Some interesting stuff here

College Essays
1

<p>Sorry for the misleading title, but i need a hook, right. lol
Please help me choose a topic. I am hopelessly stuck between the three.
Its an interesting read, in my opinion, and it would mean SO much to me if you help me choose. Thanks :)</p>

<p>Prompt is
Describe the world you come from — for example, your family, community or school — and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.</p>

<p>Choice 1: My school
I come from a fiercely competitive school. The people there care only about college...I think pretty much everyone from my schools on collegeconfidential. I grew up with these people, and have been in classes with them my whole life. But im different. I dont CARE about a letter grade, or about the number of extracurriculars on my plate, I dont care about how good my resume looks, or how much the teachers like me (<= big mistake I made junior year which ALMOST killed my gpa...thank goodness for ap tests and the bump if you get a 5). I care about learning. I love it. I love learning, I love a high stress environment, and overloading myself with too much to do. I really am one of the few who can genuinely say I like working under pressure. Seeing everyone work so hard for somethign that makes so little sense (grades in this case), remembering all that information to forget it a few hours later, working SO hard to cheat and mess up teachers, it made me realize even more how stupid it all was. How stupid it is to work for someone else ultimately (parents, colleges, etc.)</p>

<p>Choice 2: Sports
For the past three years, I played a very close knit sport. Last year, I was good enough to make varsity, who practices in their own group. Out of us varsity, pretty much everyone was PERFECT...I mean i was practicing with the Class president, AC, secretary, and the ASB president, and VP. The seniors of this batch went to REALLY good colleges -- ivies, westpoint, they went pretty much where THEY wanted to go. But thats beside the point, these people were just...everything that everyone wanted to be. Athletic, smart, popular, and the point is that I really didnt fit in, and hated it for a while. But after 2 seasons, we werent best buddies, but I learned to fit in a lot better, and just being with them has helped me become the person I am today.</p>

<p>Choice 3: Family
This would make a really interesting one, just because the story behind it is interesting, but im not sure if it would fit the topic as well.
My moms side of the family is...crazy would be an understatement. I am an indian, and my mom got married to a man who her parents didnt approve of and they went ballistic. like absolutely balistic, completely cutting off connections and everything, but my mom was well off and safe in the US by then so she was all good. So last year (maybe the year before), my cousin did something similar to what my mom did, but had the nerve to stay here. It was that bad, and worse. They would egg her house, slander her, do all this stuff to her. They really have taught me what NOT to be like, reminded me to stay open minded of everyone, and stuff like that. </p>

<p>THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN FOR READING
and please tell me which choice you think would make the best college essay</p>

2

<p>They’re all reasonable topics imo. Just a couple things to consider as you write:</p>

<p>Choice 1
It would be very easy to write about this and come up with an essay that says “I’m above the rest of my school.” That’s not an inevitable outcome, but very possible, so if you choose this one be careful.</p>

<p>Choice 2
This seems like a very broad topic; I’m not sure what your point would be exactly. How have they shaped you? Just by being perfect?</p>

<p>Choice 3
Interesting story for sure. Just make sure it’s about you…and that it reveals more than “I think it’s bad when people egg their families house” because hopefully most people feel that way :p</p>

<p>Good luck!!</p>

3

<p>For the second one its more of a:
They were pretty much the most perfect people ever, and then there was me, an average to below average kid with them. After a while I stopped hating it so much because i realized I didnt have to be them to be happy, but i had to be me</p>

<p>Reasonable meaning they have potential to be good essays? Or do you mean reasonable in the sense that theyll probably just be average essays.</p>

4

<p>Reasonable meaning they seem like they could work, but I think it’s hard to say how good an essay will be based on the topic alone. How the topics are executed is obviously more important, but honestly I’m just as clueless as you are. I’m a rising senior trying to churn out good essays as well :)</p>

5

<p>Oh okay. Thanks though :)</p>

6

<p>What about others? What do you guys think?</p>

7

<p>In my opinion, they all sound terrible, mainly because they’re either too cliche, too negative, or both. In each one you set out to describe how terrible other people are, and try to state that you aren’t them. Not only does this show you are judgmental, but id probably think of better examples of people to inspire your dreams and aspirations than people you don’t like.</p>

<p>Choice 3: After describing how unstable and unsupportive your family is, you conclude that this environment molded your dreams and aspirations by showing you what not to aspire to - a weak conclusion at best. Perhaps you could turn this around, but focus very little of your time on your family. This essay is supposed to be about you. Spend the majority of your time on that, and try not to make the rest too negative.</p>

<p>Choice 2: You seem to contradict yourself. You spend most of the time denouncing and condemning your teammates, and then say that after you became friends with them, they helped mold your dreams. So did they help mold your dreams into being more like them?</p>

<p>Choice 1: You describe how all of your peers are misguided and work hard in order to satisfy the wrong people. By saying you aren’t like them at all, you declare that your “world” DIDN’T mold your dreams or aspirations (you were able to resist the attitudes of your classmates), which totally misses the prompt. </p>

<p>Overall, I would look for a more positive “world”. Although the whole “fought through adversity” thing can be strong sometimes, it’s pretty weak for this prompt. No one aspires to not be an ahole or dreams of not being like the athletes at your school. People aspire TO something. Dreams drive people TO things, not just away from pitfalls. Admissions officers are going to see this.</p>

8

<p>Hmmm i see your point</p>

<p>But for choice 2, i didnt spend the time denouncing them, i was just jealous of them. I mean, they were just so perfect, exactly what i wanted to be. But after some time, I realized that i was good as i am…but i guess that isnt hitting the prompt well either</p>

9

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<p>This does not miss the prompt. The OP is describing the influence of his “world” in shaping his elevated aspirations (beyond the scope of grades, resume.) Simply because one does not conform to a particular stereotype does not mean one has not been affected by it.</p>

<p>OP, given that your school is so competitive and you sound like you’re in the lower end of applicants, you should spin this to your advantage. Differentiate yourself from the competitive applicant pool by expressing a genuine passion for learning, and disregard for superficiality. Elevate yourself from your peers, but do not slander them; focus on showing your unique flair. This would be a risky essay to write, but it may just give you the edge.</p>

10

<p>First of all, claiming that all of his peers that happen to be smarter than him are motivated by the wrong factors seems very judgmental, especially since he is generalizing about things he may or may not know about. Looking deeper into your essay, it would be easy to confuse your criticism for jealousy.</p>

<p>Overall, claiming that people you judge as negative have molded your dreams away from being bad is just unnecessarily negative. As I said before, no one dreams to not be something. No one goes to college to ensure they don’t become something. People dream of doing things and being someone, not the opposite. This prompt assumes that you a) have aspirations and that b) they were influenced by some outside factor. Telling the admissions officers that your dreams are to not be like your classmates is a weak angle.</p>

<p>In the end, there are so many easier and more effective ways to write this essay.</p>

11

<p>You don’t seem to really fit into any of these worlds. Which, in theory, could be an interesting way to spin the prompt, but it’s difficult to do so without sounding high and mighty and still revealing who you are as an individual. If you discuss a world that you are more at home in, that may reveal more about yourself personally. </p>

<p>Keep it personal.</p>