I was the one who said my kids basically had no real budget. But this was because our philosophy was that while they were still students they were part of the family and entitled to access to family money the same way that they were before graduating high school which was to be allowed to get what seemed reasonable. They just kind of picked up in our ideas about what was reasonable spending and what wasn’t. On the other hand in this position the money they earned at summer jobs etc all just went into the family pool too. They didn’t have a separate account where that money went.
I am now even happier that S19 wanted a non-urban school! It sounds like “extras” add up fast if you’re in the city. Or near a ski resort.
And maybe things have changed. I went to Northwestern and we never went out to eat except on Sundays when there was no food service. Maybe we would get some late night pizza and split the cost one other night per week. Yes, we would all buy snacks at the grocery store for our rooms. I guess that was a small expense. And the alcohol of course but, as a woman, I didn’t buy much of that. That’s what frat parties were for and Evanston was dry in the 80s! I had some pretty wealthy friends and I think they didn’t spend any more on this type of stuff than I did. I think they bought more clothes though. lol.
NU is very close to Chicago. I think we maybe went once a year and we took the subway. $1.25 each way. Lunch was inexpensive. I just think kids are spoiled now. Think they need $4.00 coffee drink every day. Need to take Uber. Need to go to Lollapalooza concert for $120/day. Need to go skiing. We’re not sending S19 away for a vacation!
@gwnorth I almost feel like the pay-as-you-need it approach makes it harder to set a budget because it’s never been necessary before. My parents are also in the “pay for necessities and give you $10 every once in a while” camp, and it’s never come up because I don’t drive much, don’t spend money when I’m with my friends, and don’t buy expensive clothes. That might change in college though…I guess I’ll find out soon! I can see not having a budget at all, as @maya54 mentions – not because it’s an unlimited budget, but just because I don’t need to be reminded to save money.
Has anyone ever had different budgets/expectations for multiple kids? I’ve had multiple jobs and my sister hasn’t because she’d been focusing on school (although she has slightly more expensive tastes than me). My parents always want to make things “equal,” but I don’t see how they could do that without punishing one of us (either making me spend my own money and not her, or making my sister scrimp because of her parent-approved summer unemployment).
"Toiletries? He can charge those to us. Haircuts? School supplies? Same. "
Depends on how one defines what their student is expected to pay for out of their allowance so of course it will vary from family to family. We paid for tuition, R&B, books but their allowance was meant to cover everything else including toiletries, haircuts, Uber/Lyft needs, etc. If people aren’t including those for their kids, than it is an apples to oranges comparison.
College is expensive and we feel that it’s our kid’s education so they need to be team players with us. Our kids are responsible for their books and their spending $. They work (a lot) during the summer to save $. Our S16 has had a 10 hr a week campus job since freshman year. This is used for his spending $. He is frugal and will not touch his summer savings unless it is a concert or a school ski trip, etc. His on campus job is used for his weekly pocket money. Our D19 will have the same rule and she is very ok with that.
Honestly, my S16 enjoys his campus job. He works in an administrative office. From day 1 it taught him basic skills like how to answer the phone and have a professional telephone conversation. You laugh but it’s true. This generation is so techy, they find it difficult to make a good old fashioned phone call, they would rather text. He met many other upperclassman students through his job as co-workers. Many of these were unofficial advisors to him, giving suggestions on classes, professors, and campus life. He is happy to have a campus job and we are thrilled that he has learned how to budget and spend wisely. This really came into play when he went abroad this past semester. I saw first hand how thrift he could be while abroad - yet - there wasn’t anything he didn’t do. For example, he visited a lot of countries on his free weekends and he did it all within his budget. Even abroad, his spending $ was his money (which he saved very aggressively the summer ahead since you can not work while abroad). I personally think it is a great life lesson to pay your own way with spending $ (note, we are paying the majority of his education expenses such as tuition, room & board - I say most because he will graduate with a reasonable loan that we will 50/50 help him take care of after graduation).
In my parent opinion, I get annoyed with the kids he is friends with that have an unlimited amount of spending money from their parents. I have had several conversations with my son over the years where he tells me that many of his friends think nothing of spending lots of money on the weekends for everything you can think of because quite frankly, they can, it’s their parents money (they even say that). That’s really hard for the kid who making their own spending money to hear over & over again. (And hard for us parents to hear because we can not afford to give our kids unlimited funds for fun even if we wanted to).
My S16 has warned my D19 that she will come across this scenario a lot at their school (she is going to his school this fall) and he advised her that it is hard to stomach sometimes when you watch first hand children who get everything they want - but he told her he managed and she will too. We are middle class, not poor by any means but also not rich with a lot of disposable cash. We are just doing our best to get our kids through college with very little debt. My S16 is an incoming senior and I have to say, as a team, we did a great job conquering extra expenses with him and paying for the bulk of his education. He has not missed out on anything in college, including going abroad. His grades are stellar. He is on his third internship in Boston this summer. He has made the most of his college years and as a team we continue to figure out how he can do everything he would like to do in college and how to budget & pay for it. I am looking forward to following the same model with our D19 because I know it works and they will learn and grow to be responsible adults by having a financial role in their college journey.
" I have had several conversations with my son over the years where he tells me that many of his friends think nothing of spending lots of money on the weekends for everything you can think of because quite frankly, they can, it’s their parents money (they even say that). That’s really hard for the kid who making their own spending money to hear over & over again. (And hard for us parents to hear because we can not afford to give our kids unlimited funds for fun even if we wanted to)."
Such is life whether a student or an adult out in the workforce. There will always be those with more money than most of us. Learning it is okay to not feel the need to “keep up with the Joneses” is an important life lesson.
Please clarify…Are you saying that your HS kids had full access to the family accounts in high school? And you allowed that to continue in college?
Our kids had zero access to our accounts…zero. We gave them reasonable amounts of money, and they earned the rest.
We did pay for the annual T pass in Boston…the college offered it at a student rate that was a real bargain.
The variety of price points for things to do and places to eat in large cities is huge. Our kids went to colleges in larger metro areas where there were plenty of FREE things to do…and plenty of very reduced prices offered by their school (things like sports event tickets at very reduced costs). Lots of concerts and the like on campus for a reasonable cost. Less expensive places to go…and almost every place had a student discount sometimes substantial.
My brother was like @maya54. Had his kids pool their money into family account and the kids were able use the family credit cards, rent were paid for and clothes were bought for, even after they graduated with real jobs. My nephew opted for one of the more expensive rentals in NYC and didn’t think twice about buying Hugo Boss suits or going to expensive restaurants.
After few talks from his siblings and from my mother, my brother decided to let his kids handle their finances. Surprise, surprise, my nephew got a cheaper apartment and figured it out that owning a BMW was in the card for him.
I paid for a lot of things for my girls when they were not self supporting, and they went on many vacations with us, but they didn’t have the same access to my money. The money was mine, just like the money they are making now is theirs. If they want to buy an apartment that’s a lot more expensive than mine, as long as they could afford it, then it is none of my business. No pooling money here. Kids need to be taught boundary, even between parents and kids.
DS#2 had a lot of $ we’d earmarked for education but he didn’t end up needing it thanks to great scholarships. When he turned 21 and we asked him what he wanted for his birthday, e answered that he wanted our names. off that joint account ;). He has handled that $ well (and it was a reasonable sum) and I think actually DH still has joint access to that account so DS got the benefits of the private banker services, but we consider it his (DS’s) money. The only thing we still pay for, and they are launched and make more $ than we do, are the cellphones.
I was one of those FA students at a small LAC in a very small town. My parents assumed I would have no expenses and didn’t give me extra money for entertainment (they were afraid it would spoil me). Even in a small town, I needed money for beer, pizza, ski lift and Sunday night dinner with friends. In order for me to participate, I had to work 20+ hrs a week just to have some spending money because all of my summer earnings went to my tuitions. It took away a lot of my college experience by having to work so much. My father later told me that he wished he was a bit more generous with me. I gave my kids allowance (but not unlimited fund) because I wanted them to be able to go out and not always had to think about money. Some parents cannot do it and it is understandable, but if it is within your means, it’s nice to give your kids some spending money to go out. No fun to stay in a dorm by yourself.
Our kids had college jobs for most of their spending money. But we were very generous with money gifts to them in cards we sent or by direct deposit into their accounts. They got something from us for every holiday (even the made up Hallmark ones line National Daughters day), and for birthdays. Sometimes we just sent a “thinking of you” with a $$$ treat inside. We also gave them gift cards to places we knew they frequented hear their colleges.
We also very generously funded the “points” cards their colleges had which could be used at a lot of nearby retail establishments.
Wow, my college experience must be different from most. When I was in college in the 80s, I was lucky if I had $50/month spending money. I never ate out at a non fast food restaurant, and I only had money for fast food and pizza maybe once or twice a week.
Ultimately, I think the amount of money a student “needs” depends on the income level of the family. If a child has grown up in a home where money was always tight (whether because of frugality or necessity,) where eating out was a rarity, movie night entailed microwave popcorn and the couch, no car at 16, and such, that kid isn’t going to “need” too much spending money at college.
OTOH, if a child grows up in a home where the family eats out (or buys out and takes home) several times a week, if fortunate enough to have multiple outings a month for movies bowling golfing or other activities that involve a fee, gets a car at 16 and doesn’t pay for insurance or fuel, goes on three or four vacations a year, that kid will probably expect to be able to continue that lifestyle while at college and that will require a lot more spending money.
I think it’s kind of difficult to ask a bunch of strangers online how they would handle this situation. It’s tied too much to each family’s finances and opinions about finances. Also, I’m do not think there is a right or wrong answer. As long as the parents don’t go into debt trying to give the student a “better” college experience by providing more spending money, there isn’t any set amount above which is a bad decision.
But no student living in a dorm and having a meal plan actually “needs” much spending money. They will survive just fine without a lot of extra money. But extra money will make college more fun, just as it can make life after college more fun.
@EconPop: $50 in 1980s is about $150/month, which isn’t that much less than what some students are given/spend.
“Kids need to be taught boundary, even between parents and kids.”
Not so much boundaries as simply how to budget and manage money. My kids have a higher allowance than most if not all of the amounts mentioned here (which is part of their entire budget for college along with the 529 they decide how to spend down or keep for later), but are responsible for all of their own expenses, including clothes, gas, Uber/Lyft, sorority dues, ski passes, spring break trips, etc. It seems odd to me how many people give kids a very small allowance and but then pay separately for most of those things. Not sure how that helps them to learn budgeting for later on.
I have mixed feelings about an on campus job during term time. I’d rather my kids sought out the best opportunities for their long term goals, whether that’s an elected position in an on campus club, or an unpaid research opportunity/internship, rather than doing something just for the spending money.
And taking additional classes to finish in four years with a high GPA instead of using that time to work a job also seems a more economically rational decision (and they know the allowance is for four years, not more). My D knows she’ll need at least 150-160 credits in total for her double major, so will take around 20 credits most semesters. She would spend more (and give up more opportunities) by staying for another summer than she would earn from working in term time over the four years.
@oldfort , true.
But what I’m reading online indicates that many parents and students expect something two or three times that, $350-$600 a month. I’m not saying that amount is “too much”, just that it’s more than I would expect to provide.
Personally, I’m planning on giving my son $100-$200/month but I’m not really sure yet. He’s accustomed to different things than I was when I was younger. He’ll expect to eat out more than I did in college. He’ll expect to have more perks, such as clothes, electronics, etc. He’ll probably take more trips with his college friends. I think most of that is important, but for now, I’m hoping to stick to the lower end of that range.
OTOH, I’d rather he have less spending money than get a part-time job during college. Just a personal preference. Jobs are a great option for students who need to work while in college, but I don’t want him to work for extra spending money when he doesn’t “need” it. I’d rather he spent his time with schoolwork, with friends, and interning when that becomes an option. But again, I think college jobs is a topic about which there can be many different right opinions.
@econpop: I gave my kids $200 - $250 a month for spending money as long as they worked at minimum 10 hrs/week. They didn’t need to work, but I wanted to make sure they had something on their resumes when they were looking for internship, even if they minimum wage jobs. I am always reluctant to hire a college student without any work experience. Both of my kids graduated with high GPAs and their on campus jobs were relevant to their majors/careers (they lucked out).
I actually think my take on this issue was shaped by discussions I followed here on CC in the year(s) before D18 went to college. As a single mom of an only child I didn’t really have a strong philosophy or point of reference either way. But the parents who promoted the idea that the student should definitely have some skin in the game made sense to me. So I told my daughter she would be expected to take the Federal loans each year as her contribution to tuition and her earnings would be used to cover books and expenses during the school year. She has been highly motivated to earn and save money since the day she turned 14 and got a work permit to work at the park district gym, so she had a good amount tucked away before freshman year. I suggested that she just put in $2000 of her earnings straight to tuition instead of the unsubsidized loan. Made sense to her, so she did. Probably will do that each year going forward if she has a nice balance in her savings. She was shocked when I held firm on her buying her own books (like $400 or $500 first semester “No one else has to pay for their own books, Mom!”), but she was highly motivated to find out about rentals, used text sources, etc., so second semester books were under $100 and she got those rentals returned on time. Kind of proud of herself for finding thrifty ways to handle these things.
She thinks twice about needs vs wants when she is spending her own money–good adult training. I feel free to pick up bigger expenditures like a spring canoe trip or surfing class, unique college experiences that she would probably not feel she could “afford”. And she is very appreciative, rather than taking these things for granted.
So thanks, CC, for sharing your thoughts and experiences. I’m happy with how we are handling student contribution/responsibilities.
This topic comes up frequently on cc. IIRC when the s’s were freshmen we gave them
$250/mo for whatever. One a used some of it for online poker, made a lot of $, and then the sites got shut down and he lost all his $.
All our kids have worked during college, around 10hrs a week, and in the summers. We can afford an allowance, but other than $20 here and there, we did not give them anything monthly. We do pay for cellphones, car insurance and large repairs, major and necessary clothing, books.
Too many kids these days don’t know how to work or budget money.
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@bobo44 Totally agree with you. We also turn down unsubsidized loans and our S puts down the equivalent in cash from his summer job. We do this every year. And I also agree with you about books. When they are buying the books themselves, they are very receptive to buying used or renting or buying/renting digital or using Amazon for rentals etc. It’s amazing how much they can save when they know it’s their money they are saving.
Also for those parents who think working in college will take up valuable study time - I disagree. 10 hours a week is nothing. Plus it has never held my S back in joining clubs or having an internship during the semester. In fact he is the president of a very active club on campus.
Again - many different opinions, and that’s fine. However working 10 hours a week will not hold a student back from their studies, joining clubs or socializing. IMO
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