<p>My Son's friend has parents that are beginning divorce proceedings. Father has the good job and has moved out to live with mistress. So far he has not been contributing to household during this time, and has made it difficult on family (cutting phone, cable, electricity, etc. since they were in his name only). Family has 3 kids. Oldest one is a rising Jr. who will not be likely to receive any merit aid. I have seen on other posts comments about how non-custodial parents don't have to pay if divirce does not specify amount of support. What kind of language needs to be in their divorce to cover education for the 3 children. The kids would have no problem limiting it to state schools, but they want the opportunity to have an education, especially since father seems intent on cutting off financial support and even visits to his family.</p>
<p>In most states you can not force a parent to pay for college. College costs are more likely to be part of the settlement agreement between the parents that then becomes part of a divorce agreement.</p>
<p>The wife will have to ask an attorney as to what is typical language in divorce decrees in their state that would require the ex to help pay for college.</p>
<p>I doubt any states automatically put in such language, so the wife’s atty will have to request it.</p>
<p>(This dad sounds like a real @#$, so the mom and her atty will have to be as specific as their state will allow.)</p>
<p>Thanks. It seems that I have read so many horror stories re: noncustodial parents not helping the kids. I will have to talk to her about everything. I am sad to say that her lawyer will probably not be the greatest since she will not be able to afford a good one. I just hope the father comes to his senses soon.</p>
<p>If her lawyer won’t be a good one, then she may need to find out what language others in her state have used and bring that to her atty. </p>
<p>What state is this? Maybe someone here would know.</p>
<p>(This poor dear is going to need all the help she can get with a H like this one who canceled utilities and such like he did! Unbelievable!!! )</p>
<p>mIzzbee, it has been my experience with friends I have known that the dads do not give more for college than they have to give according to the law/courts. In most cases, it is a problem for the kids since the fin aid calculators of the more generous schools often do take the noncustodial parent’s financials into account whether or not s/he will agree to pay a dime. (In fairness, I do know some fathers who have paid generously in terms of college costs for their kids, making it a priority even when they and/or current family have to stint to make those payments. Those fathers have done so because they feel they should do so and want to do so, not due to any court order)</p>
<p>Regardless of the quality of the attorney, any divorce attorney should know the basic tenets of what has to be paid in a divorce situation. For instance, in many states, if a child is in a private school situation, the non custodial parent most often has to continue paying for that school. Some of those things are pretty much automatic. If the attorney is that incompetent, then get a free consult with another attorney and ask specifically what the state’s rules are regarding divorce and college payments for kids. </p>
<p>Most of the time, the whole thing has to be negotiated and if the non custodial parent does not want to pay, it may come out of some other place. That is where a skillful attorney is needed. If nothing else, some agreement to complete the financial aid forms should be made. I’ve known non cusds who have refused to even fill out the danged things. Though if the money is there so that he should be able to afford college, it isn’t going to yield any award and those schools that require non cus parents’ financials should be avoided.</p>
<p>Maybe someone can answer this…</p>
<p>It looks like this dad is a real jerk. If he’s the sole income (or major, major income) and has complete control of his paycheck now, how would the wife even hire an atty? I doubt this guy still has a joint checking acct and savings acct. He probably raided the accts before moving out.</p>
<p>mom2collegekids,</p>
<p>“If he’s the sole income (or major, major income) and has complete control of his paycheck now, how would the wife even hire an atty?”</p>
<p>I have a dear friend who found herself in exactly that situation. In her case, she took out a home equity loan on her half of the house and ended up using all of that for attorneys. Her husband was required pretty quickly to pay child support and some alimony but not enough for her to afford the expenses of the marital house. Property values crashed during the divorce so, by the time they sold the house (which had to be sold as part of the divorce), they could not clear the debt. She is left with no house, no assets, a six-figure debt to attorneys and she and the kids now live with her parents who have put off retirement.</p>
<p>MizzBee,</p>
<p>I am not an attorney just a person who has been through a divorce so, given that this is not an expert opinion, what I suggest is: </p>
<p>Her attorney should put it into the separation agreement even though it will be used as a negotiation point. If he/she doesn’t, your friend can still ask for something to be put in like that both parents will contribute to the cost of college for the children up to estimated annual costs of 5 full-time years (or a combination where 2 pt semesters=1 ft semester) at the state flagship, including tuition, room, board and expenses in proportion to their earnings. Since that is totally discretionary, do not be surprised if the dad completely strikes it out. Does the mom have any bargaining chips and are they worth cashing? For example, is she willing to sign away rights to some property he may have, stock options, etc and is it even worth it? If the kids are going to the instate public, their aid would likely depend on FAFSA which is based on her earnings. They’ll likely not get full aid but may qualify for Pell and maybe state grants-- she should probably run the numbers in an online calculator. It may be easier to ask for $7K/ per year of full-time school, adjusted for inflation, per child or something simple like that although if she’s willing to take $7K, I would suggest she start bargaining with a bit more.</p>
<p>By the way, if the mother is a stay-at-home mom, she should be looking at whether alimony should be considered. Since child support will end when the kids hit 18yo (in a couple of places, it’s 21), she may find it easier to put more of the $ she seeks onto alimony and less as child support so that she still has a decent amount of income when the kids go off to college. If it works, it may be a more painless way to get some money towards the kids’ college. For example, if the final numbers are such that dad is going to pay $1500/month for 2 kids and $1200/month alimony, she may want to say she will agree to it if $1700/ is alimony and $1000 is child support. I would not do that until the last minute because you don’t want other things (life insurance, health insurance, retirement accounts) to be negotiated away because of that. But this strategy (of moving more $ into alimony) would give her an extra $500/mo while they’re in college so she could use that for college even if college money isn’t specifically listed. Note that I believe alimony is taxable and child support isn’t-- but if she doesn’t have much $, that won’t matter too much.</p>
<p>She should talk to good lawyers. If he is high income good chance he’ll end up paying her legal bills and lawyers will often work on this basis and wait for their fees.</p>
<p>I thank you for all this advice. To answer many of the questions, she was a stay-at -home mom until a few months ago, when she took a minimum wage part-time job that is now full-time. The husband makes good money in the steel mills, but they have no equity in their home, since they bought it just before the market crashed a couple of years ago, so she can’t pull any equity out. I went with her to meet the attorney today and they are going to attempt to negotiate that cost of 5 years at a flagship.
It seems that the husband is going out of his way to hurt the kids, since they are mad at him due to the affair. I have been trying to get their son to reconcile, at least until the divorce goes through. It seems dishonest, but I know this guy has a huge ego that must be stroked.
We are in Indiana, so it is not a community property state. You may see me come back for more advice for this family, though I am urging her to join this community herself. Again, I thank you for this help.</p>
<p>Indiana may not be a community property state, but it is an “equitable distribution” state. </p>
<p>She needs to make sure that she gets a fair share of his retirement, and if they have younger kids - a fair amount of child support.</p>
<p>If I remember correctly (BIL is a family law atty in South Bend), Indiana is more generous to the custodial parent if that parent is the primary care-taker and the NCP doesn’t have much visitation. </p>
<p>Many years ago, SIL was given $2000 a month for 2 kids because her ex rarely had the kids. </p>
<p>If this friend’s H has hooked up with some chick and is enjoying the fun life with her, he may not demand much visitation. If that happens, then she should get a good amount of child support. </p>
<p>It seems that the husband is going out of his way to hurt the kids, since they are mad at him due to the affair.</p>
<p>What a jerk. He destroys their family and then punishes the kids for having the natural reaction of being upset with him? He should have been more upset if he had raised amoral kids who had no reaction whatsoever!</p>