<p>Hang in there, 3T. Savor this summer with the kids. One thing that can be helpful is establishing some sort of routine. Getting fit is a popular choice when kids move away from home, I think in good part because it gets you out with people and provides structure. The gym is there waiting for you with its cardio machines, zumba classes, spin bikes, etc. I’m a fan of healthy outlets for both kids and parents – art, music, theater, sports – and I don’t mean just watching somebody else do it! Take up painting, ceramics, playing an instrument, trying out for a play, or pilates. Show those kids how it’s done! Things at rest tend to remain at rest, but things in motion tend to remain in motion, so get the ball rolling.</p>
<p>3T, Deborah T’s advice is good. Community, meaning and structure. Routine = structure. Plus endorphins are good generally.</p>
<p>On meaning, what activities would help add a new kind of meaning to your life? Are the art, music, acting etc. sufficient for that? When her nest emptied, one of the mothers from another thread used all the knowledge she’d built up in the college application process to help underprivileged kids apply to college. </p>
<p>Do you have a good community that will transition past the kids leaving for school? We had a number of couples we saw, in part because our kids were friends. A number of them dropped away. A few stayed. But, I have friends from as far back as college and my wife as far back as elementary school. Because of her wondrous social skills and charm and interesting profession, we have lots of friends. Left to my own devices, I’d probably be a bit lonely. </p>
<p>I’m not particularly religious, but religious institutions can serve all three purposes.</p>
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<p>Being an empty nester is different for everyone. We became empty nesters for all practical purposes when our two left the nest within 10 days of each other. The older one moved to Spain after finishing UG. The younger one left to attend bs for hs.</p>
<p>That was 2003 and it was HARDDD.</p>
<p>Fast forward to now. I just returned from spending 1 month in Valencia w/son, daughter law and 7mo granddaughter.</p>
<p>Researching the best places to retire to next year.</p>
<p>I am so busy, I am glad I need only about 4 hours to sleep. But again, it is nice to have an option to drop everything and just go to bed at 8:30pm. I try not to do it, since I set myself to a very bad sleep, laying down in a evening makes me sleep even less than 4 hours.<br>
Had a great week with both grandkids staying for a week. But H. took the whole week off, so I did not have to.</p>
<p>extra rental income ??? :)</p>
<p>Wow! I can’t believe this post is still rolling! I can PROMISE you if you’re reading this, and have a student about to leave for college, you WILL survive. Yes, you will miss them, and yes, it will be hard, but you will adjust. </p>
<p>When I started this thread in 2009, my youngest son was leaving and I thought I would die. Since then, my husband and I have traveled to many places, and my employer closed his business, so after 15 years, my work ended. I have stepped my photography hobby up to starting my own business, and now am free to go and visit my son whenever I want. HE has done GREAT at school. He just graduated in May, 2013 (may I proudly add…Summa Cum Laude) in Civil Engineering and is now completing his Masters Degree totally on scholarships! Yay for NO LOANS! He has survived and so have I. You will too…just breathe and lean into it! :)</p>
<p>Thank you for this thread. I’m about to be an empty nester, and I dread being a cliche almost as much as the reality my last child is leaving for college.</p>
<p>I am trying to stick to what I enjoy. there is NO meanning in it, none whatsoever. Actually, I cannot perform activities that make perfect sense, but not enjoyable. And this is a problem and a fear about being forced to retire. i have no idea how I would fill my time when it happens. I am already flooding my house with my art peices, they are not selling as fast as being produced by me.
I saw TNMom. post about her photography hobby.
But what do you do with all these photography? Unfortunately my hobby products are taking much more space than photography and they cannot be stored on a memory stick.<br>
I do not enjoy doing anything else. I do not like traveling either and kids are so busy that there is very limited time for us traveling to them or them visiting us. I do not like doing anything in a house, do not like TV, reading, shopping, gardenning, cooking. I exercise for 1 - 3 hours every day, but I cannot do it for 8 hours. I am getting close to the age when I will be told that my employer prefer me to leave, I can see it coming soon, it will be a disaster. Empty nest did not bother me too much as I found a new hobby right away. Retirement scare me much more…</p>
<p>MiamiDAP, my husband is a big photographer and he keeps his photos on Flickr. You can store endless numbers there. [Welcome</a> to Flickr - Photo Sharing](<a href=“http://www.■■■■■■■■■■%5DWelcome”>http://www.■■■■■■■■■■)</p>
<p>Lakemom,
Good for you!
Cannot do this with my stuff, cannot stop making them either. But not for additional 8 hours, no way, we will have no place to live and I will lose interest. I have no idea how to fill my working hours, especially that I need no more than 5 hours of sleep.</p>
<p>I misunderstood your post MiamiDAP, I thought you also did photo.</p>
<p>You do art. How about teaching or volunteering to teach?</p>
<p>Not interested in teaching of volunteering of any sort. I am extremely bad at explaining, by accounts of many around me. Altogether, not my thing. I am lost at finding anything, I have been thinking about it for many years. Basically, everything is boring for me, except for my job, art, my family, exercise and 2 weeks of vacations, well maybe I can stretch it to 3 weeks, after that, I will want go back home and sleep in my own bed.
Sounds like depression is unavoidable…</p>
<p>Don’t give up hope. I am currently working doing something I would never have dreamed I would be doing 5 years ago. Sometimes when you are right down to the wire, something will pop up that you try and find that you are actually good at something that you would never have thought would be part of your skill set. Good luck :)</p>
<p>Yes, do not give up hope! Keep trying things and you never know what you’ll find. I discovered that I love rock climbing (indoor, I’m not crazy). You never know unless you try something new.</p>
<p>I’d love to hear from people who survived this. The terrible thing is that this is my second that’s left. I remember feeling sad about the first, but not quite like this. I just can’t stop crying. To make it worse, I still have one left at home that I keep imagining leaving in a few years. The child that left was the one that was always my buddy. I didn’t love that child more, but I can’t stop missing that presence. There’s just such a hole. I really don’t want my kids to stay home forever. I want them to have nice lives. I just miss them so bad. I know it’s selfish, but they’re gone and I’m left.</p>
<p>I found it useful to give a defined time each day and place to feel grief, a few minutes alone in their room, that is it! Make cookies each weekend and send a care package to both kids gone- send some funny stuff with it. Email daily a short funny comment. They deserve a positive start. It does get better. I remind myself that I do not want them home, living in my basement and working a menial job- they deserve a positive start. It is not selfish to miss them. Finding a friend that is going through a similar experience is helpful. The new phases of their lives while not the same as before are exciting to them. Try to share their excitement, immerse yourself in every detail of new friends and photos and experiences they share. The one at home deserves a little pampering too.</p>
<p>I am very glad that I found this thread. </p>
<p>When my daughter who went to college this fall, was at home- I was totally crazed by endless shopping that she did, suit-cases that had been in the process of packing for the past 2 months. I could not wait for her to leave. Now, that she did leave, I have been quite sad & depressed, I keep tearing up. She was such a huge part of my life. We talked so much. Now, I get a quick & hurried phone call now & then. I should be glad that she seems to be adjusting so quickly to college but I feel a huge vacuum and am at a loss…</p>
<p>Sorry, just wanted to get it out of my system!</p>
<p>Dipali - I know how you feel. I’m in the fourth year now of the empty nest. I’ve found other things to do to fill the gap (try working two jobs, that will do it for you) - but I still miss her terribly. Talking on the phone just never replaces the one-on-one. I’ll bet you’re already looking forward to Christmas :)</p>
<p>I became an empty nester this year. I have a senior at IU and a freshman now at Wellesley and we live in Indiana. It is hard at times, but honestly, our youngest was so independent and not around senior year that taking her to college was easy. I started doing things for me BEFORE she left and look at this period like I’m back in my early 30’s before kids and now have the freedom to do things I have been wanting to do for years. Two weeks ago, I went on a Casting for Recovery retreat (I am a breast cancer survivor) and last Saturday, my husband and I went on a bike ride that was a ton of fun with breakfast served before the ride and lunch served after. I bought a fly rod and will work on learning more about fly fishing. I think you have to keep busy and think about what kinds of things you have been wanting to do but haven’t had time until now.</p>
<p>Talking on a phone is great. When they call, I know that they have time to talk. Very busy, one with his kids, another is at Med. School. Sometime our conversations are over an hour. I always say “Thank you for calling” and in case of email, “Thank you for sharing”, these are so precious. They will get busier, so we should appreciate every minute that comes our way right now.</p>