<p>But, but, but there are only 5 schools “worth” going to guys, everybody knows that…</p>
<p>I thought it was 6: SHADES ;-)</p>
<p>50 SHADES. But this game has already been played on another thread . . .</p>
<p>@GMT: Right now, I’d probably spell it…SHADEEST. Shouldn’t be too hard to figure out the extra letters…</p>
<p>In truth, if pressed for school that I’d consider sending my own kids to, right now I’d cut it down to STEMS…and that E ain’t for Exeter.</p>
<p>…it’s EMMA, of course ;-)</p>
<p>I think we should change the acronym to Raxacoricofallapatorian.</p>
<p>Rolls trippingly off the tongue. And the geekier posters will enjoy it.</p>
<p>What is (are) stems?</p>
<p>@Ayaava your post belongs elsewhere. THIS thread is about “fit” – not about PA’s news-drenched difficulties. </p>
<p>I see that you are a ■■■■■ whose sole purpose is to spread these three links. I have reported your posts.</p>
<p>At the request of another poster, I will re-post something I wrote explaining our process for choosing schools. I hope it will help someone else out there, as we have found this CC community to be knowledgeable, helpful and supportive but don’t always feel like we “fit in” as we are of the non-HADES/GLADCHEMMS variety. I am guessing there may be others like us out there lurking! Here goes:</p>
<p>i have only been on these baords for about 3 months, but already I sense that we are not the “usual” suspects! LOL Anyway, as to question about deciding where to apply…</p>
<p>I went to Dana Hall myself. We had not considered boarding school for our daughter, primarily because she is an only child and I was being selfish about it 
But I took her to my reunion and she fell in love with the idea of going away to school. I guess I assumed I would let her apply to Dana and that would be it. </p>
<p>The reason she wanted to go away, however, has nothing to do Dana specifically… she is a very independent kid who loves to do things everybody else ISN’T… so of course she wanted to go away (not usual in our area). </p>
<p>She is a very smart kid, but that is not always reflected in her grades, so we didn’t even consider HADES/GLADCHEMMS etc. In addition, I want her to grow from her experience if she does go away. I don’t want her crushed by the pressure of grades/scores/etc. I felt that a good education could be obtained at most boarding schools. So we went a level deeper. </p>
<p>We started at Boarding School Review where I told her to check off any box that she could to narrow down the list. Once she had input her “desires” in a school, we got a short list. Since she is applying to a very good day school here (in additoin to having acces to a top public school), we only selected 2 to apply to. Neither were your “tier 1” schools and to be honest, I feel like the fit is right and that she would thrive in either. </p>
<p>That is exactly what I want – for her to thrive. Attending a school with crushing pressure just so you can get into a college for more crushing pressure didn’t exactly appeal to my parental instincts. Personally, I want her to be challenged but also be free enough to try some things she wouldn’t normally be able to. And, if 100% of her time is spent working, how can that happen. Boarding school, for me, was transformative in that I tried sports I had never even heard of, let alone played. I was in a play. I met girls from all over the world and from all walks of life. I learned how to say good morning in Thai from a new friend. All of these things have had more impact on my life that straight-A’s could have. I know everyone has their priorities, but you asked how other approached the process.</p>
<p>I finally decided to answer in case we are not the only “unusual suspects” on CC. I have found these boards to be invaluable for information, advice and support. I hope that our story can help someone else out there. </p>
<p>Whatever your motivations and reasons for choosing the schools you all did: good luck and all the best come March 10.</p>
<p>PS. I really do know proper grammar conventions and how to spell. My typing let me down. :-)</p>
<p>Part of the challenge is being able to evaluate fit, and knowing in advance what would be a reach school before you know much about them or get your child’s test scores. We did as much research as we could, with the time we had (2 parents working more than full time, didn’t really know we were doing this until September so got a late start compared to many.) We looked at websites, checked off checkmarks on Boarding School Review, added schools to our list based on friends’ recommendations, and all the while didn’t know where our daughter’s scores would be so really didn’t know til after we’d made our list what schools might be considered a reach. </p>
<p>I really don’t think a 2-3 hour visit, in which you meet a half-dozen people at most, can be that good an indication of what the school would be like if you went there. Your experience in any environment completely depends on who you are in contact with on a regular basis - whether you make good friends, are liked and respected, etc. We found Choate to be surprisingly warm and friendly, and someone else here had exactly the opposite experience. We loved Loomis because of its emphasis on the arts, and someone else crossed it off becuase it was too jock-y. It’s just luck who you meet and the impression you form. The person you have the most contact with on your visit is the admissions officer, but I doubt most kids ever see their admissions officer once they’re on campus. Of all the schools we visited, only a very few included a visit to classes as part of the xperience, so it was impossible to get a feel for that very important factor. So in my opinion, having gone through this only once, for a short time, it’s really hard to know whether the experience you have on a visit will have any relationship to the experience your child will have once they’re enrolled.</p>
<p>Seeing some of the amazing brilliant kids on this board, with scores in the upper 90s, world-class skills at music or sports or dance, compelling life stories, etc, I’m beginning to think every school is a reach for my normally bright, somewhat self-motivated, reasonably talented, not especially civic-minded kid. And I really have no idea what would be the best fit, even after everything I’ve seen and read. Kids are pretty adaptable, and I think she’d find her place at almost everywhere we’ve visited. </p>
<p>Personally, I went to a HYP Ivy, and while my visit was terrific and I loved it, I also was swayed by the prestige - once I got in (early admission) I couldn’t imagine turning it down. Was it the right choice? Who knows? would I have been happier someplace warmer and cozier? Maybe, but I don’ tknow if i was capable of being happy at that time in my life. Has it done me some good in my life since then? Surely - the name does mean something. But I don’t think I’d have been less successful, however one defines that word, if I’d gone to my State U.<br>
What I want for my daughter is an environment where she feels safe to try new things, where she can grow from where she is right now, to her greatest potential. My first visit with her was to NMH, where they told us that everyone is encouraged to try new sports - there is varsity, JV and thirds in most sports, so everyone can give it a try. It’s always been a peeve of mine that by the time kids get to middle school it’s too late to start a sport - you can get cut in 7th grade! So I loved that. That same person warned me that at Exeter, if you’re not the best of the best, you can’t play. Exeter was never on our list anyways, so that didn’t change our mind about applying, and I have no idea if it’s true. But I know I’m looking for a place where it’s OK to be a beginner at something. (I also crossed one school off the list that my daughter was excited about becaue it was too specialized - it was very preprofessional in focus, and had almost no ECs or options other than the few programs it was famous for. She is not ready to focus that exclusively on anything.)</p>
<p>In the end, if my daughter is lucky enough to get into any one of these wonderful schools, and if we are lucky enough to get enough FA to send her, I just hope she has a nice roommate, support to help her learn to manage her time well so she’s not overwhelmed by the work, and the chance to excel at what she loves while tasting things she could never taste here in our little rural district. If she comes home after the first year and says, “mom, I don’t want to take dance and play sax anymore, I want to play water polo and sing in a jazz band” I’ll know that going to boarding school was a roaring success (just as I will if she comes home and says “I could never have progressed as quickly in dance and sax if I’d stayed at home.”) </p>
<p>On</p>
<p>I am wondering if there are cases where a student is just not ready for the rigor of boarding school. This same student may flourish later and sending that child to BS may be not a beneficial experience. With time the student would become a better student. However if left to do mediocre ( or worse) at boarding school, that transition may never occur. Then the actual potential of the student may not be realized and his/her chances at a decent school ( not ivy ) compromised</p>
<p>“I’m beginning to think every school is a reach for my normally bright, somewhat self-motivated, reasonably talented, not especially civic-minded kid.”</p>
<p>I think this is true for many kids. And that many kids fit that description.</p>
<p>Nouve55, I hope that doesn’t happen to my daughter - she’s got somewhat fragile self-esteem. </p>
<p>On the other hand, I know lots of kids who go to our local HADES school as day students, and she fits right in with them…and she adored her summers at Interlochen Music Camp, where half the kids were amazing prodigies. I don’t think that boarding school is just for the superstars (and I wasn’t one either and did well at my HYP college.) </p>
<p>I guess there’s only one way to find out!</p>
<p>@jahphoto: just to give you one anecdote. The guy at LC who interview both my DC and me was in my son’s dorm the next year, so he saw a lot of him. DC hasn’t had him as a coach or teacher yet, but likely will. I was surprised by this, too, but there you have it. And he and I correspond irregularly, but ongoing, and he certainly knows who we are when we are on campus. People in LC admissions also told us flat out that they don’t look for “fully formed kids,” but for kids that demonstrate the potential to grow into the challenges the school presents, who are open to trying new things, and who are interested in contributing something to a community at large. My Risk (the board game)-obsessed, video-game loving DC is at Yale this weekend:</p>
<p>[Yale</a> Model United Nations ?? January 24-27, 2013](<a href=“http://ymun.yira.org/]Yale”>http://ymun.yira.org/)</p>
<p>Private School Review has many articles on finding ‘fit’. They strongly recommend hiring an educational consultant. </p>
<p>[Choosing</a> a Private School | PrivateSchoolReview.com](<a href=“http://www.privateschoolreview.com/articles/category/choosing-a-private-school.php]Choosing”>http://www.privateschoolreview.com/articles/category/choosing-a-private-school.php)</p>
<p>From Private School Review: “Consultants take time to get to know you and your child. They know their schools too. As a result the list of schools which a consultant presents you will be on target. Any or all of the schools will potentially be a good fit. One will be the best fit.”</p>
<p>I considered using a consultant when we were searching. I think the expense was a strong deterrent. But when you consider the expense of all the fruitless visits to schools that were a poor match, it might have saved money. I haven’t heard anyone on CC really encouraging the use of a consultant though, and I’m not sure why…</p>
<p>^^We did. And you’re right, both the cost vis-a-vis wasted cost of money for time off and for visits, and as a percentage of the total investment, was quite reasonable, and the list our consultant delivered was spot on for our kid, both in terms of “fit” and realistic expectation for admission.</p>
<p>What scares me - sometimes - is the number of consultants who are working both sides of the fence - steering students to specific schools. I certainly wasn’t shocked about the Chinese parents who discovered their consultant was getting kickbacks from a school to deliver full pay kids to the door.</p>
<p>Doesn’t mean consultants are bad - but as with all contractors - results may vary. </p>
<p>As for campus visits - someone said you can’t tell in a short visit. Perhaps. Perhaps not. What I can say is that someone who didn’t come a way with a glowing feeling from one campus should trust their gut feeling. We are all different, have different needs, tastes, cultural preferences. These schools are similar in some respects and different in others. There are too many stories from parents whose children landed in schools because we assume that they’re interchangeable, and were looking at transferring or dropping out after the first year.</p>
<p>Applying to schools and going through the essay, interview, wait for months process can fuel certain lofty expectations that may or may not be met once your feet land on campus. Hence - go with your gut. If you weren’t feeling the visit - it may be the tour guide - I’m betting its because the school isn’t a good fit.</p>
<p>Pelican, that’s very encouraging! We thought about the consultant thing but decided to go it alone - penny wide, pound foolish, probably.</p>
<p>There is some good psycho-social research that applicants make up there “minds” 90 seconds after stepping on to campus and that decision is quite stable. In the end it is “gut” feeling—for both of my kids who went to BS and college it was like that-- and for my D it was to a college she was rock solid sure she would NOT like. She is there now and just as happy as she was when she stepped on campus and fell for it, despite her prejudice-- she was certain it HAD to be an urban university and she fell for a rural LAC. While see if S #2 has the chance to do the same with BS.</p>
<p>This whole “fit” discussion is so interesting to me. In a purely academic/intellectual way, it of course makes a lot of sense. But I just can’t connect to it, perhaps because my kid is just like the one Jahphotogal describes: a “normally bright, somewhat self-motivated, reasonably talented, not especially civic-minded kid.” I can see how “fit” is important for the original poster, who has a child with a real talent and passion for one particular thing. And of course there are some other basic “fit” things, like what part of the country do you want to be in or how big a school. But even once you narrow for that, so many of the schools really seem basically the same. I went to one HADES school myself, and my husband to a different one, and honestly, I can’t say that there’s any huge difference between the two. Our kid likes sports, but isn’t a superstar athlete, likes math and science, but isn’t going to win a Nobel prize, doesn’t play a musical instrument or have any real interest in drama/arts. He’ll probably do just fine at any BS he gets into, and it really won’t make that much of a difference which one he goes to.<br>
I guess I’m writing this because I feel the need to caution people against thinking that there’s the one perfect, magical “fit” of a school somewhere out their for their child, and if only they did enough research, campus visits, etc., they’d find it. That may be true for a kid with some unusual interest or really specific requirements. But for the most part, these schools are all a lot more similar than they are dissimilar, and many kids would be just as happy at one versus another.</p>