<p>Yeah, as others have shared, I think we are all at different stages of this process of letting go, and it is a different process for each of us - none more right than the other. I have been told by many empty nesters lately that “you do get through it” but there’s going to be those stages that are rougher, and sadder, than others…</p>
<p>I’m definitely enjoying it! Volunteer work, minor renovations to the house, and taking new classes. I absolutely recommend getting involved with the community to make sure you stay social and active - it’s easy to forget to make new friends when you don’t have your child’s community to lean on for that.</p>
<p>Wow, this thread has lasted the test of time.
I only had one son, is now a senior in college 7 hrs away, and is now talking of joining the Peace Corp! (27 month commitment).
I just lost my job, and my husband is semi retired. We’re thinking its time for a real change, we’re thinking of moving south, I need more sun. Time to take care of ourselves.</p>
<p>My one and only is a college sophomore this year. The second year of empty nest has been much easier so far. Partly because I found a part-time job to keep me busy and partly because I know she is happy and thriving where she is (none of the will she be OK stress) and partly because after having her home part of the summer I have accepted that this is not her true home anymore. I have also undertaken some home improvements (something I did not feel like last year - I think because subconsciously I did not want to change things behind her back). Last year at this time I had visited her a few times and this year we only made the trip for parents weekend. So my advice for those starting the empty nest path is that it gets easier!</p>
<p>I love these post as they give great advice to various personalities. My oldest son just got married at 24 and my middle son will be a senior in HS next year. One left to go in middle school, however I was told that time flys by very fast. </p>
<p>I did some extensive research on Home Based Businesses that you can sign up for online. Amazing opportunities out there for everyone. Yes, some are crappy and some are really good. They have Health & Wellness Companies, Shopping Networks, Telecom and Energy, Technology and the list goes on. Some of these companies have received GREAT reviews and become to be Inc.500 companies. </p>
<p>What I like best is that after you build your business you can “Will” it to your kids. What a great opportunity to protect their financial future. You can’t be too sure in this economy. I was taught to always have a back up plan. </p>
<p>Anyway, I would suggest trying out this industry because you are your own boss and you make your own hours around your schedule. I must caution one thing, it can be very addicting once money starts to hit your account :)</p>
<p>It is interesting to look back at the process my wife and I have gone through with our son out of the house (we never will be an empty nest, literally, having a parrot and a lovebird, the parrot is a perpetual little kid <em>lol</em>). The first week he was gone I felt the emptiness, there was such a big hole there, he is the kind of person who fills space, with his personality and with his size (he is tall). I was surprised I had some anxiety moments, I normally am not like that. </p>
<p>Funny part was we got into a rhythm and we are starting to discover the things we had before having a kid again, though with the time pressures of my job the time is still limited. We both have gotten onto the fitness bandwagon and are eating healthy and getting into shape (a lot of years of things to make up for!), and we have been able to declutter the house of things we should have done a long time ago, I can actually find my tools now, the garage is organized and my plan to fix up the basement is moving along…</p>
<p>I really had fears we would drift apart, you read such horror stories of what happens when the empty nest hits, and I was afraid we would find our S was the prime source of our staying together, but I am happy to report it is not, we are starting to fall back into the Rhythm of things we once had, and apparently still do:). </p>
<p>Seeing our S at Thanksgiving was a bit of a shock, when he met me at Penn Station when he grabbed my shoulder I didn’t recognize him. It isn’t that he changed all that much physically (though he is taller, and he went the opposite of the freshman 15, he lost weight and is lean), it was his presence. There was a real moment of sadness, because though obviously I have known he is his own person, he really at that point looked like the man he has become, the boy isn’t there really. On the other hand, we started talking and making smart aleck comments about the intelligence of the rail service (like, not having extra trains the day before Thanksgiving), and it was like he had never left. I think it was comforting because it looks like we’ll have a close relationship going forward, in some ways I realized we had moved more into an adult relationship a long time ago:). We knew he was grown, we chose to drive him back to school, and he had a lot of stuff (his instrument, some new pants and clothing, the usual), and when we got back he was eager to go to his routine, it was kind of funny, the little boy he once was was reluctant to leave us, the man he is was eager to get back to his life (which is as it should be).</p>
<p>Based on my now incredibly long term as an empty nester (all of 3 months!) one thing I think is that you have to find what works for you, that everyone is different, and I don’t think any one approach is the right one. It is a grieving process, very bittersweet, it is the end of a stage of life and the beginning of a new one, and it takes time to adjust to any kind of changes. My wife was SAHM, and with our S it was a very active experience in his life, for many years, and she is finding having that time is so, so valuable, to do the things she wanted to and couldn’t, to make the house look the way she wants, to have time to exercise and read up on fitness and nutrition, to read, and to simply sit for the first time in ages and say “what do I want for me?”. For us as a couple, it is rediscovering things about ourselves, including the ability if we want to to act like kids and not have S rolling his eyes at us <em>lol</em>. </p>
<p>In one sense, we are fortunate as empty nesters, we don’t have what others have, parents in declining health, my folks passed away a long time ago, and my wife’s folks are dead or out of our lives, which while it is so, so sad (my mom died two months before my S was born, she would have loved him for the way he is, very much in her mold/spirit, prob as smart as she was, would have loved him being musical, my dad died when my S was 4), it also in many ways spared us watching them decline, though I would have done anything to have them see how our S has grown up:). </p>
<p>One note, even with adjustment, I find that at times I am sad, when my son went back to school there was a vacuum, one night I heard something on the radio while I was exercising and I took a break and went to find him, and my wife was puzzled why when I walked into the living room, all excited, I suddenly looked down (it was something I wanted to share with my son, something funny someone said about a team that is a shared passion/object of ridicule), thought it must have been her (had some explaining to do!)…course, I texted him, which has been a kind of lifeline between us, nothing serious, just the usual comments and reporting things we heard about matters great and small:).</p>
<p>nicely told musicprnt. I had my husband read your post and he agreed with the feelings in regards to our son.</p>
<p>Yes, Musicprnt, thanks for your post. I enjoyed reading it and can relate to much of what you shared including reconnecting with spouses. Our marriage counselor (we’re in for a ‘tune up’ before the big empty nest awaiting us next fall after 20 years focusing on kids-lol!) said that this is a common life event that triggers divorce or strengthens relationships. Also agree that it is a very personalized process with no one right way that works for everybody.</p>
<p>The friday before thanksgiving the last of our parents died (H’s father). So we are no longer in the sandwich generation. Although we miss him, he was sick and declining each week. It was hard for our D, who had been looking forward to seeing him on thanksgiving. Now instead of visiting him, we will be closing the house, selling it, attending to his affairs, etc. </p>
<p>It was good to see our D over the break, which was too short. This semester has been full of stress for her, perhaps a worse adjustment than freshman year. We hear from her alot, but we unfortunately can do little to help with the issues that she has. We can listen and offer some advice, but she will need to deal with these herself.</p>
<p>For us, since H and I work together, we did not have the reconnection issue that many people have. However, we have had to help each other adjust to the loss of both of H’s parents, and our D’s departure. This has really been a life issue, and I guess we will now start to come out the other side. Recently, we had started to go out occasionally with some old friends that we reconnected with, which was a plus. Now we are empty nesters like they already were.</p>
<p>I think good communication with your spouse is important. We are trying to set some goals for ourselves, and plans for the next stage of our lives.</p>
<p>Sorry for your loss anothermom2. I remember when my grandparents died my mother commented on how she felt the loss of no longer having parents. My mom is going to be 88 this month and I am very aware how close I am coming to feeling those same feelings. </p>
<p>I wish the best for your family in the coming new year.</p>
<p>As a mom of an only son that is in his last semester of college, I can tell you its a real gradual process. Time seems to take care of what has to be.
And as he tells me of his plans to join the peace corp, I am a good mom and offer encouragement with whatever he thinks he needs to do. I try not to think of what life will be like without him for 27 months.
That’s it…time to get another puppy, even the dog is getting old!</p>
<p>My empty nest has not been empty for a week+ now. Son, DIL and granddaughter (1-year) are visiting from Spain and D is home as well. Great to have a full house and then some. In 8 days I’ll cry when they leave, but I’m going to enjoy it while I can. Just wish it weren’t so cold. DIL has never lived where there is real winter.</p>
<p>I have twin daughters. They will graduate from HS in 2015. They are our only children, so I feel strange knowing that our house will go from all this activity to complete quiet all at once. I am dreading it and not really enjoying these last few years of HS because the anticipation of the empty nest seems to loom over me… Ugh! It doesn’t help that all they talk about is the future… Any advice?? I don’t want to be down all the time!</p>
<p>Had one of those moments today. Took my D into doc today for sports physical and they reminded me that she can no longer go to pediatrics after she turns 18 in two months…oh my</p>
<p>First of all musicprnt I loved your post!!! So wonderful and real and expressed beautifully, I am sure that as a father with your ability to connect with your feelings and express them your relationship with both your wife and son will only grow stronger. </p>
<p>This year has been interesting for me… ( we have 2 boys a senior and sophomore) in September I was a mess and really not sure I was going to handle this well. Although I have other things like a business a strong marriage and many close friends being an involved Mom is my most favorite part of my life ( maybe not in the healthiest of ways, had a screwed up childhood so the dream of a “normal family” has always been everything to me). I am starting to now be able to replace the dread and sadness of my son leaving with excitement for him ( a more appropriate feeling). I think my mind knew I would need some extra time to process this change and so I started to mourn this loss extra early. I’m pretty sure that come August I will be able to send him off on this next part of his life with a smile ( and I did consider kidnapping him for a while there). I have been doing a lot of soul searching and sometimes I think it’s a good idea to just turn inwards and really notice who you are now and what you might still want to do with your life. My favorite author speaks about this often, she is the mother of 2 boys just a few steps ahead of me and has struggled with similar feelings but has the ability to process her feelings in the form of best selling books. I follow her blog and nod my head through tears most of the time. Her name is Katrina Kenison and her latest book is “magical journey” all about finding yourself again at this new stage in life ( I highly recommend it as well as her other best seller “the gift of an ordinary day”). For a taste of her writing and thoughts read her blog. <a href=“http://www.katrinakenison.com%5B/url%5D”>www.katrinakenison.com</a></p>
<p>The kids have finally both gotten their bachelor’s degrees at a college 2500 miles from us. S is now living and working full-time 5000 miles from us and D lives 2500 miles away. H has retired and my non-profit is winding down some. It is a good time for H and I to reassess and travel as we prefer. Sometimes we visit one or both kids on the trips and they often are able to come and visit us. Mom and dad are 84 and 89, so we spend a lot of time with both of them. They are wanting to go to Mt. Rushmore and Yellowstone, so we will be planning that trip with my younger sister soon for this June. </p>
<p>We have also slowly started remodeling and gotten our financial affairs in better order. We have been thrilled to meet the doc who is trying to help D recover from the chronic disease that has sapped her stamina for the past 14 years. Once she’s better, we look forward to seeing where she will lend up with her cinema degree. </p>
<p>I am fortunate to reconnecting with my folks and sibs and sibs-in-law, as well as nieces, nephews and toddler great nephew. </p>
<p>Dad may be wanting a huge 90th birthday party too, and I will help with that too. (He tends to thrive on several 100 person parties.)</p>
<p>Thought I would post a follow up, after the holidays. Our S was home for almost a month, and it was interesting observing him and the difference even from Thanksgiving, a month before. The biggest difference is/was that he had gotten his feet underneath him fully, instead of feeling like he did at Thanksgiving that he was somehow an imposter being at the school and the studio he is in, he really gained his poise in so many ways. We already know that he has made friends and is being sociable (kind of hard to run up a 30 something buck tab at an Asian restaurant by yourself, not talking a fancy place <em>lol</em>),but it is a lot more than that, he really seems to feel like he belongs there, which really did our heart good, to see that confidence and such. I think the other interesting thing was in some ways, it was like he never had left, which I think says a lot about his relationship to us, that he feels comfortable at home after being on his own and gaining maturity (as opposed to my brother, who once he went away to college, only came home really when he got sick with mono and was literally flat on his back, in bad shape). It bodes well, plus I suspect if he makes a go at it as a musician, might involve some at home time, too:). </p>
<p>What is funny is when he is around, we still do go into parent mode, if he isn’t feeling well we kind of start seeing him as a 6 year old with the flu or something, or when he had an asthma attack (we think it was damp weather and allergies triggering it), we kind of went into hover mode (to his annoyance), yet when he left we were back to being adults! (Well, okay, adults who have decided it is better to act like kids, and never get older than 29…<em>lol</em>). The one thing that hits me when I see him is how proud we both are of him, that given stories of friends of ours and things I read, that somehow so far we have managed to miss the minefields that crop up, and that we are happy he seems to have turned into a well adjusted, decent human being, whether he becomes a musician or not, whatever he does, the proudest thing for us is that he seems to have turned into a nice person and (hopefully) won’t need years of therapy as we both did dealing with family crap (okay, maybe a year or two, for having a parrot for a brother <em>smile</em>). </p>
<p>My almost-empty nest suddenly became uncomfortable.Too big, not suited for 2 people (and a 20 who still lives with us but is rarely seen: he’s either out, or in his room.) We have tons of equity in it. This is a great time to sell. We’re bored & ready for an adventure. </p>
<p>The result: house officially goes on the market on Monday. Woo-hoo! Bring on the (full-ask) offers ;)! Meantime, we’re looking for a smaller home with a friendlier layout. The market is sizzling-hot here, with very few houses on the market, so we may have to rent a bit. But we’ll be paying cash (ah, the benefits of the older buyer!) and hope that advantage will help us land the right place fairly quickly. </p>
<p>A year ago, I wouldn’t have been ready to say goodbye to the home in which my children grew up. Now I can’t wait to start on a new home and a new chapter. . </p>
<p>How exciting for you Katliamom! Sometimes it just feels right to make a change. Fingers crossed you get your asking price – or above. </p>
<p>Good for you Katiliamom! Our youngest graduated from college in 2012. One month before his grad., we sold our house. We had lived there for 24 years, only home our two sons had ever known. The house was paid off so we rolled it over into a new house in the coastal area of our state. We’ve been renting in our town for almost two years now and enjoying the new house on weekends and vacations. We’ve been waiting for DH to retire to move to new house full time. </p>
<p>The time has come! DH retires (at 55) in May and we move to the new house. We are so excited about the prospects of living in a new place. The whole process has been invigorating for us. Go for it.</p>