<p>Looks like I have found the right place to feel the sadness that is creeping into my heart. After a year of taking in all of the wonderful info on this site, I now start to feel my heart ache a little more everyday as senior daughter excitedly counts down the days to venture off back east to her dream school in the fall…</p>
<p>I agree about the sadness creeping into your heart. My daughter has been my closest friend since my husband died 6 years ago, and now she is off to Washington DC in August, aiming for a career that will have her every place but home (international diplomacy).</p>
<p>It’s like a grief (and yet very different from the grief that comes from losing a spouse). I feel a physical ache in my heart that spreads up into my throat, because it involves speech as well. I won’t be able to speak as openly and lovingly (and with only slight editing) to anyone else, until someone else shows up–romance? friendship?</p>
<p>I’m sure there are many threads on empty nest syndrome spread over the many years of these boards, and I’ll read them all as the time gets closer. There’s no replacement for an only child, but maybe the heart can find some comfort in friends who have also just sent their kids off to college. I volunteer at my daughter’s private school and you wouldn’t believe how many parents of graduates show up to work or help; they just can’t take all the separation at once.</p>
<p>Good luck! Nourish your heart from inside and I hope that your daughter keeps in touch as you both go through this transition.</p>
<p>Mom of only-son who graduated from college last May here.
- It does get better. Really.
- He still needs me, but in a different way.
- This guy has turned into an adult I would want to have as a friend.
- I still feel “complete” on the rare occasions that he is sleeping in his old room down the hall.</p>
<p>Feeling a little down in the dumps today about my soon to be empty nest so searched for this thread, which I’ve been kind of avoiding. I have very mixed feelings about my last child going off to college in just a few months and it wasn’t until he decided where to go two days ago that it hit me. My oldest “child” is a young woman of 26, my next is 23, so I’ve had kids around to parent for quite a while.</p>
<p>I asked my husband about going on a short vacation directly from dropping our son off at his college and he kind of pooh-poohed the idea, but I really want to go someplace besides coming back here right away. I know some people find shopping therapeutic, but traveling (and planning trips) works for me. Anyone else planning something similar? I’m not talking about something extravagant but his college will be less then two hours away from Quebec and I think going up there for a long weekend would be something fun to look forward to. What do you think?</p>
<p>yes, kathiep, plan something special that is for YOU. That is what I did when my nest emptied this year. I had alot of really good things going on so it was good. I found the anticipation harder than the reality of an empty nest. Now, I’m looking to do something next fall, and am a little annoyed that I have to work around my kids’ fall breaks! (but want them to come home, too!)</p>
<p>I think that’s a LOVELY idea! We didn’t do it for ourselves when we took our kiddos to college but I know of several parents who did & LOVED it! My sister & her friends (as couples) went on an Alaska cruise after they took their youngest to college, a friend & his wife went on a plane/road trip after taking their younger S as well. We’re saving up & will be taking a nice vacation D graduates in spring 2012 as well as after H retires in the near future. :)</p>
<p>The main thing is to do something for YOU–whatever it is. The idea of going to Quebec sounds lovely–maybe if your firm it out a bit more, H will warm to it, especially if it doesn’t cost TOO much. I believe the exchange rate is decent--fodors.com forum should have some good ideas. I like Tripadvisor.com for lodging recommendations as well. There are some amazing deals at hotwire & other websites.</p>
<p>I ended up dropping S off at college and then going directly to Europe for a conference. This was great for me, but poor H had to go home to a completely empty house. I wish we could have gone somewhere together.</p>
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<p>My youngest sister has very young children and is pregnant with her fourth. I’ve told her to start planning a get away for next August. Right after we drop our youngest off at college we will come babysit for her for an extra long weekend. I see it as a win/win, distraction for us and a reprieve for her and my BIL! But if I had thought of a cruise…</p>
<p>Wow, Laketime, that sounds very generous of you & H! Well, you can always take a cruise another time. Some of the last minute deals are truly amazing! My folks have raved about some of the ones they have been on. Haven’t searched it myself, but will be looking into it as something for H & I to try when he has retired and after we’ve signed the last undergrad tuition check. :)</p>
<p>I can’t quite wrap my head around what you are planning to do laketime, but I admire you for being that altruistic. The youngest cousin in our group is now 16!</p>
<p>I like cruises, but don’t want to deal with the logistics of a cruise on top of getting son to college. I really like the idea of Quebec because it has a neat foreign country feel but is a short drive from the college. Driving home to PA is going to be a bear from there, but do-able. </p>
<p>Thanks for the tips HImom, I’m an advisor on TA, so I’m familiar with that site. 
I’ve found a nice little B&B, but husband keeps saying that it’s too far in advance to nail down any plans. I know from experience, that the longer you plan things out, the better the outcome. I don’t mind tweaking or changing, but I hate settling for something because that’s all that is left. My family teases me about my detail mindedness on vacations, but then compliment me when we are taking them, and I have everything worked out.</p>
<p>I also tend to do a lot of planning and love the resulting trips. Can you book the B&B and still have an option to cancel (preferably w/o penalty) if things don’t work out for some reason? I’d book now–we booked as soon as we could for a road trip involving all 4 of us for when our S was graduating college & had a great time, even tho I had to cancel all our Europe plans & redo everything for the US because of the volcano. I love the option of booking now with the opportunity to cancel if needed (often until very close to the travel date & often w/o penalty).</p>
<p>Enjoy & good luck!</p>
<p>I have tears in my eyes as I read this thread. I don’t have my last going to college…but rather my first - with his younger sister to follow in two years. This is the beginning of the end of the life I have known for nearly 2 decades. I am blessed to work from home and have enjoyed every day of being there for my kids when they needed me.</p>
<p>Haven’t much thought about what I will do when they leave. I will likely find a way to spend the winters somewhere other than Michigan - which will be great. Probably put more time into my business…and maybe do some things I never thought I would do (piano lessons, voice lessons, card or book club…etc.) </p>
<p>Dawn</p>
<p>Hope you are able to turn this into a wonderful time for new personal growth as some of us have. I would suggest you may wish to start exploring some of these options now so you can just expand them when the opportunity arises. I started a non-profit when S graduated from college & it has kept me very busy ever since. It now allows me to travel & meet new people and network. I am loving it, though my life DID change tremendously when both kids had left home to go 2500-5000 miles away. We can & do grow from change, tho it can be uncomfortable to stretch ourselves. ;)</p>
<p>I just read through page 7 of this wonderful thread and will pick up where I left off another day.
My son is leaving in August. But thank goodness he is going to my alma mater which is 5 hours from home. We are going to leave his room as it is. When I left to college 35 years ago my Mom left my room as I left it. I always felt like my parents home was my home. Until the day I got married. Even when I moved far away after I graduated. I allways felt that my parents home was indeed home.
He is our one and only. So we will go through a tough time. Like everyone says fill your time and keep busy. All I have to do is to convince my wife to take up hunting and fishing and we will be set. But I have a better chance of making it snow in Miami in the summer time.
I will be a frequent visitor to this thread and will need all of your support and we navigate through the next few years.
Thanks for being here for us.</p>
<p>My last will be going off to college (far, far away) in the fall. Intellectually, I think it will be fun to find myself. It has occurred to me that I have no idea what I’ll fix for dinner when I’m the only one eating it. Hmmm . . . Do I really like homemade stir fry? What tv shows do I want to watch when no one else is around? Do I really think “Wipe Out” is funny? </p>
<p>The flip side to that coin is that my heart is dreading that moment when I have to slap a smile on my face, turn, and walk away from my DD as I leave her in her dorm room. </p>
<p>I love the idea of traveling around seeing all the places I planned to visit so long ago. Somehow, we just never made it to most of them. But, seeing those places alone? Of that, I am not so sure.</p>
<p>I don’t want to stay in the town we currently call home. I am only here for the schools and, well, that isn’t a consideration any more, is it? I just don’t know where to go.</p>
<p>I suppose I’ll spend the first few weeks of Fall wandering around my empty house, then do something impulsive like take off in my car to see California. Or, I’ll become very staid and dig into my job and wonder, years from now, where the time went. </p>
<p>The good news is that history has shown that I usually come up with a great idea that puts new meaning in my life. Unfortunately, the idea just hasn’t popped into my head, yet.</p>
<p>I appreciate you allowing me to think out loud. Looks like I’m not the only one . . . .</p>
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<p>It finally happened…last night - as I was dragging out my sewing machine - I had my first positive empty nest thought ever. I thought, “It sure would be nice to turn one of the bedrooms into a sewing room so I could keep projects out all the time.” This is a big step for me as I fear the empty nest greatly.</p>
<p>I have done so much packing, unpacking and repacking, and finally moving D. to her new location, she starts Grad. School in 10 days, had no time after college graduation, visiting with HS friends, UG friends, barely convinced her to come home one day before movers. Well, we will have 3 trips to her new school, including “white coat” ceremony and then grandkids will be here…and they do not want to go to camp this year. So, I will have all my vacation days used only 1/2 thru caledar year. Anybody is bored? I am having ball and hopefully many years ahead of the same…but grandkids are getting older, soon they might refuse to spend couple weeks with their grandparents and couple weeks with another set. That is why we are spending all available days with them, we know it will not last. I did not have any time for my hobby in last few weeks, I do not care. At least, finding time to exercise 1.5 hrs every day.</p>
<p>I had OP’s question posed to me at D’s last school picnic by the single mother of another only child. She was a little sad about it because she had “wanted to be a mother he whole life and now her main role was not needed so much anymore” (her words not mine). Because I have H around, the days will not be lonely (we still have fun together) but I realized that due to the time suck- in a good way- providing support for D’s disabilities ( and then her particular h.s. program), come the fall I will have a ton more energy and a fair bit of time that will be available now for some other endeavor. I just haven’t found it yet. Am looking for something that can be done when I come home from work that is interesting- so we don’t devolve into watching a lot of tv. Living in the Northeast in a rural area, not too many opportunities in the evening but I am pretty sure I can find something on weekends. I am not a crafty kind of person, which is unfortunate as that would be ideal as it would not require much travel in bad weather or after dark. So I am looking, but not urgently, as yet.</p>
<p>Advice from one who has been there:</p>
<p>I suffered from empty nest syndrome last fall when my baby went to college. On top of that, I lost my husband two years before that. I felt really alone in my empty house. Let me share two things that helped me out. First, my dog was a great comfort, just to talk to, to curl up and watch TV with, to take walks where you sometimes end up meeting people. Pets are great! Second, I made a point of scheduling an outing with a friend at least once per week. Amazingly, just having something to look forward to provided some positive energy. I also talked to family or friends by phone every single day. If they didn’t call me, I called them. It helped me to stay connected.</p>
<p>(I wish I could add that cleaning and household projects were a third consolation, but … um… no!)</p>
<p>What do you call those of us with one out the door and one left at home? A half-empty-nester? </p>
<p>It’s interesting – I already know I will miss D a lot when she leaves for school, but since I’ll still continue working, my daytime life won’t change all that much. It might be harder for my husband, who works from home. Even though he complains about the kids interrupting him with their needs for rides, etc., he might actually miss all those “interruptions”.</p>