<p>my freshmen son went off to college with spending money to last all year. Spent it all first semester. Admits he was livin large - new clothes, eating out with friends all the time, new toys, a little partying (yes he admits to that and regrets it he says). He's not our first to go off to college, but so far the first to have trouble with money period. BTW, he also had to drop one class, admitted it was his fault, but got A's and B's in the rest. Since we make him pay for everything outside of tuition room and board, he's been working every day since he came home. He knows it's his problem to fix, but seems to think this is how everyone lives in college and seems to be trying to keep up with the "jones". We've told him he needs to pay us back for the withdrawn class, he agrees only doesn't know how he'd do that with no money and says he's going to get a job next semester to help him make it till school ends. </p>
<p>We've talked about him see about a loan to pay for class he has to retake, I was so sure that we needed to do that, but now that he's home, I find myself wondering if he could even get one. Mainly we're hoping that letting him dig himself out of this financial hole is the only way he'll understand how to handle himself financially. Do I need to worry about correcting this, or will reality do a much better job. Also, don't know if he'd even listen to me. I am going to insist that he do online banking so he can see daily how his account looks, and my DH says that keeping him poor will solve this problem and that college freshmen who have a meal plan don't really need that much money anyway. While son say he really wants to address this, he does not seem to understand that not everyone does what he did.</p>
<p>By him dropping a class did it make him below full time status, where there may have been a change in FA or tuition? If he did not fall below 12 credits, you essentially did not “lose” anything and I don’t understand why he would have to pay for the class.</p>
<p>Personally, I think you are way over reacting. Did his money cover the cost of books? If yes, then while I would have a shake my head moment, I would purchase books as they are essential for him being successful at school.</p>
<p>If he had a budget and he ran out of money and you are not giving him any more money, then he will have to learn how to live with out money, or get a part time job either on or off campus to make ends meet. He is not the first kid to run through all of his money and he will definitely not be the last. Yes, it has happened in my house. We paid for all school related expenses (tuition, room, board, books and transportation home). The rest was on her. </p>
<p>Edit: Yes, she knew that we were on the 4 year plan, so we did not harass her about majors, classes, etc. We told her that the 2nd sunday in june, 2008 we would be at graduation and she had better be there walking across the stage and getting a degree. It worked in our house.</p>
<p>I think you need to choose your battles and this is not necessarily the hill that I would want to die on.</p>
<p>Seems to me you were more than generous. So if he spent the money that was meant for next term, then he needs to get a job and pay for whatever extra expenses he has. You could either have him pursue a student loan to use to pay you back for the class he dropped, or have him pay you off over time, using money from the job. And checking his balance online every day is a good habit.</p>
<p>I suggest that next school year, either you don’t provide spending money and let him work for it, or you doll it out month to month.</p>
<p>Rather than try to keep tabs on the semester, I would just say “the fullmom plan is 4 years.” If it takes him longer than 8 semesters to graduate, it’s on his dime. That way, neither one of you is stressing about this class. Knowing when to drop a class I wish was a lesson S learned. </p>
<p>As to money…S has the same issue this year. He just doesn’t have spending money second semester unless he wants to earn it. He is on a meal plan. He doesn’t “need” the money. He has a roof over his head and access to food. </p>
<p>In my mind, you don’t need to worry about it. He does and it sounds like he is.</p>
<p>I’m sorry for your situation. I don’t know how I’d handle that if it were our issue. I’m sure each kid is different, each school is different, etc. Our S is the polar opposite. He has money that should last him all school year and so far only spent money on books and $75 on extras (eating out, one $15 concert, train rides to the city, etc.) during the first quarter. I was really surprised he hasn’t spent more but he says he has “no free time” so going out isn’t a priority or expense most weeks. He is very happy with his dorm’s food and meal plan so doesn’t spend much on extra food. I don’t think S’s friends go out much either so that probably makes it easier to stick to a small budget.</p>
<p>Now that he owes you money, you get a say in it. </p>
<p>Paying for the next semester room and board would be based on him following some new rules. It would go something like this:</p>
<ol>
<li><p>Pay checks get deposited in a joint account. We would take out X amount of money per paycheck. </p></li>
<li><p>X amount would be put on a debit card for reasonable living expenses, again in an account that you could all see. The rest goes into savings.</p></li>
<li><p>If he wants money from his savings put on the debit, he needs to ask for it. If you think it’s an unreasonable request, the answer is “no.”</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I think it’s important that kids learn when you owe someone money, the rules are different than if you are living within your means. Hopefully one semester will be enough for him to be able to learn this important lesson.</p>
<p>There is a pretty important gap between needing no money to live and needing some to live a somewhat normal life in college. He screwed up a little. Big deal. Seems he learned some lessons and will not repeat the mistakes. To make him live with $0 all semester is cruel punishment. Let him have the $$$ he makes for semester expenses. He can probably make up the class at no extra charge in the future as most schools charge the same for 12-18 credits. This is FAR from the worst off the tracks behavior for a college freshman.</p>
<p>My kids learned the value of a dollar only after wasting their money and living with the consequences. It’s a lasting lesson. Many, many students, my D included, are responsible for paying their personal expenses through summer jobs and part-time jobs at school. I don’t see why anyone would characterize this as a “punishment” of your son–it’s just letting him endure the natural consequence of his actions, a well-regarded child rearing technique. And it really doesn’t matter what he spent the money on–wine, women and song or adding to his guitar pick collection. Part of teaching kids to handle finances is letting them make their own spending decisions, wise or foolish. Paying you back for the class is another matter, and would depend on the reason for dropping the class, the understanding you had at the start of the semester, etc. Perhaps you could offer to “forgive” this debt provided he maintains a particular GPA for a specified period.</p>
<p>There is a lot of economic and social science research which suggests that people respond to the incentives put in front of them. Which is not exactly what you’re trying to achieve here in my opinion.</p>
<p>Don’t incent your son to skate through college (either with bad grades, taking only easy classes, or not taking advantage of the opportunities in front of him) by sending the message that the only thing you care about is him paying you back for the money you spent on a course he dropped. And if he gets the message that you don’t trust him (checking his balance daily) and that you worry more about the checking account than you do about him learning and getting an education, than believe me, his checking account will meet muster even if he dips far below where he needs to be academically.</p>
<p>He’s not on drugs, he’s not flunking out, and it doesn’t sound like he’s in debt. Seems to me that explaining to him that you are prepared to pay for 8 semesters but that extra time is on him is the way to go. You should encourage him to get a job to earn his spending money this semester, but explain that classes and homework come first. And that if he’s finding it difficult to balance work/play and saving/spending, you’d be happy to brainstorm with him since virtually all adults struggle with this balance also. And you want to be his partner in finding a solution, not be the warden who doles out 5 dollar bills.</p>
<p>I went through this with my son also. We paid for his tuition, meal plan and fees, but he was responsible for everything else. He had a sufficient amount of money to cover the entire school year, but ran out of money and could not pay the last two dorm payments. Since we had signed the contract, we payed the bill. The following year he got a job during the school year.</p>
<p>As far as the dropped class, my son also dropped several classes while in college. He knew that we had paid for 120 hours and he was on his own after that. He ended up retaking a couple of classes at the community college because it was cheaper, which he paid for. He also switched majors and is in a five year program, so he will have to pay for this last year himself. But he will graduate next December with very little debt. And hopefully, he has learned a bit about money management in the process.</p>
<p>Although it is very tempting given the circumstances, I would be careful about micromanaging his money. It is so important that he learn to manage his finances. He will probably stumble a few times and need your help, but the more he does for himself, the better off he will be in the long run.</p>
<p>What we did was to divide our son’s summer earnings in half. He spent half during his first semester. When he goes back for the spring semester he will have his 2nd half of summer earnings to live on. My son also works about 8 hours per week while in school for additional funds. We pay for tuition, flights, phone, room and board, books, any necessary medical expenses, and insurance dues for his fraternity. He pays for everything else (everything else includes his Greek dues), he budgeted and he managed. The only thing he asked for help with were the Greek insurance dues and we did pay that for him.</p>
<p>My brother was always bad with money. Sending him off with a whole year’s worth of spending money would have been just asking for it. It would be gone in two weeks. After learning their lesson his first semester, my parents solved the problem by dividing his money into week-sized chunks and giving it to him weekly.</p>
<p>When I read threads like this I always wonder how kids are suppose to pay for alot of things on minimal wage paying jobs.Plus when they are at school and have no access to a car and job is off campus how does that work?Aren’t alot of jobs on campus for work study kids so what if you don’t qualify?Read a thread on college life and poor kid was sick and tired of being hungry,lonesome and sad because he had no money and really could not do anything.Another girl on this forum got into Stanford but now is having money troubles.Sometimes I wonder if going to colleges that you can’t afford is not such a good idea.Also money management comes with experience so i guess some screw ups have to be expected.Parents talk about living the life of a poor college student is okay because that’s what they did but I think times have changed and is that “poor college student” becoming a thing of the past.Don’t slam me for this I just wonder what happens when what was agreed to before they go and what happens in reality is a big shock.</p>
<ul>
<li>He gets to pay for anything not directly related to school - restaurants (outside the meal plan), clothing, entertainment, etc.</li>
<li>To do the above he can earn the money himself as you say he’s doing this break. However, he should be looking for a p/t on-campus job or if need be, an off-campus one to earn his own money as he goes. This’ll not only earn him money but also keep him more occupied so he spends less on entertainment and will allow him to have a closer connection to the college/staff/profs, etc.</li>
<li><p>I probably wouldn’t charge him for the withdrawn class. It’s not that unusual for a student to drop a class for a number of reasons including the student going outside of his/her comfort zone to try something that might just not have worked out. Some students (like engineering majors) also find that they can end up with too many difficult classes all at the same time and would be advised to drop the load somewhat in that case. Also, if he was taking a full load and dropping the class puts him to just under a full load but enough to be considered ‘full-time’ then many colleges charge the same for both and it’s normal. If you’re going to charge him for the class then will you also charge him if he doesn’t take a full load every semester and how will you define the full load? If in the end you decide to charge him for the dropped class then unless it’s a big financial burden for you I think you should not require him to pay it back until he graduates but if you do this you want to be very clear about it so he doesn’t ‘forget’ later.</p></li>
<li><p>You need to set the ground rules up front regarding -
– What course load or duration (ex: 4 years) you’re expecting him to take. For some students in certain majors (ex: poliSci or history with lots of AP credits) they’d be ‘slacking’ if they spent 4 years and for some others (ex: Computer Science major also taking a chem minor) it’s not reasonable to limit it to 4 years.
– What to do regarding charging for withdrawn classes whether they impact the duration or not.
– What to do regarding charging for certain grades in classes - whether you’ll pay for anything below a ‘C’ or not.
– What he’s expected to pay for himself out of his own earnings and what’ll happen if he runs out of funds.
– What happens with unanticipated issues - like if he drops a class or gets a poor grade because he was sick for a while.
– What happens if he switches majors which might well lengthen the time he needs to be in college.
– What happens if he deicdes to do a particular minor or double major which may also lengthen his time in college.
– etc.</p></li>
</ul>
<p>What both my kids did is to keep a good chunk of their savings in a bank account back home. Neither has an ATM or checks linked to this account. (It’s their old Kid’s Accounts from the local bank.) If they need to tap into it, they do so when they are home for break. S1 has been known to forget he even has this account. </p>
<p>They also each have a bank account at school. Money earned during the school year goes straight in there, and what they have is what they have. Both have learned to shop for books on the cheap (they are responsible for paying for them) – and S2 learned a valuable lesson this fall about ordering from off-brand online dealers. We don’t feed these accounts. Both have meal plans, and we stock them both with dorm snacks when they go back to school.</p>
<p>If it’s my kid’s money, I’m sure not going to divide it and send it to them in installments. If I were sending an allowance (which I don’t), it’d be monthly, not weekly. They’ve gotta feel the pain of being broke in order to understand the importance of managing their budget.</p>
<p>Neither of my kids has a car. Neither kid has had difficulty landing a non work-study job on campus. It may or may not be glamorous, but making $8/hr. is one way to for an 18 yo to appreciate the value of doing well in school! </p>
<p>We have to let them stumble so they learn how to pick themselves up. It’s great your S came home and immediately started working – the lesson is already being assimilated. If he gets a job on campus next semester, he will have less time for goofing off and will have to manage his time better.</p>
<p>When I went off to college, I blew through everything I made – I never had much in the way of clothes or makeup, and while I bought on the cheap, it still took $$. Also had books and phone to pay. I was a zero EFC and got no support from home. Bounced a few checks and had to plead for extensions on my phone bill before I learned to balance money coming in with money going out. </p>
<p>I’d be less inclined to tell your S to take out a loan for personal expenses and more inclined to encourage the jobs over breaks and summers, and 8-10 hours/wk during the year (depending on courseload and grades). Why encourage living beyond his means by taking out a loan? Does he want to be paying for freshman year pizza when he’s 30?</p>
<p>S2 had a p/t job all through high school. He got paid every Tues. When he went off to college, the spending money went into his acct. and he spent most of a month’s worth in one week. It occurred to us that thru h.s. he was used to a weekly paycheck so decided since that’s what he was used to we’d do it that way. His money is now in our acct. and a set amt. gets automatically transferred to him every week. </p>
<p>It has worked out great. We don’t have to worry about him overspending and he is actually more frugal because the $ amt. in his acct. looks so much smaller when there’s just a week’s worth there.</p>
<p>Some consequences are reasonable, but I would not go too harsh on this. Most times parents ought to know before a particular kid heads off to college whether that kid is a spender or a saver, and the two kinds ought to be treated a bit differently imo. </p>
<p>My D’s been a saver since elementary school. She’s in her second year of college, still working off of the personal expense amount I gave her for first semester as a freshman. (And it wasn’t a really generous amount.) She squirrels away her summer earnings, and pinches pennies when she shops. </p>
<p>I have other friends with kids who are spenders, and they’ve learned that money has to be doled out more slowly (I think most do monthly transfers), with parents directly paying certain expenses (dorm, tuition) rather than funneling it through the student. Several with older kids said that this method worked well, and that they were eventually able to go to quarterly or semester transfers. </p>
<p>I’d agree with the suggestion that you be clear with him that you’re on the eight semester plan for parent support for college, but I’d try to find some middle ground on some of the spring semester expenses.</p>
Agree with this and don’t know whether the OP was surprised by the situation or could have predicted it.</p>
<p>In any event, I think you and son are on the right track - as you say, he knows it is his problem to solve. It’s important, imo, not to veer away from this and “rescue” him.</p>
<p>So… agree with others that you should be clear with him that you are on 8-semester plan, no more. </p>
<p>Then, ask him what help he might need to better manage his finances. Would he prefer that in the future he receive monthly allowance rather than a semester or year’s worth up front? Would he like help from you in figuring out how to budget?</p>
<p>I believe that, if he/you switch to a more frequent and smaller allowance to help him not run through it… that it is a good plan to modify that over time so that he DOES learn to manage larger chunks of money.</p>
<p>Some families seem to expressly address financial skills with their kids in their younger years. Some don’t and just assume, I guess, that they’ll “get it.” But it’s not too late to address these topics now.</p>