Some advice for you parents...

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
1

<p>I speak from experience, so listen up.</p>

<p>Many of you on this board will soon (if you have not already) had your son/daughter receive the much-awaited acceptance letter to USNA or NAPS. You are, of course, immensley proud of your kid, and you have every right to be. I offer you my congratulations on raising a kid of the level of quality that allows them to be admitted.</p>

<p>Now, here's the advice: BACK OFF!</p>

<p>Your kid needs you to be there for them, to hear them *****, to hear them gripe, to vent, and then, maybe, to offer them advice. DO NOT try to "put yourself in our shoes" or any such nonsense. Unless you have been to the Academy yourself, you have no earthly clue what it's like, and more often than not your exuberance and desire to help your kid simply ticks them off. </p>

<p>This happens for a simple reason: It's annoying. </p>

<p>The kids are in an environment, probably for the first time in their lives, where what Mommy and Daddy think bears about as much relevence to the situation at hand as the temperature on the surface of Alpha Centauri. They are bing judged on what THEY do, not what YOU think. They are also being taught, in a very direct manner, to fend for themselves and to rely on their classmates. As those of you who have been through "elite" programs (or worse - combat) know, a bond develops among those who go through it together that is oftentimes stronger than anything at home. They will also cling to girlfriends/boyfriends more than they will to you. It's natural.</p>

<p>Additionally, your attempts to "understand", or to be gung-ho Navy Parents, will very likely light your kid off like an ICBM. You CANNOT understand because you haven't DONE it, and as for your exuberance, ask any Mid what they think of that flashy little catalog the Candidate Guidance Office sent them, and see if ANY of it bears any resemblance to reality. Go on; I dare you.</p>

<p>They will call home crying. They will beg to come home. They will ask you if they should quit. DO NOT tell them either "Yes" or "No". You need to help them make their OWN decision. You need to be there to hear them vent. You need to be there to remind them, as only someone with twice their years or more knows, that pain is temporary, but pride is forever. They need to understand that if they decide the place is not for them, that you won't think less of them. You also need to remind them that whatever decision they make, they will have to look the person who made it in the eye every morning for the rest of their lives when they look in the mirror.</p>

<p>There will be mood swings the like you have never seen. They will laugh maniacally then roar with rage. If you try to push too hard, they will push back, HARD. You can no longer LEAD them, you have to be there to offer GUIDANCE and SUPPORT, and only when they ASK for it.</p>

<p>Tell them now you are proud of them (as if your eyes will not when they take the oath and come to you one last time before they disappear in to the Hall to begin Plebe Summer), and tell them that no matter what happens, you are there. Tell them they can do it, but that THEY have to believe it.</p>

<p>Be proud, but do not treat your kid as a trophy. Do not introduce him as "This is my son, John. He goes to the Naval Academy!". It is not received well. (Besides, we like to drop that bomb ourselves! ;-) ) They are adults, and candidates in the most elite Officer-Accension program in the United States Navy. TREAT THEM LIKE IT!</p>

<p>As for you Pleber-soon-to-be's, take it easy on your folks. They have no way of knowing the **** being flung at you. All they see are the ads, the catalogs, the movies, and their little kid being a part of it. Pride is not the word, and I know this only from seeing my own parents and those of my classmates. Someday, perhaps, I'll feel it first hand.</p>

<p>Stay the course. Never quit. Never surrender. Remember that you are training to become warriors for a nation at war. This is the big leagues, people. Play for KEEPS.</p>

<p>I only wish someone had told me this when I was in HS. Would have saved me no end of grief!</p>

<p>ETA: Looks like this board is sailor-language-proof. Oh, well. Simply fill in the appropriate verbs and nouns wherever you see the four asterisks, and don't expect such a filter in the Hall. ;-)</p>

2

<p>Zaphod - you're AMAZING!!</p>

<p>Thanks for the bracing reminder of OUR role as parents.</p>

<p>I think I have a glimmer of a clue of what my daughter will expect - because my husband ( her dad) is class of '72. Let me just say it took him 25 years to talk to me about what life was REALLY like there. He went from a rural Minnesota, farm boy, pastor's son with no real preparation into Academy life. My husband is not a quitter - but the stupid, wierd, dumb, mean, hazing experiences he went through ( for doing his homework and getting straight "A's" of all things... 'what are trying to do BILGE the rest of us?' ---that's one sentence he finally told me 25 years out) not to mention the stress and work of the academic/military side was something that even now I see was both the hardest thing and the best thing that my husband has ever experienced. Yes, tears come to his eyes at the singing of the Blue and Gold - so he never has regretted his USNA experience - but from the looks I see in his eyes as he relives memories of those 4 years - I have no illusions about the 'cakewalk' ahead for our kids there. And just because our daughter is a girl - doesn't comfort we one bit that she will have an 'easier time'. </p>

<p>It will be comments like mids from you that will both prepare we moms and dads, as well as the next class of 2010.</p>

<p>Thanks soooo much for taking the time to write from your heart. Our military will be enriched with the likes of you in command! :-)</p>

<p>GO NAVY! BEAT ARMY!</p>

3

<p>Aye Aye Sir........</p>

<p>Well put!!....... </p>

<p>**** yes!!.........</p>

4

<p>My pleasure. I'm thinking of starting another thread for the kids. Just mulling what to say to them.</p>

<p>As for your husband, yes, I know the feelings he has, and I didn't go through HALF the flak he did. It's a cakewalk in comparison, but even a cakewalk through hell puts you in hell.</p>

<p>I know that "look" of which you speak. I can imagine what it's going to be like for him to walk through the place again.</p>

<p>"I cried there. I was chewed out over there. There's the place we did morning PEP. That's the room that ***hole upperclassman lived in."</p>

<p>Ever read "The Count of Monte Cristo"? It's a lot like the scene where Dantes returns to the Chateau D'If. Not as drastic, obviously, but eerily familiar. </p>

<p>Now he will have to add "...and now my KID is in there!"</p>

<p>Again. Worst place to be at. Best place to be from.</p>

<p>Hang in there!</p>

<p>Oh, and I should mention I'm no longer in. Due to a progression of events I'll bore you with some other time, I did my five and left. </p>

<p>I still run my departments like they taught me at Canoe U, though, and it WORKS! I just wish I was a little better at the politics. When you're taught to DESTROY the enemy, having to play nice with them gets kinda tough! ;-)</p>

5

<p>My daughter has an LOA - everything else is done with the exception of her MOC interview on Dec. 17th....mostly a formality, but an important one, their office told me.....so we still have a few hoops to jump through before her big "A" comes in the mail...</p>

<p>I asked my husband how he felt about our daughter wanting to go USNA and serve her country.</p>

<p>I think his words summarize how we all feel:</p>

<p>PRIDE.....
and
TERROR</p>

<p>GO NAVY!BEAT ARMY!</p>

6

<p>Ummm........ It's been a while.....</p>

<p>MOC?</p>

<p>I'm assuming (dangerous, I know) that LOA is Letter of Appointment.</p>

<p>Sorry, but when I went through, the internet wasn't even a glint in Al Gore's eye, so the acronyms weren't as common. ;-)</p>

<p>ETA: I can't believe we can't QUOTE here! (Zaphod rolls his eyes).</p>

7

<p>One additional word of advice: some of your children who have worked so hard to earn an appointment to one of the Academies may make the difficult choice to turn the appointment down. Parents cannot possibly understand the complexity of this decision. Please do not let your pride interfere with the most important decision your child has ever made -- possibly the defining decision of their life. Attending any Academy for the wrong reason is a terrible mistake and a child's fear of disappointing his/her parents is most assuredly the wrong reason. As Zaphod has noted: this is NOT about you. You will not the the one subjected to the intensity of the Academy experience, you are not the one who is trading his or her youth for nine or more years of service to our country. </p>

<p>There is no shame in declining an Academy appointment and pursuing a civilian education and career. There is, however, great shame in accepting an appointment knowing that one's heart is not in it and that one may be taking a well deserved opportunity away from someone else. I am not speaking in the hypothetical here -- I have lived through this as a parent. Do not pressure your child to go if their heart is saying that it is not right for them. And please do not make it about the money: The Academy may not be sending you a bill, but never for one minute think that it is "free". Listen to them, love them, and let them know that your pride in their accomplishments and faith in their future is unwaivering regardless of their decision.</p>

8

<p>MOC is "Member of Congress" - the Senators/Congressman</p>

<p>LOA is a "Letter of Assurance" they issue to kids ...which is really an 'early admission' from the Academy...they do that to try and catch the same pool of kids who are IVY league material and don't know if they want to wait until late spring to see if they get into the Academy...to let them know they have a guaranteed acceptance provided they get their Blue and Gold Interview/DoDMERB/nomination completed.</p>

<p>USNA issues roughly 200 of them we've been told - so it IS a big deal to get one. It certainly takes part of the 'nail biting' wait time off the back of the family.</p>

<p>In our case, with our Congressman not interviewing until Dec. 17th and not notifying us until Jan 30 - and then the Academy...we still have a wait ahead before she gets here "Appointment" letter in the mail.</p>

9

<p>Amen, oiixxg. </p>

<p>Although I have to admit that I'd be pretty puzzled if a kid went through the entire process only to quit at the end. Still, it's better than showing up and then quiting.</p>

<p>You should check out my other thread. ;-)</p>

<p>Money? LOL! I had a classmate who went to USNA because he thought it would make him rich like Perot! OOPS! That didn't last long! LOL! Idiot....</p>

<p>Thanks, peskemom. I really need to dig up all my application stuff. I found it in a big box just the other day. Heaven only knows what's in there.</p>

<p>LOA's didn't exist back in 1986. I know I never saw one.</p>

10

<p>:) Zaphod, your posts are a hoot to read. Just read the one you'd posted to the new kids going in. You forgot to tell them about the poo flinging! Don't leave out the best part! I don't know much about what goes on at USNA but it sounds similar to what goes on at most of the Academies and parents can learn alot from your post thats relative to other Acadmies as well. Some kind parents from last year advised to let the kids rant and rave on the phone for a while then forget it after you'd hung up. I took that to heart. They truly do move on the next day and more likely than not, forgot what they were ranting & raving about the day before. </p>

<p>As hard as it is to get in, its 100 times harder to stay. Been advised that several more are leaving USMMA this Thanksgiving break. Scares the heck outta me. The best support I've given doesn't seem like much compared to what my kid is challenged with. I keep sending boodle and money. (Our kids don't get that little stipend thing shame that it is...) He doesn't keep us in the know with his daily life and I try not to pry. That wigs them out too. Most of it I probably don't need to know cause it would give me nightmares. All I know is that he's made it one more day and that makes me grin big. </p>

<p>Peskemom - good luck to your daughter. Sounds like she comes from good stock! She's gonna look great in whites! Enjoy this exciting time with her. And love her for the sweet girl she is now. When you see her next Xmas, she'll have developed that sailor's mouth and teach you the best new words. I find they come in handy when the washer has just leaked all over the utility room floor.</p>

11

<p>Zaphod wrote: "Although I have to admit that I'd be pretty puzzled if a kid went through the entire process only to quit at the end."</p>

<p>You might be surprised. There was a fairly robust thread here last spring on just this subject. As I recall, several regulars on this board last spring decided to turn down their appointments. </p>

<p>And I don't think "quit" is the right word. The amazing young men and women who receive appointments generally have many options. Selection of the right option for oneself is not quitting. Candidates who turn down Harvard in order to accept their appointments to USNA are certainly not "quitting" Harvard!</p>

<p>Also of interest: I met 3 young people at I-Day this past summer who had turned down an appointment out of high school because they did not feel they were ready for the Academy. Each choose to attend civilian college, and then reapplied for admission for later year.</p>

<p>Each of these kids told the same story: they did not know when they turned the opportunity down that they would feel differently later. In other words, none of them turned it down while "planning" to re-apply. The re-application was a decision made at a different point in time when they had a new set of information about themselves to inform their decision. While I have no insider information about the decision process at the Academy, it appears from these three experiences that declining an appointment is not a "deal killer" for a future application.</p>

12

<p>May I make a foray into the practical? Get an 800 number. That way your student can call home from the room phone without dialing 20 or so numbers to charge the call. It's all about time. Since we live in Alaska, and the time difference is 4 hours, we usually get calls right around 1am EST, when most youngsters start thinking about going to sleep. I doubt our mid would call at that time of night if it entailed dialing many numbers!</p>

<p>Just a thought!</p>

13

<p>Lou, you crack me up, man.
God bless you!</p>

14

<p>Gotta keep them pesky parents in line! ;-)</p>

15

<p>Hey WATCH IT ZAPHOD!
My last name really really IS P-E-S-K-E!!</p>

<p>When I first met my husband he was barely graduated and looked awfully cute in that new Ensign uniform. When he told me his name was "John Peske" my very first thought was: "Oh God, what a terrible last name! Who would ever want a last name like that!"</p>

<p>The last laugh's on me, cause I've been Mrs Peske for 30+ years now and we made 5 Peske babies!!! And our last one- looks like she's headed for USNA 2010...to be hassled as much as her dad for that last name.</p>

<p>Just last night at dinner he mentioned - for the first time - the fact that his initials on his nameplate at USNA were "J.G.Peske"....(John Gerald) And that he got some comments from upperclassman when they were in a bad mood about whether or not he was a "J.G." (referring to Ltjg rank) At that point our poor wannna-be mid groans..."THANKS Dad!" Never dreaming 17 years ago...we named her Janell Grace....So it looks like there might be another "J.G.Peske" that has to deal with name teasing at the Academy....</p>

<p>So just remember Zaphod....We take the "pesky" teasing VERY SERIOUSLY around here!! :-) :-)</p>

<p>Go Navy! Beat Army!</p>

16

<p>LOL! Hadn't caught on to that!</p>

<p>Well, tell Jannel to be grateful her initials didn't work out to ADM! ;-)</p>

17

<p>Zaphod: I just read your first message here. Excellent. As a parent of a West Point plebe I've tried to live by your words - we've been very, very careful not to imply in any way, shape or form that we understand what he's going through. We don't and we make no claim that we do. When we made the mistake of trying to say we understood he just gave us one of those looks that teenagers are experts at - "you don't have a clue." </p>

<p>All I say now is that we'll support him whatever he decides to do. Of course I'm encouraged when he talks about branching, or what he'll do after his yuk summer, etc. But even then I don't say much in response. My brother-in-law was USMA Class of '76 and prior to my son selecting West Point I had by brother-in-law speak to him with some words of wisdom.</p>

<p>Sad that some parents push their kids into the Academies. My son has a good friend who's probably going to leave after his plebe year - my son says that the father is living vicariously through his son and the son knows it. Not a good reason to go to an Academy, especially to one that doesn't have air-conditioned rooms.</p>

<p>Go Army! Beat Navy!</p>

18

<p>chief6,
"...one that doesn't have air-conditioned rooms." Have you ever visited Annapolis in mid-August??? I believe the heat index was around 110 degrees during Plebe Parent Weekend this year. Air-conditioned dorms, just another example of the Navy as the vanguard of technology!
This should get some laughs. My Plebe daughter says that they are taught "Swearing is poor leadership." I love it! Things change.
GO NAVY! BEAT ARMY!</p>

19

<p>"Swearing is poor leadership"</p>

<p>Guess thats where the term "swear like a sailor" comes from :-P</p>

20

<p>"When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can't run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn't fight it's way out of a ****-soaked paper bag." - George S. Patton</p>

<p>If it's good enough for some USMA Army puke, it's good enough for the World's Finest Navy! ;-D</p>

<p>"Swearing is poor leadership" was probably thought up by some elitist leftist dork at Berkley who considered himself a veteran because he spit on a returning soldier during Vietnam.</p>