<p>S2 is at a top school doing very well. School is far from home and he just finished his second year. Loves the academics, loves being in class, loves the professors who challenge him and treat him like an adult by giving him real and meaningful work. Loves his campus job. BUT ....</p>
<p>He hates college life. The dorm life, the hold your hand classes, the academic advising office that tries to protect him taking a risk that will mess up his gpa. The "lets all be one big happy family" crap. It has gotten so unlikable for him that he came home this summer intent on transferring back to our flagship University. Filed all his paperwork and was accepted. Yesterday he went down for the Transfer Orientation. And came home discouraged. It will be more of the same, but the academics not as good. The only thing that makes if more bearable is that at the state u he thinks he will feel less pressure to be part of the "family" and he will be close enough to come home and decompress more often. </p>
<p>What he wants, and what he wanted from the beginning was to be able to go to college and completely immerse himself in academic life without having to deal with the rest. We always knew that would not be the whole story, but he was surprised by how much of his life is spent dealing with other stuff. He has friends and a good social life but still feels isolated. No signs of depression and he is a perfectly normal, healthy boy, just realistic.</p>
<p>He is feeling discouraged and unsure what to do. Go back to his current school and be unhappy? (these are his words) Or transfer and be less unhappy, but not have the classroom experience he wants? What would you do?</p>
<p>I agree that being a commuter student would suit your son. Look into off campus housing. If that is not possible, then it is about keeping the focus on academics and filtering out the other stuff. I think it is refreshing that he has clear priorities. Good luck!</p>
<p>He is already slated to live off campus, at either school, but right now he does not know how much of difference that will make for him – I think it may be the answer, but he is just not sure which way to jump. </p>
<p>He is also looking at semester abroad programs, but we have lived abroad and he has gone to school abroad, and he knows that the best thing about those programs is really the life experiences, which is what at this point in his life he is trying to minimize. </p>
<p>(What he really wants to be is a old-school grad school nerd, but he has to get through undergrad first.)</p>
<p>Could he get out into the community more with his interests and separate more from the college? If he’s going to work or volunteer could he do it off-campus? Same thing for sports or other interests…</p>
<p>This sounds like my daughter. Every year we think about off campus housing and every year decide it is too expensive, even with aid. She has coped for 4 years now, and, like your son, thrives despite the things about college life that she dislikes so much.</p>
<p>Ivies’ house systems definitely stress “family” aspects, so do small LAC’s, and large state U.'s tend to break down into smaller communities. I’m sure there are schools that are different, but we haven’t experienced one yet, with 3 colleges so far.</p>
<p>I think he should stick with the classes he loves and try to develop blinders for the rest. There is no requirement to participate in college life in any other way. And the idea of being totally happy is a mirage at almost every stage of life. It helps to focus on what does make one happy, and be grateful for that.</p>
<p>Definitely live off-campus, get a job, internship or research position that gets him away from undergrads and interacting more with older adults. </p>
<p>Study abroad that is not part of U.S. group, rather do a semester at a foreign uni on his own, where the student culture unlike the American undergrad social/dorm life and there is next to no hand holding.</p>
<p>I think that he should go back to his original school. He can participate (or not) in campus life as he chooses. He should be done with the checklist classes for the most part and will be able to concentrate on more intellectual classes. </p>
<p>BTW-he is a normal young man. He is not a boy.</p>
<p>It sounds like your son was only expecting a completely academic and study-research-based life in college… You mentioned how he dislikes “lets all be one big happy family” theories…
I think you should talk to your son about this and make sure he understands that this dorm life is designed to make students feel like they’re at a home away from home; to help them overcome their homesickness… I don’t think he should have gotten out of the previous college for just that reason…
You must tell your son that although studies are the most important thing for him now, getting along with dorm buddies, considering friends as family, etc. are essential parts of college life that prepare and train students for a good social life after college, and that here is nothing wrong with socializing, as long as he gives priority to studies. But if he finds his new school not up to his satisfaction, then he should probably try and go back to the older school, with an open mind…</p>
It probably depends on where his apartment will be. </p>
<p>A quick story…
Two years ago, word spread through my neighborhood that a third year student was renting a place vacated by two JAG lawyers who had to relocate. Some couldn’t fathom why a student would bypass the two main student neighborhoods to live among academics and medical center types. </p>
<p>She turned out to be a wonderful neighbor who just wanted to be in a quieter place (she was preparing for MCATs and had a position as a Scribe at our medical center). She became a trusted sitter of houses, children, and dogs while still being involved on our campus and having a nice group of friends (social growth and development are important parts of the college experience, after all). I think many of us were sad when she graduated this year. </p>
<p>Best of luck to your son. I bet he’ll find his way. :)</p>
<p>Stelina, See this is exactly what he doesn’t like. He has friends and a good social life, both at school and at home. What he doesn’t want and doesn’t need is “help to overcome his homesickness.” He is not homesick. He wants more than anything to be treated like an adult who can handle his own problems and make his own decisions and mistakes.</p>
<p>This was going to be my question. I went to a large school, and apart from my couple friends and a select few activities that I chose to particiapate in, I was disengaged from everything else and had none of the problems OP’s S is having-- and I would have were I in that environment, none of that stuff ever appealed to me, either. It was as your S describes for maybe the first couple weeks, then all of that handholding stuff was optional and I just chose not to be involved. I can’t imagine what the university could be requiring of a sophomore that is so intrusive he wants to transfer.</p>
<p>If he is going to be a junior in college, why are there still homesickness things that he has to attend? You should be more specific on what is bothering him. Is he required to do things with the other people in his dorm?</p>