Some things we've learned through the college journey

Parents Forum
1

<p>We have three kids (hence the handle)--one has graduated college, one will be a junior this fall, and one will be going in as a freshman. My wife and I have talked about things we know now that we didn't know when we started the process--fwiw, here are are some of them.</p>

<ol>
<li><p>DON'T assume that the major or career path your kids foresee when they are in high school is where they will wind up. Our older daughter went to school to be a journalist, graduated with a political science degree, and now uses both disciplines in her work for a non-profit health care consortium. Our son applied as a prospective business major, changed to computer science before he even got to school, and is torn between continuing in that area or going to law school to become an intellectual property lawyer. Both kids were very sure of what they wanted to do...when they were 17. Kids change, and it's not a bad thing or a sign of instability.</p></li>
<li><p>DO, as a consequence of 1, look at what prospective schools have to offer in disciplines other than those of immediate interest. My older daughter looked only at schools which had highly ranked journalism schools (and high level DI sports, since she wanted to be a sportswriter), but when the time came to choose, she chose the better overall school over the better journalism department. We weren't sure, at the time, if this was the "correct" decision for her future, but it was her choice...and she was very right and we were very wrong.</p></li>
<li><p>DO strongly encourage your kids to work while in school if it is feasible, especially if they are in majors which are not "hot", i.e., virtually any liberal arts major. Our oldest was a student intern in the sports information department at her school (minimum wage after 6 months of non-pay "training"), and it was a gateway to contacts and recommendations which helped her after college when all she had was a liberal arts BA. In these times, people want to see work ethic and success in the workplace before hiring, and school achievements, however impressive, are only part of the equation.</p></li>
<li><p>DON'T despair if your kids are rejected at the first choice school. Sometimes, it's the best thing that could ever happen to them--it's a wake-up call that life contains disappointment, and a motivator. Kids are resiliant and adaptive. Our son was waitlisted at his "dream school" and went to another area of the country for college, where he is thriving. The last time he was home, he sheepishly admitted that things had turned out better for him than they would have if he had gotten what he wanted--he would probably have stayed in business at his school of choice, and that wouldn't have been the right course for him.</p></li>
<li><p>DON'T, on the other hand, discourage them from pursuing the dream school so as to avoid potential disappointment. Our younger daughter's dream school was at least a slight reach, and she knew she'd get in to some very good other schools, but she applied to the reach, got in, and couldn't be more excited about heading to orientation next week and school in the fall.</p></li>
<li><p>DO encourage your kids to go where the jobs are. It's difficult not to see them as frequently as if they lived nearby, but even if you live in a major metropolitan area (we're in the Chicago area), you'll discover that some places have much more opportunity than home for what your kids want to do. It's their futures after all, and with modern technology, you can still talk, skype, e-mail, and text (not to mention visit) with them as much as mutually desired. Sometimes, you'll communicate more if they live away--as my wife famously put it after receiving the fourth call in less than an hour about storage of personal items for the summer from our then college freshman older daughter, "Boy, I'm going to miss her when she gets home."</p></li>
<li><p>DO encourage summer internships even if they take your child away from home. Leaving aside the valuable experience, possibly job offers, and pay, kids learn how to live away from home and become semi-independent. Of course, there are kids to whom this doesn't apply, and there are certainly economic advantages to kids staying home during the summer instead of paying rent elsewhere, but for many kids, these are great things to pursue. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Good luck to all.</p>

2

<p>This has to be one of best posts I have read on CC</p>

3

<p>Thanks for sharing! Our oldest will be a senior in college and the second one will be a sophomore. I wholeheartedly agree with your observations especially #3, 5, 6 and 7!</p>

4

<p>I think this is my new favorite quote: “Boy, I’m going to miss her when she gets home.” When our son was in Denmark this spring, he skyped weekly. Now that he is home, he says that he doesn’t have anything interesting to talk about.</p>

<p>I think this post contains a lot of wisdom.</p>

5

<p>Well said. Thank you for sharing!</p>

6

<p>My youngest I think is the opposite.
She has traveled extensively- but we rarely heard from her ( and since she moved around we had to wait for her to contact us). She seems to just really get immersed into where she is at the time. She is full of stories and things when she gets home & she wants us to travel with her- but she also had this difficulty when she was 11 and her sister went off to college.
Talking to her on skype or whatever made her miss her sister more.</p>

7

<p>I would avoid working during the semester if possible. Limits your time to do other things you can only do in college. Of course if a job is in a particular field it may have merit- my food service experience helped pay the bills but not useful for my career.</p>

8

<p>dadtimesthree… thank you for that post. As a mom of 4 just starting this college process, I will copy and print this advice and hang it on my refrigerator!!</p>

9

<p>

</p>

<p>If the internships found are paid, then the student may be able to cover living expenses on the pay.</p>

<p>If the internships found are unpaid, consider that as a warning that there is likely to be a very unfavorable job market to get into a true paid entry-level career-track job in that area (of course, there can also be questions about the legality of such, as discussed in another thread).</p>

10

<p>Great post. I always encouraged my kids to have a job on campus right away. 10 hours a week is very manageable. It teaches them time management. Having a job on campus, even if it is not related to their major, is a work experience they would put on their resume. Campus employers are more likely to hire inexperienced students, which is not the case for other employers. One job leads to another job.</p>

<p>D1 also didn’t get into her dream school, but she said someone must have been looking after her because she couldn’t imagine going to any other other but the one she attended. I am in the camp of things do work out at the end, maybe not what one planned, but it does work out.</p>

11

<p>DO be prepared for the unexpected. When I sent my D off to college, I never imagined I would get really, really sick. Anything can happen. Life is what happens when you make other plans. It may not be a smooth, four-year ride. “Approximately 58 percent of first-time, full-time students who began seeking a bachelor’s degree at a 4-year institution in fall 2004 completed a bachelor’s degree at that institution within 6 years or 150 percent of normal completion time to degree.”</p>

12

<p>

</p>

<p>So true!</p>

<p>Nice post, though as it happens both my kids are doing exactly what they thought they would upon going into college and my older son chose his college for his major not for overall prestige. He’s been obsessed with computers since age seven so really no surprise there. Neither kid worked during college - older son because he had such well paid summer work/internships and younger son because he was barely keeping his head above water with a for him very challenging schedule. Younger son has worked very hard on improving his language skills (Arabic) both with summer and year abroad programs so we hope that will help since international relations by itself as a major is not necessarily the easiest sell for jobs. He’s spent the last two summers working at a job which we all hope will give him useful skills for his resume. (They promoted him to a supervisor position this summer.)</p>

13

<p>There are many ways to learn good life skills- taking ten hours per week from other possibilities by working for money at a menial job is NOT the way to go. Time management is necessary for taking high credit loads with challenging classes- much more beneficial than most jobs at this stage. Being able to pursue more academics is better for top students. I wish I had had that option while an undergrad instead of learning food service/cashiering before medical school. Perhaps for the average student going into mainstream business those skills would be helpful but not for some of us. Son’s job at the math lab, working along side TA’s was worthwhile, but that is academic, not mundane like too many jobs.</p>

14

<p>I guess I don’t agree with the notion that the only thing a student should do while in school is to take more academic courses. There is a lot to be learned to work few hours a day. I would also question an applicant about what else did he do besides going to classes. College is to prepare students for real life, and in real life there is more than just work. </p>

<p>Both of my kids work in school, and they are far cry from menial jobs. D1 became the office coordinator for a department. She was entrusted with the departmental budget, which included all the professors/office staff salaries. She work on the spreadsheet to project future budget needed for the department. D2 is working in the office whose mission is to bring facilitate volunteer work around the global for her school. She works with a lot of professors and clubs at school to help with funding for their projects. </p>

<p>I am interested in hiring a woman with post-doct degree from HYPS. I am getting push backs from almost everyone due to her lack of work experience.</p>

15

<p>Well said. And I think both kinds of jobs, either within a student’s field or just for money, can be helpful. S1, a sports journalism/history major, worked at a chain supermarket last summer and transferred to a location near his college last fall. He was offered the sports editor job at the school newspaper (which paid about the same as the supermarket) for the spring semester. He took it and he’s never looked back - he’s editing this summer and in the fall too. If nothing else, the supermarket job made him appreciate making a living with his brain instead of his back, and he’s picked up business and supervisory skills he wouldn’t get elsewhere at this stage of his life.</p>

16

<p>D1 had three jobs in her senior year. They were jobs that she wanted and benefited her in some way. She was also involved in other extra curricular activities in leadership positions. She also had a rigorous course load and graduated with a high gpa. These were all her choices. </p>

<p>She now has a very good, stressful, long hours job. She still does volunteer work and regularly works out and continues to take dance classes.</p>

<p>D2 worked as an RA. Her decision also. It was a lot of work and responsibility, but very good experience. She also was involved with other activities in leadership positions and graduated with a high gpa and outstanding senior award in her major.</p>

<p>Both gained work experience and learned time management skills as well as other skills not easily learned in a classroom. So DO encourage your kids to work while in school.</p>