<p>From what I’ve seen, most private colleges will allow students to defer admission so they can take a gap year as long as the student has productive plans for the gap year and also promises to attend the college after the gap year.</p>
<p>I don’t think that public colleges usually do this.</p>
<p>The plus of applying and then taking a gap year is that one doesn’t have to apply during the gap year. The minus is that during the gap year, the student may learn things about themselves and the world that changes what they want in college.</p>
<p>S didn’t get around to applying to college his senior year in high school, so he had to apply during his gap year. He applied in Jan. and Feb. of his gap year. By then, he had a much clearer idea of what he wanted in college, and the college he selected – one that we’d never considered until Feb. of his gap year – ended up being perfect for him.</p>
<p>As a senior, he was overwhelmed by college choices, and had no clear idea of what he wanted to major in or the type of college that he wanted. He was considering things ranging from engineering to sociology.</p>
<p>His gap year helped him realize what kind of atmosphere made him happy, and what kind of subjects/careers he was most likely to want to pursue. It was obvious to him that although he was very talented in math/science, he wasn’t interested in majoring in those areas.</p>
<p>S had no problems getting GC reports, teacher recc, etc. even though he did those things during a gap year. This is something, however, to check on in advance if your kid is thinking of applying during a gap year. I remember a post on CC about how a high school refused to do these things for a student who had graduated.</p>
<p>You hit the nail on the head. The meds help tremendously, but the struggle is still under the surface. By the time homework is over, he’s burned out and wants to chill. He doesn’t want to work on college stuff, which requires so much concentration for him.</p>
<p>I’ve notice that part of his ADD is having a hard time making decisions, so he just puts them off. I think that’s why the whole college thing is so hard for him. So many decisions to make, I think he worries he’ll make the wrong one and won’t do well (we’re steering him in the right direction, but ultimately, it’s his decision).</p>
<p>I think the one thing I’ve learned as someone who has ADD, has a child with it, and as a teacher myself (music and special ed) is that every kid with ADD presents differently. Many accommodations work for most, but each one of us has our own “quirks”. The great thing I hear on this board is the sharing of strategies. For some the right answer is to let them find their own way, their own strategies; others will simply need more scaffolding in certain areas – maybe even for life. </p>
<p>For example, my son (ADHD, predominantly impulsive type) has shown no real ability to manage cash. We’ve tried budgets, behavior-mod type controls, no controls, etc. The only thing that has worked is limited control. We have two accounts - one he and I can access; one I control. As he earned money last summer, he deposited all in “my” account. Each week, we agree on how much he thinks he needs and I transfer to his account. How he spends it that week is up to him, but once it’s gone, it’s gone. He has gift cards for gas, Panera, food store near school, and CVS that we replenish on a scheduled basis. First month, he spent the whole Panera card in a day taking the guys to lunch! He likes knowing he won’t spend all his savings in a month(he did that last year) but likes the freedom to spend as he will during a shorter time period. Right now he likes not having to worry about the money. I know that when he’s ready, he’ll take it over, but for now, it’s one less thing in his head. My brother (also ADD) is 40 years old and has a financial planner who runs his weekly/monthly budget, because he tended to overspend and not keep great records. After early financial disasters, he turned the reins over to an expert and is now in better financial shape than many of us. He says he could never have done that on his own.</p>
<p>Applications for him have been pretty easy. We set a schedule at the beginning for every step of the process and we meet weekly to see how he’s doing against deadlines. So far, we’ve only had to adjust a few.</p>
<p>A problem with teenagers and young adults is that so many of them have issues that may or may not be caused by a medical condition. How much the issues your son is having about his college apps because of his ADD is impossible to weigh.</p>
<p>I helped all of my kids with their college apps more than I wanted to help, and more than what is usually advised. I figured that this was really the last large undertaking where I was going to be so involved. And thus far it has. Once they are in college, it is up to them to take care of their business with little intervention from H and me.</p>
<p>I have known very mature kids who were “perfect” in terms of getting stuff done hit a brick wall with the apps. For some reason, it is a real stumbling block for some kids. My brother was one of them. He lost a number of options because he just could not get his act together with his apps. If my parents had been more involved, he probably would have had more options.</p>
<p>“I’ve notice that part of his ADD is having a hard time making decisions, so he just puts them off. I think that’s why the whole college thing is so hard for him. So many decisions to make, I think he worries he’ll make the wrong one and won’t do well (we’re steering him in the right direction, but ultimately, it’s his decision).”</p>
<p>S was like that, too, all of his life. I literally remember that when he was a child, he wouldn’t be able to make up his mind about what flavor of ice cream to get. The one time I let him take all of the time he needed to make a selection, he took a half hour!</p>
<p>Somehow his gap year, however, helped him realize that most decisions aren’t life threatening. He also got a much clearer idea of his own likes and dislikes, and he has been able to produce papers for college without the kind of horrendous procrastination problems that almost caused him to not graduate from high school.</p>
<p>The whole process does take organizational skills that most 17 year olds have never had to exercise and that some adults don’t even possess. Let’s say the student applies to 8 schools…4 are Common App, 4 are not. Three of the Common App schools require supplements. Some will take the same essay. Others won’t. Some schools require a GC rec and one teacher rec. Others require more teacher recs, some only from the teachers of certain subjects. If the student applies early, there are various deadlines. The student works on the online app…then there is a computer glitch and all the info is gone. Start again. The student requests the teacher recs, then some schools ask for online recs and the school says they don’t do online recs. Then the apps all go in…then acceptances, then it’s time to narrow the list. So then there are four schools and on no, the deadline for that performance scholarship is in a week, and now you need recs from two other teachers…or maybe a member of your church or the community…then you have to schedule the audition - wait, there is a conflict on the only audition date…etc…etc…etc…This is a LOT for even “together” 17 year olds to keep up with …</p>
<p>Probably most students who apply to college are applying to colleges with very easy to fill out applications. </p>
<p>For most students, applying to college really isn’t that hard.</p>
<p>For the ADD/ADHD students applying to competitive colleges with complicated applications, if they really can’t figure out how to do these things without lots of help from their parents, then they probably aren’t the type of students who’ll be able to handle that kind of college. </p>
<p>I don’t view helping a kid create an application schedule to be “lots of help.” I do call literally standing over a kid to make sure they get things done (and this is what I did with older S) “lots of help.”</p>
<p>Many bright people with ADD/ADHD also are excellent at getting things done on tight deadlines, so are able to submit those complicated applications on time even though they may do everything at the last minute, driving their parents crazy. That’s the kind of person I’ve always been.</p>
<p>Due to ADD and Asperger’s, we knew Son needed to be at a small school. We have no small state schools, so the choices were private schools, which were not doable without significant merit aid. It took some research to find the schools that would be of the right size, that would offer enough merit aid. Son was offered between $3000 and $21,000 at his schools and it took a whole lot of steps to get there. With that said, he’s at a school that I think is a very good fit. But he only received enough aid to attend when I sent the second semester transcript…his class rank went up a tiny bit but more importantly, the ad com admitted that he had missed two classes on the transcript on the first read through…it all resulted in something like $8000 more a year. Son would never have sent the second semester transcript on his own (the school did not request or require it) but my doing so made the school financially within reach.</p>
<p>I agree…the process is overwhelming for us as parents (he’s the oldest and it wasn’t like this when I applied). It makes sense that it would be a big deal for any 17 year old, especially one that has ADD challenges.</p>
<p>That’s the truth. There was one state school that had my major. I applied to that one school sight unseen. No essays. No rec letters. I think my whole college seach process took about 4 1/2 hours and that includes the time it took to take the ACT.</p>
<p>bzmom, are you my wife? Because I’m certain we’re talking about the same kid!</p>
<p>In the same situation, I began to fear that, if we helped our son get into a great college, we would be setting him up for failure. So I have adopted the attitude that if he can’t manage to get admitted on his own, then he probably doesn’t have what it takes to succeed there, either.</p>
<p>This has helped us take a much more hands-off approach. We do our best to gently remind him of coming deadlines, but otherwise try to give him only the help he asks for. This may or may not result in admission to a top college, but it does seem to be prompting him to take more responsibility for his own planning. He seems to be taking charge a bit more. (We’ve only taken this approach for about the last two months, so it remains to be seen whether his improvement is long-term.)</p>
<p>However you decide to approach this, you have my sympathy, and I wish you luck.</p>
<p>bizmom, I think it is fine to be his secretary for his applications. Go for it. Address envelopes, keep track of deadlines, make sure all the needed paperwork is together. I am with cptofthehouse on this one:
</p>
<p>I think if he needs more than secretarial help now because his life is so overwhelming, taking a gap year and applying during the gap year might be just the right thing to do.</p>
<p>Whether he applies now or a year from now, finding a college where you can trust he will receive support is important too. I always suggest Muskingum (I am an Ohio booster). Even if he is not interested in Muskingum for college, he might find their “summer before college” program useful.
[Muskingum</a> College: First-Step Summer Transition Program](<a href=“http://www.muskingum.edu/home/cal/firststep.html]Muskingum”>http://www.muskingum.edu/home/cal/firststep.html)</p>
<p>I like the term “secretary.” I am a real estate lawyer so I know quite a few real estate developers. Quite a few very successful developers are very ADD, big picture kind of guys. They not only have one or more personal assistants, they have fairly high level employees whose job it is to implement the big ideas and keep track of the details. Some of those guys have made fortunes for themselves and others.</p>
<p>As a lawyer, I keep track of lots of details for my clients…some are don’t really require legal training, but some of the clients are great business people but are lousy at details.</p>
<p>During the senior year fall season in our house, the dining room became the college application office. Two of our kids have ADD, primarily inattentive, and losing things has always been one of their challenges. So all the brochures and application materials stayed in the dining room. We also had a big erasable 120 day planner/calendar where I filled in all the pertinent deadlines, test dates, and so forth. Each college had a folder with its application requirements and deadlines written on the front and a place to check off when each requirement was complete. All of this was my job. I also ordered the SAT results to be sent to the schools. </p>
<p>All the actual content - taking the tests, filling out the forms, writing the short answers and essays - was her job. It seemed to me that having that external structure and completing the tasks one by one, on schedule, relieved some of the pressure of the big picture.</p>
<p>In the world of engineering we call them project managers. They’re highly skilled and well-paid, and the “big picture guys” couldn’t live without them.</p>
<p>For middle aged people who applied to places like Ivies, the process was virtually the same back when we were young. I took the SAT twice, took SAT IIs, had to write essays, purchased and used study books for the SAT while also taking demanding courses, doing ECs and working 20 hours a week.</p>
<p>My friends who were applying to top colleges did the same. However, most students at my school were applying to in state public schools and didn’t have to do as much work on their applications.</p>
<p>To the OP–take a deep breath and relax. DS#1 is also ADD, but even without that diagnosis I know my kid. And he really does need a secretary. I filled in informational-type stuff on the common app. I also registered him for SATs, woke him up those mornings, handed him pencils and a calculator, made sure he had his DL, drove ahead of him to the exam he took at a different hs. </p>
<p>It always comes down to the essays, which I knew he wasn’t going to get written much before they absolutely had to be in. I mean that’s who he is, so why stress over it? Tried to set Thanksgiving weekend as a deadline, then tried to set Christmas break as a deadline. (He did a working draft maybe October-ish.) He didn’t have any application deadlines before Jan 15th, and his essay and supplemental essays were probably finished 4-5 days before that.</p>
<p>I mean why not support your kid? Does it matter who prints out admissions office address stickers? And why fight with your kid the last full year you have him? Makes me sad just thinking about it.</p>
<p>(BTW–he’s currently in his sophomore year at a LAC and doing fine.)</p>
<p>Exactly. Besides, these kids have another “job” - finishing their senior year. I figured it was a better use of time for him to do his AP Stats homework and for me to address envelopes.</p>
<p>Any high achieving kid, but especially one with ADD, has a double challenge when it comes to the college process, because they are already working so very hard during junior and senior year at all of their high school obligations. Then they are innundated with college paper mail, hundreds if not thousands of emails, and an overwhelming amount of information and offers in what can become a very high-stakes process. There was no way my kid had the time to deal with the onslaught, and I was asking the same questions you are about how much to help. We worked out an arrangement in which I screened all mailings, knowing the general features that would make a college a good fit. I prepped all of the rote stuff on the applications. The essays and interviews were the only pieces that this kid had to do. It helped to have an EA in the mix because this forced essay prep to happen earlier. Hopefully your kid can take a long weekend in the fall to do the essays, with no interruptions. My kid was grateful to have many excellent choices in April; still works very hard, but made the transition with success. If we were doing it over, I’d do it the same way, but I would have researched LD support sevices before applying (and dropped places that had poor support). This application process is taxing in ways that ADD kids are most vulnerable; nothing wrong supporting them at such a demanding time in their lives.</p>