Hi everyone. Was wondering if you could give us some advice. My son was accepted into Georgetown Prep last week. He’s been very bullish on going to boarding school. But in the past few days after getting accepted he’s getting very cold feet now. His reason: “it’s too far.”
We will be visiting the school next month.
Any advice on how to advice on how I should handle this? Anything I should be thoughtful about?
How did you all handle your child’s acceptance and decision? Is it a family decision or, ultimately, a child-only decision?
I fear him missing out on a very special opportunity.
Hi @missionimp4,
Welcome to CC!
If you poke around on the board, you’ll find some conversation on this very topic that might be helpful. Try doing a search using “cold feet” “changed mind” (make sure you DO check the box for “search only in prep school admissions”).
That might be a good starting point.
I attend georgetown prep your son is in good hands it’s a very warming place and we go to DC like every 2 days and we also visit it very often for learning purposes too.
Stall forcing a decision for as long as you can! Emphasize that there is no pressure - that this is an amazing opportunity but that you love him, he can have an amazing HS experience at home, and you will 100% support him whatever he decides (and mean it). Tell him that you appreciate that, like a cat who pauses in the doorway before going through to take a reccy, with a big step like this it is entirely natural to take a pause- especially when he hasn’t even seen the place yet!
He’s what-13/14?! This is a huge world change, and the difference between an idea and reality is meaningful. Take the pressure down as far as you possibly can. If money has come up, make it clear that the money is not the meaningful metric- yes, it cost something to do the testing, apply, go visit- but that is the sunk cost of creating the opportunity and doing the due diligence, and a ‘no’ answer is as acceptable to you as a ‘yes’ answer.
Then see how the visit goes. Watch him, what face he shows the people at Prep and what he says just to you. Weigh that against what you know of your boy and how he typically reacts to new people & places. Consider his weaknesses, and try to see both where the pressure points will be and how they might be amelioraed. Consider his strengths, and try to see how they will be encouraged and supported.
When you get home, go for a tour of the HS he would attend if he didn’t go to Prep- even if he knows it/has been there before, take the tour as a prospective student.
Then listen.
ps, if he does go, you will have to take out an insurance policy to cover the tuition if he withdraws- typically he has to have attended classes for 2 weeks or similar before it kicks in for a non-medical reason.
Thanks! I just wanted clarification, because different people have different definitions of “too far”. (One of my cousins had a marriage that lasted less than 6 months because the marital home was “too far” from the spouse’s mom - <30 minute drive!)
My child is, in theory, not all that far away “as the crow flies” compared to that, but the logistics are such that even without Covid, casual visits back and forth are out. With Covid, and quarantines at both ends - forget about it.
However, I have family near the school, and we discussed the various “what ifs” before going. I have a network of “people” ready to scoop the kid up from campus, if need be. Thankfully, it hasn’t been necessary, but we’ve had close calls. (Campus Covid rules means that historically “normal” teen behavior can get you punished.)
If you don’t currently have local connections/contacts, that’s fine. One of the benefits of Covid is that with everything virtual, it’s far easier now for boarding parents to connect to other parents. I suspect for some things, this will continue (in some form) when the worse of the crisis is past. (I’ve actually been a more active parent as a BS parent than as a public school parent, thanks to Zoom.)
I think visiting will help clarify whether the school is a good fit.
You son might also be ambivalent about leaving his friends. If the school really is a good fit, it should be easy enough to “make new friends and keep the old”, thanks to modern technology.