 degrees. I donāt know what their original plan was but they took a wrong turn and after wandering around for 15 miles, SIL started to throw up. Fortunately, BIL still had a signal on his cell phone. He called 911 and a helicopter came to rescue them.</p>
<p>^OMG. I hope they learned their lesson - ? I recall you said they are stubborn??!! That was one expensive hike!</p>
<p>Itās so helpful to read other posts of empty-nestersāthanks for sharing. Our empty nest has been harder for me than I thought it would be. Since my DS has not missed a beat and is doing so well, my head says, āGreat!ā, but thereās such a hole in my heart and I miss my everyday interactions with him so much. School started later for him than most, so it hasnāt even been a month yet. Oddly enough, I am even experiencing some physical effects like not sleeping well and a racing heartbeat off and on. I do work full time, so that fills the days, but I notice that Iām grumpier than usual at work, too. I know itāll get better so am just slugging thru it. Again, itās so helpful to know others are doing the same.</p>
<p>We havenāt really had what Iād consider the empty-nest experience yet, much. D has been so unhappy and weāre still not sure if sheās going to stick at her college. So instead of loneliness and too much time on our hands, weāre consumed with stress and worry. I had actually kind of been looking forward to empty nest. Yes, I figured that Iād miss her, terribly at times, but I had also envisioned lovely hours of cleaning out closets, classes at the local community college, getting re-acquainted with my needlework, and having dinners out with DH where D and her problems are not the sole topic of conversation. I hope weāll get there.</p>
<p>Can I call myself a āprofessional actressā because Iāve got a paid gig playing a ghost in a local walking tour?</p>
<p>^You bet!!! :-)</p>
<p>missypie - how are SIL and BIL doing? Any more hikes? </p>
<p>DH is encouraging me to get in shape for summer and Iām envisioning helicopter rescues.</p>
<p>LasMa, I feel your pain! Been there too. Feel free to PM me if you want to ātalkā</p>
<p>D is signing a 2-year lease for a house by her collegeā¦this really makes the nest feel empty!</p>
<p>LasMa,
My D. is junior and still misses home terribly. She actually likes her school a lot, has a lot of friends there and very involved, got the best possible job on campus assisting one of her profās and academically doing outstanding, better than expected, living in awesome college suits (I call them luxuray accomodations, she has her own bathroom, TV is even furnished in living room), only 3 hours away in-state. She misses everything about home, her room, us (her parents), her friends, just everything. I do not think that she would be happy here either thinking about all lost opportunites somewhere else. Although, she liked her HS a lot. Some kids are just that way and might need to grow out of this type of immaturity.</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, were you saying that liking home as a 20+ year old is a sign of immaturity? Some people just flat out like their town, like their parents, like their siblingsā¦they may go away to school but then may move back to the same area. </p>
<p>Our neighbors have three sons. All went away to school quite successfully but all then moved back to the area. I think the one who lives the furthest away lives 15 or 20 miles from his parents. My neighbors are now getting to enjoy their sons as adults, as well as the wives of their sons and their grandchildren. They donāt see them every day - itās not like Raymond - but they do have the ability to see each other on a casual basis. Iād never call those guys immatureā¦they just didnāt have an urge to stay far from home.</p>
<p>missypie,
I was talking about being absolutely desparate and having desire to be at home that is pushed to the limits, on a brink of breakdown. I did not mean that D. casually mentioned that she misses her home. Everybody misses their home, I thought that LasMa described her Dās feelings that are close to my Dās desparation, those calls when I could not function for whole day convincing myself that she would be OK, calling each other every few minutesā¦</p>
<p>Well! My DS was so happy to be independent in his first year. I remember feeling totally crestfallen when he asked if āwe could drop him homeā a day earlier when he was home for the very first Thanksgiving break. I couldnāt believe he called his small dorm room āhomeā but I let that one slip by meā¦didnāt object at all. It was his very first year of independence after all and the attraction to be independent, I expected, was more magnetic than that of home. His second year was about the same.</p>
<p>Now he is in his 3rd year. He is now tired of eating the same old boring food in the dining hallā¦ tired of having a small bathroom that he has to share with 3 others. These days, he looks forward to coming home for breaks. So, the luster of dorm living wears off as they grow older and they do crave for Momās cooking eventually. Empty nesters, just be patient!</p>
<p>Iām afraid my H and I are getting pretty used to having the whole house to ourselvesā¦ :)</p>
<p>I am feeling pretty blue because my son just decided to transfer to L.A., my oldest daughter liked the idea and wants to move there too, and my youngest is a HS senior in the grips of the application process. I was worried about my nest emptying, but now they are all flying the coop to adventures of their own. Have to find my hidden, very hidden, talents and get moving with MY life now.</p>
<p>Iām glad to see that Iām not the only one who is dreading a child leaving for school. I still have the rest of the year with her and Iām already in the blue funk. Sheās an only child and weāre really close. I feel like Iām losing my best buddy. Who will I carve pumpkins with next year? (My husband is AAAA DDDDDD DDDDDD) No help there!!!</p>
<p>^ I know what you mean POTO Mom. I have been thinking, āThis is the last time we will do this togetherā or āThis is the last time we will all wake up together on this dayā, etc. I still havenāt gotten over my husbandās death last year and the kids have really kept me going. Next yearā¦who cares?</p>
<p>OTOH, millions of parents have survived this, and we will too. Not saying we will be happy, but we probably will get through it.</p>