I think it’s an interesting enough topic for it to be a stand alone thread in the Parents Forum.
While I love hearing and seeing posts on my friend’s (and people here on CC) kids’ accomplishment, I think there is a line somewhere between celebrating your child’s accomplishments and being obnoxious about it. I have trouble articulating where that is though! More like I know it when I see it ; )
I have an acquaintance that posts every little thing about their children. Every award, every goal, every scholarship, every acceptance, even dean’s lists in college. I hardly ever stop and read her posts anymore because it’s just too much.
That said, my D had a teacher in HS who said that if you score a touchdown in a football game, a stadium full of people will stand up and cheer for you. We don’t typically have that for academic accomplishments and his feelings were that we should be celebrating those just as loudly.
When my D was a HS senior, the kids were all super careful about sharing their acceptances, especially the ED/EA ones with their peers because so many were deferred or rejected from their first choices. The school celebrated senior acceptances May 1st, after commitments. For the most part the kids were really good about not posting stuff on social media before then. Parents, less so.
I see value in both sharing/celebrating and being mindful of friends and others.
We were visiting prospective high schools several years ago and saw an interesting tradition. Seniors would post copies of their rejection letters on their lockers, as a “hey we’re all in this together and you’re not alone if you got a rejection and are feeling down about it”. I really liked that sense of solidarity.
Unfortunately, when our oldest was a senior at that same school last spring, I asked if that was a thing that people did and she hadn’t seen it as a thing. Maybe it was a one-off bit of culture for that class. Or maybe it was one of many traditions that died off during COVID.
Our child tagged us in her Facebook post. That way, we didn’t do it, but also everyone we knew would find out. Current high school senior doesn’t have Facebook, so who knows. Whatever it is, we won’t do without permission.
I don’t love the post about how the “child is so happy and I’m so proud and it’s so great to have a college student in the family” but without ever mentioning the college. Much easier not to post at all!
I am the Queen of living vicariously through my own kids and my students. I used to be more obnoxious, but I still love to cheer on their achievements on social media. I think it’s great to let people know about these things. I’ll do it here too:
I literally just got a text from a parent to let me know her son got into Boston College! Super proud of him, and I’ll give myself a little pat on the back too!
I often say that I’m glad my kids graduated before social media. I probably would have been obnoxious. Fortunately, I didn’t join Facebook until after I understood how to use it responsibly.
As I mentioned in my posts on the other thread, I don’t think posting your kid’s acceptances on social media (or CC) is by itself obnoxious. It’s just the timing, content and place of certain posts that I find off putting. Like the example I gave, which was made up, but based on a real example from one of last year’s threads.
just recently I’ve learned how sensitive some of my parent friends are about this all, and me too, with some mutual acquaintances. Too much is too much. Over the top constant posting can make people feel bad. There’s a fine line between posting an acceptance, and posting way too much EG: all the likely letters from ivies; visits from coaches, or all the scholarships and awards and acceptances.
In order to respect my friends’ feelings, because i value them – i’ll just post a simple post saying D23 is graduating and attending XXXXX – and that will be that. NO IDEA what my kid will do; i don’t follow my kid. And trust me, nothing too exciting our way.
My “word of the year 2022” is discernment - and i see this as certainly the time to use it.
It’s the humble brags that get to me. “Little Hank won 250K in scholarships from U Penn, Dartmouth, Columbia and Princeton-- it was a hard decision, but NJ here we come”.
Uh, no. He didn’t “win” money from these schools- you had financial need, and the college’s financial aid awards reflected the level of your need. And it wasn’t a hard decision at all- all your friends know that you were crying when you read the Princeton Fin Aid letter since it was 10K higher than U Penn’s.
I do enjoy reading the posts from people whose kids have had “issues” in the past, some of whom have clearly turned things around. But nothing beats one neighbor’s honesty “Upon the advice of his probation officer, Joey is going to live at home next year, work at Lowe’s, and continue working his 12 steps program. We are justifiably proud of him”.
You cross that Mama Bear at your peril-- and good for you, Joey!
I think posting where your kid is attending is great. People actually want to know. Posting every acceptance? Not so much. Justified or not, many of those who didn’t get into those schools will feel like you wasted a spot they could have had. It also creates a lot of comparisons of “what did that kid have that the kid that didn’t get in didn’t?”
I did one post per kid about college after the deposit was in. The world at large didn’t need to know where else they applied. For d20, since she applied ED, that post was in December. For d22, that post came in April.
I’m going to post every college acceptance on FB. I don’t care what the CC chatteratti think about it. But…I’m not connected on social media with a ton of people. It’s about 50 people, actually. And my posts are set up so that only if you’re a friend can you read it. So if you’re friend of a friend, you can’t see it.
Neither of my kids are on social media at all. Not Instagram or even Snapchat or anything else. They’ll talk about acceptances with their friends in person and on the phone.
I was very obnoxious about it with D2013 (my first to go to college). I posted every acceptance letter and every scholarship offer, artfully positioned on a pretty background, accented by a dramatic filter… I doubled down with dorm room pics when we moved her in…BUT back in 2013 all the parent-friends on my FB feed were doing the same thing.
When those memories pop up on my FB, I couldn’t possibly cringe any harder - yuck!
I didn’t post a thing with D2021 except for when she made her final decision and even then, I didn’t include that she received merit because I felt that it crossed the line between celebrating and bragging.
I’ve noticed in the past 3-4 years that there’s been a huge decline in people on my FB feed sharing not only every acceptance, but also where their child ultimately ends up going to college. For me, I read the room - if hardly anyone on my social media is chronically kid-bragging, then I don’t want to be “that person” - even though I’d love to shout out my kid for being on the Dean’s List every semester - I don’t. I have one or two on my feeds who still share every little accomplishment (several a day, actually), but if it gets to be too annoying, I simply “mute” them for a bit.
This topic is frequently (and hotly) debated on the FB college pages. My takeaway is you do you, but I reserve the right to mute or unfriend if my eyes start to ache from all the rolling back into my head.
I did post where my kids decided to go to college, no mention of merit awards. My youngest are twins, one has always been more academically successful than the other, last year one was on the presidents list both semesters, the other withdrew the first semester. No photos of my daughter with the university president at the celebratory dinner was posted. My oldest graduated summa cum laude but not once mentioned her grades to us, neither did the next one (have no idea what his gpa was). The 3rd’s school sent a deans list letter every semester which I shared with her only.
I love seeing where my friends’ kids are headed., so I am happy to see a decision or drop-off on social media.
Acceptances. Just No. It’s not a touchdown. It’s an opportunity to be on the team. The education is the prize.
Most people would think it was in very poor taste to announce which parties/weddings people had been invited to and decided not to attend. This is in the same category.
Mine too. She has basically zero social media presence. I think she’s posted maybe a dozen photos, mainly of hiking, on her Instagram in the last 5 years.
She rarely gives me permission to post anything on FB. I feel like I have other outlets to share my joy/brag (like the bragging thread here) and I have a small (very small) IRL group where I can share those joys and everyone is really supportive.
Where are my sports parents? The social media postings about offers, unofficial/official visits, and special treatment (e.g. box tickets to college sporting events, personalized college jerseys) begins during the summer and continues right up to signing day. And, of course, there is senior night where everyone in attendance finds out where the seniors are headed.
Then come the posts about move-in and every accolade/stat that kid receives while playing for their chosen team. I love our club families but the constant barrage was overwhelming.
When my kid was admitted to her top choice in December, I personally shared the information with family and close friends. No big social media announcement because I knew other kids/families were stressed out, still waiting for decisions.
On National Decision Day (May 1), I did post pics on social media of D and her friends in their college swag because it was a lovely moment of celebration and, by that time, most people had finalized their post-graduation plans.
I rarely post pix of my young adults. I pretty much only do that if I have their permission. I posted for my D22 in August the day before we left for college with her permission and announced the college. I posted more photos of her high school graduation. I would only share merit awards in person, never online.
I know a lot of people who take some alternate paths. My oldest did not go to a 4 yr school.
Likewise, I ran into one of the top students from D22’s elementary school (kid was an academic wiz, could sing and dance, athlete) last year working at a bagel shop. I asked her how she was doing and was careful to ask what her plans were after graduation. She said she was taking a gap year and working and traveling. She’s a brilliant kid and I’d bet she will end up going to college somewhere, but maybe not.
But…I’m not connected on social media with a ton of people. It’s about 50 people, actually. And my posts are set up so that only if you’re a friend can you read it. So if you’re friend of a friend, you can’t see it.