Social life in Grad School

Graduate School
1

<p>I'm a chemistry major with a 3.8 GPA. My social life in college sucked. There were so few people in my classes I didn't even have people to study with. I'm getting concerned about my social skills because I have no one to hang out with regularly and it seems like a lot of people don't like me. I'm tall, handsome, very physically strong, confident, somewhat intelligent, and boring. I was sheltered as a kid and I was excited to get to college for the social life. When I got there I was too afraid to do anything.</p>

<p>I'm not sure how to say this. My attitude towards college partying has changed and I kind of regret not doing some of it. In grad school my priority is research, but I kind of want to go to bars periodically to sing karaoke, dance, play pool, and talk to drunk people. I want to do this with people that aren't total strangers, stupid, or violent. In undergrad the people in my classes were older, married, or had a religion that prohibited fun. In upper level undergrad/beginning grad classes this is more true.</p>

<p>Not having a social life is really getting me down and it's affecting my work. I have almost no human contact. I'm kind of awkward from a lack of experience, but I'm not naive. I can tell when I'm being taken advantage of and I won't to rush into a serious relationship. I'm not looking at a very top program. Just a program that has high enrollment, and a surrounding area that's somewhat safe with stuff to do. I'm looking at UCLA, USC, University of Florida, University of Pittsburgh, Texas A&M, WVU, and Penn State.</p>

<p>I'm just wondering how the social life for a grad student is during the first year before research starts.</p>

2

<p>work hard, play hard. I think you want to look to urban schools for a better social life in grad school.</p>

3

<p>First of all, research usually starts right away in graduate school – sometimes even before classes start. </p>

<p>I won’t lie to you and say that you won’t be lonely in graduate school. In most cases, you will be living alone without the support system and potential camaraderie found in dorms. That said, you CAN get to know people and have fun, albeit a more restrained, more mature style than you find at an undergraduate institution.</p>

<p>When you arrive at your new program, say “yes” at first to all invitations to go out, get a bite to eat, or catch a movie. My daughter is at Pitt in the sciences, so I can speak a little about what it’s like there, although keep in mind that chemistry may be structured differently. Because there is a core curriculum, all first years take the same classes, at least in the first semester, so she’s getting to know them and vice versa. The program has hosted at least one get-together for them. In addition to classes, she must attend journal clubs and seminars – again, they get to know each other gradually through that. They also have a mandatory retreat (actually, because she’s in a joint program with Carnegie Mellon, she’ll have two of these this fall) for everyone in the program where I suspect she’ll get to know all the grad students better. And of course, she has gotten to know the people in her first lab fairly well. People go out but not as frequently as in undergraduate. Because she is in a city, graduate students are scattered throughout the different neighborhoods. She runs into a few in her neighborhood. So far, after two weeks of classes, she doesn’t know anyone well enough to call a friend, but that takes time. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>If you worry about this, you may be too guarded to let people get to know you. Relax. Don’t worry about being taken advantage of unless people ask you for loans or passwords. Assume the best of people, even when they don’t act the way you expect. And don’t jump to premature conclusions. People make mistakes by saying the wrong thing (sometimes out of nerves) or by doing something stupid/unthinking. Yes, some people are emotional leeches, and you need to know when to cut them loose, but you have to get to know them well enough before you can draw this conclusion. </p>

<p>Graduate school will be an excellent place for you to start over. Keep in mind, however, that it is an intense experience that limits your social time. Use that time wisely.</p>

<p>Edited to add: Look at programs to see how they are structured. You can sometimes tell how much interaction graduate students have by the training.</p>