<p>I’d be a little concerned with the tutor’s comment that he seemed distracted and tired during the last sessions. If he brought distracted and tired to the day of the real SAT, that could explain a lot. Understanding what might be contributing to the distraction and fatigue might be a help.</p>
<p>*I like the idea of an incentive. Maybe $ for every point he gets over 600. $1 seems to little, …$5 too much? It would still be less expensive than the tutor! I know he loves money, since we do not give him money every time he wants it. All great ideas. I like the movie theater ticket idea for my daughter, who is now a sophomore. I’m just feeling a little guilty because my older son (in college now) was self-motivated and we never had to bribe him - getting a good score was incentive enough. *</p>
<p>For each child, a different motivation is needed. For some kids it’s movie tickets, for another, it’s a new purse or just cash. As Dr. Phil says, you have to find each child’s currency for motivation. </p>
<p>As for the $5 for every point over 600…hmmm… I think that might sound too daunting for him even if he’s capable. Why not offer him $5 for every ten points above his current score? </p>
<p>if you feel guilty about your older child, you may offer him something, too. Just as a thank you for doing so well without the need of a dangled carrot. :)</p>
<p>Two issues here. The test score and the son’s attitude. The more you push the more he will react negatively. Time to get others involved. His HS teacher/guidance counselor are the ones who can explain the importance of test scores that match ability- he will listen to them give the same message he refuses to hear from you. I would hope his teacher can give him suggestions he can follow to do better. He may be able to talk to a teacher and follow their instructions when he can’t with you. Part of the separation from parents. </p>
<p>BACK OFF. Hard to do. The tales I could tell- son now a college senior… Relax about this. Give the testing issues over to others and let yourself dissociate from him a bit. Try to enjoy him as a person- even though he will be spending less and less time with you as part of the growing up process. Diffuse the issue between you two. This means he has to follow the advice of his teacher/ GC. He may be wanting their help but is afraid to contact them, you can initiate the process then get out of the way.</p>
<p>Above are thoughts that I could edit but won’t. Hope the ideas help you. You are not alone in parenting a teen.</p>
<p>I’d back off though admittedly, easier said than done. Giving incentives to do certain things that are for their benefit doesn’t make much sense to me and it’s not my parenting style. If my kids aren’t motivated to do well on the SATs in order to go to certain colleges it means they’re not yet ready for college, or not ready to go to certain colleges that require high SAT scores. Two SAT optional schools around me are Guilford college and Wake Forest. Bot excellent schools. One can get into several colleges in my state with low SAT scores.</p>
<p>What does your son want to do in life? We received ideas from our D, then we had her research people that had those jobs to find out what degrees were required and from where? This motivated her because she could see what she needed to do and it wasn’t from us harping on her. We also would drive past the local pizza joint (national chain) on a cold, windy, raining day to wave at the man holding the “Pizza for $5.00” sign. We explained to our kids that this is the kind of job you end up with if you don’t have a college degree!</p>
<p>Wow, several thoughts
- your son is hearing you. He doesn’t want to disappoint you. Part of him is terrified that he will. Maybe he is sure he will disappoint you that he puts obstacles in his way so he’ll have some excuses.
- Have his eyes checked out throughly. Read the Irlen site (some kids read better with a colored filter). Here’s two more possibilities</p>
<p>a) the vision is 20/20 but the eye tracking is askew. This means one eye reads line 1 and the other eye reads line 2. It takes a specialist to sort this one out and prescribe the correct lenses
b) hormones have altered his eyesight. One of our S’s had 20/20 vision on a May camp physical at age 14. Fall tennis tryouts were a disaster. Fortunately a teacher (familiar with teens!) had kids line up at the back of the class early in the semester and asked who could read the posting on the white board. My kid couldn’t. He went from 20./20 in May to needing strong glasses in October. </p>
<p>Read up on animal training. Amy Sutherland has a great book (has Shamu in the title). Any animal trainer will tell you that you want immediate payoff for good choices – and you want things broken down into small pieces. So, instead of “Get a 700 and I’ll get you a car” (long task, huge payout) you want a small task with an immediate payout (if you do three problems, I’ll do the dishes for you). </p>
<p>For some reason, my guys hate bathroom duty. So I sometimes would give choices: Clean the toilet and sink OR do six SAT problems (not too big a chunk). Do your choice before you go on line. Then I need to leave and go garden – because otherwise they followed me around to negotiate a better deal. </p>
<p>Take the drama and intensity out of this. Say “This is a big deal to me. It is my heartache and I am making it your headache. We need to find a path here where you do small steps and thereby address my neurosis.” This will make him laugh – and feel like less of an impending failure. </p>
<p>Now is a great time to talk about how you see the family evolving. If you haven’t had a conversation about college money, now is great to do so (is part of your anxiety knowing that low SAT kids get less merit aid?). Talk about a kid/parent team that are both adults and how they are terrific or awful in their interactions. Lay out a path where you make it clear to S that you are his advocate and support his growth to liberty and freedom.</p>
<p>Don’t back off! Keep on fighting for your son’s future. After just a few more blinks of an eye - he will be gone - 21 and out of the house. At least you will be able to say, you did everything you could to help him walk through a door with more opportunities on teh other side. There have been some really good ideas for you posted on this thread - try a couple of them. Boys are competetive, not only with eachother, but with themselves. They like to keep score and chart progress. Don’t be angry, be a fan - cheer him on to score higher.</p>
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<p>This is an odd response. There is a reason to suspect that maybe the son mismarked and it got scored wrongly (a 400 when the tutor was shocked with the score, implying that the tutor might have reasonably expected a 600) but then you’re arguing that it was money thrown out the window? It’s either one or the other - son mismarked, or son is lollygagging.</p>
<p>I am saying that it is money thrown out the window if I am paying for the tutor, but he is not doing all of the homework for the lesson and seems like he’s not into it when he is there. I don’t see how that is an odd response, Pizzagirl. I think it is a realistic response. In our family there is a two-way street. That’s life and they have to learn it. I never implied that he mismarked the score, the thought never entered my mind until it was suggested here. I would gladly pay $100 a week if I thought he was getting a huge benefit. But if he is not, then I am not going to waste my resources.</p>
<p>Baybreeze, what would be the negative implications of backing off? He’ll get into a college, but maybe one not of your choosing. But, it will be of his choosing by the choices he makes now.</p>
<p>Echoing what a few other posters have mentioned – if your son likes and respects his English teacher, I would consider asking the English teacher to talk to him about his low score. The teacher can probably do it without your son even realizing that you were the instigator. And s/he might be able to help him figure out what went wrong.</p>
<p>Sometimes teenagers just respond better to non-parent adults.</p>
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<p>The problem is that teenagers often don’t have the capacity to appreciate how their today choices will impact tomorrow. Some lessons like that need to be learned the hard way, others do need parents to step in and at least try to help them understand consequences before they actually have to live with them.</p>
<p>You do have to choose your battles, but personally I wouldn’t throw in the towel just yet. Save the nagging, but you’ve had some really good suggestions to work with.</p>
<p>Can’t really offer any advice, just commiserate, and tell you that it could be worse. My step-kid is reasonably smart but just incredibly lazy. He has 7 weeks of senior year left, and there is actually still doubt about whether he will be able to manage to get through it without getting kicked out or flunking out. Believe me, over the years we’ve tried everything. He just has no conception about how this will mess with his future. But nagging, punishment, reward, counseling - it just doesn’t seem to do any good. So right now we just pray and cross our fingers (well, we do keep talking to him about it a little, but we know it does no good). It is so stressful I’m certain it is bad for my health to worry too much about it. I told him he will have to live with any consequences so he better have his plans in order if he doesn’t pass. And he does a little better actually when we let him fly solo. But it is nervewracking.</p>
<p>I know some people believe there is always something that can be done. I did myself before I married his mom. But now I know better. At least he isn’t in any real trouble.</p>
<p>Another anecdote- I was a tutor for a well known outift, and there was one kid who was a superstar pitcher and just needed a certain SAT score to get some scholarships (or so his parents explained). He just wouldn’t do his homeworkfor the class. No matter how much his parents cajoled. The parents wanted to pay for a third refresher, but I had to tell them I really didn’t advise it. Not sure what happened to him.</p>
<p>I guess I look at SAT scores, especially with the very good “SAT optional schools” out there as not a battle worth fighting. Though, don’t get me wrong, I fully understand and respect those parents that do. I certainly do not have all the right parenting answers. I find SAT scores not an academic endeavor, just a hoop to jump through. You can show them the hoop, but you can’t make them jump through it.</p>
<p>His score was SO low relative to performance that mis-bubbling seems very likely. Either that or he simply mentally quit a short time into that section of the test, and essentially answered many of the questions randomly. Since the SAT penalizes for guessing/wrong answers, that could bring his score way down.</p>
<p>My inclination would be to try to give him confidence that he can do much better, and try to relieve anxiety around the test. I would try to convey the message that all he needs to do is calmly and carefully work through the questions.</p>
<p>He needs to be well-rested and calm.</p>
<p>SAT prep can be helpful, but I think being well rested and relaxed on test day is key too. As parents, it is hard to ensure that…but we tried to at least encourage decent bedtime the night before and a good breakfast. In cases where the kids were receptive, my husband even got up to make scrambled eggs before the test. </p>
<p>Op - Encourage SAT question of the day - you sign up on Collegeboard website, and then they send a question in email each day. It won’t help with issues on reading etc, but it might build confidence.</p>
<p>Re-take. Agree that mistake in bubbling sounds likely. I wouldn’t back off.</p>
<p>I would also quiz the kid on exactly what was going on with him during the test. Did he skip a lot of questions? (which makes mis-bubbling more likely) Did he have trouble reading the long passages? Were the topics so abstract or unfamiliar to him that he just zoned out? Did he have a lot of anxiety/panic/have mind “go blank” during the test? Did he just run out of time and not finish much of the reading section because he was dwelling on a few difficult questions?</p>
<p>My smart kid had wildly different READING scores on the PSAT/SAT and ACT. He can read fast, but often not very thoroughly, which puts him in danger of seriously misinterpreting a passage–especially with the strange topics they sometimes have on these tests. If he “gets it” his score can be very high. But missing the point of a passage or two can really bring him down. (Funny, H has the same problem–skimming over/losing patience with long readings and TOTALLY misunderstanding at times. . .)
For my kid the type/topic of the passage made a big difference.</p>
<p>He should sign up for the SAT question of the day. Not too taxing, and will help him keep familiar with the most current types of questions.</p>
<p>He should get a practice book and work on the reading sections. Take the practice tests one section at a time and go over them together so you can see where the weakness is (if there is one–chances are he’ll do much better in reading next time).</p>
<p>I think Consolution may be on to something- OP, I highly encourage you to have him take the test again, AND, this time, make SURE that he has a really good hi protein breakfast AND takes a Coke and small snack with him that he can quickly wolf down during one of the short breaks. The SAT is a 4HR long test, and my son came out of it absolutely starving AND spent, even though he had a big breakfast and snacks with him. Teenage boys are often in the middle of a growth spurt at this age, and burn a lot of calories. They need to be well fueled in order to do their best during a long test starting at 8:00 on a Sat morning!</p>
<p>I did send him with a lot of snacks and gave him a high protein breakfast. One thing I failed to mention was he said a girl sitting next to him was making a whistling noise with her breathing and it was bugging him. He was too embarrassed to ask to change his seat. It doesn’t explain everything but may be some of the reason. </p>
<p>Thank you all for your suggestions. I told him today that we are going to play a game. If he does a section, he gets some cash. If he gets over a 600, he gets some cash. The only caveat is that I will not ask him to do it, nor remind him. He has to come to me to show that he has done it. I told him to treat it like a job - the more effort you give, the more you are compensated. Now it is in his hands. I am also going to talk to his guidance counselor and teacher to see if they can have a chat with him. I’m also not going to get angry about any of this. Thank you all for your wonderful input. Teenagers - ugh. I have 4 of them right now. I hope I survive these years with some humor!</p>
<p>To put it in perspective:</p>
<p>The SAT is a silly exam where you have to answer questions that don’t relate to anything you will ever see in life but is required for colleges and some scholarships.</p>
<p>What you learn in high school is good information that will help you do well in life and allow you to be a productive member of our society.</p>
<p>I’d focus a lot more on your sons performance in high school than the score your son gets on the SAT. The SAT is not an IQ test and it’s not indicative of how your son will do in life.</p>