I’m late – very late – to this thread. I’ve been an official empty nester since S2 went off to college in 2007. But until three years ago, I continued to work full-time, and then once I stopped that three years ago, we got the Big House ready to sell. Sold it, moved, renovated a kitchen and built a big deck in the yard. So I’ve been busy. Now, not so much. I work part-time – from home, which is wonderful – but it’s irregular and seasonal. So I have days and weeks when I’m fairly busy, and then days and weeks (like now) when I’m not so. I go to the gym regularly and I do some volunteer work, but I’m beginning to think I need something more. I need more structure and less free time. I find I’m on the computer all day long, browsing my favorite sites (including CC, of course) but that’s not particularly productive. I have lots more to give; I just need to figure out something that needs me that I’d also enjoy.
VeryHappy- do you have short and long term goals to work on when you are not busy? any healthy things like increasing exercise or trying new healthy food /recipes? I have been compiling a list for about a year. I function much better with well defined goals. I am not in your position yet so these are things I have been thinking about.
^ I also function much better with a list of goals.
I also have an empty nest list. although I am still working full time and plan to for several more years.
@rockymtnhigh: At the risk of making people want to throw things at me, I have been a very dedicated exerciser for a very long time. I’m in excellent shape “for a woman of my age” and, unless I want to start running races – which I don’t – there’s not much more for me to do in that department.
I’m thinking about additional volunteer work but I want to make sure I don’t get trapped with too many obligations.
I am enjoying keeping my house in order. For years and years and years, I had a very long commute, a very full-time job, and two wonderful children, so keeping the house clean and organized and attractive was the last thing on my list!
VeryHappy, how about taking some of your interests to the next level? You like to exercise - would you like to try a class vs. on-your-own exercising??? Do you like to garden - how about securing a community garden space to grow additional veggies/herbs/flowers??? Do you like to travel - how about planning one long day trip each month to a new place you haven’t been in your area/state???
Sometimes we don’t need/want new interests, but you can expand on your current ones. 
abasket, that’s a very interesting idea – to take what I’m already doing that I like and expand it.
I need to think about that.
I’m someone who probably doesn’t have tons of “new” things I want to try, but the things I like or like to do, I’d love the chance to do more of or at a different level.
And kudos to already having the exercise routine in the bag!
Structure and routine are all well and good, yet mix things up by doing one new thing each week you never did before. My son had a creative writing college class where this was a weekly assignment and they had to write about it. The professor called it an “artist’s date”. It could be simple, like try a recipe you never made before. Go to a movie by yourself. Drive a country road you’ve never been on before. Shop in a store you’ve never visited. Listen to a radio station that plays music you don’t normally listen to. Visit landmarks or unique areas in the vicinity where you live that you never took the time to go to before. Attend a community college class to learn a new skill. And so on.
It’s a creative way to help your brain remain open to adapting to new things. It’s a way to get you out of your comfort zone. I may not do this every week but I like to nudge myself so I don’t get in a rut. Sometimes the simplest things can broaden your perspective on life around you.
I’m not sure I’ll ever get through all 70 pages of this thread so I’m going to go ahead and post something that relates more to the first few pages, where a lot of parents were really missing all the school connections they had when their kids were at home.
Consider being a substitute. Our local district is always desperate for subs. If, like me, you don’t want full responsibility for 25 kids, you can be a substitute paraeducator or tutor, or maybe even in the office. In my district you don’t need a degree to sub in any capacity.
I love it. Most of the kids are great and really respond to the presumed authority of an older person. Usually I am working with reading groups of 4 or 5 students, sometimes I have crossing guard or playground duties. It’s something new every day. Pay is minimal, but I have to say my heart just fills with love, working with all those kids. And it’s so sweet how they remember you! Maybe you’re in their classroom for half an hour in the morning. Then as you leave in the afternoon you hear “Bye Ms. Benson” from some little kindergartner that you don’t even recognize! Or they are disappointed to hear you won’t be back the next day, even after you were pretty strict and worked them hard.
I sub all grades and all schools (4 elementary, 1 middle, 2 high schools). I don’t do special ed but there is a great need for subs there too. I love the variety. If you don’t like a certain school or teacher you can choose not to sub there. You have to think on your feet and stay one step ahead of the kids. Many times the principal catches me to personally thank me. It’s extremely rewarding.
The advantage over volunteering is you don’t have to make a commitment. If you want a certain day or a week off you just say so. I know of a retiree who subs as a para and he goes south every winter. But all the teachers love him so when he’s in town he’s in great demand.
I am also volunteering as a greeter at our local VITA tax site on Saturday mornings. I only found out by accident that they needed people other than for actual tax preparation and they are quite short-handed. To be a greeter, I only had to do a short online training (less than 30 minutes). I get people signed in, make sure they have the necessary materials, and rate them as to which level of preparer they require. I am thinking of doing the online training to certify as a volunteer tax preparer now that I see how badly they need more people.
I don’t know if this is the right thread for this post. I am struggling with letting go. I get better with it, then I feel sad all over again. Our youngest is a Frosh this year. He came home for spring break only to find himself bored, none of his friends were home. He wound up going back to school early. I know it’s normal. I just feel like my baby is truly growing up and leaving home. Anyone else struggle with this?
Try to view it as a positive. He’s growing wings and getting ready to be an adult. Has to happen sometime.
@wedgedrive, I still have those memories myself - of being the college student coming back home and realizing that “home” and all I knew it before to be - the friend component especially - was just not the same. I tried to remember that each time one of my kids left and returned. It’s usually a sign that they have adjusted well to being away and having new people in their lives - and that’s a good life skill!
Your “baby” has been growing up for years! Now his “mommy” can take time to spread her wings too and make new starts in your life so that when the two of you are together, you both have fun, exciting things to share!
I always tell people, your grown kids still need you, they just need you in different ways. I think it’s good to examine your feelings of sadness. Realize that not only are your kids in a transitional period, you are, too. You never know what their future holds, they may end up moving near you after college. They will gain new respect for you as they become homeowners and parents and find you to be a wealth of knowledge! You still have much to enjoy with them, it may just be spaced out in time and not every day like it was. So, challenge yourself by trying new and fun things that you always wanted to do but for some reason have put it off. Take it one day at a time. Learn to enjoy yourself without having to play the mom role in order to do so. Best wishes to you.
@wedgedrive In no way are you alone with how you feel. My youngest is a freshman in college too, and we have an empty nest. That first 48 hours after she drove out of the driveway was SO HARD. One thing I promised myself, though, is that I was not supposed to be, do or react a certain way with this new empty nest situation - or within a certain timeframe. If I was sad, then I was sad - but I also made a promise to myself to do something about it and not dwell there too long. My mantra to myself now is “Okay - What are you going to do about it?” And " What are you doing to get on with your OWN life?" It’s a very personal process and there’s no one right way forward. It’s a transition - no doubt about it!
Thanks everybody. Your responses are comforting. I do know this is a normal process. I do know I need to let go. I do know that even though I am sad, that is all it is: sadness. Our son is not rejecting me, he is just getting about his life. And (@Abassket) I do remember being a college student myself and not feeling like I “fit” so well at home anymore. @swimdogmom, I like your phrase “Okay, what are you going to do about it?” I have been trying to do that: book club, yoga, gardening, etc.
Book club, yoga, gardening are all well and good, I have similar hobbies. In addition, tho, try doing something a bit out of your comfort zone,even if it’s just a one time thing. If you are healthy enough, try parasailing or zip lining. I went snorkeling last year for the first time ever and wish I could do it every day of life. Go to a karaoke bar and get up and sing. Go to the cinema and watch a movie all by yourself. You get the idea. Routine is great, now add a little adventure to your life. I also started doing new activities with my son as he got older so we had new experiences together on some of his trips home. When he turned 21, he wanted to learn about wine. I never knew much about it myself, so from time to time, we will visit a winery or try a different type wine and critique ( enjoy) it. Having kids in college enriches our lives and we can grow just as they do.
@miller514, hmmm. I’ll think about that. Zip lining I know I would enjoy. Parasailing I have done. I get you point though. An adventure.
I sometimes wonder if the “empty nest” syndrome hits SAHM’s more than moms who work outside the home.
Thoughts? I have always worked outside the home and I still have kids at home - a graduated/working son who will be moving out soon and a D who is a senior in HS.
Another suggestion is taking a Segway tour if you’ve never done one. I would love to own my own Segway, they are great fun. My husband and I look for places to go we haven’t tried before, like visit a former state penitentiary an hour down the river from us. It was fascinating. Once you have an adventure or two, you get a bit hooked and start seeking more.
I love traveling and being able to do one day trips without being tied down to come home to make a meal. I started back to work when my youngest was in middle school and having a part time job has been a real help to me. That only works if you find something that you like, which luckily, I did. I also serve on a board and help in my church and a local food pantry. I sometimes attend a drop in yoga class. Yesterday I went into NYC with a friend to see a live taping of a show. I need the balance of responsibility AND the freedom to do what I want to make me happy. Took a little while for me to figure that out. I have a couple of friends that just never worked outside the home and had a bit of a harder time adjusting when the last one left the nest. Volunteering is a perfect blend of responsibility and commitment, but generally, you can still take off when you want to.