Someone please critique my first draft?

[stone_cutter]

<p>Can someone PLEASE critique my first draft??</p>

[erimiri18]

<p>i dont mind..</p>

[flid]

<p>Sure, PM me :)</p>

[rameezkhan]

<p>PM me, sir or madam. :]</p>

[asdfjkl1]

<p>Sure. Feel free to PM it.</p>

[BALLER1234]

<p>you can pm me if you’d like.</p>

[warhead55]

<p>Ill critique your essay.</p>

[MPerfectionist]

<p>I’ll edit your essay. PM me. :]</p>

[faustarp]

<p>not sure, or yes, but absolutely!
send a PM.</p>

[tuesdayair]

<p>wow, above post was really weirdly phrased</p>

<p>but anyways, sure! PM</p>