<p>Well I've never posted here before but this seems like the most appropriate place to ask this question. My smart, quiet son got a DUI Friday night after his junior prom. He is 17 and has never been in any kind of trouble at school or home before--really a sweet, sensitive kid who has been emotionally wrecked by this. </p>
<p>My wife and I are alternating between furious and disbelief. We didn't even know he drank. We had talked to him after he got his license last fall about the dangers of drinking and driving but this was about the furthest thing from our minds when he left for the prom. He's near the top of his class at a large high school and most weekends he's home studying or at a track meet--not the kind of kid who's out experimenting with alcohol or drugs.</p>
<p>We're doing OK with consoling him and already have been in touch with a lawyer, but I've been wondering how this will affect him with college. He did very well on the SATs this spring and his guidance counselor had told him he'd be competitive at the elite schools. Will this keep him out of colleges?</p>
<p>Sorry to hear that, NCDad. Get a good lawyer ASAP. Obviously your son screwed up and needs to make changes in his life. But a good lawyer for a first time offense can get the charges greatly reduced or even dropped, assuming there were no injuries involved. If the charges are dropped, it won’t affect his future. Again, obviously you need to have heart to heart talks with him, consider counseling, etc., etc., etc. But get a good lawyer now.</p>
<p>it wont keep him out of colleges at all. right now worry about the DUI. its a doable situation. what state are you in and how bad was he? don’t let people get all judgemental with you about some big drinking problem. deal with the situation. his licence will be suspended. there are some very important things you can do right now that will help with the legal aspects. worry about those first. </p>
<p>you are going to get some domesday predictions on this site and don’t let them get you down. this is not the end of the world and he is not alone and he doesn’t need rehab or anything, the dui program itself is pretty daunting. so heads up, move on and your son will go to college. and evenwithout the dui the elite school admissions is one in ten or so, so if you are smart you will be looking at a range of schools anyway</p>
<p>as for a lawyer, make sure its one that knows the dui system in your COUNTY and STATE…each county has different programs. my daughters friend had to do the dui program and it involved weekly counseling meetings, a class, etc so it wasn’t a cake walk but it wasn’t a nighmare either</p>
<p>We are in NC and the surrounding circumstances aren’t good. Our lawyer told us that he will most likely be charged with Level 1 DUI because he was transporting a minor (his girlfriend), his BAC was .16, and he was speeding. If he’s convicted of this there’s a minimum jail sentence that can’t be waived, so we’re working on trying to get it down to a lesser charge.</p>
<p>I’m not predicting doom and gloom by any stretch of the imagination. But since you didn’t know he drank (and he did), while he’s still reeling from this might be a good time to get him to answer truthfully about drug use. Every parent thinks their kid isn’t drinking/doing drugs/having sex…until they find out they are (if they are). So get him to lay it all on the table now. This is a good opportunity for you, NorthCarolinaMom, and NorthCarolinaSon to have a real heart-to-heart. Sounds like you’re already doing a good job of not freaking out too much, kudos for that. Hopefully this DUI will turn out to be an event that opened lines of communications further for all of you.</p>
<p>Good luck to you. And great that he was caught now - really - when no one was harmed, rather than later. </p>
<p>The odds that this was the first time he did it are absolutely miniscule, and that it was not a single instance. It won’t keep him out of colleges, but he will have to answer the question about arrests, etc. Will there be any school-related discipline?</p>
<p>Agree that a good lawyer with a lot of experience with DUI in your county is essential. I feel for your son, he sounds like a very responsible boy who just made a single bad judgment call. I would try to determine what the circumstances were that resulted in this deviation from his normal behavior. Was it peer pressure, trying to impress his girlfriend or simply that he felt prom was a place to finally blow off some steam? I think understanding how he got there will help prevent it from happening again. I think if handled properly this should not have a negative effect on his college prospects.</p>
<p>Axw, mini: I agree with both of you. My wife and I were initially angry at the police but with a couple days to think about it I’m actually very thankful that they got him off the road before he hurt himself or his girlfriend or another driver. At his BAC he’s very lucky that getting arrested was the worst thing that happened. </p>
<p>We’ve tried having a heart to heart but he’s been too depressed to talk much. He just keeps saying that he “ruined everything” although this evening he’s been a little better. All I’ve gotten from him is that his girlfriend’s group of friends provided the liquor and they were drinking at the prom itself. Knowing him he’s incredibly worried about college since it’s all he’s talked about for the past few weeks.</p>
<p>I’m confident that our lawyer will do his best but he didn’t sound optimistic about getting this dropped altogether.</p>
<p>It will not ruin things for college at all. See how the legal situation resolves. DUIs are treated seriously by the courts, as they should be, but college admissions folks are more than used to seeing alcohol violations. It can be addressed. High school kids are drinking, having sex and experimenting with drugs. Not all of them, but the majority of them. I’m glad no one was hurt. I hope this is a lesson earned and that the legal consequences can be managed.</p>
<p>Another perspective: maybe your son is drinking because the stress of the expectations being placed on him is too great. If this were my kid I would be focused entirely on figuring out why he was exercising such poor judgment and not worrying one iota about college. </p>
<p>
</p>
<p>seahorsesrock, I know you are trying to be reassuring but none of us know whether this child needs rehab. Many kids successfully hide addictions from their parents. I am not saying this is the case here but we really don’t know enough to make that assertion, in my opinion.</p>
<p>I don’t know anything about dealing with DUIs, but all I can say is that thank doG he is okay and didn’t kill or maim himself or anyone else. I remember back when post prom and post graduation teen deaths were all too common.</p>
<p>It’s a good thing that he is contrite. I’d make damn sure that he realizes how lucky he is to be in one piece. I have a BIL who was driving drunk when in college, and was being followed by a cop who was about to pull him over. He hit a tree before he could be stopped. He probably survived only because the cop was right there to call an ambulance. He was in a coma for over a week, and sustained subtle brain damage.</p>
<p>I hope that this turns into a “scared straight” moment for him when it comes to DUI, and that everything works out. You and he have my sympathy. This kind of thing could happen to far too many of us.</p>
<p>Please, focus on dealing with the problem at hand. (I don’t think it is likely that a first time drinker would rack up that high of a BAC or get behind the wheel under those circumstances. An opinion only, but one that is likely to be shared by those in the legal system with experience in these matters)</p>
<p>Agreed ,get him help now so when he does enter college he will handle the pressure of drinking armed with the knowledge of the consequences.He will be better for it and safer.</p>
<p>Juvenile records are usually sealed so he may be able to just be quiet about it. At the same time, don’t lie about it. A google search by an adcom could be enough to uncover the truth. I wouldn’t volunteer the info but I wouldn’t lie about it. Your S need to learn his lesson so he can explain how sorry he is and what lesson he learned if queried about it. In the meantime, keep your S out of juvie.</p>
<p>you sound like you’re addressing this properly. agree that bac is high, was he very sick when he got home? I wonder if his reticence to talk about it reflects his fear to reveal more of a problem, and to disappoint. of course none of us know what’s going on, but when I read your post about him being too depressed to talk about it, I wondered if he just didn’t’ want to share more possible details or history.</p>
<p>Re madaboutx: This is what I’m worried about. There is a mugshot website that uploads all arrests from our county and his is already up there. It looks like you have to pay to have it taken down, but they’ll take it down for free if he’s acquitted so we’re going to wait and see. </p>
<p>I’m sure I’ll learn more when I talk to him but I’m guessing he has been drinking occasionally behind our backs. I used calimom’s calculator and with his weight .16 translates to about 7 drinks, which is a lot but not incomprehensible given what teenagers do at prom.</p>
<p>My primary goal here is to keep him out of jail. He doesn’t know yet that the level of DUI he’s being charged with has a minimum sentence and we’re not going to tell him that yet, although he’ll probably find out on his own. Beyond that, I’m torn as to how to handle this–half of me wants to light into him so that it never happens again, and the other half of me just wants to cry and hug him.</p>
<p>lindz126: He was sick to his stomach and on the verge of a nervous breakdown when we picked him up, about 90 minutes after the arrest. I figured it was a combination of alcohol and trauma.</p>
<p>My wife and I are going to have a long talk with him tomorrow. I doubt there are more serious underlying problems but apparently there are some things I didn’t know about my son, so we’ll find out.</p>
<p>I think he’s probably beating himself up enough. Maybe crying and hugging him and telling him you’re so glad he didn’t have an accident will bring it home in the best possible way, as well as keeping your relationship strong.</p>