Someone help me with my essay. I got an 8.

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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<p>So, what's wrong with it? What did I need to do with it?</p>

<h2>Prompt: Is imagination less valuable than facts and objectivity? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations. </h2>

<p>Essay:</p>

<p>As long as people have known, imagination has had a place in everyone's life growing up. All through our education the facts and objectivity is related through teaching mediums to educate students by streamlining topics categorized as more important. However, the expansion of the imagination as a useful tool is just as good as any for the pursuit of truth.</p>

<p>Albert Einstein famously said, "Imagination is more important than knowledge." As the man we know he was, how could a man of such intelligence ever notion that it was more important? The innovations made in life are produced into reality as a product of the imagination. Leonardo da Vinci had dreams of flying and the Writght brothers inspired by his ideas took flight in the Kitty Hawk in the early 20th century. John Nash Jr., the mathematician A Beautiful Mind was based on, used his theory of equilibrium to apply to terrorist situations, bank investment, and major applications of Game Theory to other common situations.</p>

<p>If you cogitate over it, imagination has in fact been crucial to our survival. In pre-historic times, cavemen used crude tools to hunt for weapons. They didn't just pick up the nearest stick and beat a mammoth to death. They shaped rocks into pointed objects and invented the spear. Even today with our imagination the blueprints of the UAV (unmanned aircraft) was born. It is a weapon without standard human control which doesn't require you to actually be in combat. The scientific amount of improvements are myriad.</p>

<p>"Is imagination less value than facts or objectivity?" The idea that many facts and adherence to a formal system of reasoning are abstract ideas themselves. Aristotle was the father of logic and it was an idea born out of his mind. Imagination holds a very important place indeed because without it, how would we know the facts if we could not dream if they were true?</p>

<hr>

<p>None of my examples were BS. I just wrote about what I know.</p>

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<p>Maybe it is a bit short…</p>

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<p>Well I’m looking at it online. There’s only a little bit of the bottom half of the 2nd page left. :/</p>

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<p>^
Try not to write enormously. I mean that your handwriting shouldn’t be mighty. I had the same problem. I made my handwriting so small that now I am trying to make my handwriting big LOL :)</p>

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<p>Also:
*Your essay doesn’t have a structure. How to fix it? Read Academic Hacker’s post.
*There is no coherence between your examples. You need to make transitions. For example you may begin your second paragraph like this: <similarly>,… OR <like in=“” example=“” #1=“”>,…</like></similarly></p>

<p>Consider:
Sending electronic mails is the best form to communicate with other people. Several examples from the social sciences and current events prove that sending e-mails is an impeccable kind of reporting or questioning the information.</p>

<p>The Research made by The Social Science Department, gives the reasons and advantages why connecting people via e-mails is better than via phones. The first advantage is that you can send emails in anytime you want. Second, because, in case of urgency, to say important information you don’t need to wait until phone line will be free. Third, archives of phone companies state that phone lines are more likely to get damaged than internet, it interprets that if internet connection is failed you can easily connect with another, but if phone line isn’t working, you need to wait one-two days until it will be fixed. This retardation could thwart important processes of negotiations between people. Thus, the Research made by the Social Science Department (SSD) proves that the communicating though emails is the ideal way to be in touch with other people.</p>

<pre><code>


The case at &#8220;Maxwell & Max Tom Co.&#8221; represents Social Science Department&#8217;s pattern in use.

The director and his employers were carrying bargains with other companies. This company was preparing for remarkable disclosing of new bridge they have built. It was stormy night before that event; consequently phone line was damaged and that’s why M&MT Co. couldn’t be in touch with other contractors, and company postponed the ceremony. Thus, the case in “Maxwell & Max Tom Co.” confirms that phone connecting has got significant disadvantages in case of urgency.


If phone lines are damaged or unavailable, there could be more serious consequences than delayed ceremony.

For example, in case of natural disaster, like earthquake and tsunami, the phone lines because of being too busy, fail. This happens because people in such cases are calling to their families, friends, or relatives in one time; and phone lines are not constructed to stand that over that many calls. Instead of phone calls, we can use messages and emails. Hence, this instance exemplifies that messages and emails are more reliable than phone calls.</p>

<h2>After careful analysis of the Research made by the Social Science Department, the case in “Maxwell & Max Tom Co.”, and an emergency case, one could see that electronic mails, indeed, are the perfect way of communicating with other people.</h2>

<p>Do you see them now?</p>

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<p>I think some of it may just be style and some not following through on your thesis with total clarity. Keep in mind I am a technical guy and not an english teacher or writing major so take this advice with a grain of salt–but since you had not gotten any replies yet and you sound miffed/perplexed maybe this will help, hope so…</p>

<p>Style issues to me like- Starting sentence, “As long as people have known”–okay but have known what? had knowledge of facts? as compared to say "Since the beginning of man’s existence on earth humans have used the power of their imagination to become the dominant species of our planet. In order to obtain answers about how things work in the physical world man has had to use his imagination. </p>

<p>then perhaps…
The way they determine these imaginations or hypothesis are eventually turned into objective facts is through experimentation. Repeated experimentation validates the objectivity of the eventual facts which were first only imagined speculations subsequently found to be true. None of the facts that we learn in school that form the basis for our core of knowledge of objective facts would exist if it were not for the initial use of imagination of our ancestors to solve problems, at first to survive and later for the sake of knowledge itself.
(I know this sort of changes the way you present your thesis but its perhaps a different approach to flowing into the later portion).
The sentence where you describe education in this long sentence about streamlined topics determined to be more important-could be better enunciated as well…
not going to rewrite it but I just think there is a minor lack of clarity and a minor lack of follow through on the thesis. To me, the first paragraph has to be more precise and clean in laying out a strong thesis and that will make it easier as the rest of the essay is a more natural progression if the first paragraph is clear.</p>

<p>Finally, a style issue maybe- maybe a dose more excitement in the imagination of the great thinkers…like when Einstein figures out relativity he has thos “Eureka” moment when he is staring at the clock towers in Geneva and he realizes that time is relative!
I am not sure that you had any points subtracted for this or not but its never bad to keep people interested.
I mean the Einstein example shows that imagination can border on divination and nothing in the set of his objective learned facts he possessed taught Einstein to think this imaginatively, it was the constant stretching of his imagination in fact forcing the known “Facts” about time-like it being linear and only progressing forward–so not even all so called facts are the best explanation of these facts. He had to have been constantly exercising his imagination and maybe had some divine intervention-who knows (but getting off topic) I think the point is that facts are only exciting as they are figured out and imagined…and I think your listing of all the thinkers is the good part of the essay, maybe just some minor flow issues… </p>

<p>(an aside which seems to agree with choosing imagination is more important is that most great physicists and mathematicians do their greatest thinking when their imagination is fluid when they are younger than 30 or so-after that they tend to not have the major breakthroughs in new theories (they usually continue to work to fine tune some theory they had in their 20s if they did not finish proving it)—So just adding to their objective facts becomes a hindrance to new discovery. Professor Kaku talked about this once maybe on Science channel.
…good luck–my first time looking at an essay—is this to get in to college-as it sounds like you have listed by your id you are already in college–whatever…good luck with it…WLM</p>

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<p>I’m already in college, but I’m trying to transfer out as a junior. For some weird reason one of the LAC’s I want to apply to still require SAT scores. UCLA doesn’t care about my SAT scores, just as long as I maintain a 3.5 with TAP, I think. My SAT score falls on the average lower half of applications to the LAC, so I’m trying to get it up to 2000+ for admission.</p>

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<p>Though Suleyman didn’t quite choose the best words to convey his idea, he’s right. Your essay has decent examples, but it’s jumpy. It’s not that the essay lacks coherence (as Suleyman says), it that the essay lacks pattern and flow. (Sidenote to Suleyman: When something lacks coherence, it means that it’s unreadable and that it’s a bunch of rubbish. I’m sure that you realize that the OP’s essay is coherent. After all, you did read it and find an important problem with it).</p>

<p>In addition, you use the 2nd person pronoun “you” in your essay. It’s bad to use “I” (save for personal examples), but never, ever, address the grader.</p>

<p>Third, your examples aren’t concrete. You have something that seems like a bunch of innovators (but I’m not quite sure what exactly they did to imagine) and another paragraph about early humans. Just pick two topics and go with it. My friend got an 11 because he wrote about 2 topics: Albert Einstein and the Founding Fathers.</p>

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<p>So, what I’m getting is…the less examples, the better? I mean, picking two to three examples and expanding my thoughts on those two while figuring out a way to transition between one to the other?</p>

<p>I’ll keep the “you” part about addressing the grader in mind.</p>