My husband only wants my son at a christian college, I am okay with christian or secular as I went to a secular college and turned out fine. Anyone have experience in sending a strong christian child to a secular college? Pros? Cons? thanks
Brother and I both went to a secular university. Both of us are still Christians, and he went on to become a pastor. Sister went to Christian college, also still a Christian. All of us still serious about our faith. My D is at a secular university but has chosen to be very involved in Christian organizations on campus. There’s no rules for this stuff, or guarantees. What does your son want? What are his educational goals? Christian college places more limits on the social environment, offers a different set of academic options (does he want to study ministry? Engineering? Something else? That could dictate the choice). They don’t guarantee a kid won’t make stupid decisions, question his faith, etc. And a secular college doesn’t mean a kid won’t grow stronger in his faith, pursue ministry, or whatever. It’s a personal decision.
Three kids here - all strong Christians at home when they left for college. One chose a Christian school. The other two are at secular schools. All three have kept their faith by their choice. They each chose the school they liked. We didn’t choose any for them.
Hubby and I both went to a secular school and also kept our faith.
Pros of secular schools is that they are more like the real world we live in complete with students of all (or no) faiths. There are pretty much always Christian groups on campus to have fellow believers to fellowship with.
Its unfashionable but my opinion is that your husband’s sentiments are spot on.
I have personally known several kids who I’ve seen grow up seemingly strong in their faith (on fire with missions, evangelism, working with the homeless, accountability groups), get flipped in college. This was in the last 2 years, one at a well known LAC ,one at at a top 30 private university, another at an Ivy.
Secular colleges now are not what they were back in the day. It is largely a hostile environment culturally and academically for Christians. If your child is COMMITTED to being involved with healthy Christian fellowship organizations on campus then I think its OK.
If I could afford it I would send my son to Taylor University, Grove City College or another Christian college for undergraduate and let him go secular for grad school.
And I know they’re not perfect, I spent 1/2 hour on the phone with the president of Wheaton grilling him on some of his faculty. One of the most activist female atheists graduated from there a few years ago. For what its worth, President Ryken struck me as someone with integrity and I give him a lot of credit.
FYI I attended 4 secular colleges and universities and taught at 2.
Keep praying about it as a family.
One thought to consider is the personality of the child. When they are exposed to other than Christian viewpoints or lifestyles, how do they respond? If they can respect and love others regardless of different viewpoints, and communicate that both verbally and non verbally without compromising their own beliefs, they will do fine at either environment IMHO. The kids who have decided Jesus is the way have to realize that he is the way wherever they are, and will be a Christian wherever they go.
It’s hard to get more liberal than Vassar College, and this was perhaps more true 30 years ago. Youd think the place was run by heathens. Two friends of mine majored in religion and are still well-regarded pastors in their churches. Another friend majored in philosophy and is now a professor of theology. But even as freshies, these kids had that vibe. They weren’t confused. Especially this one kid. He was great to hang out with, happy, friendly, non-judgemental, and Jesus ran in his veins. And I was an atheist. No big deal, for either of us. Like I said, he’s been a happy pastor for many years.
I guess the point is, if a kid comes to college with that vibe, the school is just gonna give him ideas to chew on. It’s not gonna turn him away from his beliefs. That’s not what I saw, anyway.
The story might be different if the kid has doubts. But that’s a whole different thing.
Both kids - both Christians - are now at very liberal colleges (yes, one’s at Vassar). And, both still seem to have their faith as intact as anybody short of a zealot does. After a lot of prayer, both chose them over Christian colleges (Westmont and Wheaton). We kidded them about choosing whether they would be like Jesus living among the sinners or living among the saints, and while DW probably would have felt more comfortable about them choosing the latter, both felt it would be better to start dealing with the “real world.” We obviously hope they are truly the type of kids that @cakeisgreat describes (they seem to be), and as @Parentof2014grad notes, there are simply no guarantees of how kids will turn out based solely on whether they go someplace they’re required to attend chapel x times a week and are prohibited from attending unauthorized dances.
If you trust your child, you will trust they’ll be able to handle the “real world”. You can mandate they join a Christian group while on campus or attend a weekly Bible Study, but ultimately, they’re at that age when you see if your teachings “stuck”, if they’ve internalized belief and can grow in their faith on their own… or if they were just trying to “make you happy” by pretending, just saying the words not meaning them like the Pharisees. It may test their faith, but ultimately an untested faith is no faith at all. Going to a secular college that has several Christian groups and/or is near churches with young aduls’ Bible Study should not be threatening. It should be a moment of hope, where you see how your child develops as an adult in Christ.
Two of my kids (pastor’s kids) are at Cornell and are thriving, both academically and spiritually. There are so many Christian groups there. DD is in a suite with friends who are running their own Bible study, and DS already found a mentor from Chesterton House to help him navigate his school journey.
I don’t have a large enough sample to really make claims, but of the kids from our church who have gone to Christian vs. secular colleges, I haven’t seen much protective effect for the Christian college over the secular one. In fact, it almost seems like the kids at Christian colleges have been slightly more likely to walk away. But that could be 1) the small sample size for the kids who went to Christian schools and 2) the kids’ tendency to go the Christian schools just because their parents made them, without a real personal commitment on their part.
Research the Christian groups at the schools being considered. Look at the Intervarsity and Crusade facebook pages for the specific schools to see how engaged they are, how many people are involved, how recently used. This will give you an idea of how vibrant the Christian community is. If you can’t tell, student should reach out to the groups and just ask about their membership - what they do, how often they meet, what kind of Bible studies, etc.
Daugther is thriving spiritually at a very liberal LAC, in large part due to the vibrant Intervarsity group.
Is your son leaning towards Christian or secular colleges? I’m curious as to HIS opinion.
I agree with Mother of Dragons. He is the one that has to live there for 4 years or more. One of the things to look for is support for Christians at secular schools on and off campus. Remember Proverbs 22:6. I am sure wherever he attends school somebody who loves him will continually keep him in prayer.
If going to a secular college causes them to lose their faith then it wasn’t very strong to begin with.
We’re kind of in the same spot; but opposite. The Christian LAC my daughter is looking at costs much more overall than the state school she’s looking at; (dh wants state school). She’d like to be at a small christian college; itd be a big change from her high school situation and she wants that change. Is it worth the price difference??
@bgbg4us: are you talking costs that you can afford “out of pocket” (from savings and income)? Or would you need to take on Parent PLUS loans?
We let our guys choose for themselves, but then again, none of their choices racked up more than basic student loans. Oldest chose small Christian LAC. Middle chose medium sized secular Research U. Youngest chose small secular LAC. All three are quite pleased with their choices and all have kept and/or strengthened their faith.
To me, where they go is not something parents ought to dictate either way, but of course, finances can eliminate various schools both secular and Christian.
One should also note that sticker price is not always what’s paid. It can be worth it to apply and see what happens with merit and/or need based aid. Only youngest is attending a school that is costing us more than a state school would have when all is said and done.
@MYOS1634 - we have around $56K in difference over 4 years between state school and private at this point. (still waiting to hear about final scholarships). some of that $56k D can take out in student loans. The rest – lets say $30K is on us. We would take out a HELOC. Just cant figure out if its worth it! WISH WE HAD SAVED MORE! thoughts?
Borrowing 30K via HELOC sounds like too much.
Can you say which colleges you’re talking about (ie., is there a difference in academic quality)?
Does the public university have good Christian groups and has your child contacted them to see how active and welcoming they are? Are there churches near campus, with youth/college groups?
I agree with myos. I’m very positive on Christian colleges and my senior daughter is leaning toward Liberty, but I would not take on $56K in family debt to do it. You can read up on Dave Ramsey’s thoughts, but he is basically against any debt to attend any college.
Don’t take out a HELOC.