@shawbridge maybe I should rent your in-law place…
@compmom, that works for me. Architect is now designing, then we will hire a contractor and do some renovation, but that area will have very little done. Might be ready well before the rest of the house.
We bought our home (3bedrooms, 2 baths) when we were starting our family. It was a good size for raising them and remains a nice size now. Our kids live a plane ride or more away. Neither has married or firmly committed to a relationship—yet. S is still figuring out where he wants to live. D claims she wants to move back to HI, but we shall see. Neither has lived with us for over a decade.
We are living between two homes right now–the family house which is tiny and falling apart (but within miles of our jobs and kids), and the second home we thought we’d have moved to by now and which we will eventually retire to. It’s bigger (four BR, two full baths), seven rooms overall, which is larger than the 5 1/2 room house we raised our kids in. Our aim in getting it was to have enough room for kids and eventual grandkids to visit often–it’s in a vacation area which they love. Our bedroom, bathroom, and office are upstairs, but there is a a full bath and two bedrooms downstairs, so if necessary, we could move down.
I want to get rid of the first home and find an apartment in the area, again, near jobs and kids/granddaughter (we’re not near retirement yet, unfortunately). I don’t expect anyone to be moving back at this point (fingers crossed), but i like the idea of a two-bedroom for eventual grandkid babysitting and sleepovers. However, it’s a super expensive area, plus I need to get the first home cleaned out and sellable, which is daunting. Luckily it has no mortgage. I’m this close to just looking for a cash buyer (they contact us all the time). But again, the 2BR appts in our area are incredibly expensive. So i keep dithering.
How expensive is “expensive” for a 2br apartment?
We just went through this and are currently paying around $2800/month for a 2br apartment, which we thought was crazy. But by the time you add up taxes, insurance, lawn care, cable TV/internet, utilities, house maintenance, interest you make on your equity which now sits in a bank instead of being locked up, etc, it was pretty close to break-even for us.
Especially if some of your systems are nearing their end of life and will need significant investment in the next 3-5 years, like a roof or heating system, it might make sense to sell now.
I mean, yeah. Those are all good points. We’d be more in the 2000 range.
OMG, I’m ready for the empty nest again…
It wasn’t until I actually did the exercise of listing all the expenses of my house that I realized the apartment and the house were reasonably comparable in cost.
And that was without counting the interest on a reasonably large HELOC balance we used to renovate our retirement house.
It’s a pretty big adjustment to go from a house to an apartment, though. It’s been decades since we had to worry about hearing our neighbors though the walls and ceiling, it making noise others can hear. Particularly at night. 
This thread seems to have strayed far from its original intent over the past several pages of posts. Now it’s a housing discussion?
The tangent started with a discussion of downsizing, and therefore maybe not having space for kids to come home, with or without grandchildren.
The moment in time when we move to a one bedroom home is the moment when the nest is truly empty- unless our kids don’t mind the couch.
This thread was originally about the “empty nest” when kids go to college, but as many of us have found, the birds return many times over the years, sometimes for breaks, sometimes to save money, sometimes after divorce, and so on.
So our housing remains relevant to the “empty nest.” But agree it got off the path a bit 
I mean, yeah–the composition of the now empty nest seems relevant to me!
My D just went back to school yesterday after nearly 5 weeks at home. I’m a hot mess this time. I feel like I just got back into a routine of having her home and poof, she’s gone again. I’ve been teary since her car pulled away.
In the spirit of this thread though, I joined a local philanthropic group last week and am going to my first event tomorrow. I have an exercise meet up with friends and three alumni interviews this week so I’ll be busy but still…
I am really sad tonight. My youngest is getting down to the wire with her decision, and it’s killing me. I’m trying to be happy for her, because she’s so excited, but my heart is breaking. We are really close and she’s been a true joy in my life. I can’t even begin to think what I will do without her sparkle in my life every day.
Well my 28 year-old just moved into my one bedroom apartment!
I posted here in 2012 (#715) after our son’s first year at boarding school. It took that entire year for it to finally hit me that he was really gone. He turned 23 this past weekend. Because he went to boarding school at 14, that was the last birthday we actually celebrated with him. That memory made me sad. Both boarding school and college were thousands of miles from home. We missed a lot. He’s now on his own living in Georgia. You’d think I would be long past empty-nest syndrome, but it’s still hard on me when we part. I don’t cry, but I do feel a tremendous sense of loss which I try to balance with my happiness for him finding a life he loves. His Army commitment pretty much ensures he’ll never be coming home again for any length of time, certainly not to live. Children leave; that’s the natural cycle of life, but it doesn’t make the parting any easier. Hugs to all of us as we deal with this common separation in all of its many facets and phases.
When we told our new graduate what it would cost to rent a room in our empty nest (after three months at no charge), he decided he could do better elsewhere, ha. Our strategy worked!
Youngest graduates in May. She is planning on taking advantage of the three months of free rent to save up money and get an apartment in Pennsylvania, where all her friends seem to be settling for some reason. THAT will be hard for me. She’s a sweetheart and I’ll miss her.
It didn’t occur to me to limit a kid’s stay. Around here the rents are so high that many are returning home or, in my case, squeezing into a little extra room. I am wondering the reason for limiting the time at home. Regression?
I always hate returning to an empty car at the airport. There is always a granola bar wrapper or some other leftover from the kid and I can almost see him or her in the seat, animatedly talking, but they are actually in the air at 500 miles an hour, heading away.
^We just feel it’s important for the kids to grow up, and that’s hard to do at home. Just our opinion; I know other parents feel differently. We have friends whose 29-year-old is still at home. He’s got a science degree but is working in a bike shop. He doesn’t feel the need to do more.
Just a note that kids CAN come back home to live after college - whether for free or at a cost - and be perfectly capable, employed, responsible human beings.
Not everyone, but many!
But also take note, that sometimes the reason a college grad coming home doesn’t work is because the PARENT(S) can’t deal well with the idea that an adult came home to live, not a child.
@compmom, ShawD attempted to live with us after she came home from the post-grad trip I paid for – gave her a ticket for three months to Bangkok and she traveled all around SE Asia on a very low budget. I had to travel the first week after she came back. When I got home, she said, “Dad, you would be proud of me. I didn’t even have a fight with Mom. I just knew we would be fighting like when I was in high school if I stayed. So, I’m moving in with her sister and her family.”
Now both kids live on the West Coast, but ShawD flew in today to stay with us for a few days in Florida before she takes a vacation in Cuba. She is delightful with both of us.