<p>I kind of stumbled across this topic while looking around CC. My youngest son will be going off to college in the
fall. There were 10 years between oldest son, and youngest, so it is kind of like I had two only kids. I worked for over 20 years, and then retired, so I am an older parent. I have also been a SAHM for 20 years.</p>
<p>I am a little afraid of the empty nest. Most of my friends are moms of my son’s friends, and a lot of them work, so I am thinking I will have start a new chapter in my life. DH is gone all day working, so I will need to “reinvent” myself. I am thinking about volunteering in my town or taking some “fun” classes. It will take some planning, but I am looking at it as clean, new slate.</p>
<p>Is there anybody else out there who will all of a sudden have the house to herself??</p>
<p>Biggest surprise was how much we enjoyed the freedom and reduced drama. You can feel like a younger person. And I joke, when you clean something, it stays clean. D2 just graduated from college, is working about an hour away- and busy. Now my problem is D1 is coming home from a year abroad, has job opps here and wants to live at home, initially. So I’m wondering how it will feel to lose the “empty nest.” </p>
<p>About weather- we’re in New England and I joined a group that hikes each week throughout the year- only cancelling when it’s a blizzard, the planned route isn’t cleared of snow/ice or it’s pouring rain. And all are in their 70’s, except me and one other. They’re in great shape and always doing some interesting thing or other. </p>
<p>@emeraldkity - glad you liked the writing class. Mine went 10 weeks, we liked each other enough that most are signing up again in the fall. We did a few meet-ups outside class, too. </p>
<p>@labbydog, I am in the same boat. Two kids 10 years apart, and it feels like I have been raising kids forever! But I like that. Luckily we do have a couple grand children that DS needs help with at times. I don’t work anymore either. It’s strange. I’ve worked all my life, and it was busy while raising children. I am thinking about how I want to spend my time. I did so much volunteering over the course of child rearing, I don’t feel the need at this point. Maybe enjoy life, and find myself. </p>
<p>“Two kids 10 years apart” - How is if they are 20 years apart.
Raising kids is the best entertainment of my life and the second one is the job. Kids are gone and kicking out because of ancient age is approaching very rapidly. Grandkids are very far away and getting close to leaving their homes also. 3 hobbies just not going to use all my time.
And another very sad fact, several people in the office who did retire, went into the box and under the ground way too quickly after retirment from the conditions that they did not have before, in fact they had big plans that just never happened to them. All of us (IT) love our jobs and some just do not realize that it is the best entertainment. The prospects are not promising. I am not a voluneer, casino, shopper, housekeeper, cook, reader, I am very much a beach bum, but I like to be a busy beach bum. We are planning on a queit empty beach though, do not like many people around either, not sure what I will be actually doing there after all the walking, swimming, snorkeling…</p>
<p>Well, you seem to be working hard to show us that you’re going to have a mighty rough time of it, MDAP. </p>
<p>It helps to think positively, be willing to explore options, be flexible. Negative thinking about the inevitable doesn’t get one as far. Life needs our strengths.</p>
<p>What is cabana? Sorry, forget about “girl”, have to go back few decades to be called that.<br>
If it involves many people around me, I do not like to be in such surroundings. We both like it quiet and empty. We do not mind visiting fish under the water. They are a good company - very quiet.
“Well, you seem to be working hard to show us that you’re going to have a mighty rough time of it, MDAP”
I believe that many have very unrealistic expectations. Well, this is actually the fact, since I am talking a lot about it with others, we have a very old department, many of us are either close to retirement or passed Full Retirement Age (I am one of these). Well, some are convinced that sitting on a couch with the laptop for most of the day is an ideal retirement for them. Unfortunately, it does not work out. This ideal retirement seems to be lethal, toxic in many cases. I am actually a very positive person. Not many things can derail me and none have so far in my entire life. I just did what I have envisioned. Cannot figure out this one. Except for one thing - beach. We do have a plan about this one and we will know next year which beach it will be. But what to do there is another story. Beach is where we normally spend our 2 weeks of vacation, and there are plenty to do there, but way too noisy.
Being positive in general is not a specific plan. It might be a good idea to realize it BEFORE you plunge into retirement, not when your job is not yours any more.</p>
<p>To anyone peeking in on this thread who are not “empty nest” yet…</p>
<p>I am NOT empty nest yet. D will be a senior in HS this year so have another year + to go. Life is pretty busy with work and other family activities. But I told myself a couple years ago - PLAN AHEAD! Take a look at yourself and make sure you are made of enough YOU - not just a person who exists for the care of others. IMO, you are not a better mom/wife/child of an elderly parent, etc. by letting your own life be non-existence. Have your own identity. If you feel you don’t create it - one activity or interest at a time NOW. You’re busy? MAKE TIME. </p>
<p>It makes me sad when I hear friends say or read here that people have to now “reinvent” themselves or go find themselves. Where did you go??? Don’t wait till the kids are gone to find yourself! It’s not selfish, it’s HEALTHY! </p>
<p>I will surely miss the noise, the activity, the structure of having kids at home. But I decided not to wait till the door swung shut on the last child walking out the door. I started running at age 53. Starting writing a children’s book a few years ago that will be finished at some point - even if just for me! Joined a community garden and am spending time enjoying my first community garden this year. Have identified a local organization that is not work or my kid related to volunteer for come fall. My kids are happy to see me be ME. Gives us much more to talk about! And honestly, it has opened their eyes to keeping their work/home life balanced.</p>
<p>I think she meant she was past being a “girl”. Now me, I don’t want to be a cabana girl. I want to be in the cabana, on the beach, calling, “Oh, boy…” (to my cabana boy to serve me).</p>
<p>You’re right, abasket. But sometimes the dynamics of others’ needs and schedules do get in the way- who needs a ride, whose friends are coming over, who has some preference or other. I love the concept of reinventing oneself periodically, don’t see it as a negative. but as a continuum. Sometimes, being spontaneous is easier when the responsibilities simplify. All my friends with kids in the same stage are already pretty vibrant.</p>
<p>As for MiamiDAP’s negative thoughts about retirement: we’re really talking here about a positive approach to “empty nest.” Not retirement (though some here have pared back some of their work.) Maybe the negative projections about *retirement *need their own thread,. See if you get anyone who feels the same. Life’s got to be better than focusing on the box and all the things you don’t like.</p>
<p>My hardwoods are being refinished today. It is loud and smelly in here. Going shopping with a friend. Getting a massage tomorrow and then going on a tour of modern homes with friends. All fun stuff.</p>
<p>Its really helpful to figure out who you are separate from what you do.</p>
<p>It just makes me truly feel sad (like, really - I feel SAD!) when I read about people who send off the last to school and realize they have very little to look forward to or to fill their time up with. I find I have to try and advocate ahead of time for others! </p>
<p>Regarding the dynamics of others’ needs - that should be exception rather than the rule. It surely DOES happen from time to time! But those “others” also need to respect your needs and fulfilling desires - even 30 mins a day solely for yourself - be it reading, exercising, gardening - most times with few exceptions, I feel you can find some time to develop your own self interests. </p>
<p>When raising kids, I have never neglected my interests.<br>
Never forget that you are a person with your personal needs. If you forget it, then all around you forget it also.</p>