<p>Your family hit some rough times in the past several years,and it was not right for you and your husband to not share that info with the girls and let them help in downsizing and getting your finanical house in order. Though this has worked out well this year, it may not again next and you have two more girls. At some point in time, everyone in the family should be sort of on the same page as to what the financial situation is. I would have been appalled, horrified and so hurt if my parents put themselves in a whole to give me luxuries, and my kids, as flawed as some of them are, understand our issues well, and work within financial constraints, because they hae been made aware and can therefore act that way. You cheat others out of this “stepping” up process when you give kids the feel that they are entitled to certain things and that you can well afford them. Those sort of lesson can carry through for life. </p>
<p>I’m so glad this turns out so well for your daughter. You absolutely did well letting her know because she needs to understand your family’s circumstances and her place in them. If Union doesn’t come through next year it will be much easier to speak about alternatives. As for your second daughter have her apply to some sunys honors including Geneseo; </p>
<p>… 100% colleges such as Middlebury,Kenyon, Hamilton and run the npc’s on EACH you should be pleasantly surprised ; add st olaf and Gettysburg </p>
<p>…run the npc’s systematically; look at the merit threads on the financial aid forum there are excellent colleges with full tuition scholarships if you start looking now and plan ahead. </p>
<p>Ah CT, that is wonderful! Didn’t anticipate such an ending at all for you. SOSOSO happy for you and your family. It was worth it to go through all this, because now you can get prepared for next year and the year after that and have an idea for how to look for colleges that will be affordable for the younger sibs. I think you’ll be questioning the FA office at their schools a lot more closely, eh? Good luck and check back in sometimes to let us know how things are going with you. </p>
<p>I like that you’re a mom really trying to both understand reality and work with her D’s sensitivities and needs. </p>
<p>So, a couple of points, to round things out. For the things you don’t fully understand, you can still go back and educate yourself now. It will help you have some perspective as you weigh what comes next- for D1 and D2. Financial Aid For Dummies- or one like that; you can even sit in a bookstore and browse to find one you think is good. Or FA websites. I liked finaid.org. (Eg, agree with all, it is highly unusual Union allowed for the excess income. These resources mention things like that.)</p>
<p>Second, I know how hard it can be when the DH doesn’t quite see things the same way or wants to give more than you think the family can afford. See if you can figure what the retirement income will add up to- at 65, 70, maybe in-between. Check his Social Security, pension and the payout on retirement accounts. (And the difference in income based on when any annuities are cashed in.) We knew we could pay back Plus loans if DH worked to 70 (his employer’s target.) But not if he retired early or lost his job. Then you can sit with DH and express any concerns. Eg, “look honey, we’re going to live on X, can/cannot pay those loans from that income.” </p>
<p>There are some schools that are generous with their discretionary powers (friend’s son has experienced this. I think we did.) But the bottom line is you never know how it will go, year to year. It is gut wrenching. So, if D is staying at Union for now, get started asap on the self-ed and the calculations. Be systematic and start a file. Just doing it and knowing where you really stand can help you breathe and figure things out. And make you feel so much more empowered, when D2 is deciding.
Best Wishes.</p>
<p>Actually, your experience with Union could very well be helpful to others.</p>
<p>I should add…these types of situations are handled on a case by case situation, however. So while everything worked out for the OP, it might not for someone else.</p>
<p>Btw, these discretionary actions actually have more guidelines than it seems. It’s not just case by case, but has to conform to certain conventions, to be allowed. So, in some manner, you fit. No, they next family may not. And, you were right to be polite- because they are also allowed discretion to end an FA conversation, under some circumstances. </p>
<p>Actually, I think this experience makes Union look very understanding. We know their decision only applies to you, but that they were able to help your daughter and your family through this financial crisis, that they value their students enough that they can try and work through things like this, speaks highly of their admission and financial aid teams.</p>
<p>I am glad that this worked out for you and your daughter. I also think that it was good that you posted and discussed your situation because you now see how financially precarious your situation is and how you can’t continue to “Rob Peter to pay Paul”. </p>
<p>It is my hope that this thread has provided you with a teachable moment and with D number 2 I hope that you use a “bottoms up approach” to looking at schools. Make sure that you have some schools that are financial safeties on your list that D2 would be happy to attend. Also make sure that D2 has some schools where she may be a prime candidate for merit $$ to defray some of the cost. </p>
<p>Perhaps you may have a little breathing room when D1 is a junior/senior because you will have 2 in college. However, you may be at this same doorstep again when D2 is a junior senior and you only have one in college. Plan now!!! All the best</p>
<p>OP, so glad to hear that things worked out for your family! I concur with previous posts, it does make Union look good. I also agree that it is a “teachable moment,” hopefully D2 and D3’s college search will be smoother and less stressful. </p>