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But I did have a life before children and I will again.
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<p>This is my problem---did I have a life BC? If so, I am having a terrible time remembering what it was, lol.</p>
<p>The first year away wasn't bad at all! It seemed that we just relished all the excitement and newness of the school and D's classes, activities, etc. Sophomore year, it was bad. I think that initial euphoria wanes and the reality hits that this is for 4 years, and possibly forever. Things will never be the same anymore. But rest assured, by the time they are juniors and go back, and sometimes, as in D's case, go overseas, you adjust and accept and re-start your life. I still miss D, but not as badly as sophomore year.</p>
<p>An observation - for many on CC the college search and application process was an exciting ride, because so many of the kids whose parents are on CC are so remarkably qualified. Then, the initial excitement led our students to the experience of a lifetime and us to a huge thud. But over that first year, there were at least their frequent moments of discovery that kept our thrill ride going - albeit intermittently. Now, our kids are savvy and into their routines, having taken their remarkable-ness with them. Reading this thread, I realize that I have, in part, managed the sophomore slump by helping D # 2, a HS senior, through her search and application process. Boy, am I in for a letdown once they're both out of the nest!</p>
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Oh, my! Isn't "thud" the perfect word choice here? LOL . I'm thinking about changing my screenname to "Thuddad" or maybe just "Thud".</p>
<p>For us it's been trying to juggle the emotions that attach to each kid individually. D has adjusted beautifully to college (after a very rocky first couple of weeks), looked and sounded happy and was very happy to get back on the plane to her "school home" yesterday. S2 has reached that point where his home friends are and will always be his friends, but he doesn't need to spend all his time with them when he's home (good news for mom). And S1, who graduated last June and moved 3,000 miles away for a job has been laid off due to real estate market woes and is (happily) relocating closer to home (well, actually home until he finds a new job and can afford an apartment in NYC). We had probably the best, conflict free holiday ever and I am very sad today. The house is quiet, no phones are ringing and no sleepy adult/children are padding down the stairs looking for food at 2pm! But having seen them, and heard the wonderful stories of the things they are learning and experiencing, makes me know that even though I am temporarily sad, they continue to be happy. They are growing in so many ways, and I know that this home (wherever their dad and I are) will always be "home" in a way no place else can ever be. I believe this because I felt (and still feel that way) about where my parents are. Home is that place you feel safe, where you have your bed, where you know you are loved, whether you live "there" or not.</p>
<p>Cheer up Curmudgeon and others, there's a big recession coming which will last a while. Lots of kids won't get jobs or the ones they wanted and will return to live at home. The internships will be great experience but won't be paid and if they're at grad, law or med school, they will welcome visits from Mom & Dad where you bring them gifts, treats or take them out for dinner.</p>
<p>The dollar will remain in poor shape and so fewer summer and post grad trips to Europe. They'll be with you at the local pool or your summer place (they may even want to tag along for winter vacations).</p>
<p>Mortgages will be hard to get again, they'll need cosigners as well as down payments for condos, homes etc. So they'll have to invite you to visit.</p>
<p>You'll still be Dad and Mom for a long time to come. Then you can start all over again with grandchildren.</p>
<p>Bethievt: yes, good advice; I lost both parents (unrelated illnesses, too) in one year, my daughter's senior HS year. One thing I am happy about, that during the previous year I made my parents feel a part of the process (talking about all the college visits, where she would end up, how she liked all of the schools). I am missing them a lot, now that I could tell them how well she is doing.</p>
<p>MozartMom: of course I did; TG night, with a house full of company, I fell asleep at midnight, woke up at 1AM wondering why DD was not home yet. There was a really bright moon out, leading me to believe the porch light was still on. I lay awake for an hour before i finally got up, and saw that she was actually already in bed! (Now, when she is away at school I am happily clueless as to when she gets home.) So yes, I love having her home, and can't wait for her to go back, and feel so sad when she goes, all at once!</p>
<p>lol, mhc. I guess the moral is.."be careful what you wish for"?</p>
<p>mhc48, you made me really laugh out loud. and the funny thing is: you are right! we have S1 here as a boomeranger and he will be leaving again soon for another attempt at supporting himself.<br>
8 1/2 years after h.s. graduation. </p>
<p>This brings me to a serious point: when I am feeling blue about my soph d being gone, I try to remember how wonderful it is that she has such a wonderful new life she has built at school and that her summers are filled with wonderful, productive activities. I have had both types of students: the one who wants to do almost nothing, and the one who wants to do alot. Life is better when they are happy being busy and engaged into a full life. But...I may need better "not missing her too much skills" when she leaves to go abroad.</p>
<p>I've just run into three friends this month whose sophomore sons are home ... either mid semester or not going back for spring semester. If your sophomore is doing well ... congratulations.</p>
<p>But yeah ... mine went back and I really miss him. With S2 in France, it's really lonely in the old homestead.</p>
<p>" During you S or D's stay, didn't you say something like 'Oh, I am glad he/she is leaving this weekend'? If not, perhaps I am the only bad mom here. "</p>
<p>I love it when my DD is home. But...since she and her older brother have been gone, we have gotten used to having just two kids at home and I really treasure the time I have with them alone. When the older kids sweep through, our routine is disrupted and our own dynamics are altered. It's fine and it's great and I love having the kids come home, but I also love our life when they are away and I think my kids do too. But...I am really, really dreading #3 leaving because we've only had this short time to redefine our little family circle and I kind of wonder what it's going to be like when my husband is working late and it's just me and Number Four at the dinner table together...</p>
<p>Mimk6, the last part of what you said resonates plenty with me! It's true - madly as we love her, and much as we all miss her when she goes back, there is a sense in which our routines are all out of whack when D comes home. And S1 is a h.s. junior, so we have only another year and a half of our new family configuration. </p>
<p>But I have MANY years ahead at the table with just S2 when DH is working late or away: Our last one is in kindergarten. On the other hand, he informed us yesterday, after D went back, that he's decided his brother is not going to be allowed to go to college - so maybe not. :)</p>
<p>Oh, thudmudgeon, you do make us laugh (I did read something negative about crack once, but can't quote you a source). </p>
<p>Other posters have come to the same conclusion I have - the first year away, we're all running on adrenalin, it's all new and exciting. The 2nd year is hard - we realize they really are gone, will be spending less and less time with us, h.s. friends fade just a little as college friends (living all over the country) take on more importance. I try to keep the bigger picture in mind - I really don't want them to return to their old rooms because they haven't got better options, but I do think there are ways they'll always want our help and company - when they start jobs, have children, etc.</p>
<p>Lefthandofdog is right that parenting does not end as kids become older and more independent, it just changes.</p>
<p>My daughter was miserable as a freshman, both because her school wasn't right for her and because of personal problems unrelated to college. She transferred to another college as a sophomore, as well as resolving her non-school related problems, and had a wonderful experience academically and socially at her new school. I was not sad to see her go back to school after breaks - I was happy that she was having the college experience I had wished for her. She is now a junior and is studying abroad this semester, but, as lefthandofdog says, still wants my help and input in making decisions, editing resumes, etc. In fact, when her semester ends in a few weeks, my husband and I will be traveling to the country where she is studying to tour with her for two weeks.</p>
<p>My 2006 college graduate son is working at a great job in his field on the opposite coast from our home. I am happy for him, too. He is very independent - moved himself to a new city after one year in another location and found an apartment on his own on short notice. Even with all this independence, he still was very grateful for my assistance in helping him get set up in his new apartment. He moved in with only a bed to his name two days before his new job began and was very glad I could come out for a few days to help him purchase and assemble the furniture he needed. I also waited for the cable guy to come to turn on the internet, as it would not have been desirable for my son to have to leave his new job for several hours during his first week there. It was fun buying a few little items for my son, who is not a decorator or a kitchen expert by any means, to make the apartment a little more homey and cheerful.</p>