<p>My dd has narrowed her choices to Emory, Kenyon, and Colorado College. Her biggest concern about both Kenyon (1600 students) and Colorado College (2000 students) is the size. She attends a high school of 1400, and last autumn someone who had been a close friend deeply betrayed her. Because they're both in all AP/accelerated classes, they attend three classes together. And of course even in a big building they run into each other in the halls, too. This misery of this situation has made my daughter extremely leery of risking something like this happening in college. It's one of the few things making her lean toward Emory. </p>
<p>My school had 15,000 undergrads, so I don't know how to advise my daughter of how likely she is ever to be to have multiple classes with someone. My feeling is that unless you are in the same major and certain required classes for that major are offered only once a year, you probably won't have more than a couple of classes with any one of your classmates your entire four years, even at a small school like Kenyon or Colorado College. But I wanted to get confirmation of this from someone who knew more than I did before I made this point. </p>
<p>As a related issue, are there other social pros/cons of a small school? She is also hearing at both Kenyon and Colorado that there's a "hookup" culture -- that is, no one has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Everyone just hooks up. This doesn't appeal to her at all. Is this something that is unique to these two schools, or to selective LACs, or is it everywhere? </p>
<p>I went to a small university (Alfred U) back in the stone age. If there is someone you do not like it may be difficult to avoid them on a small campus. On a small campus it goes further than just classes. You just run into people you know everywhere you go because there are smaller numbers of people.</p>
<p>However, there are pluses of a smaller schools also. The Professors are very accessible and you often see them around campus having coffee, or just strolling. My Jr/Sr year roomate’s father was a professor and he used to come visit us in our room all the time. All the students knew him and he would bring big boxes of cookies and socialize for a little while when he visited. It was common for professors to invite students to continue a class discussion over coffee.</p>
<p>Overall, I think that individual personality really drives whether the pluses and minuses of a large/small campus are beneficial.</p>
<p>“Everyone”? I don’t know about that. I don’t know if there is more hooking up at the LACs than at universities. You think there is no hooking up at Emory? I know kids there and been there who will hoot at that one. </p>
<p>I don’t know if there are schools where there is more “hooking up” than others. I would think it is less prevalent at the smaller schools where you have to run into the same people more often.</p>
<p>As for small school culture, yes, you are more likely to run into the same people and for them to know your business more. My one son went to a large state university and hated the impersonalness of it all after graduating from a small high school where it was one big unhappy, fighting family, but a family that was together nonetheless. He thought he’d love getting away from that atmosphere, but discovered there are drawbacks to being in a big school. He visited his brother at a LAC and felt nostalgic at how kids would go to performances, games to support each other and know each others schedules and support each other. There is a bonding there. Now of course, if something goes wrong, it can be a problem there too. Whereas in a larger school you have more room to remain anonymous.</p>
<p>My current freshman also misses his high school bonds where kids though had their issues, supported each other too. It’s been a tough for him to be at a state u with a lot of people there but few who know him.</p>
<p>Emory might be a good middle ground, but if you think it is lacking in hook ups…well, no way is the word I get about that.</p>
<p>Clarification – I wasn’t trying to suggest that there wasn’t hooking up everywhere. Just wondering if it was more pervasive in some types of schools. If it’s the norm in some places but not in others, she can use that as one piece of information as she makes her decision. If it’s just part of the college culture anywhere she’d go, then she can ignore that piece of information about any given school.</p>
<p>At the LAC’s my family attended in the past decade, there were really two romantic cultures, a hook-up and a committed “in a relationship” style of serial monogamy. These styles co-existed on campus. People chose their personal path without judging a friend for being with the other culture. It was also my impression that they didn’t attempt to start up with someone in the other camp, because it hurts feelings to have much differing expectations when a romance begins.</p>
<p>As for trying not to cross paths with someone socially when that’s helpful, for example, soon after a romantic break-up, it’s still possible on a small campus. Your D should envision moving from building to building, across open space, with all students having markedly different schedules based on major. It’s very different than being enclosed in one h.s. building with students taking from a very limited h.s. course menu, moving around in hallways from classroom to classroom. </p>
<p>Back in the day, after a romantic break-up, I recall simply changing my walking path around the various buildings to my classes, for a week or so, until the thoughts didn’t bother me. And I’d visit the cafeteria at a slightly different schedule, just to make myself scarce from that person, who might have been doing the same thing for all I know. Within weeks, life had quickly moved on and I didn’t mind seeing him around. </p>
<p>There are no guarantees that if she goes to Emory only to have a large community, that she wouldn’t find roommate or hallmate drama! Instead, ask her to read online about how to handle such issues which can crop up in any community. </p>
<p>It would be better for you D to consider her options imagining a slightly more mature student body. She and others will be that much older and ready to leave behind some of the worst aspects of h.s., especially the drama. Whatever it meant to be “deeply betrayed” by another friend, as painful as that was, she is ready to move on. She can be sure others will have gone through dramas in other hometowns, too, and want it to play less of a role in their busy college lives. Anything she wants to remake or redo, going off to college is a great chance to shed some old skin.</p>
<p>I went to a very large university. After one year it felt like a small college. If there was someone I never wanted to see again, I was going to see them again and again and again. After 4 years I felt like I knew everyone and couldn’t wait to get out. And I came from a high school where there were only 28 in my graduating class! </p>
<p>Most kids find their “people” and hang out with their “people” all through college. This groupiness might actually be more prevalent in a big university than a smaller college, imo.</p>
<p>It would be more accurate to say that even at a college with 1400 students one will not share ANY classes EVER with the vast majority of those students.</p>
<p>Thank you all for the fantastic information! Consolation, thanks, very helpful! And paying3tuitions, the idea that it’s actually two mostly-separate romance cultures makes TOTAL sense, thanks so much. </p>
<p>My sense is like paying3 - that serial monogamy and hookups seem to be most prevalent. What’s harder to do is romantic dating without immediately becoming a serious couple. My youngest (as far as I can tell) has the same kind of social life he had in high school - he’s part of a big group of kids who do things together, without too much obvious coupling within the group.</p>
<p>I went to a smaller LAC. Other than seeing my roommate in our dorm or apartment, I never saw her walking around campus. She had a different major and was in different buildings then I was in. Even people in my major I would have a class here an there with but not every class and I don’t think I ever had the same person in more than 2 classes each year. It’s quite different being on a college campus that has several buildings, dorms, etc. then it is being in a high school where everyone is in one building, and especially honors programs where the class size is limited. Also, for the most part, college students are more socially mature than high school kids, or at least they try to be.</p>
<p>DH and I met at a very small LAC. Socially, people are more mature than high school but stratification can be a problem if you are the sort of person who notices or cares. Academically, it is quite something to have class at the dean’s house, or get a wedding present from a professor, or have a professor vouch for your on-probation friend as “worth taking back”. As with all things, there are good and bad parts. Don’t let her bad high school experience color the decision: she will be different, her peer group will be different, life will be different. Everyone she meets won’t hurt her :)</p>
<p>I didn’t go to a LAC and neither did my offspring. However, I do think there are pros and cons to the small school experience.</p>
<p>I think the biggest pro is that different kinds of kids mix more at most small schools. They don’t self-segregate as much along racial and socioeconomic lines. Another is that it’s easier to get into activities–you don’t have to be as good a musician to make marching band as you have to be at big state U, there are about as many positions on the campus newspaper with fewer people competing for them, etc. </p>
<p>The cons include the fact that you will have the same people in your classes in your major, especially if you’re in a less popular major. One of the kids in our neighborhood went to a school in the AWS group–the top LACs–and majored in a subject which probably had no more than 12 people a class in it. He said by the end of sophomore year, he knew exactly what each of his classmates would say as soon as they raised their hands. He found that boring. </p>
<p>It is also harder, I think, for young women as they arrive as junior and senior year. The dating pool shrinks–lots of freshman women date junior and senior guys, but junior and senior girls don’t usually date freshman and sophomore guys. If the LAC is a rural one, there may not be other schools near by, so the dating pool is really limited. Throw in the fact that a lot of LACs are 60% female and it’s tough. </p>
<p>If you break up with someone it’s hard, not only because you keep seeing that person on campus, but also because EVERYONE knows you just broke up. It can take a while for anyone else to express any interest because people just sort of hang back for a while to make sure it’s really “over.” At a large school, it’s easier to meet potential romances who don’t know your dating/romantic history.</p>
<p>With some notable exceptions, the career services tend not to be as good. USUALLY–not always, USUALLY–fewer companies recruit on campus, especially on rural campuses.</p>
Just wondering if it was more pervasive in some types of schools. If it’s the norm in some places but not in others, she can use that as one piece of information as she makes her decision. If it’s just part of the college culture anywhere she’d go, then she can ignore that piece of information about any given school.</p>