<p>THe local libraries and hospitals are always looking for volunteers. Museums love having docents that are willing to learn & educate visitors. There are also many good non-profits that could use people such as meals on wheels and other projects.</p>
<p>HImom,
Not so in our area. It has always been very hard to get even volunteering positions in our area. Economy has always been really bad. But now it is practically impossible. D. used connections to get into volunteering at the hospitals last year, this year she will not even try - waste of time. I am glad I have a hobby that do not need to ask people for favors.</p>
<p>jnrsmom,
One thing that made it easier to leave the youngest at her school across the country was that we did not come straight home. H and I spent 2 nights in a nearby B&B before flying back. In our easy to trick minds, we were returning from a vacationā¦</p>
<p>MiamiDAP,
It is the same up here in the Northeast! You donāt just offer to help and show up any more, you need to compete for those positions, submit credentials, get fingerprinted and a background check. While that is all fine and good, it does take some of the energy out of the process, and too, Iām not sure I like competing with all those college and high school kids who need work experience. They need to get their shot, and itās pretty tough right now.</p>
<p>Northstarmom is my new role model, and Iām going to keep rereading her inspirational posts.</p>
<p>Hereās an idea: we should start a Parent Corps. Think about all the energy and experience we have with helping out our kids, and how many kids out there donāt have that. It is really dismaying to see the lack of guidance in kids in my local school district. I have tried to start a group at our high school with other parents experienced in guiding their kids into college, but so far, not much oomph here locally. What do you guys think?</p>
<p>With all three kids gone on a trip, last night when I got home from work, we grilled steaks, swam some laps, then sat in the hot tubā¦when the kids were younger that would have seemed like heaven on earthā¦last night it just felt empty and pointless and self indulgent.</p>
<p>missypie,
I have done all of it on a regular daily basis with or without kids and/or grandkids, yeye - they are coming in few weeks to spend 3 weeks of their summer with us (at camp during day time).</p>
<p>I just returned from my drawing class (cheap at the local community center) and from buying a pink Tina Turner wig for my upcoming community theater performance as a drag queen. Iām also keeping an eye on one of my bunnies who keeps trying to nibble the sofa. Iām glad that Iām no longer too chicken to do the things that Iām interested in doing even though Iām not perfect at them.</p>
<p>Iām willing to volunteer myself as a test case for you all. We have two daughters in college and a son at home whoās a rising 10th-grader. D1 is on an internship in Brazil, D2 leaves for study abroad in Argentina this weekend, and S is headed out tomorrow to the national Boy Scout ranch in New Mexico for a two-week hike. All of us on CC have probably been uncommonly-involved parents; in our case, the life we knew at age 32 went on hold 20 years ago when D1 was born, and is still holding. This will be the longest period of time that weāve been without any of our kids at home (frankly, I donāt know if weāve ever been 0 for 3), and itāll be a test run for the long-term empty nest three years from now. I have a suspicion that my wife and I will either be depressed or have a great time - nothing in between. Given that, Missypie, Iām not really encouraged to hear that the latter may seem pointless and self-indulgent. To fill the time, Iām kind of inclined to look up Northstarmom and go check her out in her drag queen role!</p>
<p>Travel, travel, travel!</p>
<p>Unfortunately, I fear my empty nest time will be spent taking care of my mom, as Iāve always had to do, but in a more active way, as is our custom down south. </p>
<p>As her funds are near the end, Iāll have to take her out of the assisted living facility, Iām using the very last penny there is to keep her there for one more year so I can enjoy my sonās senior year in high school, but will undoubtedly have to bring her back to NOLA and perhaps get her into a low cost senior apartment, and go there myself every day to cook for her, bathe her, and provide the entertainment that I now have to pay 4K a month for. </p>
<p>These assisted living places are TOO good. I donāt mean to sound heartless when saying this, but in the old days, when your elders went into a home, they only lasted a couple of years at the most. If you are thinking of moving an elder parent to an assisted living facility, thinking youāll only be paying that exorbitant expense for a couple of years, think again. My mother has been in one for almost four years now, and she looks better now than she ever did living at home. Donāt get me wrong, I am very happy she is doing so well. I just donāt have a bottomless pit to keep paying for it. And the rent just went up another 400 a month!</p>
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<p>Montegut, your reward will be in heaven. I just donāt know if I have it in me to do that.</p>
<p>First let me say to Lkf725 that I am very sorry for the loss of your husband. I canāt imagine how hard that would be while your children are leaving for their own lives. I have a sample of that truly empty nest in that my husband works offshore for 28 days on and 14 days off and when my last child leaves, I will be alone. With my older two married, Iāve already remodeled their two bedrooms, but the last childās bedroom will remain the sameā¦heās a homebody and Iām hoping the comforts of home will entice him on school breaks. My husband has a different aspect on this because he spends so much of his time away already, he is okay with the empty nest. However, these kids have been my world and my reason to get through the days. I work full time but they have been my joy. This is a chapter that I donāt want to close, but I know they have to grow upā¦and out of my arms. Missypie, I understand when you just feel āout of sortsā when they are gone, even for a trip. As someone said, itās much like the loss of a romantic relationship, except in the fact that most people move on an find another loveā¦you just canāt replace your kids. :)</p>
<p>Wow, I am really glad I started this thread and feel a little more normal now. And Zebesā¦I can understand completely about the Kevlarā¦Iām thinking āmy poor husbandāā¦ ;)</p>
<p>"As someone said, itās much like the loss of a romantic relationship, except in the fact that most people move on an find another loveā¦you just canāt replace your kids. "</p>
<p>Yeah. My 2 bunnies take some of my time, but they donāt take the space in my heart that my sons have. But it is nice to have the bunnies greet me when I come home even though theyāre only hoping for a treat. :)</p>
<p>jnrsmom, I hear you saying that you are in real pain. Sleeping only 4 hours a night can only go on so long before you become physically compromised because of it. If it goes on much longer, you might want to consider some help from a mental health care professional to assist you through this tough time you are having.</p>
<p>I have had an empty nest this year, with my S in school 2,000 miles away and my D living on her own and going to school 30 miles away. Yes, I see her pretty often, and I love that, but our relationship is difficult due to her mental health issues and my time with her is not exactly relaxing.</p>
<p>My S, however, who just finished his freshman year in college, and I are very close, and I was worried a bit that Iād be missing him terribly. It turned out, though, that he calls almost every day. He is staying for summer school without coming home after spring quarter, due mostly to financial considerations, but going the last 6 months without seeing him has been easy because we talk so frequently. Today he told me all about how he is moving into his summer dorm tonight, and how he has been helping people move, and what he is cooking for dinner - since he chose not to have a meal plan this summer - and what his grades are, and on and on. I talk more to him now than I did when he was at home!</p>
<p>So I still have all the advantages of our mother-son relationship but without the extra laundry and dirty bathroom stuff. I am enjoying every minute of my life with no kids in the house, and in fact I donāt have time for everything that Iād like to do. If I miss anyone, I just pick up the phone or shoot off an email. It has been so much easier than I expected.</p>
<p>iāll admit to not having read this thread for many days. but as someone who is soon to have an empty nestāand a single parentāi must share that since S1 went off to school, two years ago, our relationship has matured and expanded in wonderful ways. we have talked over the phone (heās 1,500 miles away) two to three times a week (and iām a recluse) and emailed as much. he often contacts me after a class or significant discovery and iāve been thrilled to find out that all this previous blood, sweat, and tears involved with raising him has produced a pleasant surprise in new dialogue. i get to experience him growing up from afar and rejoice in his successes, while sharing in his failures. no more lecturesājust sharing. itās quite, and unexpectedly, wonderful to expand beyond my experiences with my parents. now S2 is heading off. heās upstairs now cleaning his room and getting rid of stuff accumulated over the years in order to pare down for college. itās sad and encouraging at the same time. i enjoy seeing them evolve.</p>
<p>Montegut,
I love to travel. Here is my dilemma thoug. How I can pay for it? And I have only 2 weeks vacation. I love to be in luxurious accomodations with everything included, since i do not see myself being on vacation and living in worse conditions than at home. We just paid few thousands $$ for Dās one month trip to New Zealand. They lived primarily in huts and such (sometime in cheap hotels) and ate mostly some packed food. This travel is not for me. 10 days vacation in Hawaii is about $10,000 and it does not even include food and excursions. We decided not to go on vacation this year at all, since I did not get my bonus as most places do not pay bonuses this year. Travel is nice but not affordable ($$-wise and time-wise) option for most of us.</p>
<p>I guess travel can get less expensive if you donāt have to travel with the school calendarā¦traveling to Europe a few years ago, the ticket price traveling in March was about a third of what it was in July. And renting a flat for a week or two costs a lot less than a hotel But it is still a pricey proposition.</p>
<p>When you add the suggestion of āget a jobā or āwork full timeā to the empty nest solutions, the new hires are typically the ones with very little vacation timeā¦so just when you can travel, you canāt travel.</p>
<p>I have always worked full time. However, because we are living in one of the worst area in a country in terms of economy, I have lost other 8 jobs and never had more than 2 weeks of vacation. We have always gone to nice vacations though, so I am used to be in nice places. I do not care to go to Europe either - at least while I work. Just want to be on a beach, snorkeling and painitng pottery and visiting buffet and having drinks - expensive. But again, I have only 2 weeks. Other than that home is way too nice with awesome pool, nice gym, parks close by, which are very hard to leave behind. But I do like to travel and hope doing more in a future.</p>
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<p>I hear ya. I want a vacation to be a vacation. My inlaws have a lake house in a beautiful locationā¦but no a/c, no dishwasher, no pool, only one bathroom and with a tub (no shower)ā¦home is much more pleasant.</p>
<p>You donāt have to travel across the ocean to have a nice vacation. You can take a long weekend a couple of hours from home. That can be a treat.</p>
<p>I know some people like that just to get away. When I am away, I miss my house, unless I am at awesome place with ocean smell.</p>