<p>Sounds like he should definitely be evaluated by a psychiatrist. But, large loud parties where everyone is intent on getting drunk are not everyone’s preferred social venue and if it’s mostly a matter of him thinking something is wrong with him because he doesn’t like that scene, he shouldn’t worry about it (and perhaps a frat is not the best place for him). I would worry if he cannot find any social group that he enjoys, since college should be an easy place to have a good social life.</p>
<p>austin - changing behavior is exactly what cognitive behavior therapy does, and it is the best treatment. But sometimes the patient needs the benefit of a med to reduce the symptoms of anxiety enough so that the CBT can work. Please don’t even try telling a housebound, agoraphobic, shaking anxiety-ridden person that they should just “change their behavior,” when there are short term meds available to help alleviate the pain. That’s like telling a depressed person to “snap out of it.”</p>
<p>that said, I can’t offer an opinion on the OP’s son. If a counselor thinks he is clinically anxious then he may want to think about a med to help him while he gets therapy.</p>
<p>^ From the OP’s description, I was not under the impression that the son was a “housebound, agoraphobic, shaking anxiety-ridden person,” but instead was a functioning college student who suffered from a milder form of social anxiety. </p>
<p>When I entered college, I was someone who would shake, and almost faint, at the thought of speaking to a stranger, particularly if female, or to a group. I am convinced I would have been diagnosed as having “social anxiety disorder.” I knew some other young men at the time with similar problems, though none quite as bad as mine. Some adults had told me that having a girlfriend would cure me of it, and I was skeptical, but I wanted to try something so I forced myself to meet young women, though it was extremely painful. However, I did find a girlfriend and it worked. My quality of life improved dramatically and my anxiousness was reduced significantly.</p>
<p>Knowing that psychoactive medications are often dangerous because of known and unknown side effects, it makes sense to try any and all alternatives before going down that road.</p>
<p>OP - I’m sorry your son is going through this and I hope he gets the help he needs, either through therapy, medication, etc. Whatever helps HIM, is the right answer.</p>
<p>I think its probably best to try and help the OP with thoughtful, intelligent suggestions rather than debate your personal opinions about meds.</p>
<p>My initial impression was like Adad’s, that the OP’s son was a guy who preferred small groups and quiet, and was unhappy with his social life at college. It wasn’t clear if he was in need of some coaching on how to know himself and then get out to make new friends, or in need of something more. He may need both. </p>
<p>It did catch my attention that a guy who had a small group of friends and had been happiest hanging out with them would want to try frat life and going to big parties. Real life college isn’t like college in the movies or on TV, it isn’t all about big parties all the time. It could be the student needs to make peace with who he is and what makes him happy. He doesn’t have to like big parties. It is fine if he is happiest with a small group of like minded individuals. Gaining that insight would be valuable if true.</p>
<p>But if he wants to try a different life, that’s fine, too. I hope the counselor can help him come up with strategies to meet new people and to be comfortable with himself. If he needs more than coaching, then so be it. </p>
<p>If he were my son, I would reassure him that the situation he is in is not unique. Not everybody at college is happy all the time or going out all the time. And when he graduates and goes out to find a job in some new place, he will have to find his social niche all over again. Excessive anxiety is not normal, but feeling some loneliness and awkwardness is.</p>
<p>My apologies. I was replying on a more general level as it read to me that some posters felt that meds are usually a bad choice in most situations. </p>
<p>It’s hard to speculate about the OP. mom says he’s “suffering” and has social anxiety leading to depression. </p>
<p>If he is so unhappy, it’s clear he needs assistance of some kind.</p>
<p>I also read the OP as a concerned parent with a son having some adjustment difficulties. The quick jump to meds in this thread left me a little stunned. Obviously, there are situations where that’s appropriate but if my child called me from school with that story meds would not jump to mind. But I don’t even like counseling. Good luck.</p>
<p>My lovely, high-achieving d has severe social anxiety. The combination of meds and a supportive environment has made ALL the difference in the world. She is still herself, and may never be an extrovert, but she is the warm, funny, loving person she’s always wanted to be. Sometimes meds are a great thing.</p>
<p>I honestly feel that if I had my college years to do over with SSRIs, my life would look very different today, and I’m so glad she has that option. It isn’t for everyone, but it can make a positive difference for kids who suffer.</p>
<p>Support from family is so important. Sounds like you love him for who he is, and now he needs to learn to love himself as he is. Forcing uncomfortable interactions via fraternities and parties may not, right now, be the way to go. Finding good counseling that will offer coping suggestions and help him gradually move into social situations in more comfortable ways will help. It may not seem like it will right away, but give it time. Stay close to him as he works through this and let him know how proud you are of him that he is so willing to find his path by reaching out for help. Such a smart young man. I wish you all the very best.</p>
<p>Is the college he is attending the right place for him? Sometimes I wonder why it’s so accepted and expected by many that a college education requires uprooting from family and community. </p>
<p>Moving away from friends and family is itself a big stressor, even when there is no college involved. Then put on top of such a move grade and career anxiety, and that’s a lot for many young people to shoulder.</p>
<p>I went away for part of my undergraduate degree and all of my graduate degree and am glad those years are behind me. I think I would have been happier going to schools closer to home.</p>
<p>OP wrote:
@acting mt, that’s not a description of “adjustment difficulties”. You “don’t like counseling” and are opposed to meds. Fine. Do you have any useful advice (which is what the OP is seeking–see title of thread)? I don’t understand why anyone would jump into a thread just to express opposition to others’ advice (and inappropriately minimize the son’s problem) when they have no alternatives to offer.</p>
<p>Sigh, the word severe is in there, true. But, it’s surrounded by a whole paragraph explaining that he was always that way. And, now away at school he’s getting depressed. That’s how I read it. I realize many others saw the word severe and decided he needed medication. I also recognize that many may see the word depressed and want to reach for a happy pill while I’ll see the words leading to and hope for the best. Call it a cultural thing. Good luck.</p>
<p>The only advice on this thread is go get a prescription. I mean, I could see that being offered as a suggestion but it’s the only thing anyone proposed.</p>
<p>OP asked if anyone here had experience with social anxiety. Several here responded that our experiences included use of meds. TheOP’s son may not be at that point, but at least he knows it is an option and it can be very successful. As the parent of a child who had a crippling SA disorder, I can assure you that medication was our absolute last resort. Heck, i will rarely even use Tylenol, etc. I almost never let my kids use penicillin. However, when your child has missed a month of school because of extreme physical reactions to a social disorder, and behavioral modification is not working, it is time to consider medication. Because of a chemical imbalance, the brain’s receptor neurons are not grabbing onto signals and sometimes, behavior mod. can’t fix that. To say using meds is “a cultural thing” is ridiculous and uninformed. As someone upstream mentioned, previous generations just drank themselves to death to cope with this. Great alternative!</p>
<p>However, when your child has missed a month of school because of extreme physical reactions to a social disorder, and behavioral modification is not working, it is time to consider medication.</p>
<p>Agree! But that was not how I read the OP’s post, either.</p>
<p>
Hardly. The advice has included parental pep talks, a psychiatric evaluation, consideration of a transfer to a more suitable school, accepting one’s introverted personality, finding different friends, cognitive behavioral therapy, changing counselors, etc. </p>
<p>It’s very tiresome when the anti-medication crowd jumps into threads just to promote their agenda.</p>
<p>I was thinking about OPs son and girls. I had two kinds of thoughts. The first was that he should hang in there. The quiet, nerdy types I have known did eventually get married and live happily ever after, it just took longer. The second thought was that there are girls out there waiting to be met, he just has to think how to find them. Going through church or a religious organization comes to mind first. Very old school, but effective. The girls he would meet there would be less likely to be looking to hook up, more likely to be looking for a relationship. Not just church services, but also classes, volunteering, mixers for young people. </p>
<p>If religion is not his thing, maybe group exercise or training classes that are mostly female, like spinning or Body Pump. Pick a class that men do attend, but is still predominately female. </p>
<p>Then a special interest group or club that is mostly but not completely female. Maybe a book club or a dance class?</p>
<p>“He has “given up” on girls, according to him,” …</p>
<p>He needs a loving girlfriend. Nothing treats social anxiety better than true love :)</p>
<p>"Pick a class that men do attend, but is still predominately female. " - YES!</p>
<p>I’ll suggest ballroom or Latin dance.</p>
<p>He doesn’t need to be macho to be popular. Girls like nerds, especially in college.</p>