Some good light shed on "Tiger Parents,"

[madogmgd]

<p>We all know how strict asian parents can be. I found this article</p>

<p>Why</a> Chinese Mothers Are Superior - WSJ.com</p>

<p>I found the story at the bottom to be inspiring.</p>

[bsmd11]

<p>These people are ridiculous.</p>

[golfcrewxctrack]

<p>I felt like I was reading about my life in the beginning of that article</p>

[madogmgd]

<p>@Bsmd11</p>

<p>But did you see the story about the little girl who suddenly found it easy to conquer the obstacle and started beaming?</p>

<p>A little force tactics is necessary for some children to see what they can do.</p>

<p>It’s just like what V said on V for Vendetta “Sometimes there is no easier way,”</p>

[314159265]

<p>This was so six months ago.</p>

[ifax108]

<p>A few things…</p>

<p>

In one study of 50 Western American mothers and 48 Chinese immigrant mothers, almost 70% of the Western mothers said either that “stressing academic success is not good for children” or that “parents need to foster the idea that learning is fun.”

Stressing learning is fun is a really good idea. By giving kids the idea that learning and reading are fun, they will enjoy school, and excel at it.Stressing academic success is important as well. Let’s see how the “Chinese mothers” responded.</p>

<p>

By contrast, roughly 0% of the Chinese mothers felt the same way

Oh boy.</p>

<p>

Instead, the vast majority of the Chinese mothers said that they believe their children can be “the best” students, that “academic achievement reflects successful parenting,” and that if children did not excel at school then there was “a problem” and parents “were not doing their job.”

This screams a ridiculous amount of insecurity to me. And we all know how great parents really insecure adults are…</p>

<p>

What Chinese parents understand is that nothing is fun until you’re good at it

Reading was fun when I was a little kid. I may not have been “good enough” to tackle “A Tale of Two Cities” when I was five, but it still was enjoyable. As was music. Looking back, I realize that I wasn’t that “good” at singing when I was in second grade. I hadn’t developed vibrato, I didn’t understand phrasing, and I had a really minimal range. However, it was fun.
Her argument is irrational.</p>

<p>

To get good at anything you have to work, and children on their own never want to work, which is why it is crucial to override their preferences.

This is BS. I’ve seen some scarily self-motivated kids, whose parents aren’t that strict. I’m one of those kids.</p>

<p>

Once when I was young—maybe more than once—when I was extremely disrespectful to my mother, my father angrily called me “garbage” in our native Hokkien dialect. It worked really well. I felt terrible and deeply ashamed of what I had done. But it didn’t damage my self-esteem or anything like that. I knew exactly how highly he thought of me. I didn’t actually think I was worthless or feel like a piece of garbage.

This explains this insecurity and the obsessive desire to succeed. Yes, Ms. Chua, it did damage your self-esteem.</p>

<p>

As an adult, I once did the same thing to Sophia, calling her garbage in English when she acted extremely disrespectfully toward me.

Cool story bro. You should tell that at parties.</p>

<p>

When I mentioned that I had done this at a dinner party, I was immediately ostracized.

And you did…Why would this ever come up in conversation? There are some things that should be kept private…</p>

<p>

First, I’ve noticed that Western parents are extremely anxious about their children’s self-esteem

They are? Not really. When my brother was getting a 56 in Health (yes, he was failing health) my dad told him that there was no reason he should be getting a 56 in health, and he should improve his grade. He wasn’t “puttering around the issue” or being overtly sensitive. On the other hand, he didn’t personally insult him, or call him “garbage” (great parenting advice, btw). He dealt with it in a way I imagine a rational human being would.</p>

<p>

Western parents are concerned about their children’s psyches.

Yes…that seems pretty normal. I care deeply about my family member’s psyches. I love them deeply, and I want them to be happy.</p>

<p>

Chinese parents aren’t

…</p>

<p>

For example, if a child comes home with an A-minus on a test, a Western parent will most likely praise the child.

It depends on the parent and the child, seeing as we’re dealing in really broad terms (“Western parent” refers to a lot of different parents.). Speaking as a child of “Western parents,” my parents wouldn’t praise me. My mom wouldn’t say “REALLY AWESOME JOB SON! SUPER-DUPER-DEFLUPER JOB!” In reality, she’d probably try to start a conversation about the material that was on the test instead of focusing solely on the result.
Though, I don’t often tell my parents about each of my individual tests.</p>

<p>

The Chinese mother will gasp in horror and ask what went wrong. If the child comes home with a B on the test, some Western parents will still praise the child

And some “Chinese parents” wouldn’t care, seeing as we’re all making vast generalizations here.</p>

<p>

Third, Chinese parents believe that they know what is best for their children and therefore override all of their children’s own desires and preferences

But by the time they’re teenagers, shouldn’t kids explore their own interests and discover some sort of individuality of their own?</p>

<p>

Western parents try to respect their children’s individuality, encouraging them to pursue their true passions, supporting their choices, and providing positive reinforcement and a nurturing environment

No, some do alcohol and drugs and abuse their children physically, sexually, and emotionally. Stop making generalizations.
And, this ideal seems fine. By the end, kids should be healthy, emotionally stable, happy, and loving. What is the “Chinese mother” alternative?</p>

<p>

By contrast, the Chinese believe that the best way to protect their children is by preparing them for the future, letting them see what they’re capable of, and arming them with skills, work habits and inner confidence that no one can ever take away.

When you put it like that (I’m sure all of “The Chinese” agree to what you have to say) it sounds less like child abuse (I’m joking. Kind of.). But, how is calling your kids “garbage” arming them with inner confidence? Wouldn’t that just make them really insecure, and doubt themselves? So, wouldn’t that cause them to become obsessed with worldly success to deal with their insecurities about “not being good enough?” </p>

<p>Thank you Ms. Chua for reminding us to grow up to deal with our insecurities by living through our kids in unhealthy ways.</p>

[madogmgd]

<p>^ Excellent analysis.
My ADHD made me skim through 80% of that article and went to the inspiring story without knowing the context. But I thoroughly read your response to the article</p>

[bsmd11]

<p>

@Bsmd11</p>

<p>But did you see the story about the little girl who suddenly found it easy to conquer the obstacle and started beaming?</p>

<p>A little force tactics is necessary for some children to see what they can do.</p>

<p>It’s just like what V said on V for Vendetta “Sometimes there is no easier way,”

</p>

<p>There is no easier way, but you could at least enjoy it while you are doing it. I mean, no TV or basic entertainment? That’s why these kids are going to be socially sheltered.</p>

[burgerbread]

<p>I would hate to have “tiger parents”, but then, most Chinese Americans grow up to be pretty successful people. For example, their education and income is higher than any other group(even whites) and their rates of crime and divorce are the lowest. </p>

<p>To me, it seems like we have something to learn from them. I’m not saying I agree with all of Mrs. Amy Chau’s methods, but they do seem to work better than our current idea of how to raise kids. Just trying is often not enough; standards should not be lowered to protect self-esteem.</p>

[bsmd11]

<p>Yes, they make more money. Are they happy? Not really, they didn’t exactly enjoy their childhoods.</p>

[madogmgd]

<p>So their happiness is tied to the past?</p>

<p>If that was the case mannnn I’d be depressed as @#$%</p>

<p>Get over the past and move on</p>

<p>Life is too damn short to wallow in a pool of self-pity</p>

[nothingto]

<p>I do agree partially with the Chinese mother. She is talking about majority, which is true, and almost a fact. Sure there are a minority/exceptions to everything or studies, but lets see the problem at hand.</p>

<p>The results speak for themselves. Asians (I wont include South Asians at the moment. This is due to integration issues into America because they came much later to America then Chinese parents.) are the highest income race, which is also directly related to their education and success.</p>

<p>But their are exceptions to asians. I agree, that the mother in the article is OVER-generalizing, which is not a good thing.</p>

<p>Im South Asian. My parents are semi-strict, but that is because they do not really understand American Education too much. If they had an American Education, they would have been much more strict, I bet.</p>

[bsmd11]

<p>You people are ridiculous, but I guess you’d support this because you all are stat obsessors and can somewhat relate to this article. After all, since you’ve been doing it for so many years, your attitude towards it becomes positive. Look up Festinger’s Cognitive Dissonance theory. Many of you are experiencing this.</p>

[nothingto]

<p>^ bsmd11 It’s not because I was born with Strict parents. I have South Asian parents, which aren’t as notorious about being strict about education as Chinese, however they are probably right after them. All my parents would do is tell me to do good in school (always top in everything), and if I didn’t, I would be worthless and my life would be useless (my future), as well that my parents wont be happy. That is all. </p>

<p>They never limited me to what I can do school wise, never lectured me, nor cared about my extracurricular activities. However by what I know they would think of me, it motivated me to do good. They never spoon-fed me in my education. I had to do everything by myself.</p>

<p>Thus, so I agree to a degree. The next generation has to be taught that they are to do well, or it will come with dire consequences. However, not to the degree that many strict chinese parents do.</p>

[bsmd11]

<p>Yes, sir I’m south asian too, but my parents didn’t push me nearly as much as these Chinese (and let’s not forget the Koreans and Japanese here) parents typically do. And I agree; students NEED to be taught to do well, but not the way that the Chinese do.</p>

[WoodrowWilsonJR]

<p>consider Jewish americans…they definitely earn a hell of a lot more money than any other group but manage to push their kids academically in a healthier way.</p>

[nothingto]

<p>^ No, that’s just because they know how to make money and be cheap ;)</p>

[WoodrowWilsonJR]

<p>^ they also know how to fill up 25% of spots at Harvard, Yale, Columbia, Penn, et al. so I think strong educational backgrounds are also at work</p>

[rokr32]

<p>Wow this article is just wow.
I would never want to be raised by that mom. No TV? No computer? No sleepovers?
If you reflect on an asian’s life it’s basically work work work until retirement. jesus.</p>

[CantConcentrate]

<p>

Second, Chinese parents believe that their kids owe them everything. The reason for this is a little unclear, but it’s probably a combination of Confucian filial piety and the fact that the parents have sacrificed and done so much for their children. (And it’s true that Chinese mothers get in the trenches, putting in long grueling hours personally tutoring, training, interrogating and spying on their kids.) Anyway, the understanding is that Chinese children must spend their lives repaying their parents by obeying them and making them proud.

</p>

<p>My parents. Smh.</p>