southern hospitality

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi,</p>

<p>My son has applied to Bama, Clemson and South Carolina. Do kids from outside the South feel alienated? Are they avoided like the plague? Is there a "It's a southern thing; you just wouldn't understand?" attitude at these schools. When they are alums is there the attitude, like in Rome that you're not really Roman until 7 generations have been born there?</p>

<p>I'm from PA and my family has always gone to school in New England and the northeast, so I have no idea what he might be met with in the south, and it's not too late too encourage him to consider a Delaware, UConn acceptance.</p>

<p>Thanks.</p>

2

<p>My son goes to Clemson and we are from the North. It hasn’t been a problem being a non-Southerner. There are lots of kids at Clemson from NY, PA, NJ, Maryland, and New England. They fit in just fine.</p>

3

<p>dunderheader, our oldest son has had an amazing time in NC from New Jersey. However, he went there with the attitude that people are people everywhere. Not to sound simple, but he was always taught there are good people everywhere, so he had minimal thought as to what is a northern or southern “thing.” Everyone is expected to be honest, respectful, and kind, no matter where they are from. Your son will meet kids who have been raised the same way. My second son has not been as happy, but that has nothing to do with where he goes to school, for he has a tendency to “look” for things that validate him not being so happy. If your son attends a southern school with an open mind, and is a person that is happy with himself to begin with, he will be more than fine.</p>

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<p>dunderheader, I’m a lifelong Southerner and my daughter goes to college in the South. She has close friends from Illinois, New Jersey, Iowa who fit in completely and seem to be very happy. I can tell you from my own perspective that people in the South will generally welcome you with open arms into their homes and their families if you treat them with the same warmth and respect that you’d want to receive. And once they welcome you into their lives, they’ll do anything for you as if you were a member of their family. I completely agree with njmom that good people are everywhere. DH is from the north, came to school in the south and never left! As an alum and businessman, he’s never experienced any sort of negativity because of where he’s from. If anything, it’s almost the opposite of what you’d expect because people from the South enjoy explaining their culture and traditions to anyone who is interested enough to listen or ask.</p>

<p>I will say that Bama has a strong dominating Greek scene, which may or may not be an issue with your son. I know two boys who went to high school with my daughter (in the south) and went to Bama only to return to our in state flagship after freshman year because they weren’t comfortable with the predominance of the Greek scene. However, there’s also one girl from her high school who goes to Bama, is in a sorority, and is quite happy there.</p>

<p>Best of luck to your son and I hope he finds happiness and success wherever he ends up!</p>

5

<p>double posted</p>

<p>Ok, going out on a limb here with a generalization, and this DOES NOT APPLY to those of us on CC, but … my experience is that southern hospitality means:those of us from the south are more likely to welcome those from the north, the midwest, the west with welcoming hospitality. But when we visit the northeast, we are likely to not feel as welcome. We feel more out of place due to the attitudes of non-southerners towards our accent, our dress, our regional foods, and even our open friendliness. </p>

<p>I think he will be fine. And the manners of a southern gentlemen can be quite “fine!” My daughter is dating one…he opens her car door and makes sure she is settled in, walks her to the door of her sorority, pulls out the chair at the restaurant.</p>

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<p>My niece is from SW PA and she’s a happy junior at Bama. I’m sure it was somewhat of a culture shock, but we have family in Alabama so she has long been exposed to “Southern hospitality” :slight_smile: She’s never felt alienated at all.</p>

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<p>sunnyflorida- I agree with you, and do not think you are generalizing. Three years ago, we welcomed my oldest son’s friend to our home for 6 weeks while he did an internship in NY city summer after freshman year. This young man from NC had never been north of Richmond, Virginia. I think he was very conscious of his wonderful dialect and manners, as he said “it is taking some getting used to Ma’am” when I asked him if he was doing ok. Meanwhile, our family has observed some northerners visiting NC who act as loud and obnoxiously as they did in their home states! We think there is a “southern bias,” meaning that some uneducated people think that a southern accent means you are not as intelligent, and of course, a northern one is the “right” way to talk. I wish these people could meet my good old northern brother-in-laws, I think they would see the reality of silly assumptions about dialect. ;)</p>

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<p>When going to a different region of the country, I think it is easy to be welcomed (agree more so in the south) if you don’t constantly complain about the things that are lacking from your home region. Embrace the differences. It’s OK to miss cheesesteaks or Mexican food, but don’t constantly bi**tch about the terrible shopping or greasy food, etc. My employer relocated to the mid-south from the Pacific Northwest, and we STILL have people who moan and groan about how much they miss this and that about the PNW. It gets old. We are in a great city with wonderful people, and my attitude when I moved here (not from the PNW) was to take full advantage of what my new city had to offer.</p>

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<p>I agree with posters who say attitude is critically important. Those with good attitudes are generally welcomed everywhere … those with bad attitudes are fortunate to be welcome in their own homes.</p>

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<p>We are native Californians now living in the South (H’s company moved 4 divisions here),</p>

<p>We have never felt alienated by anyone…ever…not even by those who live in more rural areas. </p>

<p>Southern cities have been “invaded” by many transplants over the years with all the growth of national companies, stores, and restaurants. For the last 2 decades, companies have been escaping the higher costs of other states and moving to areas that are cheaper to operate. The south has a lower cost of living. When we moved here, we happily threw away our $800 California car registration bill that was nearly due, and registered our car here for $50. LOL </p>

<p>When The Dolce Group (a California company owned by a group of celebrities) opened 3 restaurants simultaneously at a new outdoor “lifestyle mall” in my area, we had the opportunity to speak with many of those sent to hire/train/manage while the restaurants “got on their feet.” We wanted to hear what these Hollywood people thought of opening 3 restaurants in the South.</p>

<p>They said that they were impressed by the area. Many said that they had requested to stay. lol</p>

<p>Oh…As for saying “yes, ma’am” and “no, sir.” LOL…yes, my kids did learn to do that (not to their parents, but to others).</p>

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<p>NewHope, that says it all! As remarked in my earlier post, I am still not over seeing “the family” for the holidays! Every year, my husband and I watch National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation just to put us in a humorous mood before Christmas!</p>

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Most likely many of us northerners would find these people loud and obnoxious up here, too! :)</p>

<p>D, born & raised in CT, has enjoyed every minute of her college experience in NC. (She graduates in May.) IMO, there’s a lot of unnecessary worry about how northerners will “adjust” to going to school in the south.</p>

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<p>Indeed. The usual complaint of people from other parts of the country is that New Englanders are too reserved and too formal. The “loud and obnoxious” stereotype is usually reserved for certain ethnicities in NY/NJ/Philadelphia/Boston. People in New England tend to agree with southerners on that one. ;)</p>

<p>But I really hate these stereotypes. The opportunity for cultural misunderstanding is always there. I’ve known people in Maine to interpret the Southern social behavior of maintaining a certain surface geniality at almost all costs as being a sign of an innately fake and shallow person. Someone I knew really suffered as a result. </p>

<p>Attitude is very important. I recall the transplanted Californian I knew who constantly bemoaned the fact that in CT she was unable to afford a cook, laundress, yard guy, and maid, and who genuinely believed that it wasn’t advisable to maintain your own swimming pool because amateurs would screw up the chemicals. Not enough cheap immigrant labor in Fairfield County at the time, apparently. :D</p>

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<p>Consolation- I agree. Being from NJ of Italian decent has its own sterotypes. Sometimes, when I meet people in NC, many times they will say “gee, I can’t believe you are from NJ.” We all know what that means! Stereotyping is just terrible! MomofWildChild mentioned those who complain about what their new locale does not offer: they need to change the way they think! When people say “try and get a good bagel down here,” I think, who needs bagels when you have hush puppies? :)</p>

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<p>*MomofWildChild mentioned those who complain about what their new locale does not offer: they need to change the way they think! When people say “try and get a good bagel down here,” I think, who needs bagels when you have hush puppies? *</p>

<p>LOL…when I first visited the South on a business trip (20 years ago), I lamented that I couldn’t find a good Mexican restaurant with decent salsa. Well, now the South (at least where I’ve been) has some real Mexican restaurants with good salsa. (Thanks to the many Hispanic transplants).</p>

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<p>*Being from NJ of Italian decent has its own sterotypes. *</p>

<p>My dad had to live down being an Italian from Chicago (all the Mafia stereotyping) when he moved to California.</p>

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<p>Good point. One person’s “warm hospitality” is another’s “fake fawning.” One person’s “reserved demeanor / respect your privacy” is another person’s “coldness.”</p>

<p>I had to laugh at the description on CC of someone who was southern referring to time she spent in the north, where she said that “down south, if you’re walking on the street, you say hello to whoever you pass. In the north, that’s only the case if you’re walking your dog.” That’s so true! It’s all what you’re used to.</p>

18

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<p>A pet peeve: This gets misinterpreted as “Northerners aren’t being mannerly when their kids don’t say ma’am or sir to adults.” When in fact, it is just as mannerly, it’s just a different set of manners. </p>

<p>It’s more Southern to use ma’am / sir as a sign of respect to any adult, which would include teachers, parents, parents’ friends, etc. </p>

<p>It’s more Northern to use ma’am / sir to address or get the attention of a *stranger, * a person with whom you don’t have a relationship and don’t *intend * on starting a relationship (the police officer you’re asking for directions, the woman who dropped her glove and whose attention you’re trying to get). So using ma’am / sir towards your parents – whose names you know – would often be considered rude and cheeky because it’s implying you’re holding them at arm’s length and implying a more formal relationship. It’s not more mannerly or less mannerly – just different.</p>

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<p>I’ve lived North, South, Northeast, Midwest, and West, and I think that southerners moving to the NE have far more to fear than do northerners moving south. Unfortunately, southerners are regarded by many in this country as being unsophisticated, stupid yahoos, and northerners – particularly those in the NE are not bashful about making their biased viewpoints loudly known.</p>

<p>Southerners may regard northerners as lacking the graciousness of southern manners, but also view them as being intelligent and sophisticated. I think that northerners going to college in the south would be welcomed more warmly than is the case for southerners who are going to college in the north.</p>

<p>Speaking from experience as native of the NE who remembers how southerners were regarded in my New England college. I also remember how I was regarded when I moved to Atlanta and Nashville for my first permanent jobs. Despite coming from a very small town in Upstate NY, I was regarded as being a northern sophisticate.</p>

<p>“It’s more Northern to use ma’am / sir to address or get the attention of a stranger, a person with whom you don’t have a relationship and don’t intend on starting a relationship (the police officer you’re asking for directions, the woman who dropped her glove and whose attention you’re trying to get)”</p>

<p>Very true. In fact, in my northern family, the way to get my mom’s goat was to call her ma’am. She regarded it as sounding servile and ignorant, like how a slave would address their owner. We are, incidentally, a black family.</p>

<p>More on manners: In large cities in the NE, it’s considered rude and time wasting to chat up clerks, etc. before getting to the point and paying your bill. In the South, it’s considered rude not to exchange a few pleasantries before getting down to business.</p>

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<p>“In large cities” being the key point. In small-to-medium towns and cities, even here in crusty Maine, everyone chats with the postal clerk, the store cashier, etc.</p>

<p>And I agree about how ma’am and sir are often used as a distancing mechanism here, not as a token of respect. </p>

<p>I must say that I do like the southern custom of calling adult acquaintances “Miz firstname” and I wish we had it here. It’s a great way for kids to figure out how to address non-family adults they know without resorting to the more formal “Mrs. lastname” or the excessively familiar first name only. (Particularly in my case because I have a last name that most people, much less little kids, find hard to pronounce. )</p>