southern hospitality

Parents Forum
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<p>Had to laugh at the NJ/Italian comment NJMom! When we transferred from NJ to TN seven years ago, we spent the day with our realtor looking at different areas. About 4 hours into our search our Realtor (who was originally from KY & had a real syrupy accent) asked us “Do y’all mind if I ask you a question & y’all won’t get offended?” We said sure & that it was hard to offend us. She told us “y’all don’t sound like you’re from NJ…” and I proceeded to tell her about regional dialects etc. She then said “'cause I watch the Sopranos every week & y’all don’t sound like any body on that show!” I then explained that my husband’s entire family is Italian & that no one in his family sounds like a Soprano character ;)</p>

<p>I only get “caught” with my accent now if I say coffee or daughter.</p>

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<p>Robd- My sons “catch” me with “cawfee” too!</p>

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<p>*In the South, it’s considered rude not to exchange a few pleasantries before getting down to business. *</p>

<p>I noticed the same thing in some European towns. In some places, it’s rude to not say hello to the employees when you enter some European shops/cafes/etc.</p>

<p>Southerners seem to be genuinely interested in you, your family, your pets, etc. If they hear that your mom was in the hospital, they will remember to ask you about her health when they see you again. I have found similar people in the Midwest. Both will remember details from your previous discussions, “how was your vacation is Rome?” “Is your youngest in college now?” “How was your sister’s wedding?” Seriously. lol</p>

<p>They aren’t being nosy (judgmental); they believe that they are getting to know YOU.</p>

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<p>I went to Clemson–having grown up in NJ all my life. I will say take this as one girl’s opinion–</p>

<p>For me, going to school in the south gave me a wonderful opportunity
to understand other traditions (families, high schools etc–it is very different from the NE)
to learn more about a different local history
and to enjoy a much milder climate
other music styles etc to name a few.</p>

<p>Accents and slang are different and take adjusting…and can bring some funny consequences.
Common foods are different.
Clothing styles are different.
Life experiences are different.</p>

<p>At Clemson some frats had an all southern gentlemen membership, as did some of the sororities. Others had a bigger mix.</p>

<p>I went to school really open minded and never expected to have issues…it never occurred to me.</p>

<p>I would say I noted later (and when I look back) that many students I met back then hadn’t traveled outside of their state–much less internationally! Some came from towns with one stop light! So sometimes I think I was misunderstood because I didn’t realize how sheltered other students were…I brought a friend home for a break and she was SHOCKED that a hamburger cost $8 in NYC. </p>

<p>It was all good and I am still in contact with several friends (via FB) even though we all have kids in hs! The biggest surprise I had was seeing that on non-home-football game weekends, many in-staters went home for the weekend. The campus was considerably quieter and those of us from out of state (who didn’t go home with someone for the weekend) found enough fun.</p>

<p>Hope that helps</p>

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<p>Thank you, thank you, thank you, everyone for your great responses and insights. We moved to Maryland when I was 12 and it was one of the worst experiences of my life. My family was told we were not welcome in some stores because we are Roman Catholic. This was 1967. To me, Maryland was the south because it of the Mason-Dixon. I just don’t want my son to experience what I did. He’ll be fine. He especially doesn’t want to go to school in the NE because he said he’s conservative and would be more comfortable in the south, wants to go Greek, loves football and group identification. And to go really low on the list (or maybe high on the list?) barbeque and pretty girls.</p>

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<p>Maryland is definitely NOT the South. Mason-Dixon does not a Southerner make. ;)</p>

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<p>dunderhunder</p>

<p>Your son will find ALL that at Clemson!</p>

<p>The frats, football, school spirit etc is unbelievable…
its large enough with undergrad ad grad to have a great university feel, and by sr yr, you are ready to move to a bigger pond.</p>

<p>And the Clemson UMd will be exciting. </p>

<p>Good luck</p>

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<p>“Ok, going out on a limb here with a generalization, and this DOES NOT APPLY to those of us on CC, but … my experience is that southern hospitality means:those of us from the south are more likely to welcome those from the north, the midwest, the west with welcoming hospitality. But when we visit the northeast, we are likely to not feel as welcome. We feel more out of place due to the attitudes of non-southerners towards our accent, our dress, our regional foods, and even our open friendliness.”</p>

<p>Sunnyflorida, I agree with you! I lived in Texas until I was 24, then moved to Maine. It was quite a shocker! And yes, as Consolation mentioned, it was quite hurtful to hear several Mainers imply that southerners might be hospitable, but they’re shallow! WTH?? As much as I love living up here, I miss the friendliness of Texans. Down there, if you accidentally bump someone’s grocery cart and apologize, you usually hear back, “Oh, that’s OK, honey!” Up here when you say, “Sorry,” the person (especially if older) usually glares at you. It’s very odd.</p>

<p>When my sons were 10 and 7, I took them down to Austin and we wandered all over the University of Texas campus. A security guard called us over to his booth, and I wondered if we were someplace we shouldn’t be. Instead, he gave the boys a photo of the UT football team and proudly showed us a photo of his granddaughter! Later that day, a stranger asked if we needed directions when he saw us looking at a map. The people at my old dorm gave us a tour. At the end of the day, my son said, “Wow, everyone is so friendly here!”</p>

<p>To be fair, I should add that once you get past the outer “shell” of most Mainers, they are wonderful people who would do anything for you. It just takes a little while to get to know them.</p>

<p>fogfog, a lot of people up here haven’t traveled much, either. We asked one young engineer we worked with how far west he had traveled. We thought he was joking when he said, “Washington, DC,” but he wasn’t!"</p>

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<p>Dunderheader, please let us know where he ends up and how he likes it! It sounds to me like he’s a perfect fit for the South! I’m excited for him!</p>

<p>My family loves to travel, particularly my daughter. We love NYC and the energy and excitement. The only thing that we had to get used to was people bumping into you and rushing on past. Here, both people would stop and give apologies. My sister in law grew up in Memphis and has lived all over the Midwest, NJ, and now Atlanta. When she moved to Atlanta, she told a story about getting the biggest chuckle over women at a department store waiting for an elevator. When the elevator came, everyone was like “after you”, “no, you go ahead”. She said she knew she was back in the south.</p>

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<p>Knights09, clearly you’ve never been to the Eastern Shore of Maryland. Much of the Delmarva pennisula has a very southern feel, including the accents. You can’t make a judgment about southerness based on today’s suburban upscale Maryland communities.</p>

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<p>I don’t think dunderheader was referring to the Eastern Shore regardless.</p>

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<p>Re: Southern Hospitality…My Dad came back to Maryland (Balmer) from month-long stints in Mississippi in 1963, 64.</p>

<p>He said a lot of the phrases meant different things to different people. For example, at that time, Southerners would end cordial public conversations with, “Y’all come see us now, y’heah?”</p>

<p>Once a Northerner actually went over to that person’s house, believing he’d been invited!</p>

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<p><<once a=“” northerner=“” actually=“” went=“” over=“” to=“” that=“” person’s=“” house,=“” believing=“” he’d=“” been=“” invited!=“”>></once></p>

<p>And in most southern homes - he would have been welcomed! :)</p>

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<p>^^^</p>

<p>In the “old days,” it was customary for a southerner to invite any uniformed military person to their home for a meal. When my friend’s mom was 14, she saw a soldier at the store and invited him to her home for dinner.</p>

<p>She married him 4 years later. They’ve been married for 60 years. LOL</p>

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<p>*My family was told we were not welcome in some stores because we are Roman Catholic. This was 1967. *</p>

<p>LOL…</p>

<p>I had the same concern when we looked at Bama. I was concerned that our Catholic kids would be considered “weird.” Then I saw the big Catholic parish across the street from the campus and thought, Ok, there must be some Catholics here. Then, the Dean of the Honors College mentioned his own attendance at Catholic schools in the Northeast when he found out my child went to a Catholic high school.</p>

<p>And when the Vice-Provost gave her “talk” to the whole orientation crowd, she talked about her Catholic upbringing in Chicago. Then the parish sent literature that said about 3,000 Bama students are Catholic. So, I realized that my kids would be fine, and they have been. :)</p>

<p>So, thankfully, times have changed.</p>

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<p>That’s a strange story about Maryland given that it started out as a Catholic colony.</p>

<p>I traveled in a van for a year photographing fire stations. We had the best time in the south as everyone seemed to be very anxious to show us two Yankees how hospitable they could be. Atlanta let us park in their headquarters and one of the fire stations put us up overnight as well. Only stations in the south invited us to eat dinner with them. It was really quite striking! </p>

<p>My parents spent a number of years in Lexington VA after a life in the foreign service. There were some aspects of Southern Living that seemed like a foreign country to them, but for the most part they had a great time. They never got used to people dressing up for football games! </p>

<p>I agree that there is plenty of chatting with the clerks in small towns, not so much in the New York suburbs.</p>

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<p>Correct, but centuries later, Maryland’s Eastern Shore counties became a KuKluxKlan strength area. Evil has a ripple effect.</p>

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<p>dunderheader,</p>

<p>My son’s experience is in a different part of the south, but as a kid born in New England, who then spent most of his childhood in the midwest, he is having a very fine time at school in Nashville. His southern friends are willing to overlook his lack of interest in getting dressed up for things like football games, fortunately.</p>

<p>I will say, as a parent with a long history of dealing with universities in many parts of the US as a student and teacher, that I have never encountered nicer, more pleasant, or more helpful personnel than those on staff at his university. If that is true generally of southern institutions, it is a cultural trait that should be cloned for the rest of the country.</p>

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<p>This thread is making me hope my son gets accepted to one of the southern schools he’s applied to! That makes me a little odd in Maine - I’ve had several people say, “You’d send your son that far away to go to school?” Uh, YES!!! I realize the only problem with this plan is that he will probably choose to live 2,000 miles from here, but I’ve accepted that possibility.</p>

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<p>Wanted to add–that Yes Mam and Yes Sir are pleasantries and polite–not something subserveant.</p>

<p>also
after meeting guys raised in the south–I told my mom I would marry a southerner!</p>

<p>DSressing up for a footbal game (dress and heels) was new to me–and the men look so handsome in a tie ;o)…ahh makes me nostaglic for those college days. Bourbon anyone?</p>