<p>We just got back from our kid's College orientation. They had separate activities for the adults and the kids. I enjoyed the sessions they had for the adults and the few times we overlapped with her it looked like she was enjoying herself as well. However when we got home she confided in me that it was all a big shock. She said most of the kids in her group talked about how they can't wait to get away and party, compared notes on beer pong rules, smoking pot and sex. </p>
<p>She's not a book worm by any mean but strongly opposes drinking and drugs. She was so looking forward to college and now seems to be in a state of shock. This is a public University and not particularly known for being a huge party school. I can't imagine all the kids are like this. Any advice on how to help without freaking out?</p>
<p>Relax,
This is the normal “I’m grown up and can do anything I want to now” type of talk that happens at all colleges.
If your D is smart, she won’t be swayed or alarmed by all this “loose” talk, for most of it is just talk, and neither should you.</p>
<p>My D had a similar experience at several overnights, but they did not seem to dissuade her. Some of those kids are all talk. She felt confident she would find her group. Many posts here on CC support that. It DID take awhile, but by second semester it worked itself out.</p>
<ol>
<li><p>I’m willing to bet that some of the kids were just acting out their conception of what you’re supposed to do, or say you’re going to do, when you leave home for the first time.</p></li>
<li><p>Amongst thousands of students, your daughter will quickly and easily find those who share her values. She won’t be spending much time around the kids who talk big.</p></li>
<li><p>Let it be a consolation to her that, if those kids really do all the things they were talking about, they won’t be around long, anyway. Let her own success be her statement against their behavior.</p></li>
</ol>
<p>I hope these thoughts are somewhat encouraging. Call me naive, but I would have found this shocking and discouraging as well.</p>
<p>some of it is all talk in order to find a date/hookup to the first college party.</p>
<p>it’s college. if your daughter can’t handle the fact that there will be many, many people, esp. at a big state school, who go out and party all the time, she’s gonna have some problems in college, and if you can’t handle it, you’re gonna have some trouble, too.</p>
<p>these kids are tasting their first taste of freedom – i think it’s natural that there was a lot of talk about this at orientation regardless of how actively those students will follow thru on their plans. but the truth is that at college there will be a lot of kids who will engage in these behaviors. but that doesn’t mean it will be everyone by any means – they’re just the ones its easy to notice. </p>
<p>you say your d will be at a public university - i therefore assume one of a decent size? she will undoubtedly be able to find people who share her idea of how to have a good time. in general, a college freshman has to be patient and not expect to find their nitch of friends the second they move in. its natural for your d to be nervous about this and there may be little you can do about it – but if she keeps her eyes open for opportunities to connect with similar people, she should be fine.</p>
<p>pastasauce, you may also want to checking housing situations at the colleges she visits, some have residences designated/known as drug alcohol free etc. or known as more studious , less party type…that way she would be with students that feel like she does.</p>
<p>Thank you all so much for your replies. I don’t have any friends who have sent kids off to college and your perspectives and advice is much appreciated.</p>
<p>Her dream school had a substance free housing option but alas she didn’t get in and I don’t believe this school has that, she filled out out her housing app and put comments in her personal profile about not drinking and smoking.</p>
<p>Don’t feel too bad. One of my kids had the same experience, believe it or not, at day student orientation to prep school, entering 9th grade. However, there it was a case of the older kids telling the incoming 9th graders where they could go to party: this is in bounds, this is out of bounds, that kind of thing. I didn’t find out until years later. Thankfully, the next kids went to a different school.</p>
<p>sorry i misread your post, thought it was college visit, now see it was orientation. there may still be time??? contact the housing office and see if they do have a substance free hall with space left. if not the housing people would still know which are known for less partying</p>
<p>Probably all of the dorms are officially “substance free”; I’m sure you can’t smoke or drink in any of them. (Lots of schools take that view on substance free dorms.)</p>
<p>Yes, but also think carefully about substance free dorming as many of the kids who live in them are there because they have already had significant problems with this and it is a part of the “deal” with thier parents…so, it can get kind of…emo…</p>
<p>A LOT of kids who do a lot of those things will flunk out and/or be put on probation. It’s not discussed much on CC, but a tremendous number of kids who matriculate do not graduate. Your daughter will find others like her. But I can certainly understand her apprehension. Beer pong sounds horrific.</p>
<p>Truly, a cadre of similarly thinking students can be found at any school, especially at a sizable public. Also true: this may take a couple of weeks to figure out. Another thought: it really is ok to go the The Parties and not drink. It is boring being sober around stupid-acting drunks, but some may think it beats sitting home, and it is another place to find the few other sober people in attendance.</p>
<p>During a college orientation everyone is equal. Unlike high school where kids have formed their groups and tend to “grow up” together with similar interests, suddenly they are all on a campus and all new to each other. Some of the talk is bravado, some of the talk is for real. Your daughter will eventually “find” her friends and her way no doubt. Be prepared and do not worry as it will take time for all these kids to sort out and “group up” but it will happen and she will find like-minded friends just like she did in high school if she really feels strongly about her choices.</p>
<p>What I find interesting is she is shocked. Really? Even though D1 didn’t do a lot of drinking or drug at all in HS, she definitely knew what people were doing. It was her choice not to do it, but she definitely was not surprised by anything in college. This may be a good time to have a chat with your daughter if she is that sheltered.</p>
<p>She definitely knows people that drink and do drugs at her high school. What shocked her was the majority of the people in her orientation group talking about it, she figured a few would sure… but most all? no.</p>
Your daughter will find others like her. But I can certainly understand her apprehension. Beer pong sounds horrific.</p>