Something for the parents to think about...

Colleges and Universities A-Z Naval Academy - Annapolis
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<p>You will recall that I have warned the parents to be mindful of the pressures they can exert upon the Mid/Cadet, even with the best of intentions, and how that pressure can often backfire, causing the kid to rebel and/or retreat further from you.</p>

<p>The advice is sound, in my opinion, but based upon some musings I've been privy to, I should point out that BALANCE is important, too.</p>

<p>Just as one end of the "pressure pendulum" is bad, so is the other, where you either retreat completely from the kid's life or you feel compelled to ask permission to come see them, etc.</p>

<p>YOU are their parents. YOU are in very large part responsible for their having achieved the position they find themselves in (being a Mid/Cadet), which is nothing to sneer at. YOU raised them, and they are YOURS. It is both dangerous and unfair, not to mention terribly hurtful to the parents, for ANY "significant other" or "friend" to try and interject themselves between your kid and you.</p>

<p>It does happen. I know from my own experience, sadly, and while some (especially the interlopers) may claim that it's part of "growing up" and that the parents "don't get it", my response is "They don't NEED to get 'it'. YOU need to get OUT."</p>

<p>Be mindful, because the brouhaha's that often result can put an incredible amount of pressure on the poor kid, far beyond what they are already under, and that's BAD in a SA environment. They have enough to handle.</p>

<p>Good luck. I'll admit I'm not looking forward to this AT ALL with my two little ones.</p>

<p>ETA: What an idiot. Put this in the wrong forum. It's the cold medicine. :rolleyes:</p>

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<p>Sorry I didn't include this above, but I was rushing off to a meeting, and the site doesn't allow later edits.</p>

<p>Most of the folks on the site have passed through their college years, so they are well aware of the tugging that occurs as a young adult between the family and the SO/friends. You all know how bad it hurts when a relationship that seemed so solid (back then, anyway) comes apart.</p>

<p>Now throw that into the pressure cooker of a SA.</p>

<p>I wish I could offer you parents some magical mathematical formula of how much to impose upon your kid while leaving them free to see whoever they also want to see, but you and I both know that at that age, you're still not quite thinking clearly about the big picture. You can't let go completely (not that you want to or should), but you can't shield them, either.</p>

<p>Be careful of the warning signs: Always talking about the SO, spending time with the SO AT THE EXPENSE of reasonable family time. Grades falling due to distraction. You will most likely spot the signs (simply because you've seen most of them already in previous lives) before the kid does. They may not listen, but THAT you HAVE to pound into them!</p>

<p>What has me worried here is that it's entirely too early in the academic year for any Plebe to be worrying about this crap. They have too much on their plates, and WAY too much to do before the big day arrives in four years.</p>

<p>I regret I can only sound an alarm bell. If anyone here can provide some advice that can be turned into effective action, I'm sure all concerned will appreciate it. Personally, I'll file it in the back of my head for use in about 15 years.</p>

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<p>Personally, I'm trying to teach my daughter to compartmentalize. It's not easy at any age, but at 17 ( a year from the Academy, hopefully) it's even tougher. She's starting to get the hang of it though. </p>

<p>My wife and I have been very lucky with our young lady. She doesn't get in trouble and has never caused us any excess gray hair. I wish I could take credit, but she mostly just has a really good heart and brain. I'm knocking on wood, but we've almost got her raised. </p>

<p>We've always been of the firm belief that if you teach your children to behave and be respectful when they're really little, 2 or 3 years old, you won't have trouble with them later. But I've only got three examples to work from and they're not done yet.</p>

<p>I've been telling my girl for years that she should only do go to the Academy if it's her dream, because it could very easily be mine. She finally said "Shut up Dad, I'm doing this for me!" Hope she's right.</p>