I’ve been in and out of college for about 7 years and only have 1 and a half year of credits.
My major is mechanical engineering and Its been the only subject I’ve had an interest in pursuing a college degree. I went out of state for my first year and did alright but moved back home for my second. Then I repeated physics 2 and calc 2 like 3 times and from there the work got harder but I’ve just been a lazy bum wasting my own money and time while my GPA is tanking. In 2018 I was suspended for having a low GPA and haven’t returned since.
I planned on returning in the Fall but due to COVID I decided to take some online classes and sharpen up my work ethic. But now, I’m failing my classes and it’s completely because I’ve never spent time on them. I want to, I really do, but for some reason the motivation to do anything else other than school work just takes over.
I’m so angry and ashamed at myself. I just keep repeating my mistakes over and over and over, but I don’t know how to break them. How can I be that straight A physics student that professors love and want to work with? How can I be that math student that is disciplined and organized? How can I have the motivation to start changing myself for the better because I really hate being me right now. Please, Any response would be helpful.
That’s a tough situation, and it has to be rough on your mental health.
How did you perform in high school? What were your grades and work ethic like there? Have you been evaluated for learning disabilities? It couldn’t hurt to get a mental health evaluation too. Once those are done and you hopfully have deeper insight, visit a career counselor and discuss other options for both majors and careers, or to help form an alternative plan to get you where you want to be.
If I had to guess, I’d say there’s a good chance you have undiagnosed ADHD. I say this coming from an ADHD family myself. I used to wonder why my classmates didn’t seem to struggle to get their homework done or to stay organized the way I struggled with those things. It sounds like you have the desire to pursue your degree but follow-through is not happening.
I recommend you go online and read about adult ADHD and see if it describes you. There is absolutely no shame in having it. There are many successful people who do, and it just means you need to develop systems to be successful and take medication to help you focus. I’m sorry you’re feeling so hopeless. Try to remember that it’s never too late; this is a temporary problem that can get resolved even though the road may be bumpy.
My DH is a case in point: He went to an Ivy League school, barely passed, and dropped out after 1 year. Then he went to an LAC and did so poorly they kicked him out. He moved back home and worked a retail job for a year. He was depressed and angry with himself and felt like he wasn’t college material. He took one class at a time at a community college to improve his grades. Then he transferred to a state school, developed the routine of going to the library every day, and eventually finished his degree with really good grades. He then applied to an Ivy League medical school, and in his essay described his journey and what he’d learned; he was accepted and went on to pursue a specialty and have a successful career. It is never too late. I know a pediatrician with a similar story. And I know an attorney who went to 7 colleges before she finally obtained her undergraduate degree (she had an undiagnosed learning disability and ADHD).
All of this is to say, don’t feel ashamed of yourself. People who mistreat others should feel ashamed. People who cheat and steal should feel ashamed. There are many good reasons to feel ashamed. Struggling with staying on track in pursuit of a goal is no reason for shame; it just means there is a problem that needs to be resolved. Your story presents as classic ADHD, though of course I could be wrong. I encourage you to do some reading and to see a doctor who can help you get back on the path to success.
I bet you could find 5 majors/career paths you like better than engineering- and could succeed at and love. There is nothing to be ashamed of- you need a pivot and a career counselor! Having to retake Calc is not a sign of someone who loves engineering…
Hugs to you. You aren’t a bum- you are stuck. Get unstuck and your path will look a lot brighter. What are those things you’d rather be doing than studying? That might give you an indication of where your mismatch is.
Get evaluated for mental health issues: ADHD, Depression
I would highly recommend the book by Cal Newport: “How To Become a Straight-A Student: The Unconventional Strategies Real College Students Use to Score High While Studying Less” It will help you with time management and how to be more efficient.
Get an accountability partner
Think about careers that are similar to Mechanical Engineering but don’t require a college degree…maybe construction?
ADHD in adults:
Often makes careless mistakes and lacks attention to details
Examples: overlooking or missing details or handing in work that is inaccurate
Often has difficulty paying attention to tasks
Example: difficulty remaining focused during lectures, conversations, or lengthy readings
Often seems to not listen when spoken to directly
Example: mind seems elsewhere, even in the absence of obvious distraction
Often fails to follow through on instructions, chores, or duties in the workplace
Example: starts tasks but quickly loses focus and is easily sidetracked
Often has difficulty organizing tasks and activities
Examples: messy, disorganized work; poor time management; fails to meet deadlines
Often avoids, dislikes, or is reluctant to participate in tasks requiring sustained mental effort, like preparing reports, completing forms, or reviewing lengthy papers
Often loses things like tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, and mobile phones
Often easily distracted by other things, including unrelated thoughts
Often forgetful in daily activities, such as running errands, returning calls, paying bills, and keeping appointments
I would get a full mental health and LD evaluation. It’s ok to have a period in your life when things don’t go well, everyone goes through it at some point, but you need to take action and take care of yourself. Good luck
I agree with the posts above. Make an appointment with a therapist for a mental health evaluation and learning disability evaluation. Then, consult with a career counselor as well. Lots of people get stuck at some point. We are all human. Try not to be too hard on yourself. COVID-19 has added complexity and difficulty in learning, especially if there is an undiagnosed learning disability. Not every student is able to thrive in a full on-line environment. Take steps to get back on track. If you have a close friend or parent who would push you and check up on you in completing these evaluations, tell them your plan and ask for support. Good luck to you.
Hello everyone, thank you for responding to my post. I will look more into adult ADHD and try to get evaluated somehow. Originally, I was planning on going through the process of being reinstated at the university I was suspended but I may have to put that on hold for now and focus on getting help.
I was on the honor roll for through my high school years.
@bopper This seems like a good list I’ll try out. I really appreciate it.
@oneandone
I usually convince myself I’ll get to studying after playing video games, or watching just one movie but I can never really enjoy it with the guilt hanging over me. However, some of the biggest time wasting I’ve done is daydream right before I start to get seriously into my work. Its just me and my thoughts and fantasies for hours even though I should have been studying and I accomplish absolutely NOTHING.
Once you actually get started, do you get anything accomplished? If it’s just getting started that is hard, sometimes working in some way with a friend or family member can help. Studying together for classes is a time-honored technique.
Sorry for the late response. Yes, When I actually start on the work I get pretty far into it. However, I most likely start extremely late and feel discouraged to go 100% so I begin to think “What’s the point?” or “Maybe next time” but I continually make the same mistakes and just cant seem to break away from them.
Also, I am a very isolated man. I’ve made zero college friends since I started 7 years ago and my family can’t really help me with the subject matter.