Some input for my "Why Emory?" essay

<p>so here's my essay, compiled from a few that i've already written. I'd probably use this or something like this for my cornell CAS essay too. p.s. this is not BS, i actually feel this way. and it's true. </p>

<pre><code>There are several reasons why I think Emory University is the best fit for me. The one that really stands out in my mind, though, would be the opportunity that would come along with having an Emory education. Not only would I have the opportunity to obtain a great professional career, but I would also be able to give back to a community that I knew little about until this last summer.
My country of origin is Guatemala, and my entire life I have been told by my parents that I should give thanks to God every day for all that I have because other children back in our country have next to nothing. At first I thought that this was simply a tactic to teach me about religion, but then I began to investigate further. I discovered that some are so poor that they play with wooden toys and newspaper soccer balls that they themselves make. An American Business class that I took this last summer really put it into perspective, as the instructor had us watch two documentaries, Maquilapolis and The Corporation. These films note that by the hour, Central American workers make only 4 cents, and if they’re lucky, 75 cents if they make something that would cost a consumer 100 times more than their pay. Locals in the towns where these companies make their factories can barely pay for food, utilities, and homes. With $6 in their pockets, the majority of the people documented in these areas must choose which one of the three amenities they will have for the week, and in most cases, for the month. By going to Emory, I would have the chance to advance my understanding of economics and of the way the world works. I want to help my people who are affected by these rough conditions, and as one of their own I can connect with them. Showing them that the son of Guatemalan people can make a difference in a country as big as the United States may be what gives these people enough hope to “hang tough” and continue to dream of coming to the U.S. and to attain success in the greatest country of in the world.
If history has taught us anything, all companies strive to do whatever possible to make money. Whether it’s IBM helping the Nazi’s by creating a system for them to tabulate and keep track of the different hostages in the holocaust or Enron deceiving the public by telling them that profits were being made when in reality billions were being lost, CEO’s and boards of directors will do whatever is necessary to keep their investors happy and the money flowing in. In the modern era of the 21st century, these corporations have turned to the third world for more money, and are exploiting whoever they can, namely those in Latin America. Any little bit to help counts, and by attending Emory University, I would not help myself learn vital skills necessary for my next steps in life, but I would also have an opportunity to help out the larger international community from being stepped on by the feet of major corporations who will do anything to make a dollar. What the people in my country and in the entire region need is an example to follow, and I believe that attending one of the best universities in the world would help me extend a stronger helping hand to give back to the community where I came from so that they do not lose hope of seeing a new and fair day.
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<p>thank you very much peace</p>

<p>I would get rid of ", though," in the first sentence.
I would try to make the connection of all the paragraphs to one another and the connection to why emory is right for you.
It's not bad, keep working =]</p>