Social Life and Drinking

<p>Question for current students or parents of current students. S is a rising senior at highly competitve hs with 4.0 (u.w.) in most rigorous program, excellent SATs, ACTs, ECs, leadership, etc. Works very hard, but is not a nerd; good social life, active in school, loves to go out, but currently chooses not to drink. We've visited many schools and he loved Tulane, but is concerned that if he chooses not to drink (socially/heavily - and who knows what he will utlimately choose to do when he's in college), will he still have a good social life? Can anyone comment?</p>

<p>i am sure he could still have a good social life of his own (and i don't think anyone could answer this type of question with a "no"- i think what you want here is yet ANOTHER discussion about the infamous drinking life at tulane), but let me qualify this in terms of what i feel like is a valuable, illuminating analogy as a tulane student.
going to tulane and not being into drinking culture is like going to UNC and not knowing or caring about carolina basketball, it's like going to the university of alabama and not getting into alabama football. drinking at tulane, as basketball is at unc and as football is at UofA, is the one thing, more than any other, that gains campus wide enthusiasm and unites it into what is campus spirit. and because of this i think your son would inevitably have some sort of feelings of isolation if he abstained completely because he would obviously have some sort of disconnect with the spirit of the campus, as you would at UNC if you saw a bunch of kids celebrating after a hoops win and had no idea what was going on.</p>

<p>Thanks for your analogy. Let me clarify. He doesn't think he'll abstain totally, and he does understand the drinking culture at Tulane. Perhaps the question is, if he chooses to drink socially, and not every night of the week, can he still have a good social life. I know there is not a yes or no answer to this question, so if anyone can weigh in with their own, or their kids' similar circumstances, that would be great. He's not opposed to "work hard, party hard", as long as there is a balance.</p>

<p>Well if you party hearty 7 nights a week you might have a short but exciting Tulane experience as many a student has discovered after freshman mid-terms and first semester finals.</p>

<p>The kids revel in their reputation but may not quite live up to it and those who try are maybe one of the reasons for our lower than desired retention rate. On the other hand if you get through four years at Tulane and graduate you are probably the quintessential play hard work hard kind of kid with the discipline to know when to do each. By and large these kids have high expections for themselves and for their futures and know fat, drunk, and stupid is not the best way to go through life. You will see that Tulane sends its share and more to Medical, Law, and graduate school.</p>

<p>I'll second higherlead's post - in our D's less guarded moments, she lets slip that she probably parties a teensy bit more than she would really like mom and dad to know about. She would match your description of your S: "highly competitve hs with 4.0 (u.w.) in most rigorous program, excellent SATs, ACTs, ECs, leadership, etc. Works very hard, but is not a nerd; good social life, active in school, loves to go out," but we know she did drink in HS (but also know that she never drank and drove, nor got in a car with anyone who drank...this I do know...) </p>

<p>She is work hard, play hard to a "T" - she's pulled a 3.7 as a frosh, and has already targeted her grad schools...</p>

<p>I think you'll find that Tulane is pretty tolerant - of many things (her best friend is a gay male who is probably the single most engaging person my wife has ever met - I haven't yet) - she, for example, wouldn't think twice of hanging with someone who didn't drink though she probably wouldn't hang with someone who did serious drugs - yes, they exist on almost all campuses (as they did when I went to college), which she considers stupid.</p>

<p>As you read through the threads / posts, you'll note that TU is not for everyone, and there are kids that can't handle it - to HL's point, D knows a few who won't be back in the Fall for sophomore year. But if you've done your job well and provided them with good grounding, you won't be disappointed - I've met many of her friends (visiting parents get the 'opportunity' to take them out to dinner...) and haven't yet met a one that I wouldn't invite into my home.</p>

<p>Another amen to HL's post. My son has had a lot of fun at Tulane, but he hasn't acquired three years' worth of credits in two years while working and maintaining a scholarship GPA by partying every night. I think he said twice or maybe three times a week is his maximum, and he's not into getting falling down drunk. There are probably narrow people at Tulane as there are everywhere, but all of the people I've met with whom my son associates seem very tolerant, and that would include tolerance of people who elect not to drink. I know that's true of my son. He wouldn't consider it any of his business.</p>

<p>I would consider looking into honors housing if he gets into the honors program. They seem to strike a good balance between fun and academics (they are more involved in student activities/clubs as well) and from what i've observed where you live is pretty much the deciding factor in who you party with most regularly. Butler may be gross, but it has a nice, tolerant, balanced community of drinkers and nondrinkers. They still know how to have fun.</p>

<p>Tolerance is in great supply on the Tulane campus from what I've observed. It would appear that your son will "find his people" and not feel at all ostracized or alone if he chooses to party judiciously (a mature attitude, by the way). </p>

<p>My own S has not done as well as others posting here in terms of managing the work/party balance. He has had a couple of semesters that were far below his capabilities grade-wise. However, we think he's turned the corner and we're expecting a much more focused student this coming year.</p>

<p>I think that the going-in level of maturity is a key factor here. Our kid probably wasn't really ready for this, but yours sounds like he would be.</p>

<p>People are tolerant of non-drinkers, but you will be surrounded by drinkers. </p>

<p>My experience is that at Tulane, you are either a drinker, or someone who likes to be around drunk people. Most of the social activities surround drinking. </p>

<p>I really wouldn't reccomend Tulane as a place with a good balance of partying and academics. It's very much a work hard play harder place. If drinking really bothers you, or you want that balance, don't go to Tulane. Maybe you could "find your niche," but just how hard do you want to work to find it? And don't you want your fellow students to be of like mind? There is an overwhelming atmosphere of partying at Tulane. You will find friends who don't indulge in it, but it won't make it go away. </p>

<p>Furthermore, I'm going to add my 2 cents about parents replying on this topic. Frankly, your opinions are hearsay from your kids. And kids aren't always honest about their drinking habits with their parents. I knew the son of one of the frequent posters on this forum, and he often talked about his son didn't drink yet loved Tulane. But, boy, did this kid drink! He just didn't tell his dad about it. Maybe your kid is different, but maybe not.</p>

<p>Btw, ERPmom, your son seems to have very good stats. Where else is he looking?</p>

<p>On that note, I want to clarify my above response. I read through this thread more carefully and read that you said he does drink sometimes, just not all the time. There are a lot of people like that, so finding your niche would be less difficult than I just made it out to sound. It's harder if you don't drink at all, or rather, don't drink at all and don't like the drinking culture. But still, the majority of people care about partying as much as or more than school. So as far as wanting balance, Tulane doesn't have it. </p>

<p>I reccomend Brown for balance. That's where I go now.</p>

<p>Thanks to everyone so far, for your responses. </p>

<p>ClaySoul, he's also looking at Wash U, Vanderbilt, Emory, Cornell, Yale, Lehigh. Georgetown, GW and Delaware (Honors). He's looked at, but ruled out Bucknell, Rochester and a few others. There are others he's seen from when his brother was looking a few years ago. Right now, he's in an incredibly rigorous school in their most rigorous program - the last year or so, hasn't been fun. He has maintained his u.w. 4.0, as I said, his standardized tests are good & he still manages to be active in school with leadership positions in Business Clubs, Peer Leader type club, etc. He doesn't want college to be a repeat of high school, where all he does is work, work work. He certainly isn't opposed to drinking - he doesn't now, by choice (requirement of one of his clubs), but that doesn't mean he won't in college. He just probably won't drink every night to excess. As some of the other posters discussed their kids, as well as the poster who discussed honors housing, where there may be more of a balance, he will probably be one of those 2-3 night per week drinkers, but not to the point of getting sick. His brother drinks in college, his parents both did, so it's not a foreign concept to him. He knows that drinking is part of college, but also likes to eat (loves to eat, actually), go out, hang with friends, etc. He really liked Tulane when he visited - it felt right. He just wants to make sure all the pieces fit.</p>

<p>Honestly, I think he'll fit right in. Most of my friends had only been drunk on a few occasions or not at all before they came to Tulane and have adjusted well. Going out once or twice a week is perfectly fine especially once you get a few weeks into school. I'd say an average freshman goes out a LOT suring orientation then a few times a week for the first weeks of school then scales back a bit more by the time midterms come. I feel like Tulane is just a very social school but with that comes drinking; we go out with the purpose to see our friends and meet people but not with the purpose to see how bombed we can get by midnight (as I've seen at other "play hard" schools).</p>

<p>Thank you Vicky06. That makes a lot of sense. As I've heard from kids at other schools (also with work hard party hard reputations), drinking may be the conduit to socializing, but the purpose (more often than not, and I know, not all the times) is to hang out with your friends primarily, drinking secondarily, not with the primary purpose of getting wasted. As you said, and as when I went to school, freshmen come in all gung-ho, until the novelty wears off and reality sets in. Thanks for your response!</p>

<p>Yeah but when the conduit is drinking...that leads for a pretty heavy empahsis on it. Isn't it odd that the main way to hang out with friends is to get smashed?</p>

<p>Again, Tulane is not a place that has a good balance of academics and drinknig. It has a huge empahsis on drinking...I'm tellin ya. There are many people with balance in their priorities / interests, but there are also many more without it.n And for what it's worth, I was in the honors dorm.</p>

<p>My sense is ClaySoul is telling it like it is overall. My son goes there, wasn't much of a partier in high school, but sure became one. And I do believe for the majority of students that partying is part of the fabric of the school, reflecting the "laissez lees bon temps rouler" attitude of the city.</p>

<p>I know S loves NOLA and likes Tulane, but if this drinking thing had been a huge worry point for me as a parent AND I knew what I know now, I might have tried to encourage other college choices. THat's true partially because S isn't imbued with natural discipline to stay on track--just not his personality. So the temptations were greater than I anticipated. Naive? Probably.</p>

<p>That said, I love NOLA too and was actually happy when he chose it. How's that for ambivalence?</p>

<p>The great thing about NOLA is that there's a ton, ton of stuff to do that doesn't involve drinking. There's the park, the zoo, museums, art districts, music, food, culture, etc. That can't be said for a lot of other party schools that are in towns where there is NOTHING else to do but party. </p>

<p>That said, the bad thing about Tulane, is that there's such an emphasis on partying that the other stuff gets drowned out -- or rather, doesn't happen unless there's also a beer (okay, many beers) involved.</p>

<p>Would a conservative Christian fit in well?</p>

<p>generally, i would say no prankity. remember that tulane has a huge northeastern vibe, which inevitably comes along with a disrespect for the social conservative brand of southern Christianity. i would say that a social conservative Christian would fit in at NYU as well as they would fit in at tulane, which is to say they wouldn't fit in at all. there were a group of HARDCORE christians in my dorm last year; they ended up hanging out with the same five people and weren't very well liked or respected on the whole. additionally, i don't feel campus has a religious inclination towards an religion, those who identify with a certain religion are almost always non-practicing or are only religious ostensibly. most people would agree that tulane is 30 percent nominally jewish, 30 percent nominally catholic, 30 percent don't practice or claim any religion, and the remaining 10 percent are either protestant, Hindu, muslim, or something else.</p>

<p>There are a lot of conservative people at Tulane -- I don't know about conservative Christaian</p>

<p>I am not sure NOLA would be my first choice if I were a Christian conservation. The town may not quite be Sodom and Gamorrah but it is not the City of God either. There is actually a major social divide within the state of Louisiana that fall roughly along the interstate I-10. The cajun, creole, mediterranean, catholic cultural heritage versus a fairly typical Southern Anglo-Celtic Souther Protestantirm. South Louisiana is as different from Northern Louisiana as Toronto is from Montreal.</p>

<p>The cultural differences between these regions, historically based on settlement patterns and sources of immigration greatly influence the politics of the state and instate rivalries between New orleans and Baton Rouge. Upsate was Huey Long territory, New Orleanians opposed him in most cases, sometimes bitterly. Read Confederacy of Dunces and how Ignatius felt about Baton Rouge. The author in addition to being a Tulanian was a life-long New Orleanan </p>

<p>All that said Tulane is probably even a less inviting enviroment for a Christian conservative because of the noted heavy northeast influence and a very large Jewish population. Sure I will get blasted for this but your average Long Island Jew is generally highly suspicious of hostile towards anything smacking of fundamentalism. The net result is Tulane is very secular, much more so than even schools like Duke or WUSTL which both have similar demographics but feature large chapels on campus. In Duke's case the chapel even dominates the place. The Tulane chapel is an inconspicuous and rather homely little building on the edge of campus that looks rather like a repurposed drive through take-out joint. If it were to burn to the ground I seriously doubt it would be replaced.</p>

<p>In spite of what I have said nearly all religious groupings are represented on campus and most have their respective organizations with the Jewish and catholic ones seeming to be the most active.</p>