<p>I need help. I'm socially anxious and want to succeed at university not just academically but as a well-rounded student. I want to join clubs and take on leadership roles but I find it so hard because I feel so inferior inside that no one would want to take me on in their club or want me to write for their paper. I have trouble raising my hand in class to answer questions unless I absolutely knew that my question was a good one or that my answer was the correct one. </p>
<p>I have failed out of college before because of my issues with depression and social anxiety. This time around I am determined to succeed but the old thorn is still there, despite all the strides I've made over the years to become overcome this problem. </p>
<p>Please someone slap some sense into me and tell me how ridiculous I am being.</p>
<p>Orangmarmalade welcome to the forum. I am glad that you posted this question. My nephew is also walking in your shoes. He is a freshman so this is his first time in school.</p>
<p>Are you receiving any therapy or have you been diagnosed by a professional?</p>
<p>It isn’t ridiculous, you’re just over thinking. I went through the same thing from about age 12 through 22. Then I graduated college and got a job in retail that forced me to interact with a lot of people all day long. I am still very quiet, but I don’t experience any anxiety at all. </p>
<p>You need to take baby steps so that you don’t overwhelm yourself and get discouraged. Don’t just join a bunch of clubs at once. Start with small goals - make yourself ask at least one question in class per day. Smile as you pass students you know in the hallway, then eventually start saying, “Hello.” Turn to your neighbor and complain about a test (I always had good grades, but no one wants to hear that - people love to complain about schoolwork). Join one or two clubs and put your all into them. These little things will become second nature to you, but it will take time. You may need to spend weeks just getting up the courage to say hello to someone from class you don’t know well, but it will happen. </p>
<p>Also, try to keep yourself busy. Social anxiety is kept strong by feelings of inferiority and an obsession on yourself. You think everyone is watching everything you do, listening intently to everything you say, waiting for you to mess up. This is not true. Everyone else is just as self-absorbed as you are, and rarely notice the little things we stress over. Many people day dream and won’t even know you asked a question in class, while others may be wondering the same thing you are. </p>
<p>Give yourself little rewards when you meet goals. If you ask a question in class, treat yourself to something you enjoy, such as a dessert or get your nails done, or listen to your favorite music, whatever works for you. It will boost your self-esteem and elevate your mood, which help to reinforce this behavior. </p>
<p>The hardest thing is to turn your brain “off” long enough to enjoy a social moment, but it is possible to stop over thinking as you become accustomed to the above mentioned behaviors. Even socializing requires practice, practice, practice.</p>
<p>I agree about taking baby steps to becoming used to more things that make you nervous. You have to remember that a whole lot of people are just as nervous as you are. You are definitely not alone. You have a lot of choices that will determine where your life takes you. Giving into the nerves or allowing the depression to take you over is not going to help at all. Although it might feel easier. </p>
<p>The first step might be to stop taking yourself so seriously. You might only want to offer an answer that is correct or sounds really good, but you don’t have to. Maybe you can offer an answer to something in class that will make people laugh, including yourself. People do love to be around others when they can laugh at themselves.</p>
<p>Take it easier on yourself so that you are not always judging everything that you do and basically being mean to yourself. Tell yourself good job when you manage to do something that was hard. If it makes you nervous to do something new, such as visiting the school gym or speaking out in study group, just do it a few times. Once you have done something a couple of times it loses all of the nerve making juice and you can relax.</p>