Someone wanna read? CU Boulder Admission Essay!!!

<p>Hey guys this is my essay for CU Boulder. Its my first draft so feel free to critic it, I do have to change it a bit still :) Thank you!!!!!</p>

<p>Heres the prompt:
Essay A (500 words maximum) The University of Colorado Boulder's Flagship 2030 strategic plan promotes exceptional teaching, research, scholarship, creative works, and service distinguishing us as a premier university. We strive to foster a diverse and inclusive community for all that engages each member in opportunities for academic excellence, leadership, and a deeper understanding of the world in which we live. Given the statement above, how do you think you could enrich our diverse and inclusive community and what are your hopes for your college experience?</p>

<p>My Essay:</p>

<p>I carefully tiptoed down the stairs, my tiny fingers clutching on to the banister. I briefly glanced at the window next to me, admiring the snow coated pine trees and the cloudless starlit sky. I pressed my head against the gaps of the handrail to get a better look of our living room. Afar I was able to make out the blurry lights of our Christmas tree and the dozen presents lying beneath it. I felt a thrill of anticipation arising and quickly returned to my cozy bed, falling asleep with the thought of how lucky I was for being allowed to celebrate Christmas twice a year.
Growing up in a german-american environment was wonderful. Because my mom is German and my dad American origin they were both concerned of endowing me with an equal amount of culture and traditions of their heritage. For me this meant celebrating Christmas on the 24th and on the morning of the 25th of December, also feasting on a massive Thanksgiving turkey on a school night, anticipating in the traditional maypole set up and in addition arranging the biggest Halloween party in Augsburg, as Germans don’t really revel this specific holiday. I believe I could bring a particular diversity to UC Boulder as I was raised bilingual and am used to integrate different aspects in my life regardless of whether it is cultural or individual. I am capable of adapting quickly to my new surroundings because I am also very interested in others people traditions and backgrounds.
Besides of my cultural diverseness I also house a variety of interests, which I as well would like to incorporate in my University education. Since I was a small kid I leaned towards having contrasting biases such as my obsession of playing with dinosaurs but also dressing up as a princess with my best friend or nowadays enjoying going out with friends as well as spending time alone drawing or pursuing my fondness of reading a good book. In School I joined the drama club (, I figured out rapidly that this wasn’t my hidden talent,) but also participated in the school choir. Outside of the classroom I devoted myself to dancing and playing the piano. When thinking about my College experience and the majors offered at UC Boulder I could see myself being part of many different programs. I have always loved Art, no matter if it was making potteries in school, taking pictures of breathtaking sceneries up in the mountains or editing short films on a computer program. I am very passionate about all of these subjects but also drawn to more theoretical (?) ones as Criminal Justice or Psychology.
I don’t know what the future holds for me, which majors I will choose, what career I will pursue or even in which country I will live but I am assured that my journey is part of my destination and </p>

<p>Thanks!
Claire</p>

<p>I think it’s fine for CU-Boulder.</p>

<p>Perhaps you could include certain aspects of the university (like the ones they mentioned in the prompt) that appeal to you and you look forward to.</p>

<p>Honestly, I think that your second paragraph is a little weaker than your first, and too vague. You go over a lot of different things, and I think narrowing it down to a few and expanding on those would help produce a better essay.</p>

<p>Also, go over it a few times again since you made a few grammar mistakes… especially the run-on sentence with the dinosaurs.</p>

<p>(You also said UC Boulder somewhere in your essay as opposed to CU Boulder)</p>

<p>Anyways, good luck with your application!</p>